


Fade Child

by ScorpioInk



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: AU magic, Aftermath of Torture, Blow Jobs, Dream Sex, Drug Withdrawal, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Torture, Major Character Injury, Multi, Mutual Pining, Sided with Templars, Templars (Dragon Age), Unrequited Love, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:27:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 95,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23363194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorpioInk/pseuds/ScorpioInk
Summary: Cullen isn't sure what's going on, but he knows that this is the strangest year he's ever had. Secrets, old magic, and a rift to the fade. Healing from old wounds, self acceptance, and a little bit of love.One things for sure, if Varric ever writes the tale, it's going to be his best seller yet.
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Female Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford, Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus
Comments: 31
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta read- but it's been bouncing around my head for a few years. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.

Ivy Lavellan’s first impression of Cullen, other than _oh shit, demons,_ was suspicion. Something that Cullen had picked up on immediately when Cassandra had introduced him.

“A Templar?” Lavellan had asked softly, taking a subtle step back from the table, increasing the distance between them.

“Not for some time,” Cullen had responded, “though I suppose you never really leave the order.”

“Not in my experience, no,” Lavellan agreed, keeping her eyes trained on the map in front of her.

“Have you had bad experiences with Templars before?” Cassandra had asked, surprisingly gently, given the fact that up until a few hours ago the Elf standing in front of them had been her prisoner.

“You could say that,” Lavellan nodded.

“Well, I’ll endeavor to not repeat them,” Cullen reassured.

Lavellan glanced up at him and Cullen fought a gasp as her eyes met his. Lavellan’s eyes were remarkable, a pale blue which were so light they reminded him of the lake in his home in Honnleath when it had first frozen for the winter. A light blue that looked like ice with a navy circle around them.

They were both unnatural, unsettling, and the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

“I’ll hold you to that, Commander.”

***

Slowly, Lavellan’s curiosity had gotten the best of her, leading her to explore Haven and speak with those who were now to be her teammates.

She was speaking with Cassandra now, keeping her company as she swung at the practice dummies.

“Why don’t you speak with the Commander, instead of asking me about him?”

“I’m not very fond of Templars.”

“I understand that,” Cassandra paused her attack, “and to be candid, nor am I, but I think you’ll find that Cullen is not your average Templar.”

“Is that so?” Lavellan glanced over toward Cullen to find him watching her, blushing a brilliant red as she caught him. Despite herself, Lavellan smiled as Cullen tried to look busy coaching the small army of soldiers training in their yard.

“Go and speak with him,” Cassandra returned to her training.

Lavellan paused for a minute, chewing the nail of her thumb as she thought about her approach.

“Herald,” Cullen greeted as she walked over, and Lavellan winced.

“Please don’t call me that,” Lavellan stopped just in front of him.

“Very well,” Cullen agreed, “what shall I call you?”

“My name?”

“I would, if I knew it,” Cullen let out a small laugh.

“Ivy, of clan Lavellan,” Lavellan extended her hand, it was a human greeting, but she hoped it would put them on the right foot.

“Cullen Rutherford,” Cullen took her hand, shaking it firmly.

“So, Cullen,” Lavellan looked over the troops as they practiced, “tell me about yourself.”

***

Eventually, something in the way of a tentative friendship formed between them. They were both cautious, but gradually, they both started to relax.

“May I ask you a question?” Cullen had started one day when Lavellan had joined him to watch afternoon training.

“Certainly.”

“Why don’t you carry a staff?”

Lavellan fought the urge to tense, this was the first time Cullen had brought up her magic, “I don’t particularly need one, my clan often worked without them.”

“Is that so,” Cullen rubbed his chin as he considered the information, “I wasn’t aware that was a common practice of the Elves.”

“It’s not, it is generally clan specific.”

“May I ask you one more? If I’m not being intrusive.”

“Go ahead.”

“Why don’t you have the…tattoos…that some Elves have?”

“I do, they’re white though, so it’s hard to see with how fair I am.”

Cullen studied her face and shook his head, “I can’t see them.”

Lavellan looked up at the sky and found the sun sitting low over the forge, “come here.”

Cullen wasn’t prepared for Lavellan to take his hand and lead him into better light. Despite his gloves, he was sure that he could feel the warmth of her hand through the leather.

Lavellan turned so the sun sat across her cheekbones, “look again, they run over my chin and down my neck.”

“So they do,” Cullen fought the urge to trace the faint lines with his thumb, “that must have been very painful.”

“I’ve been through worse,” Lavellan met his gaze and Cullen swallowed hard, “what?”

“It’s nothing,” Cullen shook his head, fighting the blush across his cheeks.

“Cullen…”

“It’s just your eyes,” Cullen winced internally as the confession fell from his lips, “I’ve never seen anything like them before.”

“Elves tend to have unusual eyes,” Lavellan smiled at him, which did nothing to curb the warmth spreading across his cheeks, “I will give you that mine are a little stranger than usual.”

“They’re beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Lavellan squeezed his hand and Cullen released that she had never dropped it.

Cullen gently pulled his hand back, glancing over to the soldiers who were watching with interest, “thank you, Ivy, for humouring my curiosity. I should get back to work.”

“Of course,” if she was upset by his sudden departure, she didn’t show it, “I’ll speak with you at dinner?”

“Dinner,” Cullen agreed, “see you then.”

***

“We aren’t getting anywhere,” Cassandra stalked around the war room, “we must make a decision.”

“On that we’re agreed, but that does not mean that we must go to the mages,” Cullen scowled into his now mostly empty cup, “as I’ve said, the Templars will be able to aid us.”

“As will the mages,” Liliana cut in.

“Enough,” Lavellan held up her hand to silence the room, “it’s late, we’re tired, and we aren’t going to force an agreement by keeping ourselves prisoner in this room tonight. Why don’t we pick up this conversation tomorrow?”

“We can’t keep delaying,” Cullen barked out, “we must make a decision.”

It was a testament to their new friendship that Lavellan didn’t flinch at his outburst, “I know, Cullen, and we will, but clearly not tonight. We need a rest.”

“The Herald is right,” Cassandra sighed, “we’re accomplishing nothing.”

“Fine,” Cullen grumbled, “tomorrow then.”

“Good night,” Cassandra made a quick escape followed by Liliana.

“Cullen…”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have raised my voice.”

“It wasn’t that,” Lavellan waved the apology off, “I was wondering if you could walk me back to my quarters, I’d like to speak with you more about the Templars aiding us with the rift.”

“Oh, certainly,” Cullen pulled on his cloak, coming around the table and offering Lavellan his arm.

The walk to the small cabin that Lavellan was calling home was done in silence, Cullen waiting for Lavellan to unlock the door before following her in.

“Do you mind if I use magic to get the fire going? I can build them the old-fashioned way, but it takes ages.”

“Certainly.”

Cullen flinched as the fire roared to life, an immediate warmth settling over the cabin.

“You don’t need to jump.”

“I didn’t see you move is all,” Cullen pulled off his cloak, resting it over the back of a nearby chair.

“That’s because I didn’t. Tea?”

“Please,” Cullen watched as Lavellan walked around the room, gathering the kettle, “how did you light the fire if you didn’t move?”

“Like this,” the small candles around the room burst into the flame as Lavellan filled the kettle with various leaves and moved it toward the fire.

“Remarkable,” Cullen looked around the room, “I’ve never seen a mage that could do magic without movement.”

“You have now,” Lavellan took a seat on the edge of the small bed, gesturing to Cullen to sit at the desk, “now, tell me why you’re convinced that the Templars are the way to go.”

Cullen did, emphatically explaining all the details of Templar training, how they could be of service to the Inquisition, and their best abilities.

“Well,” Lavellan topped up his tea before setting the kettle aside, “that does pose an interesting option.”

“What do you think?”

“I think you have some very valid points.”

“What’s your concern then?”

“Personal bias,” Lavellan sat heavily on the bed.

“May I ask what happened?”

Lavellan ran a hand over her face before looking back to Cullen, “I was married, once, many years ago. Templars, out looking for an Elven mage, killed my husband while we were harvesting elfroot.”

“Maker’s breath,” Cullen breathed out, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pried.”

“It was a long time ago,” Lavellan wiped away a stray tear as it escaped her careful restraint, “I’ve never trusted Templars again. Their blind hatred toward magic destroying so many families. Let me be clear, Cullen. My husband wasn’t a mage. He was an Elf who happened to have a un-strung longbow on his back. They saw, they assumed, and he died.”

“I’m sorry,” Cullen said again, the words seeming inadequate, “that was terribly unfair.”

“Life isn’t fair,” Lavellan sighed, “but neither is me holding a grudge against a whole group of people for the actions of two.”

“I shouldn’t have pressed,” Cullen felt the guilt settle over him, “the mages are also an option.”

“They’re a poor option,” Lavellan looked exhausted, “they’re desperate. If you think you could stop the Templars from being cruel to the mages who work with us, I’ll support your decision to go to them.”

“You will? Even though you don’t trust them?”

“I don’t trust them,” Lavellan agreed, “but I trust you.”

***

“A fucking demon,” Lavellan swore as she set her staff aside, “I would have expected a demon from the mages, but the Templars?”

“You had the option to leash them, why didn’t you?” Cassandra asked as she started pulling off her armor.

“Cullen has assured me that he can work with them and get them to cooperate, they won’t do that if they’re slaves.”

“That’s quite the transformation from your prior feelings of the Templars.”

“I know,” Lavellan answered softly.

“I’m glad you two have become friends.”

“Me too.”

***

Haven was burning, and Cullen was leading the small population of villagers and Templars from the wreckage.

Without Lavellan.

“She’ll be alright,” Varric’s voice came from his right, the shorter man struggling through the snow, “there’s something special about her.”

“Yes, there is,” Cullen agreed, “and I hope you’re right.”

“The hero can’t die this early into the story, Curly, it just doesn’t happen.”

“There’s a clearing just up there,” Cassandra called against the wind, “we need to stop and make a camp.”

“Alright,” Cullen called back, his hope diminishing with each step.

***

“I’m going to look for her,” Cullen announced, standing from beside the fire, “I can’t just leave her there.”

“I’ll go with you,” Cassandra stood, following him as they made their way through the camp.

“I just can’t believe that she…”

“I know,” Cassandra cut off Cullen’s thought, “I can’t either.”

“I won’t leave her to die in the snow.”

“You’re fond of our Herald.”

“Everyone is fond of her,” Cullen pulled his cloak tight around his neck, “she has that effect.”

“She does,” Cassandra agreed, “but I think you’re more taken than most.”

Cullen didn’t answer, pausing slightly as he thought he saw a flash of green in the distance.

“Does she know that you’re interested in her?”

“Can you see that?” Cullen pointed in the direction of the green light, “it’s her!”

“Thank the Maker.”

Cullen managed to make out Lavellan’s form as she swayed then fell to her knees, rushing over to her.

“Cullen?” Lavellan’s voice was trembling with the force of her shivers.

“Yes,” Cullen pulled Lavellan into his arms, wrapping his cloak tightly around her, “I’ve got you, you’re safe.”

“Saved by a Templar,” Lavellan’s blue-tinged lips turned up slightly at the corners, “that’s a surprising turn of events.”

“Rest,” Cullen turned to Cassandra, “can you go ahead, we need a healer.”

“I’m fine,” Lavellan protested weakly.

“Ivy,” Cullen chastised softly, “rest.”

She did.

***

“How are you feeling?”

Lavellan had been leading them _somewhere_ at the direction of Solas for three days. Cullen and Lavellan both busy moving the population of Haven leaving them little time to talk since he had rescued her from the snow.

“I’m fine, thanks to you,” Lavellan smiled warmly at him and Cullen felt his heart flip, “thank you for saving me.”

“Despite your prior experience with Templars, we were once tasked with watching over the mages, guarding them, not…”

“Controlling them?” Lavellan offered, “well, I don’t know if I trust Templars, yet, but I do know that I was right to trust you.”

Cullen blushed, “where are you taking us?”

“Solas knows of a fortress, of sorts, in this direction.”

“And you trust him?”

“Dread wolf, no,” Lavellan laughed, “he has his secrets.”

“Don’t we all.”

Lavellan frowned, “yes, we certainly do.”


	2. Chapter 2

Cullen had learned of the extent of Lavellan’s healing abilities by accident during one of the Templars afternoon training sessions.

Barris had brought his training sword hard and fast, and the new recruit despite his inexperience had managed to bring up his shield to block the blow. There had been a crash, a shout, and Barris had dropped his sword and gripped his shoulder in pain.

“Barris?” Cullen called to him, “alright?”

“My shoulder,” Barris gritted out.

“Go get a healer,” Cullen directed a nearby scout before going to Barris, helping him sit on one of the chairs that Iron Bull left around the training area.

“Maker’s breath,” Barris gritted out, “it’s painful.”

The healer had arrived quickly, moving Barris’ arms in all directions before shaking her head with a frown, “it’s out of the joint, I’m afraid…”

“What’s going on?” Lavellan walked over.

“His sword arm is out of joint, we’ll have to amputate.”

“Why would you?” Lavellan walked over to Barris, “may I take a look?”

Barris nodded, “Be gentle, I can’t take it being moved much more.”

“You moved it?” Lavellan frowned at the healer, “alright Barris, I’ll have to touch you, hang tight.”

Lavellan gently pressed around the joint before nodding.

“Can it be saved?” Cullen asked a supportive hand on Barris’ other shoulder.

“Of course it can, honestly, why would you amputate when you can set it back in the joint. Cullen, can you take off the training pads, gently, and then I’ll need you to stand, Barris,” Lavellan pointed to the healer, “you say here, I’m going to show you how to do it.”

It took a few minutes, but soon Barris was standing in front of Lavellan with no armor, the heavy pads discarded to the side.

“Do you need to use magic?” the Healer asked.

“No, it’s easy enough to set a joint, though it’s easier when you haven’t added to the swelling from moving it around,” Lavellan smiled at Barris reassuringly, “ready?”

“Yes,” Barris nodded, “will it hurt?”

“For a minute, then it’ll be much better, resist the urge to spin your arm around after it’s back, alright? I’ll need to check it for any other damage.”

“Alright.”

“I’m going to be quite close to you,” Lavellan closed the distance between them, “bend your elbow for me, across your stomach, just like that. Cullen, you might want to watch as well.”

Cullen stood behind Lavellan, “no magic?”

“Hopefully we can do it without,” Lavellan held Barris’ arm, “first, bend the elbow like this, then gently move his arm so it’s turned in front of him, like this, see? Now, take him by the upper arm, lift slightly, and turn his lower arm back toward his stomach, there will be some pressure but you should hear a –“ Lavellan pushed on Barris’ arm and a slight pop could be heard before Barris let out a breath of relief, “pop.”

“That’s much better,” Barris nodded, “much.”

“Now, we have two options, keep your arm just like this,” Lavellan kept Barris’ arm against his stomach, “you can wrap it in a sling, which you’ll need to wear for a few weeks as this swelling goes down. If you don’t, it’ll fall out of joint again.”

“The second option?”

“I can heal the swelling and damage with magic, and you can continue with training. It’s completely up to you.”

Barris glanced at Cullen, a shared look of concern between them.

“I know,” Lavellan reassured, “I’m sure as negative as my experience has been with Templars you’ve shared with Mages, but I can promise you that I won’t hurt you, and I won't force you into magic. If you want me to bandage it up, I will.”

“No, it’s alright,” Barris sighed “the Inquisition needs me. You may heal it.”

“You’re certain?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, take a seat, you’re too tall for me to work on,” Lavellan directed him back into the chair, “try not to stop the magic as you feel it.”

Barris swallowed heavily and he nodded.

“Hm,” Lavellan glanced at Cullen for a minute, “you have your sword?”

“Over there,” Cullen nodded to where his sword was resting against a fence, “why?”

“Go get it, please.”

Cullen hesitated.

“No blood magic,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, “just go and put it on.”

Cullen gave Lavellan a look, but walked over and fastened his sword to his belt before walking back over through the small crowd of Templars watching with interest.

“Barris, you trust Commander Cullen and his abilities as a Templar, right?”

“With my life.”

“Well, I’ll be healing you with a heavily armed Templar watching over me,” Lavellan nodded to Cullen who looked scandalized, “should I happen to turn into a demon or resort to blood magic I’m sure Cullen would be more than capable of dealing with the issue, yes?”

“I didn’t-“

“I know you didn’t mean to insinuate that I would, but does it make you feel better?”

“Yes,” Barris frowned, “it does.”

“Lovely,” Lavellan held her hands over Barris’ shoulder, “ready?”

“Yes.”

Lavellan rested her hands gently over Barris’ shoulder, smiling warmly at him, “you’ve never had healing magic before?”

“Not while awake,” Barris shook his head, “I was burnt badly by a rebel mage once, but they put me to sleep with a potion to treat that.”

“It’s quite amazing,” Lavellan let go, of Barris, “move your arm for me?”

“That’s it?” Barris cautiously rolled his shoulder, “I didn’t feel it.”

“You won’t if the person is gentle. How does it feel?”

“Wonderful,” Barris let out a small laugh in relief.

“Now, pick up a sword and try to swing it,” Lavellan stood back as Barris tried a few cautious swings with the training sword, “how does that feel?”

“Fine.”

“Not perfect though,” Lavellan walked over to him, “try it again and tell me when it hurts.”

Barris raised his arm, pausing when his fist was level with his chin, “here.”

“Okay,” Lavellan pressed her hand to his shoulder again for a moment, “try now.”

Barris did, nodding, “better.”

“Perfect, or better?”

“I’m still a bit tight as I swing down.”

“Alright,” Lavellan moved her hand lower, pausing for a minute, “would you like me to heal the pain in your lower back while I’m here?”

“You can tell that my back is sore?”

“I can,” Lavellan confirmed, “would you like me to help?”

“Certainly.”

Lavellan ran her hands down Barris’ back, looking almost as if she wanted to brush the dust free from his shirt, “there you are, should be good as new.”

“Remarkable,” Barris smiled warmly at Lavellan, “thank you, Inquisitor.”

“You’re more than welcome,” Lavellan gave a small bow before turning to the crowd, “does anyone else require healing while I’m here?”

The Templars were silent, some looking to Cullen for guidance.

“Smith,” Cullen called out, “how’s that finger from yesterday?”

“Not good, ser,” someone called out from the back of the crowd.

“Come up here then.”

Lavellan stood beside Cullen as Smith approached.

“Ser,” Smith saluted Cullen.

“This is Smith,” Cullen introduced, “he took a hard hit to his hand yesterday.”

“Hello, Ser Smith,” Lavellan greeted him warmly, “would you like me to take a look?”

“Please,” Smith offered his hand to Lavellan, his middle finger very swollen and purple.

“I don’t even need to touch that to tell you it’s broken,” Lavellan gently took his hand, “we can bind it to the finger next to it, and it will heal in a few weeks, or I can set it with magic. Your choice.”

“Magic,” Smith answered immediately, “please. It’s very painful.”

“I’m sure,” Lavellan agreed, “ready?”

“Yes, Inquisitor.”

There was no movement, no uttered spell, but Cullen watched as the swelling and the bruising disappeared, the finger suddenly clicking straight.

“How does that feel?”

“Perfect,” Smith closed his fist, “thank you, Inquisitor.”

“You’re welcome, anyone else?”

“Not unless you can cure armor rub,” a voice called from the back of the crowd, the men and women laughing.

“Armor rub?” Lavellan looked to Cullen.

“Sometimes armor plate rubs against the skin,” Cullen explained, “it can leave bruises or sores.”

“Why would it, if the armor fit?”

“Most Templars are outfitted in generically made equipment, what fits some does not fit others.”

“Can someone show me?” Lavellan called out.

“Here,” Barris lifted the side of his shirt, showing a pronounced bruise against his dark skin.

“We can’t have that,” Lavellan frowned, “Cole?”

Cullen and Barris jumped as Cole appeared beside them, seemingly from nowhere.

“Can you please have Harritt and Dagna join us?”

Cole vanished just as quickly as he came.

“Inquisitor?”

“Commander,” Lavellan started, “we’re asking these men and women to be ready to die for us, we can afford some supplies to ensure that they have armor that fits them.”

“I agree,” Cullen nodded, “I put forward a requisition with Josephine…”

“I think, as Inquisitor, I can make an executive decision,” Lavellan nudged Cullen with her elbow, “right?”

“Right,” Cullen smiled at Lavellan, “Inquisitor.”

***

“Your healing magic was impressive today, Inquisitor,” Cullen commented as they walked the ramparts together.

“Don’t call me that,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, “we’re not near the troops.”

“Ivy,” Cullen corrected.

“Thank you,” Lavellan smiled, “I was the First of my clan, I spent a lot of time delivering babies, making healing balms, helping the hunters. I’ve gotten quite good over my lifetime.”

“So I could see,” Cullen agreed, “thank you, for having their armor dealt with.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Has your opinion on Templars changed over the past month?”

“Not entirely, but those who we work here seem kind enough,” Lavellan looked out over the mountainside with a small frown.

“What’s wrong?”

Lavellan shook her head, “it’s nothing.”

“Ivy…”

“I’m just being superstitious,” Lavellan waved off his concern, “don’t mind me. “

“If you’re concerned…” Cullen resisted the urge to wrap his arm over her shoulder.

They had gotten closer lately, playing chess together over lunch, taking dinner together in his office, but still, Cullen wasn’t sure if such attention would be welcome.

“It feels like something is coming,” Lavellan almost whispered, “like I can hear something on the wind.”

“I think you’ve been overworking,” Cullen leaned against the wall next to her, “you should rest more.”

“That’s funny, coming from you,” Lavellan glanced at him with a small smile.

“I know,” Cullen hadn’t told Lavellan about the lyrium, yet, but they had run into each other enough times on the ramparts in the middle of the night that Lavellan was well aware of his problems sleeping.

“I should pack for tomorrow,” Lavellan sighed, “back to the Fallow Mire.”

“Whatever shall I do, you’re taking my only two chess companions away from me,” Cullen clutched his chest as if wounded, “I’ll have no one to speak with.”

“Oh,” Lavellan reached into her pocket, pulling out a small black rock on a string, “that reminds me, I got this for you.”

“A…rock?”

“A stone of far speech,” Lavellan clarified, “I have its partner. I got them so if you needed to speak with me urgently, you could. That being said, if you wanted to talk about chess, we could do that too.”

***

Lavellan had been gone for four days when Cullen decided to test the stone, waiting until the last scout provided their report and scaling the ladder up to his bed.

Pulling the string from under his shirt, Cullen raised the stone to his lips hesitantly before speaking softly, “did you arrive safely?”

“We did,” Lavellan’s voice came from the rock, “Dorian has already fallen into the swamp once, but I think he’s in Iron Bull’s tent getting cheered up.”

“Is that so?” Cullen laughed softly, laying back against his bed, “and what are you doing?”

“I was just thinking of trying the stone. You beat me to it.”

“They work well, your voice is very clear.”

“Yours as well,” Lavellan was quiet for a moment, “how have you been sleeping?”

“I haven’t,” Cullen admitted, “not since you left.”

“Why’s that?”

“I never do when you’re away,” Cullen confessed, painfully grateful that Lavellan couldn’t see the bright blush across his cheeks.

“No?”

“No, not since Haven.”

“I miss our evening walks,” Lavellan said softly, a small confession of our own, “and spending time with you.”

“I do, too,” Cullen glanced over to his chessboard, “I haven’t played chess in _days_.”

“What a strange friendship we’ve formed. I never thought I would be friends with a templar.”

“Nor I with a mage.”

“Time makes fools of us all, I suppose.”

“That it does,” Cullen rolled onto his side, placing the rock next to his face on the pillow, “when do you expect you’ll be back?”

“Another five or so days here, two days ride back, so a week. Did you need me to look for anything on my way back?”

“A mabari puppy.”

“Is that one of those big dogs they like in Ferelden?”

“It is,” Cullen laughed, “I’ve always wanted one, but I doubt you’ll find one on the journey back.”

“I’ll keep my eyes open.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're going to start to see me vary from the story-line a bit now - it's for a reason, I promise. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has left Kudos, I really appreciate it.

Cullen was alerted to the Inquisitors' return by the sound of the bell at the gate, standing from his desk and making his way quickly to the entrance of Skyhold. She was a half a day later than expected, sending a brief word of a delay through the stone of far speech the day prior.

“I loathe that place, Ivy. Loathe it.”

“I know, Dorian,” Lavellan rolled her eyes as she dismounted her horse, “you keep reminding me.”

“I’m going to smell for a week.”

“Well, I’ll let you know that elves have a very good sense of smell and all I can smell on you is the Iron Bull,” Lavellan carefully pulled a small bundle of cloth from one of her saddlebags and handed her horse off to Master Dennet.

“I do _not_.”

“Yes, you do. It’s alright, he smells like sandalwood and elfroot, it’s quite pleasant.”

“Our friendship is _over_ ,” Dorian scoffed, “you’ve betrayed me.”

“You could do much worse than the Bull, Dorian. He treats you like you’re made of gold,” Lavellan shifted the bundle of cloth and Dorian looked over her shoulder.

“How did our new addition make out?”

“Still sleeping,” Lavellan smiled down at the bundle.

“What new addition?” Cullen asked as he walked over, nodding his greeting to Dorian and Bull.

“Your new addition,” Lavellan turned so Cullen could see in the cloth, his breath catching in his throat.

“Is that…”

“A mabari puppy? Yes, Commander, it is,” Lavellan carefully placed the bundle into Cullen’s arms, “a little nightingale told me that it was your name day last week. You should have told me, I would have delayed my trip. I hope this makes up for me missing it.”

“A little nightingale?” Cullen couldn’t take his eyes off of the sleeping puppy, “Leliana?”

“Yes,” Lavellan reached over, gently rubbing the sleeping dog’s ears, “one and the same. She also helped me find the puppy.”

“He might not pick me,” Cullen said, worried, “mabaris pick their owners.”

“She,” Lavellan corrected, “will pick you.”

“How can you be so certain?”

“There isn’t anyone more deserving,” Lavellan said with confidence.

“Aw,” Dorian pat Cullen on the shoulder, “happy name-day, Commander. I must go and wash the stench of the Fallow Mire from my skin.”

“Thank you,” Cullen said absently.

“Come on,” Lavellan took Cullen by the arm, “let’s take her to your office and wake her, she needs to meet her new dad.”

“Alright,” Cullen let Lavellan lead him back toward his office, carrying the puppy like precious cargo, “how was she during the ride?”

“Very well behaved,” Lavellan smiled, “I’ve never seen a mabari before, but she seems very intelligent. I told her to sit still and she was very content to sit in front of me as I rode. Not one bark. She had liter mates, but this little one walked over to me like she had a mission.”

“Does she have a name?” Cullen asked as Lavellan opened the door to his office.

“No, we left that to you. I’ve been calling her _madra_ , which is one way of saying dog in Elvhen.”

“I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to say that wouldn’t offending you.”

“I’m sure you would do fine,” Lavellan carefully pulled the cloth away from the puppy, gently rousing her, “wake up, darling, it’s time to meet your new master.”

Cullen snorted as the puppy continued to snore in his hands, much smaller without all of the cloth surrounding her.

“ _Dúisigh,”_ Lavellan took on of the puppy’s feet, shaking it gently, “let’s go, there’s someone very important to meet.”

The puppy let out a little growl, and Cullen swore that there was a frown on her face.

“I know, you’re very tired from such a long ride, and once you’ve met our Commander you can go back to sleep,” Lavellan carefully took the puppy from Cullen, setting her on the floor, “let’s go, little one.”

The puppy swayed for a minute, before letting out a bark of frustration and finally waking up, looking around the room.

“She’s lighter than they usually are,” Cullen observed, her fur the colour of butterscotch other than her black feet and nose.

“Her brothers were darker, she was the prettiest,” Lavellan sat on the floor, and the puppy walked over to her, sitting in front of her as if waiting for instruction, “come and sit,” Lavellan pat the ground next to her.

Cullen hesitated for a minute before sitting down next to Lavellan, close enough he could feel the heat of her body next to him.

“ _Madra_ , this is Cullen,” Lavellan reached over and squeezed Cullen’s arm, “he’s the one I told you about.’

The puppy looked over to him, seeming to consider the information.

“He’s the Commander of our forces, and I’d like you to help him. Make sure that he takes breaks, sleeps, and guard him when I can’t be here.”

The puppy walked over to Cullen, climbing into his lap and resting her paws on his chest to try and smell his chin, looking back to Lavellan.

“I know, I thought he was big and scary the first time I met him too, he’s really lovely when you get to know him. He has a very important job, and he would benefit from a helper.”

“Do you think she can understand you?” Cullen fought the blush at Lavellan’s description of him.

The puppy let out a sharp bark and Cullen jumped, looking down at the small ball of fur with an arched brow.

“Yes, she can understand me,” Lavellan laughed, “and you offended her.”

“My apologies,” Cullen spoke to the dog, feeling silly, “it’s nice to meet you.”

“What do you think?” Lavellan asked, her hand still on Cullen’s arm, “will you be his?”

The puppy seemed to consider her options before barking again and curling up in his lap, claiming the space.

“See, I told you she would pick you,” Lavellan dropped her hand and Cullen missed the warmth.

“You were right,” Cullen reached down, gently stroking the puppy as she drifted off to sleep, “thank you, Ivy, I think this was the best gift I’ve ever received.”

“Truly?”

“Truly,” Cullen nodded, “I’ve wanted a mabari since I was old enough to know of them”

“Yes, you mentioned the other night. I’m sorry I missed your name-day, did you do anything special?”

“No,” Cullen laughed, “I can’t think of the last time I did anything for my name-day.”

“Really? That’s a shame. Maybe I could cook you dinner and have you and your new companion for a game of chess?”

“You don’t have to do that, honestly Ivy, the puppy is enough.”

“You told me once that you wanted to spend more time with me, outside of the inquisition. This is the perfect opportunity.”

Cullen had said that during one of their chess matches when he was feeling bright and clear-headed. His lyrium withdrawal minimal that day.

“Alright,” Cullen agreed, “if you’re certain.”

“I’ll see you tonight. Come by after your final report,” Lavellan stood, “I need to speak with Josephine, I’ve secured a new trade route.”

“I’ll see you then,” Cullen nodded, carefully standing and settled the puppy into his arms.

“Bye!” Lavellan waved and disappeared from view, shutting the door behind her softly.

***

Cullen walked through the main hall, his new companion following behind him, “best behaviour tonight, alright?”

There was a small bark and the puppy sat and waited as Cullen knocked on the door to the Inquisitor’s quarters.

“It’s open,” Lavellan’s voice came from the stone around his neck, “come on in.”

Cullen tried the door and found it unlocked, shutting and locking it behind him, before turning to the steps, “can you manage these, or do you want me to carry you?”

A short bark and a paw on his leg was enough that Cullen picked her up and tucked her under his arm as he made his way up the steps, the smell of something delicious wafting through the door at the top of the stairs.

“Ivy?” Cullen called through the cracked door at the top of the steps.

“Come in,” she called back, and Cullen took the final steps into her room.

“Let me just finish this letter and I’m all yours,” Lavellan signed her name with a flourish, blowing on the ink before folding the papers and sealing it with a deep purple wax seal.

“Did you need to have that delivered?”

“It’s alright, it can wait until the morning,” Lavellan set the letter in the corner of her desk, “how was your first day together?”

“Good, she mostly slept.”

“She will,” Lavellan smiled as Cullen sat the puppy back onto her feet, “she’s growing. Have you settled on a name?”

“Birch,” Cullen took a moment to look around the room while Lavellan’s attention was given to the puppy.

It was large, that much he had expected, but it was the furnishings that Cullen was interested in. The deep wood of the ornately carved desk, the lush furs across the bed, and the amazing smell filling the room.

“I’m not used to a room like this,” Lavellan started when she noticed Cullen taking in the surroundings, “I spent much of my time sleeping outside. The furs make it seem like I’m not quite so far from home,”

“I don’t think anyone could be used to a room like this,” Cullen took in the setting sun over the mountains through her windows, “it’s massive.”

“It is,” Lavellan agreed, coming toward him from behind her desk, “I’ve made you a home, Birch, just over there,” she pointed to a small fennic fur by the fireplace, “I’ll need to get you a larger fur as you grow, but for tonight I think it should work.”

Birch barked happily, walking over to the fur and dropping down onto it.

“Hungry?” Lavellan asked, gesturing to a small table for two by one of the windows, a large clay pot sitting on top of it.

“Famished,” Cullen nodded, “whatever you’ve had prepared smells amazing.”

“I cooked,” Lavellan moved toward the table, Cullen following her, “though, it’s an Elvhen meal, I hope you like it.”

“Really, you took the time to cook for me?” Cullen sat at the table, touched at the gesture.

“I said I would,” Lavellan opened the pot, revealing a mix of potatoes, vegetables, and dark stewed meat.

“You’ve spoiled me today,” Cullen watched as Lavellan served him dinner, offering him a plate of food before dishing her own and closing the pot again.

“It was your name-day, they are important in my clan,” Lavellan poured some wine and took her seat.

“I can’t think of the last time someone cooked for me,” Cullen fought the urge to take her hand as it rested on the table, “thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet, Cullen. You haven’t tried it.”

***

“That was remarkable,” Cullen leaned back in his chair, a hand resting on his full stomach, “if that’s Elvhen food, it’s a wonder that you aren’t all fat.”

Lavellan laughed, a bright sound that made Cullen smile, “we walk miles a day, it allows us to eat heavy meals. We often go without breakfast or lunch and stop only for one heavy meal at the end of the day.”

“Really? That’s interesting. I don’t suppose I know much about your culture, most of the elves I’ve met aren’t keen on sharing.”

“Ask away,” Lavellan refilled their wine, “if you’re curious.”

“I do have one question…”

“Yes?”

“You always have your hair braided like that,” Cullen gestured to the ornate braid at the base of Lavellan’s neck, “is there a reason why?”

“It shows, or showed, my position within the clan,” Lavellan answered, bringing her hand to her ebony hair absentmindedly, “I suppose old habits die hard.”

“So would it have changed if you became Keeper?”

“Yes, it would have been one long braid down my back, rather than two twisted together.”

“Will you go back, once this is finished?”

Lavellan shook her head with a sad smile, “I’m afraid I would draw too much attention to clan Lavellan. I will either need to look for a new clan or…I don’t know…stay…until the inquisition doesn’t need me anymore.”

“I’m sorry, you must miss them.”

“Terribly,” Lavellan nodded, “you must miss your family as well.”

“I do, I was closest with my sister Mia, I had a letter from her the other day, she’s expecting her second child.”

“Well that’s exciting, I always liked when there were new babies on their way.”

“Indeed, she already has a daughter, she’ll be five in the summer. That reminds me of another question I had for you…”

“Yes?”

“How old are you?”

“Are we getting personal, now, Cullen?”

Cullen blushed, holding his hands up in defense, “you don’t need to answer if you’re not comfortable. I was curious is all.”

“Guess.”

“Oh no,” Cullen shook his head, “I know a trap when I see one.”

“I won't be offended, I’m curious how old I seem to a human.”

“Alright, but you need to give me a hint.”

“How so?”

“Are you older or younger than Solas?”

“Much younger.”

“From a human’s eyes, I would say you’re no older than 25 summers…”

“You’re very kind,” Lavellan squeezed Cullen’s hand where it rested on the table, “but very wrong.”

“Oh?” Cullen turned his hand over, taking her hand in his, “how wrong.”

“About 15 summers wrong.”

“Makers breath, really?”

“Yes,” Lavellan smiled, “keep in mind I’ve been married, and I’m the First of a clan, both of those things take time. Elvhen can live 200 or more years, so in comparison to a human life, I suppose I’m only in my early twenties.”

Birch whined and barked, drawing the human’s attention.

“What is it?”

Birch whined again, looking to the fireplace.

“Oh that’s right, good girl,” Lavellan stood, looking in the fire at a black cast iron vessel inside, “just a warning, Cullen, I’ll be using magic for a moment.”

“Alright,” Cullen watched with interest as the pot was levitated from the fire to a small mat on the table, “what is it?”

“I would say it’s the Dalish idea of a cake,” Lavellan answered, “but it needs to cool.”

“I’m in no rush, I’m enjoying myself.”

“I am, too,” Lavellan waved toward the couch, “want to move somewhere more comfortable while we wait?”

“Certainly,” Cullen brought over their wine, sitting beside Lavellan on the couch, “I don’t suppose I could ask you one more question?”

“Why not.”

“After your husband...” Cullen paused, giving Lavellan a moment to refuse his question, “have you…”

“Looked for love? No, not since,” Lavellan shook her head, “he left a big hole in my life when I lost him.”

“I can imagine,” Cullen fought the urge to frown, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Why did you?”

“What, ask?”

“Yes.”

“I…suppose….I was wondering…”

“Wondering?”

“If you might let me…court you,” Cullen finished lamely, “it’s silly.”

“Yes, I would.”

“You would?” Cullen turned to Lavellan in shock, “I’m a Templar.”

“And I’m an Elvhen mage, does that bother you?”

“No!”

“We’d both be stepping outside of what we’re comfortable with, but I trust you. I would like to take things slowly.”

“Of course,” Cullen agreed immediately, unable to stop the smile from spreading across his face, “whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“Hm,” Lavellan reached over, taking Cullen’s hand and resting her head on his shoulder, “this is not exactly what I expected from tonight, I’ll admit.”

Cullen took a minute to respond, trying to calm his racing heart, “no?”

“No. I’m not familiar with human courtship. I haven’t been able to tell if you’re interested, or just friendly.”

“Interested, but useless.”

“Stop,” Lavellan squeezed his hand, “you’re not useless.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.”

***

“This has been wonderful, thank you for the invitation, and the dinner, and the puppy,” Cullen flushed, “truly this has been the best name-day I’ve ever had.”

“I’m glad,” Lavellan walked him to the door, “now go and get some decent sleep, or Birch will tell me.”

“Yes, Inquisitor,” Cullen smiled, “good night.”

“ _Dareth shiral,”_ Lavellan pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek, “Commander.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So - here is some key info:
> 
> I would like to believe that the elvhen language would vary more than just high-elf, dark-elf, etc. I've always liked the idea of an elvhen language that sounded kind of Norse.
> 
> The song within this is Snake Pit Poetry by Wardruna. I suggest listening to it. It's beautiful.

It had been a week since their private dinner, and Cullen was laying awake wondering what excuse he could come up with to steal a minute of the Inquisitor's time. Their combined duties had kept them apart, nothing more than small smiles exchanged as they passed each other around Skyhold.

He missed her terribly.

Cullen was just considering if he should reach out to her with the stone of far speech when Birch started to bark.

Not a quiet bark, either. A loud and panicked bark.

“What is it?” Cullen looked over the edge of the bed at the small dog.

Birch barked louder, spinning in circles.

“Alright, alright,” Cullen stood, then he heard the warning horn, “maker’s breath.”

Cullen dressed as quickly as he could, pulling on his armor and carrying Birch down the ladder, as he reached the ramparts, he found much of the inner circle standing along the walls, looking out into the darkness.

“This doesn’t make any sense,” Solas muttered, “why would they be coming here?”

“Who’s coming, I can’t see anything?”

“You wouldn’t,” Bull answered, “human eyes are useless in the dark. There’s a clan of elves coming, they’re banging some war drums, can’t you hear them?”

Cullen could, only just, but a rhythmic beat could be made out in the distance.

“They’re not war drums,” Solas corrected, “it’s something much older, but it wouldn’t make sense, unless…”

“They’re here for me.”

Cullen turned at Lavellan’s voice, finding her dressed in a soft green dress, far too thin for the cool night air, distinctly Dalish.

“You…you’re a fade child?” Solas asked.

“Yes,” Lavellan whispered her response, tears springing to her eyes.

Dalish gasped from her space next to Bull, dropping to her knees, Skinner doing the same.

“What’s going on?” Cullen could hear singing now, a song which seemed low and mournful. The sound of the song and the alert horn pulling the Templars from their barracks and the citizens of Skyhold from their beds.

“Don’t let them kill me,” Lavellan grabbed Solas by the front of his shirt, “ _please_.”

“Of course,” Solas vowed, “I’ll keep you safe.”

“As will I,” Dalish spoke from her place, still kneeling at Lavellan’s feet, Skinner nodding in agreement.

“Would someone please explain what’s going on?” Cassandra asked, “why would we kill you?”

“You don’t have to go to them,” Solas cast a barrier around Lavellan, Dorian following suit.

At Lavellan’s glance at him, Dorian shrugged, “you’re my friend.”

“Thank you,” Lavellan whispered, before turning back to Solas, “I have to, you know I do.”

Solas nodded, a frown across his face, “what would you have me do?”

“Don’t let the Templars get me. They won’t understand.”

“Ivy,” Cullen tried to grab her by the shoulder, stopped by Solas’ barrier, “what’s happening?”

“I’m sorry,” Lavellan looked at him, “I wanted to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

The singing stopped, and Cullen glanced over the ramparts to see a Dalish clan almost to the gates of Skyhold.

“I’ll explain,” Lavellan promised, “but I need to help them first.”

Lavellan pulled away, and Cullen swore he saw the markings along her chin shining. 

“A letter unsent, a secret revealed, he’ll never love me now,” Cole spoke from behind Cullen, “so much hurt.”

Cullen turned to face him, ready to ask him to explain when he heard a woman singing, looking over and finding Lavellan standing above the front gate, a large ball of light in one hand. Her voice was unnatural, carrying in a way that the others didn’t, bouncing against the mountains and back to them, bringing his skin up in goosebumps.

The clan stopped at the gate, and slowly it opened.

Lavellan gasped as her vallaslin started to glow, a bright white light coming from the lines as her pale blue eyes started to shine a pale green. She took a breath and started to walk toward the steps, Solas and Dorian behind her first before the rest of the group raced after her.

The clan lined up just inside of the gates, and immediately Cullen could tell there was something wrong. No more than walking skeletons, the elves looked like something they might find in the Fallow Mire.

Lavellan walked toward them, and the elves fell to their knees as she started to sing.

“ _Eigi hugðak orma_

_at aldrlagi mínu;_

_verðr mjök mörgu sinni_

_þats minnst varir sjálfan”_

“What’s happening?” Cullen asked Solas.

“They’ve been cursed,” Solas whispered back, “they’ve come to her for healing. They were singing their sorrows to her from the mountains. She’s singing them back now.”

Lavellan walked up to the Keeper of the clan, placing a hand on his shoulder as they started to sing together.

_“Nú munk nár af bragði_

_ok nær dýrum deyja_

_Gnyðja mundu grísir_

_ef galtar hag vissi_

_mér er gnótt at grandi_

_grafa inn rönum sínum_

_ok harðliga hváta_

_hafa mik sogit, ormar_

_nú munk nár af bragði_

_ok nær dýrum deyja”_

Slowly, a spectral woman appeared next to Lavellan, an Elven woman made of bright white light, then, a larger Elven male, and another, until there was a group of five specters around her.

“What are they?”

“Her family,” Solas answered again, “the fade children who came before her, called to help in the healing.”

And they did, slowly walking throughout the clan and working healing magic on those still on their knees. Cullen watched as the same people who had looked nearly dead moments ago started to regain color in their skin.

Once they had all been tended too, the figures walked back to Lavellan, touching her back and seemingly walking into her, disappearing.

It was the most extraordinary thing Cullen had ever seen, and it had lasted only minutes.

“Ma serannas, Dalen,” the Keeper spoke, “we tried to send word for you, but didn’t have time to wait for a reply.”

“I understand, Hahren,” Lavellan’s voice still sounded unnatural. Cullen could swear he could hear multiple voices coming from her at once, “you’re welcome here. Go rest by the barn, I’ll be over to speak with you.”

The clan did as requested, gathering their supplies and walking toward the barn, Lavellan turning to face Solas.

Cullen couldn’t stop the gasp falling from his lips at the sight of Lavellan’s eyes, the green reminding him of the tear to the fade.

“Take the inner circle into the grand hall,” Lavellan requested, “I owe them an explanation.”

“Of course,” Solas gave a small bow, turning to the group and indicating with his staff to follow him.

Lavellan watched as they went, before turning to go help the Elves.

***

It was nearly an hour later when the door opened and Lavellan stepped through, the Keeper’s staff in her hand. Turning and shutting the door gently, she took a deep breath before turning back to the group waiting for her.

Her eyes were back to their usual color now, the only thing remaining the bright white glow from her tattoos running down her neck and over her arms.

“Can you all please go stand at the end of the room,” Lavellan asked softly, her voice back to normal, “I think, given that you are all aware that I am no simple mage, I might as well fix up some things before I explain.”

Solas moved, standing next to the Inquisitor’s throne, and Cullen wondered, not for the first time, why he was being suddenly so agreeable.

Once the group had moved to stand around the chair, Lavellan took a deep breath, banging the bottom of the staff against the floor once.

Suddenly, the room was in motion. The remaining rubble on the ground levitating and finding it’s home back within the walls of the great hall. The scaffolding slowly deconstructed and set aside.

Large brass plates holding torches unearthed themselves from the dust, suddenly polished clean, and hung themselves on the walls, bursting into flame.

Lavellan started to walk toward them, Skyhold healing as she moved. Cullen glanced over as he heard the chair creak, then start to transform into what appeared to be a tree, large gnarled branches reaching up toward the now repaired stained glass to form an ornate and beautiful thrown.

By the time Lavellan had reached the chair, resting the staff within the branches, Skyhold’s main hall was perfect. Stained glass restored, warmth in the room, and long tables running down each side of the hall painted a picture of the empire which had come before them.

Restored within minutes.

“If you would please take a seat, I’ll answer any questions you may have.”

Birch barked but refused to follow Cullen as he took a seat at one of the tables, instead sitting at Lavellan’s feet.

The room fell silent.

“No questions?” Lavellan asked, looking around the room.

“I-“ Cullen shook his head, “I don’t understand.”

“Nor would I expect you too, Lethallin,” Lavellan smiled sadly, “it is very old magic, and something the Elvhen have tried very hard to keep out of the hands of Templars.”

“What is it?” Dorian asked, “it almost looked like you were bringing spirits from the fade…”

“Of a sort,” Lavellan agreed, “I am one of the very few remaining mages that have these abilities. We’re called a _fade child_ at birth. I’m not sure how to explain it, other than to say I’m somewhere between Cole, and you.”

“You’re possessed?”

Lavellan and Solas both winced at Cullen’s question, “no, Cullen, I’m not possessed.”

“Fade children are reported to be completely immune to possession,” Solas added, “they are often made up of multiple spirits, whereas Cole is only one. Though, they often aren’t aware of how many spirits and what type of spirit they are. Unlike Cole, who is a spirit in a human body where the human soul seems to have left, Lavellan would be both spirit, and a person, or a soul, within a body.”

“That’s right,” Lavellan confirmed.

“They used to be more common,” Dalish added, “and would be called on in times of war to help settle the conflict. It was said that the beginning of a war was started on the backs of the Elvhen and settled on the back of a fade child.”

“They are also remarkable healers, as we saw outside,” Solas continued, “they would travel from place to place and cure plagues.”

“And peacekeepers,” Lavellan spoke, drawing Cullen’s attention back to her, “at least, I hope to be.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Varric asked, “we didn’t care about the scary green mark on your hand, why didn’t you tell us about this?”

“Because…”

“Children of the fade have been hunted, by humans, dwarfs, and templars,” Solas leveled a stern look toward Cullen, “for thousands of years.”

“Which is why those two templars killed my husband,” Lavellan spoke to Cullen, “while they were looking for me.”

“Wait, so why can’t you just rend Coryphy-whatever to the fade if you’re so powerful?” Sera spoke from the back of the room, half-hidden behind Bull.

“A few reasons,” Lavellan explained, “one, I have largely kept my abilities hidden for a number of years, so I’m out of practice. Two, Corypheus and I are fairly evenly matched for magical power. While I may be a fade child, he is also torn from the fade.”

“You’re as strong as Corypheus?” Varric’s voice was small.

“For all our sake,” Lavellan sighed, looking at the mark on her hand, “let’s hope I’m stronger.”

The room fell into silence again, and Lavellan glanced down at her arms as her tattoos faded back to their normal color.

“I’ll understand if you want me to leave.”

“No,” Cassandra’s voice was firm, “you’re not leaving. I wish you had told us of this before, but the situation hasn’t changed. _You_ are the Inquisitor that we have agreed to follow.”

Birch barked, loud and sudden in the room, and Lavellan smiled as she reached down and brought her to sit on her lap.

“So I have your approval, do I?” Lavellan asked the dog, “you think I’m alright even if I’m half spirit, half elf?”

Birch barked again, wagging her tail.

“Dalen,” Lavellan kissed the top of her head, “you just made my night much better, but I think your master could use some support.”

Birch looked to Cullen, jumping from Lavellan’s lap and jogging over to Cullen, sitting beside him.

“Why do you have the old guys staff?” Sera asked, “you never carry one unless we’re away from Skyhold.”

“Healing from a fade child used to cost families their homes,” Lavellan stood, taking the staff in hand, “they would give whatever they had to give. Eventually, it became a tradition to give a fade child that you valued most in exchange for healing. In this case, his staff.”

“You’ve never taken anything from the templars to heal them,” Cullen spoke, finally finding his voice.

“There is already an exchange taken place.”

“What do you mean?”

“I heal the templars, and in exchange, their kindness heals some of the hurt in me,” Lavellan looked over the room, “was there any other questions?”

When no one spoke, Lavellan nodded, “I hope this doesn’t change how you feel about me, and the friendships we’ve formed. Please believe me when I say if I felt like it was something I could have shared, I would have. I never meant to keep this from any of you.”

Lavellan turned, walking to her chamber doors and slipping inside, the clunk of the lock engaging ringing throughout the room.

“Well,” Varric looked between them, “shit.”


	5. Chapter 5

Lavellan had been mostly quiet over the next week, tending to their new guests with continued healing, but mostly keeping to herself.

Cullen was ashamed to admit he had been avoiding her, a combination of being unsure of what to say and his lyrium withdrawal getting the best of him. For both of these reasons, he was dreading the meeting in the war room that he was currently on his way to. Unsure if he was ready to face Lavellan while a herd of Dennet’s finest horses stampeded through his head.

“Good afternoon, Commander,” Leliana greeted, “are you well?”

“A headache,” Cullen answered.

“That’s not what I meant,” Leliana greeted Birch with a gentle pat on her head, “I meant after the new revelation about our Inquisitor.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Cullen snapped, “if she wished to keep the unnatural nature of her birth a secret, that’s her prerogative. Let’s just hope that Solas was right and we don’t end up with another abomination on our hands.”

“Unnatural… abomination…” Lavellan’s voice was soft from the door, Josephine staring daggers at Cullen from beside her, “Is that what you think?”

“Inquisitor-“

Lavellan didn’t answer him, turning on her heel and marching from the room, Josephine calling out to her.

“Honestly, Cullen,” Cassandra pushed past him, “Ivy, come back.”

“No,” Lavellan stormed through the great hall, the doors flinging open from a blast of her magic, “I’m leaving.”

“You can’t leave,” Cassandra pleaded, “see reason.”

Lavellan turned, her eyes blazing, “reason? I was captured and blamed for something that _wasn’t my doing_. I stayed because I wanted to help, even with all of you stripping everything Elvhen from me. I’m not allowed to wear my Keepers robes, you don’t want me speaking Elvhen, I haven’t spoken to my clan in _weeks_ though you tell me they’re under attack. I stayed despite all of this, but I’m not going to stay to be called an _unnatural abomination_ by someone I thought was my friend for a condition of my _birth_. I’m leaving.”

Lavellan let out a high pitch whistle and a thundering could be heard coming from the barn as Lavellan’s hart broke free from its stall, galloping toward her as Templars and vendors dove out of the way.

“Ivy,” Leliana tried to call out to her “wait.”

Lavellan jumped from the steps as her hart stopped beneath her, another high whistle as they tore through the gates and out of view.

“Maker take you, Cullen,” Cassandra pushed him hard against his chest plate, almost knocking him from his feet.

“Was that the Inquisitor?” Varric called from the top of the stairs, “where’s she going?”

“She’s leaving us,” Leliana answered, pushing past Cullen, “I’ll need your help to keep eyes on her if you have any agents spare.”

“Let’s get to work, Sister,” Varric followed Leliana inside, leaving Cullen to look out the gates of Skyhold.

The Inquisitor nowhere to be seen.

***

Birch whined at him for the third time in ten minutes and Cullen looked down at her, “what? You’ve been fed, you have water, what now?”

She barked, standing on her back legs.

“You want up?” Cullen sighed, “fine, but don’t get used to it, you won’t fit once you’re grown.”

Birch waited until he had set her in his lap before turning and resting her paws on his chest, barking softly.

“What now?”

Birch barked again.

“Birch,” Cullen chastised, “I need you to tell me what you want, I need to find the Inquisitor and try to apologize for the mess I made earlier.”

Birch seemed to roll her eyes, nosing him in the chest hard, almost painful as she pinned the stone of far speech between her nose and his chest.

“Oh,” Cullen pulled the stone from under his shirt, “good girl.”

Standing from his desk Cullen locked the three doors to his office and picked up Birch, taking her up the ladder before sitting on the edge of the bed, turning the stone over in his fingers.

“What do I say?”

Birch sighed, seeming to decide that he was past help.

“Ivy?” Cullen asked, speaking softly to the stone, “are you there?”

There was no answer, no sound, no hint that Lavellan still had the stone with her.

“Do I keep going?”

Birch gave a small bark.

“Ivy,” Cullen started again, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

Nothing.

“I’ve been having a terrible week,” Cullen continued, hoping she was listening, “I missed you after our dinner, I had been trying to find a way to steal a moment of your time when the clan arrived and then…”

Cullen paused, unsure of how to word his next thoughts.

“I wish you had _told_ me,” Cullen sighed, feeling slightly guilty at the confession. She didn’t know about the lyrium, after all, “I wish you trusted me enough to tell me.”

Still nothing.

“Please come back, it’s dangerous out there. Let me apologize to you properly and we can start over.”

Birch let out a soft whine, laying down on the bed looking sad.

“Birch is worried about you.”

“I’m safe,” Lavellan’s voice was sad and soft, but Cullen was so grateful to hear it.

“Come back,” Cullen pleaded, “please.”

“No,” Lavellan answered, “leave me alone.”

“I didn’t mean it,” Cullen dropped onto his back on the bed, “I was feeling terrible and my mouth got away from me.”

“Lyrium withdrawal is not an excuse to be cruel.”

Cullen felt his blood run cold, “you know?”

“Yes, I know.”

“How?”

“I think the better question is why are you allowed to keep secrets from me when I’m not allowed to keep secrets from you?”

Cullen didn’t have an answer, hesitating before responding, “I was going to tell you.”

“And I was going to tell you until my choice of timing was taken from me.”

“Please, let me make this right.”

“Good night, Cullen.”

“Ivy!”

There were no more answers, despite Cullen trying for nearly two hours to get her attention. Eventually, Cullen fell into a restless sleep.

***

“What do you mean you can’t find her?” Leliana was snarling at one of her agents, “we’re in the mountains, she’s on a giant deer, how can you lose her?”

“It’s not just your agents,” Varric cut in as he joined the council in the war room, “mine don’t have eyes on her, either.”

“How?” Leliana asked the room again, throwing her arms over her head.

“She’s a remarkably powerful mage,” Cullen suggested, “she likely has magic obscuring her. I spoke with her last night, she’s safe.”

“You spoke with her, how?”

Cullen pulled the stone from his shirt, “she gave me this.”

“And she answered you?” Cassandra sounded equally surprised.

“With some help from Birch.”

“Is she coming back?”

“Uh, no,” Cullen frowned, “I couldn’t persuade her.”

“Of course not, she’s angry with you,” Leliana held her hand out for the stone, “let me try.”

Cullen closed his hand over the stone possessively.

“I’m not looking to keep it, Cullen, I just want to speak with her.”

Cullen hesitated, then pulled the stone over his head and passed it to Leliana.

“Inquisitor,” Leliana spoke into the stone, “please. Our forces need you.”

“Our forces have a very capable Commander,” Lavellan’s voice filled the room, “let him lead.”

“You are the Herald of Andraste.”

“I think we all know that’s not the case,” Lavellan sounded tired, “I’m the embodiment of a few different spirits with a little bit of Elvhen tossed in. I can trace my lineage back to Arlathan, Leliana. Andraste didn’t pull me from the fade. My mother did.”

“We need you,” Leliana protested, “no matter who pulled you from the fade.”

“Do you still have the key to my quarters?”

“Uh, yes?” Leliana seemed disarmed by the question.

“Unlock them for Cullen, I know he’s there, he wouldn’t let the stone go. Cullen, the letter on the desk, the one you saw me write. It was for you. Read it.”

Cullen took the stone back from Leliana, “I will. Are you safe?”

“Cullen,” Lavellan almost sounded like she was smiling, “much to the dismay of everyone, I am a Dalish elf. I am very capable of surviving in the wild.”

“Alright,” Cullen answered, “come back soon.”

***

Cullen had retrieved the letter shortly after the meeting, taking it back to his office to read in privacy.

It had been long, very long, nearly ten pages of neat printing in which Lavellan had gone into great detail explaining what it meant to be a fade child.

It took Cullen nearly four hours to read it, the sun setting when he placed the last page on his desk.

Lavellan had told him all the secrets of the rituals that had been used to create the first fade child, how the magic had travelled from generation to generation. Cullen turned the pages over in his hands before walking to the fire, tossing them into the flames and watching as they turned to ashes.

The Elvhen had kept the secrets and history from Templar's hands for thousands of years, they weren’t going to be shared now.

Pulling the stone from his shirt Cullen spoke, “you could give Varric a run for his money.”

“It’s not fiction,” Lavellan answered him, “as you know.”

“Neither are many of Varric’s tales, though you wouldn’t believe it to read them.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“Why did you write it and never give it to me?”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about the lyrium?”

“I didn’t want you to think less of me.”

“There’s your answer.”

“I am sorry,” Cullen walked the room as he spoke, “I never meant to hurt you.”

“What are you going to do with the letter?”

“I burned it,” Cullen quickly continued, “not that I didn’t want to keep it, but you put so many secrets in there, I didn’t want them to fall in the wrong hands.”

“I appreciate that.”

“Ivy?”

“Yes?”

“I miss you.”

Lavellan sighed, “I miss you, too.”

“If I set up my chessboard, will you come back and play?”

“Maybe.”

“I’ll let you go first?”

“Driving a hard bargain, Commander. What would the troops think?”

“You know, I really don’t care what they think.”

“Good night, Cullen.”

“Good night, Ivy.”

***

Three days had passed, and still, Lavellan had not returned to Skyhold, the morale at an all-time low.

When Cullen turned in for the night, he vowed to saddle a horse tomorrow and go out to find her.

“Do you think you could track her?” Cullen asked Birch where she was stretched out on the bed next to him, “if I took you to her room so you could get her scent?”

Birch sighed.

“Ivy?” Cullen pulled the stone from his shirt.

“Yes?”

“What are you doing?”

“In general, or right now?”

“Right now,” Cullen moved to lay on his back.

“I’m lighting a fire.”

“Have you eaten?”

“Yes,” Lavellan sounded amused, “I can hunt. Have _you_ eaten?”

“No,” Cullen answered honestly, “I’ve been worried about you all day.”

When Lavellan didn’t respond, Cullen decided to change tactics.

“What do I have to do to get you to come back?”

“Knowing what I am, do you want me back?”

“Of course I-we do,” Cullen fought a groan.

“Will your Templars work with an abomination?”

“Ivy,” Cullen frowned, “I didn’t mean that.”

“Didn’t you? You say it to Cole all the time when you even bother to speak with him.”

“Cole’s different.”

“No, he’s not. I’m closer to being like Cole than I am like you.”

“He can read people’s thoughts.”

“He can read their hurt,” Lavellan corrected, “as can I.”

“You can?”

“How did you think I knew about the lyrium?”

“I assumed Cassandra told you.”

“No, she wouldn’t betray your trust like that. I can hear you, at night in the fade.”

“That’s… a shame. I wish I couldn’t hear my dreams in the fade.”

“No, they don’t sound pleasant.”

“Can you hear them even now?”

“Less while I’m away from you. The farther I am, the quieter they are.”

“I wish you were here to talk about this. It doesn’t feel like a conversation we should have through a stone of far speech if we’re to fix things.”

“What, exactly, are we fixing?”

“This.”

“What is “this”?”

Cullen wasn’t sure.

“We’re friends,” Cullen spoke carefully.

“We were, yes.”

Cullen winced at the past tense.

“I’d like to be still if you’ll forgive me.”

“Is that so?”

“ _Yes_ , Maker, Ivy, I haven’t stopped worrying about you since you left.”

“I don’t need you worrying for me, I’m perfectly capable.”

“I know you are, but Ivy, please, we need you back.”

“Good night, Cullen.”

“Ivy-“

“ _Good night_ , Cullen.”

“Good night.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a slow start of a fic, stick with it, I needed to lay the foundation. 
> 
> Thank you for all the Kudos, I really appreciate it.

The warning horn sounded in the middle of one of Cullen’s nightmares, startling him awake leaving him confused if he had imagined the sound.

“Commander!” Barris charging through one of the lower doors quickly affirmed that he hadn’t dreamt it, “the red Templars are marching upon us.”

“What?” Cullen quickly pulled on his armor, grabbing Birch and sliding down the ladder, “how many?”

“A few hundred, at least.”

“Shit. Ready the forces,” Cullen watched Barris take off out the door before pulling the stone from his shirt and whispering frantically into it, “Ivy, we’re under attack, stay where you are and stay safe.”

“What?” Ivy’s voice whispered back, “by who?”

“Red Templars,” Cullen walked out onto the ramparts, quickly taking in the numbers, “hundreds of them.”

“I’m on my way.”

“No, it’s not safe, just stay out of sight.”

“Commander,” Barris called.

“Right,” Cullen gave a nod, “to arms.”

***

“What are we going to do?” Cassandra asked no one in particular as she watched the troops approach, “our Templars are well trained, but outnumbered.”

“I know,” Cullen frowned.

The red Templars were close enough now that Cullen could make out the unnatural red glow of their eyes as they marched in formation toward the inquisition forces.

“What do we do?” Cassandra asked again.

“Distract them long enough to give Lavellan time to get away,” Cullen frowned, “she knows we’re under attack.”

“You mean…”

“Yes,” Cullen nodded slightly, “you’re right, skilled but outnumbered. If they’re looking for Lavellan, we need to give her a chance to get away.”

“I hope she’s safe,” Dorian cast a barrier over as many of their soldiers as he could.

“Me too.”

“Commander Cullen,” the red Templar leader spoke to him, shouting over the noise of the armies standing in formation, preparing for battle, “we’ve come to collect you.”

“Collect me?” Cullen shook his head, “I won’t go with you.”

“We will take you by force.”

“You’ll have to get through us, first,” Barris shouted from his position in the front of the forces.

“As you wish.”

The battlefield exploded so quickly it took Cullen a minute to register what had happened. The whistle of an arrow, one of their Templar’s falling over, dead, and a charge.

“Maker,” Cassandra watched the battle unfold beneath them, “we’re done for.”

“Not yet, Seeker, let’s not be so dramatic,” Dorian threw a fireball over the walls.

Cullen felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to find the Keeper of the Dalish clan.

“How can we help?”

“Can any of you shoot?”

“We’re Dalish,” a younger Elf spoke behind him, “we can all shoot.”

“Alright, go to the armory and gather what you need, you can be support from the walls.”

With a nod, they took off toward the main keep.

“What’s happening?” Lavellan’s voice came from the stone.

“Red Templar’s,” Cullen answered, “I don’t know where you are, but _go.”_

“I’m almost there,” Lavellan’s voice sounded louder through the stone.

“Ivy, no.”

“Sorry, Commander. The forces might follow your orders, but I outrank you.”

“Ivy-“

“I can see you.”

Cullen looked over the edge of the wall, “where?”

“It’s the Inquisitor!” a red Templar shouted from the back of the crowd.

“Get her,” the Commander shouted.

There was a surge of red Templars who turned from the battle, running into the darkness.

“Ivy,” Cullen breathed, “Solas, can you see her?”

“I can see her hart, but not her,” Solas cast a shower of lightning.

True to Solas’ observation, Cullen saw Lavellan’s hart galloping toward the gate, Lavellan nowhere in sight.

“I hope she’s okay.”

“I’m fine,” Lavellan’s voice came from behind him.

“What-“ Cullen turned, “how did you get here?”

“I turned into a bird,” Lavellan looked over the wall, “what’s your plan?”

“To hold them off until you were safe,” Cullen answered honestly.

“That won’t do,” Lavellan shook her head.

“Inquisitor, what else can we do?” Cassandra asked gesturing to the battle below, “we’re outnumbered.”

“We’ve always been outnumbered, Cullen, it has never stopped us before. We’re certainly not going to send our men out into a battlefield to _die_.”

“Do you have another suggestion?”

Lavellan looked over the war raging below them, before turning to Solas who gave her a small nod.

“Cullen, don’t let our Templar’s stop my magic, Bull, call them back into that Qunari formation at my signal.”

“Ivy-“

“Don’t worry,” Lavellan reassured, “I’ve got this.”

Cullen was prepared for a lot of possibilities, Lavellan casting a large fireball, opening a small fade rift over them, maybe a lightning shower. He was not prepared for Lavellan to stand on the rampart wall and literally jump into the battle below.

“Ivy!” Cullen, along with most of the inner circle, rushed to the wall.

Lavellan was gone.

Instead, a large black bird flew over the battlefield, circling for a moment, before diving for a small gap in the red Templars.

“Bull, now!” Lavellan’s voice came from the stone and Bull lifted his horn, blowing the signal.

“Solas, keep a barrier on Lavellan.”

“I can’t see her.”

“Nor can I,” Cassandra looked panicked.

Suddenly, Cullen caught sight of one of the spectral forms he had seen come from Lavellan when the Dalish had arrived. The figure, a small Dalish woman, was shooting arrows from a spectral bow which passed through the red Templars and disappeared as they fell.

“Look,” Dorian pointed to a much larger spectral form, this one a man, laying waste to the red Templar’s with two sharp blades.

The ground shook, and Lavellan came into view, white marks blazing, surrounded by enemies as a massive wall of flame rendering those around her into ash.

“Makers breath,” Cullen watched as with a flick of her hand Lavellan froze five men trying to take down Barris.

“Started on the backs of men, won by the fade child,” Solas repeated as he cast his barrier, “she’s just getting started.”

“What do you mean, just getting started?”

The Inquisition forces started to gather, shields locking together as the red Templars continued their assault, Lavellan slowly, but surely, separating them with the help of the specters.

Cullen could see Lavellan shouting something to Barris, unable to hear it over the battle below. Barris gave a nod, darting off toward a group of Inquisitor forces fighting to get in formation with the others.

It was then that Bull shouted, “behind you!” as the Commander of the red Templars approached Lavellan from behind, sword above his head.

Lavellan turned, catching the blow with the middle of her staff, the wood cracking in half.

There was a pause on the battlefield as Lavellan fell to her knees under the force of the blow.

“Up, Da'len,” the spectral woman called and Lavellan staggered to her feet.

The Commander raised his blade again, this time blocked by a bright glowing blade in Lavellan’s hand, knocking him off balance.

“Abomination.”

Cullen heard the word through the stone as the Commander spat it at her like acid.

It seemed to be the motivation that Lavellan needed, standing upright and starting her assault.

Cullen had no idea where Lavellan had learned to wield a blade, but there was no question as Lavellan swung at the Commander that she was skilled. Each blow cascading sparks around the figures as Lavellan pushed the Commander steadily back and away from his forces.

“Damn,” Bull breathed, “she’s something.”

“She’s got the advantage,” Cassandra agreed, “let’s hope she keeps it.”

There was a whistle of arrows and Cullen turned to see the Dalish clan on the walls, steadily taking out the red Templar’s with each shot as the Inquisition forces pushed tighter into formation, only a handful of soldiers left to join them.

“Come on,” Bull watched the stragglers, “hurry up.”

“Two more,” Cullen called to him.

There was a bright flash, and Cullen looked back to Lavellan. The Commander on his knees in front of her for a moment before the bright light of her blade came down, severing his head from his shoulders. The action of which distracting the remaining red Templars enough for the Inquisition forces to lock their shields together, Bull blowing another signal horn.

Lavellan turned, her hand in the sky as she opened a rift above the remaining enemy forces, their bodies stretching, then disappearing into the fade.

Lavellan scanned the battlefield, looking to her spectral companions who nodded before closing the rift.

“She just banished a hundred men to the fade with the flick of her wrist,” Cullen commented aloud.

“She did,” Solas agreed.

“She doesn’t even look tired.”

“She’s not,” Solas dropped his barrier on Lavellan, “but your soldiers are.”

“Open the gates,” Cullen called out, grabbing Birch and jogging down the nearest steps to meet the troops.

“Hot damn Inquisitor, you’re going to be my best seller yet,” Varric called out as Lavellan walked through the gates behind the Templars.

“I don’t know if I’m glad for that, Varric,” Lavellan smiled, her markings still glowing as the specters followed behind her.

“Are you going to introduce us to your…friends?”

Lavellan looked over her shoulder, “that is my grandfather.”

The male elf gave a nod before placing a hand on Lavellan’s shoulder and disappearing.

“This is my mother,” Lavellan smiled as the female specter stepped forward, “Enna.”

“And you are the great storyteller,” Enna spoke to Varric before turning to Cullen, “and you are the great Commander who needs to learn to watch his temper.”

“Mamae,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, “enough.”

“He knows better.”

“ _Mamae_ ,” Lavellan sighed, “I’m trying to stop a war, not start another.”

“He’s a strange one,” Enna nodded to the Bull, “big.”

“He certainly is,” Lavellan agreed, “kind though.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Enna turned to Lavellan, “you’re bleeding.”

Lavellan looked to her shoulder, a cut staining her jacket red, “it’s nothing.”

“Don’t be silly,” Enna placed her hand over the wound, “hurts should be healed, when they can.”

“We’re glad to see you back, Inquisitor,” Cassandra spoke from the stairs, “you have impeccable timing.”

“You have the Commander to thank for that,” Lavellan’s markings started to fade, “I should see if anyone needs healing.”

“Barris does,” Cole appeared beside Lavellan, Cullen jumping at the sight, “he’s bleeding badly.”

“Compassion,” Enna greeted Cole.

“Yes, and you’re…” Cole considered, “many things.”

“That I am,” Enna nodded, “your men need you, Da'len.”

“Barris?” Lavellan called out, finding the man sitting against the steps holding a large wound on his side, “why is it always you, eh?”

“Good luck,” Barris gritted out, “not sure if you can heal this one, Inquisitor.”

“Let’s give it a look, shall we?” Lavellan kneeled on the ground next to Barris, carefully pulling his chest plate away.

There was a chorus of groans and hisses as the wound came into view, Barris gasping.

“Quite a state you’ve got yourself in, Lethalin,” Lavellan frowned, “no healing this without magic I’m afraid.”

“Can you heal it with magic?”

“I can if you’ll let me.”

“Please,” Barris closed his eyes, leaning his head against the stone of the steps.

Lavellan nodded, placing her hand over the wound, “I’m afraid this will burn a bit.”

“It already burns, Inquisitor.”

“I think, considering the situation, Ivy is probably fine,” Lavellan gave Barris a reassuring smile before pushing her magic out and into the wound, the bleeding slowing.

“We thought you weren’t coming back,” Barris said as a way of distracting himself.

“You think I would leave you? Of course not,” Lavellan kept her eyes on the wound, “I was never far, just in the woods around Skyhold. Your search parties, and spies, are really bad at their jobs. I wasn’t even using much magic.”

“Actually, my agent had eyes on you,” Varric called from behind her, “I just figured I’d let you come back on your own time.”

“I appreciate that,” Lavellan sat back on her heels, “there we are Barris, just a small scar.”

Barris looked down at his side, pressing his fingers to the skin, “amazing.”

“I try.”

“I don’t understand,” Enna stood next to Lavellan as she helped Barris to his feet, “Templars took your husband from you. Now you trust them?”

“Templars did take my husband from me,” Lavellan agreed, keeping her hand on Barris’ shoulder, “but not these Templars.”

“You truly are the embodiment of forgiveness,” Enna looked over the troops, “they accept you for what you are?”

“No,” Lavellan sighed, “they don’t. Hopefully one day they will.”

“Humans have always been stubborn.”

“The Qunari doesn’t like magic either,” Lavellan pointed to Bull, “but he’s honest about it.”

“Him?” Enna turned to Bull, “he’s massive.”

“He is,” Lavellan agreed.

“He could crush most mages.”

“He could,” Lavellan nodded, “and demons.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever understand people,” Enna shrugged, “I should go, are you safe here?”

“I hope so.”

“She is,” Barris spoke, “you have my word.”

“The word of a Templar for the care of a Mage? Forgive me if I don’t find any reassurance in that.”

“I give you my word as Ivy’s friend,” Barris gave a small bow, “and my word as a Templar that we will redeem the order.”

“I hope you do, Barris, it has a long way to go,” Enna turned to Cullen, “do better, Commander.”

“I will.”

“See you soon, Da'len,” Enna kissed Lavellan’s forehead, slowly disappearing as Lavellan’s markings faded.

“Can you see if anyone else needs healing, Barris?”

“Of course,” Barris nodded, walking through the crowd.

“Cole, are there any more red Templars coming?”

“No,” Cole shook his head, “not tonight.”

“Alright,” Lavellan picked up her staff, holding the pieces together and mending them with a flash of light, “Commander, what next?”

“I wish we hade a way of setting up wards,” Cullen considered, “our troops are too exhausted to be going in the wilds to keep an eye out for more red Templars.”

“I can do that,” Lavellan offered, tapping the end of her staff on the ground, two white wolves coming from where it struck.

“What are those?” Cassandra asked.

“Watchers,” Lavellan bent down to pat the head of one of the dogs, smiling as Birch growled, “they can go out and keep an eye on the grounds for us, and because they’re made of magic, they won’t tire.”

“Will two be enough?”

“You’ll find they’re very fast,” Lavellan stood, pointing to the gate.

The wolves took off in a flash, running together as the disappeared from view.

“No other injuries, Inquisitor,” Barris called, “they’re just tired.”

“Send them back to rest,” Cullen instructed Barris, “we should meet in the war room to discuss ways of preventing this from happening again.”

“In the morning,” Cassandra cut in, “Lavellan has been travelling, she’s likely exhausted.”

“Thank you, Cassandra,” Lavellan looked over the inner circle, “I’ll touch base with all of you tomorrow.”

“Promise?” Sera’s voice came from behind Bull.

“Promise.”


	7. Chapter 7

When Lavellan woke the next morning she dressed and made her way down the stairs, ready to face the counsel.

She was not at all prepared to open the door and find most of her inner circle standing around the door to her quarters.

“Um, good morning,” Lavellan looked over the group, “can I help you?”

“I think they just wanted to make sure you didn’t leave, Inquisitor,” Varric spoke from where he sat at one of the tables near the door, not nearly as interested or as concerned as those standing.

“I turned into a _bird_ yesterday and flew here,” Lavellan shook her head and walked over to join Varric, “if I wanted to leave, I would have done that again and flown out of my balcony door.”

“Shit,” Sera looked at Bull, “didn’t think of that.”

“Come on, let's have breakfast and you can get whatever you need off of your chests,” Lavellan gestured to the empty seats around the table.

There was a sharp bark, and Lavellan turned to see Birch running toward her from where Cullen had opened the side door.

“Hello, darling,” Lavellan picked Birch up, setting her in her lap, “were you coming to make sure I hadn’t left too?”

Birch barked happily, licking Lavellan’s chin.

“I’m still here, never fear. You’ve grown, though, almost too big for my lap now.”

As if to prove her wrong, Birch turned twice before laying down across Lavellan’s lap.

“I’m sorry, Inquisitor, I can take her from you.”

“Not to worry, Commander, take a seat and join us for breakfast. I’m about to be questioned anyway,” Lavellan reached for an apple, “well, go ahead.”

“Where did you go?” Sera started.

“The forests around Skyhold.”

“How’d you eat?”

“I hunted,” Lavellan took a bite of the apple, “and foraged. I’m a Dalish elf, my magic doesn’t change that. I’ve been taught how to hunt, cook, survive in the wild.”

“Were you always planning on coming back?” Varric asked.

“Eventually,” Lavellan glanced up at Cullen as he took a seat next to her, “I just needed some time to be Dalish again. I understand that most of the others here are used to living in big cities, and dressing a certain way, but truly, I hate it.”

“Then don’t do it,” Bull shrugged, “I don’t wear a shirt even though the nobles want me too.”

“It’s not quite the same,” Lavellan smiled, “I have a community that I’m missing, years of tradition that not only was I brought up with, but I was also teaching to others within the clan.”

“Whose tellin’ you that you can’t be elfy?” Sera looked over the table, “I’ll smack them.”

“It’s never been the inner circle, Sera.”

“So what, it’s the counsel?” Sera fixed a glare toward Cullen.

Lavellan didn’t comment, instead continuing to eat her apple.

“For the record, I’ve never had an issue with your Dalish roots,” Cullen commented.

“Is that so?” Lavellan flashed, her markings lighting up.

Cullen flinched.

“As I thought,” Lavellan sighed, her markings fading again.

“Yesterday, your mother said you were the embodiment of forgiveness, did she mean that literally?” Varric asked, his fingers twitching against the table like he was looking for a quill to take notes.

“Yes, literally,” Lavellan nodded, “forgiveness is one of the spirits within me.”

“What are the others?”

Lavellan gave a small smile, shrugging, “I’m not sure if I know all of them.”

“Does that mean that you’ll forgive us for anything that we might have done to make you feel unwelcome?” Dorian twisted his moustache nervously, “because I believe I speak for the table when I say we’re truly sorry for anything we’ve done to make you feel as if you needed to abandon who you are.”

“Of course.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that,” Lavellan nodded, offering her apple core to Birch who took it happily.

“It can’t be that easy,” Dorian looked at Lavellan skeptically.

“It’s who I am Dorian, down to my very core,” Lavellan stood, setting Birch on her feet before grabbing another apple and standing next to Cullen, “come on, Commander. I’m sure I have Josephine waiting to give me a lecture.”

“And the apple?” Cullen asked as he stood.

“You haven’t had breakfast yet,” Lavellan passed the apple to Cullen, turning and walking toward the war room.

“Good luck, Curly, you’re going to need it.”

***

Lavellan had escaped Josephine shortly after lunch, slipping through the great hall and making her way toward the ramparts for some fresh air.

Lavellan leaned against the stone wall, closing her eyes and breathing deeply.

“You escaped intact I see.”

Lavellan fought the urge to frown, “only just.”

“She means well,” Cullen stood next to Lavellan, “she’s just bad at showing it.”

“I’m sure,” Lavellan looked down at Birch, “andaran atish’an, da’len.”

“What does that mean?”

“What does what mean?”

“ _Dalen_ ,” Cullen tried, “your mother was saying it yesterday.”

“Little one,” Lavellan glanced at Cullen, “it’s what we call our children.”

“I see,” Cullen blushed, “and how do you say “I’m sorry” in Elven?”

“Ir abelas.”

“Well,” Cullen cleared his throat, “ir abelas, Ivy.”

“Not bad, Commander,” Lavellan managed a small smile.

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I know,” Cullen frowned, “but I hope you’ll give me another chance.”

“Chance at what?”

“Friends?”

“Alright,” Lavellan nodded, “friends.”

“Maybe…once I prove myself…”

“No,” Lavellan shook her head, “I think that ship has sailed, Cullen.”

Cullen frowned, “I understand. What I said, it was wrong.”

“When Cassandra asked me to stay, to help with the Inquisition, I knew I would be giving up a lot,” Lavellan turned to face Cullen, “I know I would miss being around other Elvhen, but you were a break from that homesickness. You were a friend in a sea of strangers.”

“Were?”

“Were,” Lavellan confirmed, “I never expected you to accept everything about me, Cullen. I understand that you’re not comfortable with magic…but…”

“But?”

“I didn’t expect you to be cruel, either. I wasn’t the only one keeping secrets after all.”

“I know,” Cullen sighed, “and it was wrong of me. I was frustrated that I hadn’t seen you, I wasn’t feeling well, and when the clan arrived it felt like you had been keeping so much from me. My temper got away from me, and you didn’t deserve it.”

“Your temper made you say the things you were thinking, but it didn’t make you feel that way. You had decided that my magic was unnatural as soon as you saw it.”

Cullen had nothing to say, Lavellan was right.

“What do you know about the history of my people, Cullen?”

“Not as much as I would like.”

“If we have our history right, there was a time when all Elvhen had magic. There weren’t one or two mages per clan, we had huge stretches of land and all of us could do something in the way of magic.”

Lavellan started to walk and Cullen followed her.

“We couldn’t all do every type of magic, of course. Mages that could control all of the elements were unusual; but you could easily have a friend group were someone could control lightning, one ice, one fire, on and on. From our history, there were no wars due to magic and possession. Certainly, there were wars, but it was over the same stupid things that they’re about now, land, goods, resources.”

“So, what changed?”

“Humans,” Lavellan glanced at Cullen, “once humans were the predominant race suddenly magic was looked at as bad, and through thousands of years of careful breeding, magic is dying out.”

“Hm,” Cullen considered the information, “so you’re saying…”

“Magic isn’t bad, Cullen. Ego is.” Lavellan smiled at some of the Templars as they walked past, “the fact that one person can look at another and deem them unworthy due to a trait they can’t control, that’s a distinctly human trait, something that they have now shared with others around them.”

“Qunari don’t trust magic either,” Cullen pointed out.

“Qunari don’t trust anything,” Lavellan added, “not even their own people to choose their lives.”

“True,” Cullen agreed, “but surely you don’t think that magic isn’t completely without harm. Those who are possessed…”

“The Elvhen used to treat it, possession that is.”

“You had a cure?”

“We did,” Lavellan nodded, “but possession is much worse, more frequent, and now that magic has become something to fear. I wonder how many good mages were turned by a demon who offered them freedom from magic…and Templars.”

“That’s an interesting point,” Cullen noticed that Lavellan was leading him back to his office, “something I will need to consider more.”

“Take all the time you need, my magic is here to stay,” Lavellan opened the door to Cullen’s office, stepping inside, “I need to meet with the others, so this is where I leave you.”

“Alright.”

“Is that…a hole in your roof?”

“Oh,” Cullen glanced up, “yes. I’ve not had time to have it repaired.”

“What do you do when it rains?”

“Get wet.”

“Cullen,” Lavellan rolled her eyes and flicked her hand, the ceiling sealing closed again, “that won’t help you recover from your withdrawal.”

“No, I suppose not.”

“You don’t have to talk to me about it,” Lavellan gave him a reassuring smile, “but if you would like me to heal the worst of the symptoms, you need only ask.”

“Thank you, Inquisitor.”

“It’s Ivy,” Lavellan corrected, “friends, right?”

“Right,” Cullen felt a weight lift from his chest, “thank you for coming to speak with me.”

“Of course,” Lavellan gave a slight bow, a trait that she had picked up from Josephine, before leaving his office, shutting the door behind her.

***

Three weeks had passed and Lavellan had slipped back into the routine of Skyhold like she had never left. Gradually, Cullen and Lavellan had started their chess games again.

“What’s troubling you?” Lavellan asked as she set up the board.

“Nothing.”

“Let’s pretend for a moment that I can’t feel the pull of your troubles all the way into the fade,” Lavellan arched an eyebrow but continued setting up the board, “and I can. We can just pretend I’m a concerned friend who can see that you haven’t been sleeping by the bruises around your eyes.”

“I have nightmares,” Cullen sighed, “chronically. Worse during the bad withdrawal.”

“I could help, you know,” Lavellan moved a piece, glancing up at Cullen, “even if you won’t let me help you with the symptoms, I could at least help you sleep.”

“I don’t like sleeping potions.”

“No need for those.”

“I’m alright,” Cullen moved next, “though thank you for offering.”

“Have you ever been healed by magic before?”

“No,” Cullen shook his head, gesturing to the scar in his lip, “as you can probably tell.”

“I rather like that scar,” Lavellan shrugged, “I think it suits you.”

“Oh,” Cullen flushed, cursing his fair skin as Lavellan smiled at him, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Lavellan sat back in her chair, “may I ask you something?”

“Certainly.”

“Why do you want to go through it all?”

“What do you mean?”

“The withdrawal, the headaches, the shakes, the short temper, not sleeping. Why not let me heal it and just be done with it? Do you think you deserve to suffer?”

“I-“ Cullen frowned, “was not kind to the Mages in Kirkwall.”

“And?”

Cullen shrugged.

“Lethalin,” Lavellan reached out and caught Cullen’s hand in hers as he reached for a chess piece, “you will never move on from your past if you can not forgive yourself for it. Who you _were_ is very different from who you _are_.”

“You have to say that,” Cullen tried for a smile, “you’re the embodiment of forgiveness.”

“I am the embodiment of forgiveness,” Lavellan squeezed Cullen’s hand, “so I would know best.”

“I suppose you would,” Cullen kept Lavellan’s hand in his, using his other to move the chess piece, “I do hope you’ll forgive me.”

“For?”

“Beating you,” Cullen tipped over Lavellan’s king, “checkmate.”

“You sneak,” Lavellan laughed, squeezing Cullen’s hand again before letting go, “time for one more?”

“I think so.”

***

Cullen went to bed that night feeling lighter than he had in weeks, remembering the feeling of Lavellan’s hand in his as they played chess. When he closed his eyes, he felt a small glimmer of hope that he might have a night of restful sleep.

He had been wrong.

Terribly wrong.

By the time he had pulled himself from his dream, he was soaked in sweat and the room was spinning as he took deep breaths to calm himself.

There was a knock at his door and Cullen groaned as he heard the door open.

“Cullen?”

“Ivy?”

“Birch came and got me, are you alright?”

“Bad dream,” Cullen called, “I’m fine.”

“May I come up?”

“If you wish,” Cullen sat up, brushing his curls back from his eyes as Lavellan’s face appeared at the top of the ladder, “as you can see, I’m fine.”

“That’s subjective, Lethalin,” Lavellan walked over to Cullen’s bed, sitting on the edge and reaching up to place the back of her hand against his forehead, “when was the last time you had a proper nights sleep?”

“Before you left,” Cullen closed his eyes against the cool of Lavellan’s hand, “what does that word mean?”

“Lethalin?”

“Yes.”

“Friend,” Lavellan brushed a rogue curl from Cullen’s face, “or clan mate. It’s saved for someone close to you.”

“You mentioned you might be able to help me sleep,” Cullen sighed, “how?”

“I would join you in the fade. I can keep the nightmares away.”

“What sort of magic is that?”

“Oh, I’m not sure it has a name,” Lavellan shrugged, “I’m of the fade, so I can control it. Simply, I would give you a safe place to rest in the fade while your body slept.”

“No magic on my body?”

“No.”

“How do we do it?”

“Well, first we need to find a bed we can both comfortably sleep in, which I think is probably my quarters, as you’ve sweat through your blankets.”

Cullen hesitated, but as the room started to spin around him due to fatigue he nodded, “after you.”

“Alright,” Lavellan stood, sliding back down the ladder and waiting for Cullen to join her.

“Lead the way, Inquisitor,” Cullen pulled his cloak over his shoulders, covering his lack of armor, “hopefully we don’t run into any questions.”

“Let me worry about that, Commander.” Lavellan opened the door to the ramparts, “come on, Birch.”

Birch followed Lavellan, now almost as tall as the Inquisitor’s hip, as they walked along the stone walls.

“You did well to come and get me, Birch. Very smart,” Lavellan pat Birch and Cullen smiled at the interaction, “our stubborn Commander needs more sleep.”

“I’m not stubborn.”

Both Birch and Lavellan looked over their shoulder at him, unconvinced looks on their faces.

“I got you a bigger fur, Birch,” Lavellan unlocked the door to her quarters and Cullen looked around the great hall.

“Shouldn’t you have a guard?”

“I have two,” Lavellan pointed to the large doors, “they’re out there investigating a strange sound.”

“What strange sound?”

“No idea,” Lavellan shrugged, holding the door open for Cullen, “I simply asked Cole for a distraction.”

“I didn’t see you ask Cole for anything.”

“No, I don’t imagine you did,” Lavellan locked the door and led the way up the steps.

Lavellan’s quarters were much as Cullen remembered, the small fur in the corner by the fire now replaced by a larger deer fur, which Birch happily stretched out on.

“Alright, Cullen, into bed with you,” Lavellan pointed to the large bed, “just give me a moment to take down my hair and I’ll be right over.”

Cullen flushed a deep red, thankful for the darkness of the room as he hung up his cloak and removed his boots, walking awkwardly over to the bed and sitting on the edge.

“Into bed, Cullen. Not on the bed.”

“You’re sure?”

“Cullen, the Dalish sleep in tiny little carts together, it’s fine.”

“Alright,” Cullen lifted the furs, carefully sliding into the bed and glancing over to Lavellan, “you asked me about vows of celibacy, once. Do Dalish have anything similar?”

“No,” Lavellan pulled two long hairpins from her hair, the braids falling from their knot, “Dalish are far more sexual than humans are. Two adults enjoying each other is encouraged, providing everyone agrees to it. As it is, Cullen, I’m not going to be bedding you tonight,” Lavellan laughed as she walked over to the bed, taking in Cullen’s blush, “just sharing a bed with you.”

“I know,” Cullen tensed as Lavellan slipped into the bed next to him, keenly aware that Lavellan was wearing only a light sleeping dress.

“So relax,” Lavellan turned on her side to face him, “do you prefer candles lit while you sleep or not?”

“Not usually,” Cullen flinched as the candles in the room were blown out, “how does this work?”

“Take my hand,” Lavellan slid her hand over to Cullen, taking his, “and go to sleep.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it,” Lavellan confirmed, closing her eyes, “I’ll handle the rest.”

“Alright,” Cullen closed his eyes, convinced that he would never be able to sleep knowing this remarkable woman was beside him.

Be it the crackle of the fire, the soft snores from Birch, or the gentle breathing of Lavellan beside him, Cullen felt the pull of the fade within minutes.

Lavellan looked around the tall stone walls and the vendor stands against them, “where are we?”

“I don’t understand,” Cullen took in the area, “we’re in…Kirkwall?”

“Are we?” Lavellan walked over to one of the vendors, looking across the table, “it doesn’t seem so bad.”

Slowly, there was a shift, the shadows stretching across the wall and a sickening mist coming from the cobblestone, “it’s starting.”

“Hmm,” Lavellan stood next to Cullen, “is it always this quick?”

“Yes,” Cullen reached for his sword, finding nothing there.

“Relax,” Lavellan placed a hand on Cullen’s arm, “they can’t hurt you here.”

“Yes, they can,” Cullen whirled around as the broad shadow of a demon appeared on the wall behind him.

Lavellan turned too, slower, taking in the demon as it appeared, “go away.”

“You brought a friend,” the demon spoke without its mouth moving, it’s limbs, too long and too thin to support its grotesque body, slowly bringing it closer to them.

“Leave us be,” Cullen tried to sound brave.

“I know what you want, Commander.”

“I will take nothing from you.”

“I will take everything.”

“No,” Lavellan’s voice was firm beside him, and the small flash of light told Cullen her markings were glowing, “you won't.”

The Demon paused its approach, “you brought a special friend indeed.”

“Go away,” Lavellan said again, sounding bored, “there’s nothing you can do while I’m here. Leave him alone.”

“Fade child,” the Demon smiled, “I have an offer for you.”

“No, don’t want it,” Lavellan waved a dismissive hand.

“I could-“

“No,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, “you can’t.”

“My powers-“

“Don’t match mine, now I’ve asked twice for you to leave Cullen alone. Next time I’ll just banish you.”

“You dare threaten me.”

Lavellan sighed, clapping her hands in front of her once, the sound bouncing off the stone walls around them and making Cullen jump.

“One.”

“I’ll take him, you’re with him tonight but you won’t always be.”

“I’ll be here when he needs me,” Lavellan took a step toward the Demon, “two.”

“You can’t be, you’ll be away one night and I’ll be right there waiting for him.”

“Stubborn fool,” Lavellan clapped again, and a small dot of white light appeared between her hands, “last chance.”

“I’ll-“

Lavellan threw the ball of light, which glided through the air and landed gently at the feet of the monster who looked down at it with a laugh.

“That’s all the great fade child brings? Fairy light?”

“Hmm, yes,” Lavellan sighed, “seems I left my staff in the physical realm.”

“Pathet-“ the Demon touched the light and suddenly, vanished.

“I hate demons,” Lavellan walked over and picked up the light, holding it on one hand and clapping again, the light shattering into thousands of pieces and falling through her hands like sand, “is it always that one?”

“Usually,” Cullen stared in disbelief, “what did you do?”

“Banished it, like I said I would,” Lavellan dusted off her hands walking back over to Cullen, “did you want to show me around while we’re here?”

“That…thing…has followed my dreams for years. You banished it in seconds?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“Magic,” Lavellan shrugged, “Cullen, I’m made from the fade, this is quite literally a second home for me. I can change how it looks, I can interact with it, and I can certainly stop fear demons from scaring my friends so they can sleep.”

“By clapping.”

Lavellan laughed, “the spell was certainly a bit more advanced than just _clapping_ , but sound was a part of it, yes. Now, I can sit on these steps and you can wander alone if you like, or you can show me around Kirkwall. You won’t be bothered again tonight.”

“I haven’t walked around Kirkwall in years,” Cullen looked up the tall steps that led to the Chantry, “come on, I’ll show you my favorite spots.”

“Lead the way, Commander.”


	8. Chapter 8

When Cullen woke, Lavellan was curled up with her head on his chest. Cullen froze, terrified to wake her with a startle. Slowly, Lavellan started to stir, rubbing her eyes with one hand before tilting her head to look up at him, “good morning, Commander.”

“Good morning,” Cullen could tell he was blushing.

“Let me guess, humans don’t sleep together?”

“Not usually. Not unless they’re family or married.”

“That explains the flush,” Lavellan moved, sitting up in the bed and shaking out the half-undone braids in her hair, “how did you sleep?”

“Very well,” Cullen looked through the windows and found the sun sitting high in the sky, “and for too long.”

“Don’t be silly,” Lavellan stood from the bed, walking over to the vanity and taking a brush in hand, slowly working the knots from her hair, “you haven’t slept in days.”

“Yes, but I have people I report too,” Cullen slowly sat, taking a moment to wake up.

“Lethalin, the only person in the Inquisition that outranks you is me,” Lavellan smiled, “and I was asleep with you.”

“Maker’s breath, the rumors this will start.”

“You were interested in courting me, did you think we would never end up in bed?” Lavellan divided her hair in two and started to braid one of the sections.

“I am.”

“You are?”

“Interested in courting you, that much hasn’t changed,” Cullen stood, retrieving his cloak as an excuse to hide the blush that had made it’s home across his cheeks, “I assumed that I would have the confidence to walk from this room next to you if I had the honor of calling you mine.”

“Cullen, you’re a remarkable man,” Lavellan finished her second braid, weaving them together and passing a hairpin through them, “you should have confidence in everything you do.”

“Thank you,” Cullen watched as Lavellan pulled her clothes for the day from the dresser, setting them on the bed, “I have a lot of regrets in my life, but watching you right now and knowing that I’ll never get to wake up next to you as your lover…it might just be one of my biggest.”

Now it was Lavellan’s turn to blush, but unlike Cullen, she didn’t hide.

“It wouldn’t be fair to either of us,” Lavellan sat on the edge of the bed, “to be together while you had an issue with my magic.”

“If I were to become comfortable…”

Lavellan studied Cullen’s face, “you may become comfortable with things like fire spells, but would you ever become comfortable with _my_ magic?”

“If it means I have a chance to be with you, I will do my best.”

“Brave words from such a shy man.”

“Something about you makes me courageous.”

“Let me consider it.”

“That’s more than I could hope for,” Cullen gave a short whistle for Birch, who woke with a start before walking over to Cullen, sitting next to him, “I believe we have counsel after lunch.”

“We do.”

“I’ll see you then?”

“Certainly.”

“Thank you for last night,” Cullen pulled his cloak tighter around him, trying to conceal the light linen shirt.

“You’re most welcome.”

***

“Was there anything else?” Lavellan asked the group standing around the table, “or should I prepare for the Emprise du Lion?”

“That’s all, Inquisitor,” Leliana gave a small bow and walked from the war room, Cassandra and Josephine following after her.

“Inquisitor, the strangest thing happened this morning,” Cullen moved one of the pieces across the table to reflect the movement of the troops, “I left your quarters this morning, and despite the room being full of nobles and Inquisition members alike, not one person noticed me.”

“Is that so,” Lavellan smiled, “how odd.”

“That’s what I thought,” Cullen chuckled, “at first I thought it magic, but it occurred to me that you never do magic on anyone without asking.”

“That’s true, I don’t.”

“So how is it that the nobles missed the scandal of a century?”

“I don’t do magic on people without asking,” Lavellan shrugged, “doors; however, are a different thing.”

“You did magic on the door?”

“I did, A silencing spell mixed with some illusion. They noticed you in the room, they didn’t notice you coming from my quarters. Those who were in the great hall likely thought that they had missed your arrival from the normal side door.”

“That’s very clever.”

“I have my moments.”

“Emprise du Lion,” Cullen walked around the table, “who are you taking?”

“Dorian, Varric, and probably Cassandra,” Lavellan looked over the map, “Bull doesn’t like the cold, though I hate to separate him and Dorian from one another.”

“An interesting couple.”

“They’re lovely together. It’s so nice to watch them try to hide holding hands. They seem to forget I’ve been married before. I know what a hidden love affair looks like.”

“What was your husband like?”

“Hm,” Lavellan closed her eyes for a moment, “the clan used to say we looked like a matched set. His hair was white, his eyes a dark brown, lovely dark skin. Everything dark in me was light in him and everything light in him was dark in me. He was a very skilled archer, an amazing builder, painfully funny.”

“You must miss him.”

“Terribly,” Lavellan nodded, “sometimes it feels as if I’m missing a limb.”

“It must be quite something, to find love like that.”

“It is,” Lavellan agreed, “wonderful and frightening. Losing him was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Finding him was the greatest.”

“You speak about him easily enough. My sister is widowed as well, she still can’t speak about her husband without tears.”

“She’s likely only recently lost her husband, right? Only a few months?”

“Yes.”

“Well, there you are,” Lavellan shrugged, “I think the spontaneous tears stopped after six or so months. I could speak about him after a year without crying.”

Cullen frowned.

“What?”

“It’s not a nice thought, you in that much pain.”

“You’re sweet,” Lavellan closed the distance between them and squeezed his arm affectionately, “I made it through.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Cullen took Lavellan’s hand in his, “you’re a very capable woman.”

Lavellan smiled, “I know I’m meant to be getting ready to leave, but do you think we could sneak in a game of chess?”

“I think so.”

“Lead the way.”

***

Lavellan had been gone for the better part of three weeks when the gate bell rang out, drawing Cullen’s attention from the drills he was running with Barris in the training yard.

“Go,” Barris nudged Cullen with his elbow, “I can continue here.”

“I shouldn’t.”

Barris laughed, “you’re dying to see her.”

Cullen started to protest before giving up under Barris’ knowing smile, “it’s silly.”

“It’s not silly,” Barris disagreed, “you two are lucky to have found each other. Now _go_.”

“Alright,” Cullen gave a nod, starting toward the gate. He was almost halfway there when Cole appeared beside him.

“Give her these,” Cole handed Cullen three violets, “she loves the color purple.”

The flowers looked impossibly small in Cullen’s hand, and he felt ridiculous holding them.

“She’s small too,” Cole looked at the flowers in his hand, “no one has given her flowers before, she’s always wanted them.”

“Alright,” Cullen agreed, continuing toward the Inquisitor.

“This is the first time you’ve spoken to me.”

“I suppose it is,” Cullen glanced at Cole, unable to see his face past the large hat.

“You hope that if you’re nice to me, she will like you more. You’re right. She will.”

“I’m trying to understand it all.”

“I don’t understand her magic,” Cole sounded sad, “she’s like me, but more. There’s just too much of her magic to see it all.”

“I understand completely,” Cullen nodded, the Inquisitor’s hart in view now as one of the squires tended to it.

“Oh, look Ivy, our dashing Commander has come to welcome you home,” Dorian called out from where he helped unload one of the carts.

“Why don’t you go find the Bull, Dorian. I’m sure he misses you.”

“Of course he misses me,” Dorian rolled his eyes, “that goes without saying.”

“Hello,” Lavellan smiled at Cullen as she came from the stable, “I was just thinking of coming to find you.”

“Were you?” Cullen couldn’t help but smile back, “these are for you.”

Lavellan took the violets like they were made of glass, gentle touching the petals, “my favorite.”

“Yes, our resident spirit told me as much.”

“You spoke with Cole?” Lavellan looked up at him in surprise, “willingly?”

“Yes,” Cole appeared beside Lavellan, “he’s trying.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Lavellan pulled Cole into a hug, which he awkwardly returned, “were you well while I was away?”

“I was helping.”

“Of course you were,” Lavellan muttered a quiet spell before leaving the violets into her hair.

“What was that?”

“Hmm?” Lavellan glanced back to Cullen, “oh, a preservation spell, so they survive being in my hair.”

“They look lovely on you.”

Lavellan smiled again, closing the distance between them and pulling Cullen into a hug, “I know humans do stiff handshakes, but Elvhen hug.”

“Solas doesn’t hug,” Cullen pointed out but moved his sword out of the way and gently wrapped his arms around Lavellan’s back.

“I will certainly let Solas know that you want a hug,” Lavellan joked as she pulled back, “we took a keep, did you hear?”

“I did,” Cullen kept his hand on Lavellan’s shoulder, “I heard it’s nice.”

“It’s falling to bits,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, “but it’s ours.”

“You didn’t fix it?” Cullen asked, “you put together Skyhold easily enough.”

“Too many people to ask,” Lavellan shrugged, “I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. You should have seen the size of the demon there. Creators, he was exhausting to fight.”

“No clapping?”

Lavellan laughed, “it is _much_ easier to do in the fade. Come on, I’ll tell you all about it.”

***

“Why do you keep frowning?” Lavellan asked Cullen over dinner.

“I’m not frowning.”

“You are,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, “what’s troubling you?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you feeling well?”

She was asking about the lyrium, Cullen knew.

“Fine.”

“Cullen,” Lavellan set her fork down and focused her attention entirely on him, “I’ve been gone three weeks and you weren’t frowning like this when I left. Unless my return has upset you, something is bothering you.”

Cullen sighed, “you know my sister is expecting a child.”

“I do.”

“The healer from the town where she lives left a few weeks ago and hasn’t returned. No one knows where he is.”

“Alright, did you want to send some scouts out to find him?”

“No,” Cullen’s frown deepened, “he was a very old man when I lived there. I imagine…”

“You’re worried about your sister having the baby alone?”

“I’m worried about something happening while she has the baby and my four-year-old niece…”

“I understand,” Lavellan nodded, “can we get her here?”

“Here?”

“I’ve delivered lots of babies,” Lavellan smiled, “I would be happy to help your sister.”

“My niece-“

“Can come too, we have plenty of space.”

“Honnleath is quite the distance, I couldn’t send Inquisition scouts all that way.”

Lavellan gave Cullen a pointed look and turned to Varric, “do you happen to have any friends in Kirkwall coming this way?”

“Actually, I do have two friends who are looking to leave the city,” Varric considered, “why?”

“Would they be willing to pick up another two guests on their way?”

“What, you want my friends to come here?”

“Why not?” Lavellan shrugged, “where else were they going?”

“Which friends?”

“Daisy and Broody.”

“Interesting names,” Lavellan looked between the men.

“Merrill and Fenris,” Varric corrected, “Merrill is a Dalish Elf, Fenris is, or was, a slave from Tevinter.”

“Cullen?”

“Fenris was always good with that blade,” Cullen nodded, “he would be a good addition to our forces.”

“Would you trust them with your sister?”

“I suppose.”

“Varric, would you be able to organize it?”

“Certainly, Inquisitor, I’ll send a letter.”

“See,” Lavellan pat Cullen’s arm, “problem solved.”

“You make it sound so easy,” Cullen smiled, feeling lighter.

“Getting help _is_ easy, so long as you ask for it.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Commander,” Leliana rushed into Cullen’s office with Cassandra and Josephine behind her, “we have a problem.”

“What is it?”

“The Inquisitor's clan…”

“What, are they joining us too?”

“They’re dead.”

***

Cullen had brought Dorian and Varric into the room shortly after they told Lavellan about her clan, hoping bringing two of her closest friends would offer her some comfort, though Lavellan had remained strangely stoic given the news.

“I’m so sorry, Ivy,” Dorian pulled Lavellan into his arms, “is there anything we can do?”

Lavellan shook her head, “nothing to be done now.”

“You can cry, Ivy,” Varric placed a hand on Lavellan’s back.

“I can’t, actually,” Lavellan took a shuddering breath, “any mage with their emotions out of control is dangerous. With my powers, I could level Skyhold if I don’t keep myself in check.”

“I’m sorry, Inquisitor,” Leliana looked distraught, “if I had known…”

“Don’t blame yourself for the actions of others, Leliana. I’m sure you did all you could,” Lavellan pulled away from Dorian, “if you’ll excuse me. I need some time.”

“Of course,” Dorian kissed Lavellan’s cheek, “if you need us, you need only ask.”

“Take Birch with you,” Cullen offered, “she can come and get us and you won’t need to deal with the nobles in the hall.”

“Thank you,” Lavellan gave a small nod and walked from the room, Birch following behind her.

“Could you imagine losing your entire family and not even being able to cry,” Dorian frowned, “how lonely she must be, all this power, and she lives in a world that can’t work with it.”

“I’ll go let the inner circle know, make sure they leave her alone for a while,” Varric walked from the room.

“This is all my fault,” Leliana sighed, “if we had just sent your troops, Cullen.”

“Hindsight always lets us see things clearer,” Cullen turned to Dorian, “what can we do?”

“Maybe Cole could be of assistance?” Dorian suggested, “but give her some time first.”

“Good idea, I’ll go find him.”

***

“There’s nothing I can do,” Cole said as soon as Cullen came into view, “it’s too much hurt. I could make her forget, but she wants to remember them.”

Cullen sat on the steps near Cole, “is there anything I can do?”

“She wants to be alone. She wants to get used to the feeling.”

“Of being alone? Why?”

“Her clan is gone, her entire family, her husband. Alone is all she will ever be now.”

Cullen groaned, “there must be something we can do.”

“I don’t know,” Cole sat next to Cullen on the stairs, “how do you help someone who has lost everyone they love?

“I have no idea.”

***

No one saw Lavellan for the next three days, Birch only occasionally coming from the Inquisitor’s quarters to eat and retrieve small bags of food that Cole prepared.

It was on the fourth night that the demon appeared.

“Should we get the Inquisitor?” Varric asked as three Templars held the door to the garden closed.

“I don’t know,” Cullen winced at a particularly hard slam against the door, “she’s still in mourning.”

“She might be able to get rid of it,” Dorian cast a barrier over the Templars at the door.

“Either way, we need to find a solution,” Solas pointed out, “it won’t simply leave.”

“Demons,” Bull grumbled, “always with the damn demons.”

There was a bark, and Cullen turned to see Lavellan coming from her quarters. Lavellan was dressed casually, a soft green long-sleeved dress with her hair down, only the shadows under her eyes giving away her grief.

“Inquisitor,” Cullen greeted, “there’s a-“

“Demon, I know,” Lavellan walked over to the group, “it’s here for me, so you might as well open the door.”

“You don’t have your staff,” Sera pointed out.

“I won’t need it.”

“Inquisitor, with all due respect-“

“Cullen,” Lavellan cut him off, “open the door. The rest of you will want to step back. No doubt it will try to approach everyone.”

Cullen watched as the inner circle spread out, standing along the walls.

“Cullen, you too.”

“I’m not leaving you, you’re not even armed.”

“I’m always armed,” Lavellan held a small flame in the palm of her hand to illustrate the point.

“I suppose so,” Cullen drew his sword and nodded to the Templars who took a step away from the door, narrowly avoiding the splinters as the demon crashed through.

“A desire demon,” Lavellan sighed, bored, as she took in the purple female figure, “of course.”

Cullen watched as the demon sauntered over toward Dorian.

“Leave him alone,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, “he wants nothing from you.”

“I could make his father love him,” the demon spoke softly to Dorian, reaching for him as Dorian took a further step back, bumping into the wall, “make him perfect.”

“Dorian is perfect just as he is, and his father already loves him.”

The demon looked mildly irritated, casting a glance over her shoulder toward Lavellan before moving toward the Bull.

“Ah, I wouldn’t do that if I were you. You’re a simple desire demon, he’ll squish you in one go.”

The demon seemed to heed Lavellan’s warning and passed Bull, walking toward Solas, “I could keep them from knowing your truth.”

“I already know Solas’ truth,” Lavellan gave Solas a reassuring smile as he looked at her, panicked, “and I don’t judge him for it.”

“Well, how about the Commander, then?”

“No,” Lavellan stepped forward, putting herself firmly between the demon and Cullen as it approached, “leave him alone.”

“I could make him love you,” the demon stopped just in front of Lavellan, “for who you are.”

“No, you couldn’t.”

“I could bring back your clan, and you’d never be alone again.”

“No,” Lavellan sounded sadder now, “you couldn’t.”

“How about your husband? What would you give to see him again?”

“Anything,” Lavellan answered honestly, “but I have something to offer you.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, I have what _you_ desire,” Lavellan offered her hand, “if you want.”

“Ivy,” Cullen warned, “careful.”

“What is it?”

“Take my hand,” Lavellan offered her hand again, “and I’ll show you.”

The demon hesitated, just for a moment, before taking the offered hand.

Lavellan’s markings lit up slowly, starting at her chin and slowly winding down her arm to where their hands met, “spirit of Justice, how have you turned?”

“Let me go,” the demon started to shriek, frantically trying to pull her hand from Lavellan’s.

Lavellan closed her eyes, and there was a bright flash of light filling the entire room and momentarily blinding everyone within it. Once Cullen’s eyes cleared, he could see that the purple woman was gone, a bright white spirit standing in its place.

“I’m sorry,” the spirit gasped out, “I lost myself.”

“I know,” Lavellan dropped its hand, “it’s alright. Let me guess, vengeance?”

“Yes.”

“Remember, the scales of justice swing both ways, but must always _balance_ in the middle. You need to embody both forgiveness _and_ vengeance.”

“I’m sorry, truly.”

“Forgiven,” Lavellan smiled reassuringly, “ready to go back to the Fade?”

“Yes,” the spirit nodded, “please.”

Lavellan raised her hands, clapping loudly once, the spirit disappearing from the hall in a puff of dust.

“What, that’s it?” Sera looked around, “just by clapping?”

“Not just clapping,” Lavellan’s markings faded, “but yes, that’s it. I’m sorry, I think my desire to see my clan again brought her here tonight.”

“I think that’s understandable,” Dorian reassured, “no harm came from it.”

“No, but it could have,” Lavellan sighed, rubbing her eyes, “I’ll do my best to not have it happen again.”

“When was the last time you slept?” Cullen asked.

“Three days ago,” Lavellan shrugged.

“Come on, you need rest,” Cullen pointed toward Lavellan’s quarters, “can one of you prepare a report?”

The Templar’s saluted, marching from the hall.

“Good night,” Lavellan gave a small wave to the rest of those in the great hall.

“Ivy,” Varric using Lavellan’s name caught her attention, “we’re here if you need us.”

“Thank you,” Lavellan smiled, and walked toward he quarters, holding the door open for Cullen and Birch before locking it behind them.

“Come on,” Cullen gestured toward the stairs, guiding Lavellan toward her room with a gentle hand on her back, “you need to sleep.”

“I don’t want to sleep,” Lavellan protested but walked up the stairs without further argument.

“You might not want too, but you need too,” Cullen opened the door and found Lavellan’s quarters dark and cold, the fire in the fireplace long extinguished.

“Get dressed for bed,” Cullen waved toward the dressing screen, “and I’ll tend to the fire.”

“Alright,” Lavellan disappeared behind the dressing screen.

“Where’s your flint?”

There was a small snort of laughter from behind the screen, “I’m a mage, why would I have one?”

“Of course,” Cullen stacked the wood in the fireplace, “well, the wood is ready for you.”

Lavellan stepped out from behind the screen, now dressed in a light shift, the fire springing to life as she walked toward Cullen.

“Come on,” Cullen pulled back the furs the Lavellan’s bed.

“I don’t want too,” Lavellan sighed, but slipped into the bed.

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to sleep alone,” Lavellan laid back against the pillows, “seems more real, sleeping without them. Knowing they’ll never sleep with me again.”

Cullen frowned, “would you like me to stay?”

“I wouldn’t want to impose.”

Cullen walked toward the couch, pulling off his cloak and folding it before undoing his belt and resting his sword against the wall. Neither spoke as Cullen shed his armor, overshirt, and thick leather pants, leaving him in a long linen shirt and his smalls.

“Birch, bed,” Cullen pointed to the fur and walked back over to the bed getting in next to Lavellan, “alright, now you need to sleep.”

“Thank you,” Lavellan found Cullen’s hand under the blanket, taking it in hers, “for staying.”

“You’re welcome.”

***

When Cullen woke, Lavellan was still holding his hand, her face pressed against his shoulder as she snored softly. Cullen turned, carefully rolling onto his side to face her, taking a moment to brush the hair from her face.

In the gentle morning light, Cullen could better see the markings down Lavellan’s chin, following the lines with his eyes down her neck to where they disappeared under her shift. He fought the urge to linger on the thought of where those markings ended.

He couldn’t resist reaching out to touch them, brushing his thumb against the white lines on Lavellan’s chin, finding them slightly raised.

“Find something interesting?”

Cullen jumped, withdrawing his hand, “Ivy, I’m sorry, I thought you were asleep.”

“I don’t mind,” Lavellan brought Cullen’s hand back to her face, “you can touch them if you want.”

Cullen blushed, “no, it’s alright, I was just wondering if they were raised from the tattooing.”

“They aren’t tattoos.”

“They aren’t?”

“No,” Lavellan rolled on her back, letting go of Cullen’s hand, “I was born with mine, it’s one of the signs of being a fade child.”

“I see,” Cullen sat up in the bed, leaning against the headboard, “do they hurt when they light up?”

“They tingle, a bit, but I imagine that’s the magic,” Lavellan moved up the bed, sitting next to him, “I actually think they’re pretty, even though I never asked for them.”

“They are pretty,” Cullen agreed.

“I have them on my hands and feet too,” Lavellan showed Cullen the back of her hands, the white traveling down her fingers.

“They’re so subtle you can hardly see them,” Cullen took Lavellan’s hand again, running his thumb over the markings, “how do you feel now that you’ve slept?”

Lavellan shrugged, “more rested, but still heartbroken.”

“Of course you are. I think that’s natural, considering the situation.”

Lavellan leaned her weight against Cullen, resting her head on his shoulder, “thank you, for taking care of me.”

“That’s what friends are for.”

“I suppose I should get ready to go.”

“Go? Where?”

“To where my clan was, before…” Lavellan slid from the bed, “I need to do the funeral rites, and I’ll bring back what they had to see I can help the Inquisition and the clan we have here.”

“Who are you taking with you?”

“No one,” Lavellan grabbed her clothes for the day and stepped behind the dressing screen.

“No one?” Cullen retrieved his clothes from the couch and started pulling them on, “Ivy, there’s a hole in the fade.”

“And?”

“You shouldn’t be traveling alone.”

“Cullen,” Lavellan stuck her head around the screen just as Cullen started to lace his pants, rolling her eyes at him as he blushed, “I’m _made_ of the same energy as the fade. It doesn’t frighten me.”

“Still, you should take someone.”

“Only Solas would be familiar with Elvhen funeral rites, and I don’t have the time or the patience to walk a human through it,” Lavellan stepped from behind the screen and walked to her vanity, retrieving a small piece of leather and tying the top half of her hair back, leaving the rest to hang loose around her hips in an ebony wave.

“Take Birch?”

“That would be an awfully long walk for her. It’s a week ride,” Lavellan pulled on her jacket, “don’t worry, I’ll be fine. Leliana’s spies will keep an eye on me.”

“I suppose,” Cullen frowned, “I’ll wait for you.”

“I’m ready,” Lavellan walked toward the steps.

“You aren’t going to braid your hair?”

Lavellan smiled sadly, “I’m not First anymore, Cullen. My clan is gone.”

“Oh,” Cullen signalled for Birch to follow them as they descended the steps, “so what does this hairstyle mean?”

“Clanless.”

***

Lavellan had packed light, only a few days worth of food and a few changes of clothes bundled in a pack and strapped to her hart who was waiting by the gate.

“You’re quite sure?”

“Yes, Dorian,” Lavellan smiled, “I’ll be fine. I know Cullen sent you, but honestly, I’m capable.”

“I’ve never doubted that,” Dorian fiddled with his moustache, one of his nervous traits, “but still, three weeks, alone?”

“I’m never really alone,” Lavellan shrugged, “my mother, my grandfather, they’ll be there if I need them.”

“You have friends here who want to be with you too,” Dorian pressed, “and who are concerned for your safety.”

“I’ll be fine,” Lavellan said again, tying down the last of her luggage before turning back to Dorian with arms outstretched, “now stop fussing and give me a hug goodbye.”

“Promise me you’ll be careful,” Dorian wrapped his arms around Lavellan, “and you’ll be back soon.”

“I promise,” Lavellan kissed Dorian’s cheek, “take care of Cullen for me.”

“Well that’s no hardship, he was working in the training yard this morning. He took his shirt off. I almost fainted.”

There was the sound of someone clearing their throat and Dorian pulled back to see Cullen standing behind him.

“Come to see me off?” Lavellan smiled.

“If I must,” Cullen frowned, “you’re sure-“

“Oh you two,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, “I’ve been fine on my own before, I’ll be fine now. I need to get on my way before I lose too much light.”

“Alright.”

“Come here,” Lavellan pulled Cullen into a hug, “I’ll be back soon, and I have my stone of far speech. If you need me, you need only call.”

“Let me know once you’ve arrived,” Cullen pulled back but kept his hands on Lavellan’s shoulder, “and should you need someone to help you, send word and I’ll send someone behind you.”

“I will,” Lavellan pulled away, using the nearby mounting block to mount her hart, “I’ll speak with you soon. Try to avoid being attacked before I get back, it would be very tiring to fly all this way.”

“We’ll do our best.”

Lavellan gave a small nod before urging her hart toward the gate, turning to wave at the inner circle who were gathered on the staircase to watch her go.

“I hate it,” Dorian declared as soon as the Inquisitor was from view.

“Me too.”


	10. Chapter 10

“Maker’s breath, Cullen, she’s only be gone for two days and you’re already in such a foul mood,” Dorian rolled his eyes, “you’ve got nearly three weeks now until she returns.”

“He’s got it bad,” Barris agreed.

“Keep it up and I won’t invite you for drinks again,” Cullen scowled into his cup.

“Oh, what a hardship,” Dorian wrapped his arm over Cullen’s shoulder, “no more drinking in your office with the hole in the roof.”

“Ivy fixed the hole.”

Dorian glanced up at the ceiling, “so she did.”

“Have you told her yet?” Barris asked as he refilled their cups.

“She knows.”

“ _And_?” Dorian prompted.

Cullen swallowed heavily, “she walked into me saying some rather…unfair…things during one of my bad days. Safe to say, I doubt very heavily that she would want to get involved with me.”

“Is that why she left recently?”

“Yes,” Cullen answered Dorian, draining his cup.

“Ah,” Dorian shared a look with Barris, “have you spoken with her since she left this time?”

“No.”

“You should reach out to her,” Barris suggested, “she’s likely settled into camp for the night.”

“To say what?”

“Just to check in. It’s always nice to feel important to someone. Maker, Cullen, she’s gone to deal with her dead family members, it might be nice to have someone.”

Cullen reached into his shirt for the stone and held it between his fingers, considering.

“Come on, Commander, be brave,” Dorian prompted, “you’ve shared a bed with the girl, she wants to speak with you.”

“You’ve shared a bed?” Barris asked, suddenly interested.

“How did you know that?”

“She told me,” Dorian laughed, “she’s my friend too.”

“Wait, you’ve slept together but you don’t know how to reach out to her?” Barris elbowed Cullen in the side, “come on.”

“We’ve _slept_ together, Barris. Sleeping.”

“In many ways that’s more intimate,” Barris pointed out.

“She’s an elf,” Cullen shrugged, “it’s common practice for them.”

“That’s it,” Dorian reached forward, faster than Cullen due to the drinks in his system, and pulled the stone over Cullen’s head, “Ivy? Darling?”

“Dorian?” Lavellan’s voice came from the stone, “is Cullen alright?”

“Of course he is, why wouldn’t he be?”

“Because it’s his stone, and yet the voice of my best friend from Tevinter is coming from it?”

“Yes, I stole it from Cullen,” Dorian reclined back in his seat, sticking his tongue out at Cullen.

“Why did you do that, Lethalin?”

“Because he wanted to speak with you, and he was being a coward.”

“Did he want to speak with me, or, and I think this is more likely, are you and Barris drinking with him and forcing him to speak with me?”

Dorian paused.

“As I thought, hi, Barris, how are you?”

Barris took the stone from Dorian, “well, Inquisitor, and you?”

“Making good time, almost to the Storm Coast. I just set up camp early, it’s raining hard here.”

“It is called the Stone Coast for a reason,” Barris laughed.

“You’re a clever Templar, has anyone ever told you that, Barris?” Lavellan was smiling, Cullen could tell by her voice, “is Cullen within arms reach?”

“He is.”

“May I speak with him?”

Barris passed the stone to Cullen with a wink.

“Hello,” Cullen spoke into the stone, “I’m sorry for these two idiots.”

“I miss you,” Lavellan said easily, “and you should reach out to me whenever you wish. We’re _friends_ , Cullen. I want to hear from you.”

“I don’t want to interrupt…”

“You’ve never been out with me before, but Dorian will tell you that my hart is very well trained. For the most part I’m reading while I’m riding. You can certainly speak to me. I promise I won’t get lost.”

“You’re sure you won’t need any help?”

“I’m sure,” Lavellan reassured, “any news on your sister?”

“She should arrive a week or so after you return.”

“I look forward to meeting her,” Lavellan yawned, “I’m going to sleep now, I’ve been riding since sunrise.”

“Alright, sleep well.”

“Good night.”

“See,” Dorian smiled as Cullen put away the stone, “she wants to hear from you.”

“Shut up, Dorian.”

***

When Cullen climbed the ladder that night to go to bed, it was with more trouble than he normally had. Peeling off his cloak, he poured himself into the bed, knowing full well that the wine consumed would make for a painful morning.

“Too much wine,” Cullen ran a hand over his face, “far too much.”

Cullen closed his eyes, slowly letting the fade take him.

“Hello, Commander,” Lavellan greeted him as Kirkwall came into focus around them, the inside of his old office.

“Oh,” Cullen looked down and found himself wearing his old Templar uniform, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were…joining me.”

“Neither did I,” Lavellan walked around his desk, sitting on the edge of it, “apparently you wanted company and called me from my corner of the fade to join you.”

“I didn’t mean too.”

“No harm caused, Cullen,” Lavellan shrugged, looking down at her clothes, “what do you have me wearing?”

“Mage robes,” Cullen moved to sit next to Lavellan, “what they wear in the circle.”

“They’re ugly,” Lavellan looked up at Cullen in amusement, “and itchy.”

“Yes, I heard that complaint a lot.”

“You miss me I take it?”

“Terribly,” Cullen admitted.

“I miss you, too,” Lavellan reached out, taking his hand, “so you have me here now, what would you like to do?”

“Kiss you,” Cullen answered honestly, the wine making him brave.

“Is that so?” Lavellan licked her lips, “I might be agreeable to that.”

“Yes?” Cullen leaned forward, “truly?”

“Truly,” Lavellan closed the distance between them, pressing her lips to his.

Cullen groaned, feeling comfortable enough in the fade to not try and hold the sound back as he pulled Lavellan closer.

“As much as I would like to be close to you, the armor does make it hard,” Lavellan tapped the metal of his chest plate.

“Would you like me to take it off?”

“Yes please,” Lavellan stood as Cullen did, slowly taking things from his desk and setting them aside as Cullen stripped his armor off. Lavellan was cautious with each item, the books, his candle, the ridiculous fruit basket from Hawke, all set carefully along his window ledge.

“Where were we?” Cullen asked as he pulled off his last glove.

“Here,” Lavellan sat on the desk again, pulling Cullen to her and bringing their lips together again.

Cullen gently brushed his tongue against her lips, smiling into the kiss as she opened for him. Lavellan tasted _heavenly,_ warm and vaguely minty from the leaves she tended to chew. He wasn’t sure how long they had been kissing for when Lavellan pulled back and tugged on his shirt.

“Off, please.”

“You’re sure? We don’t need to rush into anything.”

“We’ve been dancing around each other for _months_ ,” Lavellan encouraged Cullen to take a step back, standing and pulling her robes over her head and off.

Cullen felt his mouth go dry and what remaining blood had been in his head rushed steadily south. She was _perfect_ , tall and lean, the ebony of her hair a stunning contrast to the paleness of her skin. She was small-busted, as Cullen had expected, and every inch of her was a stunning example of beauty.

“Cullen?”

“Sorry,” Cullen was spurred into action, pulling his shirt off and working on unlacing his pants, vaguely aware that normally he would be nervous in this situation. As Lavellan, naked as the day she was born, sat on his desk and smiled at him, he found himself feeling more confident than he would have expected.

“Look at you,” Lavellan purred as Cullen turned to face her, equally nude, “come here.”

Cullen and Lavellan both groaned as their bare skin finally touched, both laughing at the sound.

“What would you like to do now?” Cullen asked as he kissed down the side of Lavellan’s neck.

“I would like you inside of me,” Lavellan reached for him, taking his erection in hand and stroking slowly, “please.”

“You’re sure?”

“Very sure,” Lavellan guided one of his hands between her legs where Cullen found her already wet and sensitive as he carefully pressed a finger inside of her.

“Maker, you’re so wet,” Cullen kissed the edge of one of her pointed ears.

“For you,” Lavellan rolled her hips up into Cullen’s hand, “come on, Lethalin, now.”

Cullen removed his hand, positioning himself and glancing up at Lavellan’s face for any sign of uncertainty. When Lavellan wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer, Cullen pushed forward, slowly sinking into her.

Lavellan moaned, arching her back as she laid back against the desk. Cullen took a moment to save the image to memory.

“Move,” Lavellan squeezed her thighs around him.

Cullen didn’t ask if she was sure, instead starting an easy rhythm, fast enough to satisfy, slow enough to prolong the experience.

“You’re so beautiful,” Cullen watched as the flush spread across her chest, the bright white of the markings down her neck standing out in relief to the pink.

“You feel so good,” Lavellan gasped, “don’t stop.”

“I won’t,” Cullen promised, speeding up ever so slightly and bringing his hand between them, pressing his palm against her clit.

“ _Yes_ ,” Lavellan reached up, tangling her fingers in her hair, “just like that.”

Cullen moved faster, bringing his hand up to her hip to hold Lavellan from moving up the desk.

“Creators,” Lavellan was starting to flutter around him, and Cullen bit the inside of his lip to try and hold back.

He was fighting a losing battle, each thrust bringing him closer to the edge, “I’m close.”

Lavellan moaned, low and primal as she came, clamping around him deliciously as Cullen felt his orgasm build closer and closer, amazing and just out of reach.

Cullen woke with a start, his cock hard and aching against his stomach and the light from the sunrise coming through his windows. It took him a moment to realize it had been a dream as he looked for Lavellan.

“Maker,” Cullen groaned, glancing down at the tented sheet. He considered leaving it, showing some restraint, and getting on with his morning. The mental image of Lavellan arching under him drove any thoughts of self-control from Cullen’s mind. Reaching under the blanket and taking himself in hand. Groaning at the first touch just as close now has he had been in the dream, it only took a minute before he was falling over the edge with a moan.

Cullen took a moment to collect himself, catching his breath with a laugh before reaching for his stone of far speech.

“Well, that was quite something.”

“Good morning to you, too. What was?”

“That dream.”

“Oh? What did you dream about?”

Cullen felt his blood run cold, “Kirkwall…what did you dream about?”

“I don’t often dream. Most Elvhen don’t. We also don’t need to sleep as long as humans do, I’ll often only sleep four or so hours a night. I’ve been riding for hours now.”

“Oh,” Cullen was grateful he was alone so she couldn’t see his blush.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes,” Cullen assured, “I think I had too much wine last night.”

“That’s what happens when you spend time with Dorian,” Lavellan chuckled, “he’s done that to me, too.”

“I suppose I should start my morning rounds,” Cullen felt the start of a headache settle over him, “safe travels today.”

“Cullen?”

“Yes?”

“I miss you.”

Cullen smiled, “I miss you too.”

***

The days dragged into weeks, and Cullen grew to live for the evening when Lavellan would reach out to him through the stone.

Tonight, it was Cullen’s turn to reach out first.

“How did today go?” Cullen asked softly, knowing that it was the day that Lavellan had planned to perform the funeral rite for her clan.

“Awful,” Lavellan sounded as if she had been crying for hours, “but it’s done.”

“I’m sorry,” Cullen held the stone in a closed fist, resting his forehead against his hand as if to bring them closer, “I should have come with you.”

“You wouldn’t have liked it. There is a lot of magic in Elvhen funerals,” Lavellan sniffed, “the Inquisition scouts were kind enough to place their bodies together, so I could do everything once. I’ll finish packing up the supplies and start for Skyhold tomorrow.”

“Stay for as long as you need.”

“I think you forget I have a baby to deliver,” Lavellan reminded, “so I need to make my way back. There isn’t much left, anyway. Whoever killed my clan burned two of the aravels, I only could find six of our halla herd. Anything of worth they stole.”

“How are you going to get everything back?”

“My hart can pull the aravel, the halla will follow her. Everything worth bringing back will fit within the aravel.”

“You’ll be okay to manage it all?”

“I’ve moved that clan across Ferelden and the Free Marches for years, I can handle this.”

“I don’t mean to offend, I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

“Someone had my entire clan killed, I can’t say if I’m safe or not,” Lavellan sighed, “I miss them.”

“I’m sure you do. Leliana is working hard to find out what happened to your clan. I hope we’ll have some answers for you soon.”

“Me too.”

“Will you let me know when you’re on your way?”

“Certainly.”

“Alright, I’m looking forward to seeing you.”

“I should be back by the end of the week. It’ll be slower coming back with all of the animals to watch.”

“I wish someone had gone with you.”

“Cullen, I’m capable.”

“I _know_ you’re capable,” Cullen sighed, “but I’m worried about you, and I’d like to know you weren’t alone.”

“I’m not alone, I’ve got you.”

Cullen paused, touched at the sentiment, “yes, you do, but I can’t get to you if someone were to attack you.”

“I’m not worried about that,” Lavellan reassured, “I should get to sleep, the sooner I wake up the faster I’m on my way back.”

“Alright,” Cullen frowned, “sleep well.”

“You too,” Lavellan paused, “would you like me to join you in the fade?”

“Can you do that, while you’re so far away?”

“I can if you like. I’ll bring you to me. It’ll involve a little magic, though.”

“Yes,” Cullen decided impulsively, “I want to see you.”

“Okay, settle in for bed and I’ll send for you.”

“Anything specific I should know?”

“I’m not sure who will come to get you, but I’ll make sure they treat you kindly.”

“Alright…” Cullen locked the doors to his office and made his way up the ladder, “I guess I’ll see you shortly.”

“Sweet dreams, Commander.”

Cullen stripped down to his sleeping clothes, setting into his bed with a sense of nervousness. Closing his eyes and waiting for the fade to claim him. It felt like hours of Cullen laying still before he heard a soft cough behind him.

“The Commander who needs to watch his temper.”

Cullen turned, finding himself in a room which seemed to be made of mist, the voice coming from a spectral form that he recognized as Lavellan’s mother.

“Enna, right?”

“That’s right,” Enna nodded, “Ivy has sent me for you.”

“How do I know you’re actually from her?”

“You don’t,” Enna shrugged, “but you either trust her magic or you don’t.”

“I don’t trust any magic,” Cullen answered honestly, “but I’m trying.”

“Follow me,” Enna turned and started walking, Cullen scrambling to keep up, “my daughter is quite taken with you.”

“I assure you, the feeling is mutual.”

“Can you love a mage?” Enna walked slowly beside him.

“I believe I already love a mage,” Cullen sighed, “it’s the magic part that I’m working on.”

“That’s not how love works, Commander, you either love someone for who they are, or you don’t. Ivy is magic down to her very core. It lives through her veins. It makes her who she is.”

“I have had some very bad experiences with magic.”

“A Templar such as yourself killed her husband,” Enna replied easily, “yet she doesn’t judge you for it.”

“She did, once.”

“For how long?”

“A few weeks, maybe. She seemed to accept me easily.”

“Forgiveness,” Enna shook her head, “she’s so quick to trust.”

“You don’t think she should trust me?”

“One of the last times we spoke of you, she was crying because you called her _unnatural_.”

“Not one of my finer moments. I’ve apologized since.”

“I know, she told me as much.”

Enna and Cullen walked together in silence for a while, though it seemed to be walking through the mist to Cullen, Enna clearly knew where they were going.

“How much further?” Cullen asked after some time had passed.

“Eager?”

“I don’t sleep well from the lyrium withdrawal. Ivy has been gone for two weeks. I want to get as much time with her as I can.”

“What do you want from her, Commander?”

“What do you mean?”

“Love, marriage, kids?”

“I don’t know,” Cullen answered honestly, “I haven’t convinced her to even court me yet.”

“She’s had her heart broken by a Templar before when they took her husband from her. She’s being cautious.”

“I was an ass, which is half the issue.”

“You know,” Enna started carefully, “if you were to marry and have children they may be a fade child as well. We’ve never seen one marry a human before, but it’s possible that magic may continue.”

“I’m sure Ivy would know how to coach them.”

“She would, but would you love a child any less for being a powerful mage?”

“No,” Cullen answered honestly, “I can’t blame the child for what it couldn’t control.”

Enna stopped, turning to face Cullen, “that’s exactly right. You can’t hate someone for what they can’t control. You know, Commander, there might be something to you yet.”

“Cullen. Commander is my rank, and I certainly don’t command you.”

“Cullen,” Enna repeated, “it’s been nice to get to know you, and this is where I leave you.”

“Where’s Ivy?”

“Just over there,” Enna pointed to a clearing ahead of them, unlike the rest of the space around them, it was surrounded by lush green trees, “I’ll wait here and make sure nothing follows you. Be kind to her. Today was very hard.”

Cullen nodded, giving a small bow before walking toward Lavellan, the mist dissolving as he eventually stepped into a deep green forest.

“Cullen,” Lavellan smiled at him from where she sat on a fallen log, “come join me.”

“What are we doing?” Cullen asked as he sat next to her, looking through the trees.

“Listening,” Lavellan leaned her head against Cullen’s shoulder and closed her eyes, “when was the last time you stopped to listen to the bird song?”

“Years,” Cullen followed suit, closing his eyes and listening to the chirping.

“I’ve missed you,” Lavellan spoke softly.

“Not nearly as much as I’ve missed you,” Cullen assured, “Birch is an emotional mess without you.”

Lavellan laughed, “Is that so?”

“She whines every night until she hears you through the stone.”

“I can’t imagine how much she’s grown since I’ve been gone, she’ll be the size of a horse by the time I’m back.”

“She eats like a pig, I can tell you that much,” Cullen looked around the forest “where is this?”

“Where I am right now,” Lavellan pointed through the trees to an aravel, “I’m asleep in there. It’s pretty here. I thought you might like it.”

“I do, though I admit I couldn’t imagine living in a forest.”

“It’s much like me living in a castle, it takes some getting used to, but they both have their redeeming qualities.”

“I don’t think I’d care where I lived, so long as you were close by.”

Lavellan smiled at him, “I know the feeling.”


	11. Chapter 11

“She’ll be home any time now,” Dorian pat Cullen on his shoulder, “and she can put you to rights.”

Cullen moved to shake his head, stopping when he felt the roaring migraine pulse behind his eyes, “it’s a headache.”

“That’s like saying the Bull has small horns. Stop being stubborn and let her help you with this. It’ll show her that you’re starting to trust her magic and you’ll feel better. It’s win-win.”

Cullen stood from where he was hunched over his desk, “I’ll be fine.”

“You’re a stubborn arse, has anyone ever told you that?”

“Quite a few,” Cullen winced as the alarm at the gate sounded.

“Your lady love has returned to you.”

“Go ahead, I’ll be right behind you.”

Dorian gave Cullen a concerned look, but nodded and left his office, headed toward the front gates. Cullen took the moment alone to sit heavily in his chair, pressing the palms of his hands over his eyes. The headache was bad enough now that his stomach was turning. He just needed a few moments to collect himself and he would go to greet Lavellan.

Cullen tried to count his breaths to focus on something other than the searing pain in his head but found after ten he would lose track and have to start over again.

Cullen took a drink of water from the pitcher on his desk, his stomach immediately trying to rebel the cool fluid as it settled. He moved to stand, trying to make his way to the door to see Lavellan and staggered, nearly falling to his knees.

“Easy, Lethalin.”

“Ivy?” Cullen opened his eyes and winced against the light of the room.

“The one and only,” Lavellan answered, “close your eyes and let me help you.”

“I don’t want-“

“I know you don’t want magic,” Lavellan reassured, “I can help you without it. Come on, we’ll take it slowly.”

Cullen tried to open his eyes again.

“Don’t,” Lavellan warned, “you’ll just make it worse; I’ll guide you.”

“Alright.”

Cullen felt Lavellan wrap his arm over her shoulder and start to walk, moving him toward the side door to the bridge which led to the main hall.

“I don’t want everyone to see me like this.”

“They won’t.”

Cullen didn’t press it further, allowing Lavellan to lead him. There was one door, then another, and Cullen could hear the chatter of the people in the hall though they didn’t seem to pay them any mind.

“Okay, we have some steps, nice and slow,” Lavellan kept her voice low as she walked him up the stairs to her quarters, “a few more.”

Lavellan guided Cullen to the bed, sitting him on the edge, “wait here. I’ll tell you when you can open your eyes.”

Lavellan stepped away from him and immediately Cullen missed her warmth. He could vaguely hear the sound of the curtains being closed and the sound of the fire springing to life.

“Alright, it’s dark now.”

Cullen carefully opened his eyes, finding the room much darker than his office had been, Lavellan going through a small box on her desk.

“I’m sorry I didn’t greet you.”

“It’s alright, not to worry,” Lavellan found the vial she was looking for and walked back to Cullen, reaching for his cloak, “let’s get you comfortable.”

“You should know my stomach is often bad with these headaches.”

“I know, I’m well equipped,” Lavellan found the clasp and pulled the cloak from his shoulders, slowly undressing him until he was left in his pants and light linen shirt, “lay back.”

Cullen did, groaning as his body ached at the change in position.

“I’m going to touch your face, don’t flinch, it’s only a balm.”

“Alright.”

Cullen felt Lavellan brush something just under his nose, and within seconds smelt the light scent of lavender and mint.

“Give me your hand,” Lavellan took Cullen’s hand and turned his wrist to face her, pressing her thumb firmly just above his wrist, “just relax. You’ll feel better soon.”

Cullen took a deep breath and nodded, trusting Lavellan to see him through.

***

Cullen woke to the sound of Lavellan speaking softly.

“He’ll be alright, I’m sure it was just the stress of the past few weeks.”

“He looked in a bad way this morning,” Dorian answered her, “I’m glad you got back when you did.”

“Me too. Thank you for bringing the food. He will appreciate it.”

“Yes well, we can’t have our Commander perishing on us.”

“No, we certainly can’t. Could you tell Leliana that I’ll speak with her tomorrow?”

“Certainly,” Dorian agreed, “I’ll leave you to it.”

“Goodnight,” Lavellan turned to face Cullen, “how are you feeling?”

“Not perfect, but better,” Cullen sat slowly, only a subtle ache behind his eyes now, “how long have I been asleep?”

“About three hours,” Lavellan brought a plate of food over, simple fruit, bread, and cheese, “you should eat.”

“You’ve been travelling all day, _you_ should eat.”

“Together then,” Lavellan set the plate between them and joined him on the bed, taking a piece of bread and cheese and passing it to Cullen.

“I’m sorry I didn’t greet you earlier.”

“It’s alright, you weren’t feeling well. We have a Dalish clan here, they were more than capable of moving the halla and pushing the aravel into the barn.”

“How was the journey back?”

“Quiet, uneventful,” Lavellan took an orange, slowly peeling it, “may I ask you something?”

“Certainly.”

“Why won’t you let me heal you from all of this?” Lavellan studied Cullen, “it would take me minutes and you wouldn’t have to suffer from the headaches, the poor sleep, the body aches.”

Cullen looked away, “I should tell you what led me to Kirkwall.”

“You don’t have too,” Lavellan pat him on the leg reassuringly, “but if you’d like too, I’d be glad to listen.”

“It started at the Circle Tower,” Cullen sighed, “a long time ago.”

***

“I was cruel,” Cullen finished, “and they didn’t deserve it.”

“So, you torturing yourself now, that’s your punishment?”

“What?”

“Cullen, you were _tortured_ by corrupt mages. Kirkwall’s downfall was due to red lyrium, not you. It’s very likely any slight exposure you had also changed the way you acted. None of what happened means that you deserve what you’re going through now.”

Cullen shook his head, “this is only a fraction of what I put mages through. _Good_ mages.”

“You’re a stubborn man.”

“I’ve been told that twice today,” Cullen sighed, “I’ve done nothing to deserve the position I’m in with the Inquisition. There are men much more qualified, like Barris.”

“Barris is an amazing man, no question. He is remarkably unbiased for a Templar, but our men follow _you_.”

“Technically they follow you.”

“Us, then. You’re a good man, Cullen. Your past doesn’t change that, only add to it.”

“How could that possibly be true?”

“It prompted you to change,” Lavellan smiled, “would the old Cullen ever have been alone in close quarters with a mage while unarmed?”

“No.”

“Eating fruit and bread while on her bed?”

“Certainly not.”

“Are you glad you’re here now?”

“I’m glad for every moment I have with you.”

“See?” Lavellan leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek, “it worked out.”

“After all I just told you, you don’t see me any differently?”

“I see you clearer, now. You make more sense, though I still think you’re being stubborn.”

Cullen stared at Lavellan in disbelief, “seriously?”

“Absolutely.”

Cullen fought the intense urge to kiss her, instead dumbly staring at her until Lavellan flushed and looked away.

“I will never know what I did to deserve you in my life,” Cullen said softly, “but I’m so grateful to have you.”

Lavellan smiled, “the feeling is mutual.”

***

“I should be getting back to my quarters,” Cullen frowned.

“No,” Lavellan set the plate back on her desk, “Barris is taking care of the troops, you’re taking the night off. That’s not to say that you have to stay here, but you’re not going back to work.”

“May I?”

“What?”

“Stay here?”

“Of course,” Lavellan walked to her dresser, “I’m just going to change.”

Cullen glanced down at his shirt, noticing the sweat stains from where he had soaked through it earlier, “do you mind terribly if I take my shirt off?”

Lavellan’s head peeked out from behind her dressing screen and she winked, laughing as he blushed, “I’ve bathed in a river with 20 other people, at least half of them men, I’m sure I can manage your chest.”

Cullen smiled, “alright, no need to make fun, I was just trying to be proper.”

“You’ve shared my bed a few times now, Lethalin, I don’t know if that is considered proper,” Lavellan came from behind the screen dressed in a long shirt, the neckline of which was low enough that it fell over one shoulder.

“Maybe not,” Cullen turned, pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it in the direction of his cloak.

Lavellan sat on the bed next to him, “for a man who just asked to share my bed tonight, you certainly blush quite a bit.”

“You’re the first woman I’ve ever slept with,” Cullen scratched his chest absentmindedly.

“You don’t mean to tell me that…”

“No,” Cullen laughed, “no, not a virgin, but I’ve been a Templar for so long I’ve never been in a place where I could sleep next to my partner. Not to say I’ve had many partners.”

“How many?”

Cullen felt his flush deepen, “that’s rather personal.”

“We’ve been speaking about rather personal things tonight.”

She was right, so Cullen shrugged and answered, “two. How about you?”

“My husband,” Lavellan stretched her legs out in front of her, and Cullen studied the white lines travelling up the length of them to where they disappeared under her shirt where it fell to her knees, “and three others.”

“More experienced than me then.”

“I’m older than you,” Lavellan pointed out, “what are you staring at?”

“Oh, sorry, your markings, I didn’t notice them on your legs before.”

“I’ve been in the sun, they stand out when I have some colour to my skin,” Lavellan pulled up the hem of the shirt and Cullen fought the urge to groan as her thigh came into view, showing more scroll lines as each inch of skin was revealed.

“Please stop,” Cullen looked up at the ceiling.

“Sorry,” Lavellan hastily pulled her shirt back down, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Upset is not the right word,” Cullen sighed, “I can barely control myself around you as it is.”

“I know that feeling all too well,” Lavellan reached for a comb and started brushing her hair out.

Cullen watched as Lavellan slowly worked the knots from her hair, the ebony strands long enough to almost pool in her lap.

“What’s on your mind, Lethalin?”

“I understand why you won’t,” Cullen met Lavellan’s gaze, “but I desperately wish you would let me love you.”

Lavellan sat the comb back on the side table before turning back to him, “you know, if we were to ever have a child, they would likely be a mage, if not a full fade child.”

“Yes, I know. Your mother told me.”

“Of course she did,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, “and you know that I’ll always be a mage, and I’ll always be more powerful than the Templars. While it is very unlikely I would ever become corrupted, if I did there would be nothing any of your soldiers, or you, could do.”

Cullen nodded, “I got that impression when you managed to banish a rather large army into the fade without breaking a sweat.”

“Could you truly love me, even knowing all of that?”

“I do truly love you, knowing all of that.”

“You do?”

“I do,” Cullen sighed, “Maker help me, but I do.”

Lavellan studied his face, “before you found out about my magic, you asked to court me. From what I understand of human relationships that is a slow process, right?”

“It can be.”

Lavellan chewed on her thumbnail, thinking for a moment, “if we take it slow, we can try courting.”

“Truly?”

“Truly, but,” Lavellan pointed at Cullen, “you have to try and get used to my magic. I won’t be with someone who flinches every time I light a fire.”

“Of course,” Cullen was elated, reaching to take her hands in his, “of course I will.”

“Okay,” Lavellan smiled, “you’ll have to teach me how it’s done. I’ve never been _courted_ before.”

“I’ve never courted someone before,” Cullen brushed a kiss against her knuckles, “I promise to do my best.”

“We can worry about that tomorrow; you weren’t well today and you need _sleep_.”

“As if I’m going to be able to fall asleep with you next to me wearing _that_.”

“It’s an old shirt, Cullen. Pull yourself together.”

“It’s an old shirt that practically falls off of you,” Cullen laid back against the pillows.

“Yes, that’s because it was my husband’s, and he was quite a bit larger than me,” Lavellan slipped into the bed next to Cullen, taking his hand.

“What was his name?”

“Tamaris.”

“Does that have a translation?”

Lavellan hummed, “it does.”

“What does it mean?”

“If you were to break it down, _ta_ means two, _mar_ means your, and _is_ means the same in both languages.”

“Two your is?”

“If you were to read it in a book, we would translate it as _partner forever_.”

“Oh,” Cullen wrapped his arm around Lavellan’s back, encouraging her to rest her head against his shoulder, “it’s a nice name.”

“It is,” Lavellan agreed, “I miss him terribly.”

“I’d imagine you would.”

“I’ll introduce you to him if you like.”

“How would you do that?”

“In the fade,” Lavellan explained, “some spirits move on after they die. Some wait. Tamaris is waiting for me.”

“I can’t imagine he would like me much, considering I’m in bed with his wife.”

“He already knows about you.”

“Oh.”

“He was the one who told me I should give you another chance.”

“What?” Cullen glanced down at Lavellan, “why?”

“Because he knows you make me happy, and he knows that I have a long life ahead of me to be alone. Keep in mind, Cullen, there is a chance that you and I could live a long and happy life together and I would still be able to live another hundred years. Elvhen know that with long lives come the need to be loved, possibly by more than one person.”

“So long as he doesn’t try to kill me on sight.”

“Hmm, no, death has rather calmed him from such things.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Cullen kissed Lavellan’s forehead.

“Oh,” Lavellan brought her hand to the middle of Cullen’s chest, gently running her fingers through the sparse patch of hair.

“What?”

“Chest hair,” Lavellan smiled, “I’ve never seen it up close before. All of my partners before you were Elvhen, we don’t grow body hair.”

Cullen chuckled, “well you’re in for a surprise.”

“There’s more?”

“I’m not at the same level as Blackwall, but yes, there’s more.”

“Blackwall has a _pelt_ ,” Lavellan laughed, “I thought he was wearing a shirt once, and he was topless.”

Cullen snorted, “being blond does have it’s advantages.”

***

Cullen started to stir as he felt Lavellan gently running her fingers over his chest, “I’m assuming the novelty hasn’t worn off yet?”

“No,” Lavellan’s voice was still low from sleep, “and I’ll admit I’m curious to see what more I can find.”

Cullen took Lavellan’s hand and slid it to his stomach, just below his belly button.

Lavellan giggled, fingers lightly teasing the line of hair leading to his pants, “it’s everywhere.”

“Not everywhere,” Cullen twitched, and Lavellan paused before repeating the motion, Cullen twitching again.

“Lethalin, are you…”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Ticklish?” Lavellan went on a full attack, fingers digging into Cullen’s rib as he tried to squirm away without hurting her.

“Stop,” Cullen gasped out between fits of laughter, “please, mercy.”

“No mercy in the Inquisition, Commander,” Lavellan wrapped a leg over his, holding him in place as she continued the assault.

“Ivy,” Cullen managed to grab one of her wrists and held it still, “stop it.”

“I didn’t hear a please,” Lavellan shifted again, now straddling Cullen as she used her other hand to continue tickling him, stretching out of reach to dig her fingers into the muscle of his inner thigh.

“Please,” Cullen laughed, “mercy.”

“Oh all right,” Lavellan stopped, and Cullen let go of her wrist, fighting to catch his breath, “you’re no fun.”

“I’ll get revenge,” Cullen vowed, “when you least expect it.”

“Promises, promises,” Lavellan waved a dismissive hand, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

It was then that Cullen realized Lavellan’s position as she sat across his hips. Both the early morning and the beautiful woman sitting astride him, reminding him that he was very much aroused.

“What?” Lavellan looked down at Cullen, “you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Cullen cleared his throat, “it’s been a very long time since I’ve had anyone like this,” he waved at Lavellan’s position overtop of him.

“Would you like me to move?”

“No,” Cullen decided to try bravery, “but I would like you to kiss me.”

Lavellan smiled, stretching up his body and closing the distance between them, gently bringing their lips together for the first time. Much like Cullen’s dream, she was soft and tasted vaguely of mint. To reassure himself that this was _real_ he brought his hands to her hips, holding her in place. Lavellan pulled away with a smile, pressing a kiss to the end of Cullen’s nose before sitting back up.

“I must be dreaming,” Cullen looked up at her with awe.

“Have you dreamt of me before?”

Cullen nodded, “I thought you were there, to be honest. Looking at your markings on your shoulder now, I know it was just a figment of my imagination.”

Lavellan glanced at her shoulder, looking at the white swirls over her collarbone, “what exactly was I wearing in this dream if my markings were something you could see?”

Cullen flushed.

“Ah, one of _those_ dreams,” Lavellan nodded, “was I good, at least?”

“I’m not talking about this.”

“You might not be,” Lavellan rocked her hips slightly and Cullen let out a hiss, “but your body is.”

Cullen hid his face in his elbow, covering his face with his arm, “yes, you were amazing.”

“That’s why you spoke to me that morning about your dream,” Lavellan clued in, “Kirkwall?”

Cullen nodded, feeling the heat of his blush travel down his chest.

“Ah, in for some tower roleplay, Commander?”

“Stop, please. I don’t need you to mock me.”

“I’m not mocking you,” Lavellan pulled his arm away, “not at all. I was just curious to see what you might be interested in.”

“You,” Cullen answered, “and those markings.”

Lavellan moved her shirt, tugging the neckline down between her breasts while keeping them concealed, showing a collection of white swirls between them, “you’ll find they’re quite extensive. I have miles for you to explore.”

Cullen’s cock gave a hard twitch and Lavellan smiled, “this might be a conversation for later? I’m afraid I have a meeting with the council this morning, and I don’t think you want Cassandra walking in on us in this position.”

“No, I would prefer not.”

Lavellan giggled, leaning forward to kiss Cullen again before climbing off of him and the bed. Cullen watched as she walked to the dressing screen, backlit from the sunrise behind her.

“I can see your silhouette through that screen,” Cullen warned.

“Can you?” Lavellan pulled the shirt over her head, throwing it over the screen toward Cullen.

“ _Makers breath_ ,” Cullen admired Lavellan’s lean figure, letting out a groan as she turned toward her dresser, the curve of her breast driving him to insanity.

Lavellan pulled a dress out from the drawer, slipping it over her head before walking from behind the screen with a wink.

“That was fast.”

“Always is when you don’t bother with silly things like smallclothes and breast bands.”

“I-what?”

Lavellan looked over her shoulder at Cullen as she sat at her vanity, combing her hair, “what?”

“You don’t wear smalls?”

“No, I don’t know any Elvhen who do. Waste of resources.”

“You mean to tell me you have nothing on under that dress?”

“That right,” Lavellan pulled her hair up into the new style, half up half down, “I didn’t have anything on under my shirt last night, either.”

Cullen groaned, pulling a pillow over his face, “I’m not going to be able to concentrate on anything today.”

“Blame it on your headache yesterday,” Lavellan suggested, pulling on the soft leather shoes she wore through Skyhold, “no one will argue.”

“I’m not worried about that…”

“Oh,” Lavellan glanced at the bulge straining at the front of Cullen’s pants, “well, that you can blame on me.”


	12. Chapter 12

“Shall we go out together, or would you like me to go out first and do the illusion spell on the door?”

“Together.”

“Alright,” Lavellan pushed open the door, Cullen following behind her.

The hall fell slight for a moment, the inner circle and nobles alike turning to face them as Lavellan locked the door behind them.

“I suddenly wish I had gone with the spell,” Cullen blushed.

“It’s only because it’s new, give them a few days and they won’t even notice,” Lavellan smiled reassuringly and walked over to take her seat at the head table. The chair to her right open, as always, for Cullen, who followed sheepishly behind her.

“Nice,” Bull pat him hard on the shoulder.

Cullen felt his blush deepen, “stop.”

“What? I’ve wanted to bed her for months.”

“Cullen was _ill_ last night. I just happen to be the best healer we have,” Lavellan gave Bull a pointed look, “behave.”

“Fine,” Bull held up his hands in surrender.

“Inquisitor,” Josephine walked over to the table, “are you busy? We have many items for you to attend to prior to your holding court later.”

Lavellan rolled her eyes at Cullen, standing from her seat and grabbing a small pastry, “lead the way.”

“I thought perhaps we could convene the council early…”

“No, Cullen needs to eat. Why don’t you and I go-ahead to get things started?”

“A wonderful suggestion,” Josephine agreed, “after you.”

“There’s always something to be done,” Lavellan gave a small nod to those at the table and followed Josephine to her office.

“Tell me you’re going for it,” Varric called to Cullen as soon as the office door shut, “come _on_ Curly.”

“Varric-“

“You better be,” Dorian agreed, “after how she tended to you last night.”

“I wouldn’t mind her tending to me,” Bull nudged Blackwall with his elbow.

“Enough,” Cullen silenced the table, “any relationship between the Inquisitor and I is just that, between _us_.”

“That’s a yes,” Sera said around a mouthful of apple, “knew it. She’s more glowy than normal this morning.”

“We’re happy for you, Cullen,” Dorian spoke over Sera, “we speak in jest, but we’re happy to see you two together.”

There was a chorus of nods and agreement around the table.

“Yes, well,” Cullen cleared his throat, “wish me luck. I’m going to need it.”

***

“I hate holding court,” Lavellan sighed as she walked with Cullen and Josephine toward the hall shortly after lunch, “what does a Dalish elf know about Orlesian problems?”

“To be fair, Inquisitor, more Orlesian’s know nothing about their problems,” Josephine held the door for them, “they only ask for an impartial opinion.”

“Wonderful,” Lavellan took a steadying breath and walked up to her throne, sitting heavily.

“Ready to begin?”

Lavellan waited until Cullen stood beside the throne before nodding.

“Wonderful, the first matter is an issue with land title.”

***

“One last matter to attend to,” Josephine checked her list, “Arl Leloup has requested an audience.”

“Alright,” Lavellan looked over the crowd as a human male stepped forward.

The Arl bowed deeply, “thank you for meeting with me, Inquisitor.”

“Of course,” Lavellan smiled, “what can I do for you?”

“I come with a proposal,” the Arl approached the throne, stopped as one of Lavellan’s guards stepped forward.

“A proposal?”

“Yes,” Leloup nodded, “of marriage.”

Those watching the court gasped, and there was a chorus of chatter and excitement, Josephine covering her mouth to conceal her shock.

“A marriage proposal?” Lavellan glanced at Cullen who had a white-knuckled grip on the side of the throne.

“I’m a powerful man,” Leloup continued, “I have ample land which could give the Inquisition a foothold near the Emerald Graves.”

Josephine leaned in to whisper to Lavellan, “he _is_ a powerful man.”

“I’m flattered, Arl Leloup; however, I’m afraid I must decline.”

“Decline?” LeLoup staggered back as if struck, “why?”

“While I do appreciate the resources you would offer, I am romantically involved, and as such unable to accept your proposal.”

There was a second round of excitement in the hall, and Cullen fought to keep the grin from his face.

“Is your current betrothed as powerful as I am? Does he share the same resources?”

“He leads a rather large army,” Lavellan answered vaguely.

“And does he own land?”

“He does,” Lavellan lied.

Leloup looked shocked, “who is it?”

Lavellan looked bored, “that’s not your concern, Arl.”

“I would say it is, I traveled a long way to get here. I’d like to know that this mystery man actually _exists_.”

“I assure you I do,” Cullen spoke from beside Lavellan, a possessive hand on her shoulder.

Lavellan looked up at him with a smile, standing from her throne, “I appreciate you traveling such a great distance to speak with me, Arl, truly.”

“Well done, Commander.” Leloup gave a short bow and stormed from the hall, the nobles chattering after him.

“Pig,” Cullen muttered under his breath, “are you alright?”

Lavellan smiled, “of course I am. I’m an elf who lives amongst humans, that’s hardly the worst thing I’ve ever heard. It’s not even the worst thing I’ve heard all week. We’re not doing a very good job at taking this slowly if we just announced our relationship to our entire court, though.”

Cullen glanced up, noticing the nobles watching them, “oh, I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize,” Lavellan came up onto her toes, kissing his cheek briefly before nodding toward her bedroom door, “now that I’ve finished this mess I’m going t get changed into some functional clothes, I’ll see you at dinner?”

“I certainly hope so.”

***

“Of course I fully support your relationship with Cullen, Inquisitor,” Josephine said for the third time in an hour as they walked the ramparts together, “I just wish you had _told me_ so we might have avoided any political missteps, like this morning.”

“Josephine,” Lavellan stopped walking, turning to face her, “I was _going_ _to_ tell you. We only decided last night that we would start courting. Honestly, we weren’t withholding the information. It was meant to be something we were taking slowly until Arl Leloup proposed.”

Josephine smiled, “I thought that Cullen might explode when the Arl started speaking.”

“I thought I might explode when he started speaking. I can’t imagine marrying someone only for the power they have. Marriage is hard enough. It would be impossible without love.”

“I can’t say I would know, Inquisitor.”

“Are you sure about that, Josephine?” Lavellan started walking again, “I saw a rather lovely selection of flowers on your desk this morning.”

Josephine smiled before whispering, “Blackwall left them.”

“That’s lovely,” Lavellan assured Josephine, “he’s a good man.”

“Yes, well,” Josephine cleared her throat, “if I can be of any assistance as you and Cullen navigate this new relationship, please let me know.”

“Actually,” Lavellan paused, “I was wondering if you could tell me what typically happens during human courting?”

“We best go get some tea,” Josephine gestured toward the main keep, “this might take some time.”

***

“How convoluted,” Lavellan sighed.

“That’s not how it always is, just sometimes,” Josephine finished her tea and set it aside, “it is often led by the individual who proposed the relationship, so in this case, Cullen.”

“I’ll leave it to him then,” Lavellan stood, “thank you, Josephine.”

“You’re very welcome.”

“Don’t spend too much time in here, it’s almost dinner.”

“I’ll be out shortly,” Josephine assured.

Lavellan snuck through the great hall, making her way down the steps toward the barn. With no more appointments until dinner, Lavellan decided to check on the Dalish clan and touch base with Blackwall for some repairs on the aravel.

***

“There you are,” Cullen made Lavellan jump as he spoke from the door of the barn, “you missed dinner.”

“Did I?” Lavellan glanced out the barn and found the sun had set, “time got away from me. I was speaking with Blackwall about the aravel.”

“I apologize, Commander,” Blackwall looked sheepish, “I didn’t mean to take your lady from you. We started speaking about Elven craftsmanship with ironwood and I fear I took more of her time than I intended.”

“Blackwall has been kind enough to offer to help repair the aravel,” Lavellan pointed to the carriage where is sat in the corner of the barn.

“That’s kind of you,” Cullen felt a surge of jealousy, “you know an awful lot about building things for a Warden.”

“Warden or not,” Lavellan squeezed Blackwall’s hand before walking to Cullen, “the Inquisition is lucky to have him.”

“You’re too kind, my lady.”

“Have a good night,” Lavellan gave a small wave and took Cullen’s offered arm, “how was your day, Lethalin?”

“After court this morning I would have to say it was quite uneventful,” Cullen walked toward the ramparts.

“You mean after Arl whatever came to visit?”

“Yes,” Cullen frowned.

“Just ignore him. I’m not about to run out on you,” Lavellan squeezed Cullen’s arm, “especially for something as stupid as land. Honestly, spoken as someone who has never been married before. I’d set him on fire by the end of the first week.”

Cullen laughed, “so what do you marry for?”

“Love,” Lavellan answered easily, “companionship, partnership. My husband and I worked together like we knew what each other were thinking. It was of great benefit to our clan and each other. He would hunt, I would prepare the meal or the other way around. We could feed a clan of twenty in a few hours.”

“Sounds impressive, and I’ve had your cooking.”

“It was quite something,” Lavellan agreed, “it also told me what I should expect from a relationship. At the end of the day, he was always there with a kind word and a warm bedroll.”

“I’m sorry you lost him. It sounds as if you were very close.”

“We were, and still are, though it’s changed now that he’s in the fade and I’m here,” Lavellan smiled as some of the Templars as they walked by, “I’m starving, I wish I hadn’t missed dinner.”

“Why don’t you go up to your rooms, and I’ll fetch you something from the kitchen,” Cullen changed their direction, heading back to the main hall.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“You took care of me last night, let me return the favor.”

“If you insist,” Lavellan walked with Cullen into the main hall and to the door of her quarters, “Arl Leloup is watching us.”

“So he is,” Cullen whispered back to Lavellan, “what shall we do?”

“Two options,” Lavellan unlocked the door and turned back to Cullen, “you can bid me goodnight, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Or?”

“You can kiss me, and then go get something to eat, and come back and spend the night.”

Cullen laughed, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to Lavellan’s forehead, “I’ll be back shortly.”

“I’ll be counting the seconds.”

***

Cullen made his way through the main hall carefully balancing the plate of food while weaving through the crowd of nobles and Inquisition soldiers alike.

“Atta boy, Commander,” Bull laughed as he watched Cullen approaching the door, “let me get the door for you.”

“Thank you,” Cullen stepped through the door, “I’ll come back down to lock it.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll have Varric do it.”

“I appreciate it,” Cullen started up the stairs, “if you could trip that Arl Leloup I’d appreciate that, as well.”

“I’ve already got Sera on it.”

Cullen paused, feeling as if he likely _should_ protest Sera pranking the nobility, “if anyone asks, we didn’t discuss this.”

“Discuss what?” Bull chuckled, shutting the door behind him gently.

Cullen knocked on the door softly, “Ivy?”

“Come on in.”

Cullen opened the door, finding the room mostly dark aside from the fire, Ivy already dressed for bed leaning over her desk reading a letter.

“How can you read when it’s this dark?”

Ivy glanced up with a smile, “Elvhen eyes are much better than yours.”

“I’ve heard that,” Cullen set the plate down on the coffee table, fighting a flinch as the candles in the room flared to life, “come eat.”

“Yes, dear,” Lavellan brought the letter over to Cullen and passed it to him, “two marriage proposals in one day, I’m doing quite well.”

Cullen balled up the letter and tossed it into the fire with a grin, “oops.”

Lavellan laughed, “jealous?”

“Always,” Cullen pulled off his cloak and set it over the arm of the couch, “you deserve much better than me.”

“I don’t know about that,” Lavellan picked up a plum from the tray, “thank you for dinner.”

“You’re welcome,” Cullen sat beside Lavellan, “roaring fire, beautiful company, I daresay that I might never be able to sleep in my quarters again.”

“No concern to me,” Lavellan waved a dismissive hand, “I like sharing my quarters with you, you know that.”

***

“I’m exhausted,” Cullen yawned, the fire now burning low in the fireplace, “Barris thought I should participate in the training today, and I’m very out of practice.”

“To bed with you,” Lavellan pointed to the bed, “undress, and I’ll be with you shortly.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Tend to the fire, and let Birch in.”

“Alright,” Cullen walked toward the bed, kicking off his boots as Lavellan started down the stairs.

When Lavellan came back up the stairs with Birch following her, Cullen was down to his leather pants.

“You know, you can sleep in your smalls, I won’t be offended,” Lavellan gave Birch a leftover roll and walked toward the bed, “I know the fire and furs make it quite warm.”

Cullen blushed, “I wouldn’t want you to assume I expected anything.”

“I don’t, go ahead. I would rather you be comfortable.”

Cullen considered for a moment before unlacing his pants and sliding them off, sitting on the edge of the bed to pull them over his feet.

“You weren’t kidding about the hair.”

“Hm?” Cullen glanced down to his legs, “ah, yes.”

Lavellan pulled back the furs, getting into bed and waiting for Cullen, “was Leloup still out there when you came back?”

“He was,” Cullen got into bed next to Lavellan, “Bull assures me that it’s being dealt with.”

“Yes, I asked Sera to take care of him,” Lavellan smiled as Cullen looked at her, shocked, “what? He came into my home and asked me to _marry_ him like it was a normal state of affairs. Keep in mind that I overheard him calling me a rabbit to his squire yesterday. I told Sera to do her worse. Hopefully, it’ll be a nice jar of bees.”

“He called you a rabbit?”

“Yes, you know,” Lavellan waved at the side of her head, “the ears.”

“How…”

“Uncreative?”

“I was going to say rude.”

“That too,” Lavellan pushed Cullen to lay back against the pillows, resting her head on his chest, “he deserves whatever is coming to him.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

“Goodnight, Lethalin.”

“Goodnight, my love.”

***

Lavellan was carding her fingers through Cullen’s chest hair again, slowly rousing him from sleep.

“I think you’re obsessed,” Cullen whispered.

“I think I am too,” Lavellan whispered back, dragging her fingers down his stomach to the trail of hair between his belly button and the top of his smalls, “it feels nice.”

“There’s more lower,” Cullen paused, “not that I’m asking you to move lower.”

Lavellan laughed, “so shy.”

“I know,” Cullen opened his eyes, looking down at Lavellan and finding her bright blue eyes looking back up at him. “I wouldn’t want to disappoint you by being inappropriate.”

“Inappropriate to who? We were brought up in very different cultures. I’m very comfortable with our current situation.”

“I’m not sure how the Elvhen court…”

“I can tell you we don’t wait until we marry to bed our partner, and we tend to explore each other quite a bit. Many relationships within the clan never result in an official bonding, but are still happy for many years.”

Cullen swallowed heavily, “when you say explore…”

“With our hands, our mouths,” Lavellan grinned at the bright blush across Cullen’s cheeks, “if you have a good leatherworker in your clan we have some creative toys with ironwood.”

“Maker’s breath,” Cullen groaned, “I’m not sure if I can keep up with you.”

“You’ve had partners before.”

“I’ve had very functional sex with partners before, not much exploration. I’ve been a Templar since I was a child.”

Lavellan’s grin grew, “oh I’m going to have so much fun with you.”

“If you’ll excuse me,” Cullen covered his face with his hand, “I’ll be dying from embarrassment.”

“You don’t need to be embarrassed,” Lavellan moved up the bed, leaning over Cullen and moving his hand from his face, “that’s why we’re exploring, we’re both learning.”

“I love you,” Cullen whispered.

Lavellan smiled, closing the distance between them to kiss Cullen softly, curling her fingers into his hair as she brought her tongue to lick against his bottom lip. Cullen gasped, giving Lavellan the opportunity to further deepen the kiss, brushing her tongue against his.

Cullen held Lavellan to him, one hand on her lower back the other moving up to cup her face, tucking her hair behind her pointed ear.

Lavellan let out a soft moan, pulling back as if startled at the sound.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” Lavellan smiled, “my ears are very sensitive is all, I was surprised when you touched them.”

“Oh,” Cullen glanced at the elegant point of her ear, “good sensitive?”

“Yes, good sensitive,” Lavellan took Cullen’s hand and brought it back to her ear, “the bottom is a little bit sensitive, but the point is very sensitive. Don’t twist it, or it’ll hurt.”

Cullen carefully ran his finger over the top ridge of Lavellan’s ear, over the tip, and down to the lobe, “you could fit so many earrings.”

Lavellan laughed, “the thought of the needle going through my ear is not an appealing one.”

“I’d imagine not.”

“So, I told you one of my secrets, now you tell me where you’re sensitive, _Commander_.”

Cullen considered for a moment, “other than the usual places, I’m not sure.”

“Well, that won’t stand, I’m not letting you leave this bedroom until I know at least one place that makes you moan.”

“I can think of worse ways to spend my day.”

“A challenge it is,” Lavellan pushed back the furs, exposing Cullen’s chest.

Cullen turned his face as Lavellan started to kiss down the side of his neck, it felt good, but Cullen held back any reaction. Lavellan hummed in consideration before moving her attention lower, peppering kisses across his chest before taking one of his nipples in her mouth, sucking hard.

Cullen forced his eyes closed, drawing on his training to keep his breathing even.

Lavellan glanced up, smiling at the tight expression on Cullen’s face before speaking, “you are difficult, but I believe I have a trick that might do it.”

“Is that so?” Cullen’s voice gave away how effected he was.

“May I try?”

“Yes.”

Lavellan moved the furs from Cullen’s body, sitting between his legs and taking one of the strings of his smallclothes between her fingers, pausing when Cullen tensed, “we don’t have too.”

“No, it’s alright.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

Lavellan slowly pulled the string until the knot came undone, pulling the fabric apart to reveal Cullen’s cock sitting hard and heavy against the bed of blond curls.

“Wow,” Lavellan ran her fingers through the curls, “you weren’t joking.”

Cullen smiled, “you have me almost naked, and you’re interested in my hair.”

“My apologies,” Lavellan took Cullen’s cock in hand, “I’ll continue, shall I?”

Cullen sucked in a deep breath before nodding.

Lavellan started slowly, gently rolling the foreskin up over the ridge of the head of his cock and down again, watching Cullen’s face for a reaction. Cullen fought the urge to close his eyes, keeping his eyes on Lavellan’s hand as she moved.

The room was suddenly illuminated pink as the sun started to rise over the mountains behind Lavellan, the bright light behind her almost giving her an angelic look. The sight, mixed with the slight increase in Lavellan’s speed, had the moan falling from his mouth without him noticing.

“Mission accomplished, maybe I should just stop here.”

Cullen reached for her wrist, taking it gently, “please don’t.”

“I wouldn’t,” Lavellan moved faster, adding a twist with each upstroke.

Cullen moaned again, pushing his hips up into her hand.

There was a knock at the door, and Cullen moved to cover himself, stopped by Lavellan.

“Yes?” Lavellan called out.

“Inquisitor,” Cullen recognized the voice as one of Lavellan’s aids, biting his lip as Lavellan continued moving her hand over him, “I have your morning brief.”

“Thank you, Matthew, I’m just bathing at the moment, can you leave it on the steps and I’ll grab it in a moment?”

“Certainly Inquisitor,” there was a rustle of papers, which Lavellan used as a distraction to move her hand even faster, Cullen biting down on the back on the knuckles of this hand not holding Lavellan’s wrist.

“Was there anything else?”

“Our scouts report that Commander Cullen’s sister should be arriving shortly.”

“Good news,” Lavellan moved faster, bringing Cullen almost to the edge, Cullen taking panting breaths, “could you please let Varric know?”

“Right away,” there was the sound of footprints and the door closing.

As soon as the sound of the door latch clunked into place, Lavellan changed her movements, focusing short strokes over the head of Cullen’s cock, pulling him over the edge within seconds. Cullen spilling over her hand and his chest as he moaned.

Lavellan smiled, stroking him until he relaxed back against the bed, dropping his grip on her wrist, “alright?”

“Amazing,” Cullen laughed, “but Matthew almost heard me.”

“No, he didn’t, I cast silence over you as soon as he opened the door.”

“I didn’t notice.”

“I didn’t think you would, you were distracted. Would you like me to clean you up?”

“I can grab a cloth.”

“I can do it much faster.”

“Alright.”

Lavellan gave a small wave of her hand and immediately Cullen felt refreshed as if he had just bathed, his stomach clean of any evidence of their activities.

“Thank you,” Cullen reached down, doing up the ties of his smalls, “that was incredible.”

“That was just the beginning,” Lavellan kissed Cullen’s forehead and slid off the bed, “but now you need to get dressed.”

“Why?”

“Didn’t you hear Matthew?” Lavellan disappeared behind the dressing screen, “we have company.”


	13. Chapter 13

The signal at the front gates drew Cullen’s attention away from breakfast.

“Go,” Lavellan smiled, “you haven’t seen her in years. I’ll be right behind you.”

“I can wait,” Cullen protested.

“Cullen, _go_. I can make it an order if you’re going to be stubborn.”

“Alright,” Cullen stood, nodding to those around the table before practically fleeing out the front door.

“I guess that means my guests are here, too,” Varric took another sip of his tea, “I should go and help out Broody. He doesn’t do well with strangers.”

“Cullen isn’t a stranger, I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“On that note, Dorian, you might want to be careful around him. To say he hates Tevinter Magisters is like saying our Inquisitor is only a little bit magical.”

“Noted,” Dorian agreed, “though I’m afraid he might know I’m from Tevinter as soon as he speaks with me.”

“Yes, I’m sure he will,” Lavellan agreed, “we’ll need to approach that carefully.”

“Shall we, Inquisitor?” Varric stood, offering his arm to Lavellan.

“Such manners,” Lavellan joked, taking Varric’s arm.

Varric escorted Lavellan through the main hall and toward the stone steps leading to the front gate, “so, you and Curly…”

“What about us?”

“You’re together now?”

“He’s _courting me_ apparently. He’s been sleeping in my quarters. Within my clan, this would just still have the potential to be a passing fling. We’ll see if he’s still interested in me the more time he spends with my magic.”

“I know my own love life leaves a lot to be desired, but judging by the way he’s watching you right now I don’t think he’s going anywhere.”

Lavellan looked up and found Cullen pointing in her direction while speaking with a stunning blond-haired woman, “that must his sister.”

“Must be,” Varric agreed, walking Lavellan toward them, stopped suddenly by a small girl standing in their way.

“Are you the Inquisitor?”

Lavellan smiled, “I am the Inquisitor, what’s your name?”

“Lily.”

“Well that’s a lovely name, it suits you,” Lavellan let Varric go to walk over to the cart, “are you Cullen’s niece?”

“Yeah,” Lily looked back at Cullen and Mia, “they’re _talking_ and it’s _boring_.”

“They haven’t seen each other in a while, they’re just catching up, but yes, humans do like to talk.”

“Are you an Elf?”

“Lily,” Mia’s voice cut across the crowd, “rude.”

“It’s alright,” Lavellan assured, looking back to Lily, “what do you think?”

“You’ve got pointed ears like an Elf, and you’re shorter than my mum.”

“Yes, I’m a Dalish Elf. How about you introduce me to your mother?”

“Okay,” Lily took Lavellan’s hand, walking her over to Cullen and Mia, “Mum, this is the Inquisitor.”

“I’m sorry about that, Inquisitor,” Mia did a small bow, “she’s only young.”

“It’s no problem,” Lavellan assured, “it’s natural for children to be curious, and please, call me Ivy.”

“Ivy,” Mia smiled, “I want to thank you for helping with my current, situation.” Mia gestured to her rounded belly, “I’m sure I could have managed but I know Cullen was worried.”

“Yes, he’s good at worrying,” Lavellan winked at Cullen, a pink flush crossing his cheeks, “but the Inquisition would be lost without him.”

Mia looked between them before smiling, “oh I see. I wasn’t aware you were together, even though he has written to me more times than I can count professing your beauty.”

“Is that so?” Lavellan’s laughed as Cullen groaned and walked off to help with the horses, “we’re courting, but it’s still new.”

“I’m sure you deserve much better than my oaf of a brother,” Mia said loudly, pulling a series of muttered curses from Cullen.

“How was the journey?”

“Long,” Mia fought a yawn, “especially juggling a young child with one on the way.”

“I’ll have Cullen show you to your room, you can rest for the afternoon,” Lavellan offered.

“Who will watch Lily?”

“What are uncles for?” Lavellan laughed, “we can put her in Templar training, make sure she sleeps for you tonight.”

“I want to do the training! Mum, can I?”

Cullen snorted, walking over with Mia’s bag, “you want to be a Templar?”

“I want a sword!”

“I’m sure Cullen will be able to keep an eye on her for a few hours, if not I’d be happy to stay with her,” Lavellan smiled down at Lily, “I could teach you more about the Elvhen.”

“I want to do that instead,” Lily took Lavellan’s hand, “can uncle Fenris come?”

“Uncle Fenris?” Lavellan looked up and felt her breath catch.

“What?” Fenris looked down at his shirt.

“I’m sorry,” Lavellan shook her head, “I haven’t seen hair like yours since my late husband. It took me by surprise.”

“I see,” Fenris regarded Lavellan cautiously, “you’re the Inquisitor?”

“That’s me,” Lavellan let Lily’s hand go, offering it to Fenris in greeting, “call me Ivy.”

Fenris took it, gasping as both of their markings flared to life.

“Huh,” Varric looked between them, “you match.”

Lavellan’s eyes started to take on their bright green fade glow and she dropped Fenris’ hand like she had been burned.

“A fade child!” Merrill dropped to her knees.

“Please don’t,” Lavellan reached for Merrill, pulling her back to her feet, “I’m sorry, normally I can control it.”

“What are you?” Fenris’ voice was accusatory.

“Creators take me,” Lavellan pinched the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes, “please tell me you don’t hate mages too. I swear I’m going to move into the aravel and you can call me when it’s time to fight Corypheus.”

“He’s not a fan, no,” Varric placed a hand on Fenris’ back, and slowly his markings faded.

“You haven’t answered my question.”

“She’s a fade child, it’s a very special form of old magic,” Merrill explained, “she’s part spirit, part Elvhen.”

“Another abomination…”

“I swear if another person calls me that I’m going to level Skyhold,” Lavellan opened her eyes again, back to their normal blue, and took a steadying breath until her markings faded.

“Don’t speak about Ivy that way,” Cullen wrapped a protective arm over Lavellan’s shoulder, “you know how I feel about magic, and I trust her.”

“Anders-“

“Was a different sort of case, Broody. Not comparable.”

“Why do your markings match mine?”

“I think, Fenris, the better question is why do you _your_ markings match mine? I might be in a position to offer you some insight if you’re willing to speak with an _abomination_ after she was kind enough to offer you a new place to stay when you wanted to leave Kirkwall.”

“I-,” Fenris flushed, “apologize.”

Lavellan sighed, “it’s alright. I’ve been getting that a lot lately. It was easier when no one knew.”

“It’s amazing,” Merrill stared at Lavellan in awe, “I’ve always wanted to meet a fade child. You’re the heroes of Dalish legend.”

“Merrill, right?” Lavellan shook Merrill’s hand, “it’s lovely to meet you.”

“Thank you so much for having me, your keep is so big. Is there a clan living here? I thought I saw-“

“Easy, Daisy.”

“Oh, sorry,” Merrill stopped chatting for a moment before addressing Cullen, “it’s good to see you again.”

“You as well,” Cullen squeezed Lavellan’s shoulder, “thank you for escorting my sister here.”

“You look so pretty when you light up!” Lily chimed in, “like Andraste!”

“Well thank you, Da’len,” Lavellan smiled at Lily, “why don’t we let Cullen show your mum to her quarters and I’ll take you three on a tour?”

“Inquisitor, I couldn’t ask you to watch Lily-

“I insist,” Lavellan assured Mia, “it’ll be no problem, she’ll be safe with me.”

“I don’t doubt that, but she’s quite the handful.”

“I can keep her busy.”

“If you’re certain…”

“Go,” Lavellan laughed, “rest. I’ll make sure Cullen wakes you for dinner.”

“You’re sure you’ll be alright?” Cullen whispered in Lavellan’s ear.

“I’m not worried, Lethalin, I’ll be fine,” Lavellan pressed a kiss to Cullen’s cheek, “go take care of your sister.”

“Alright,” Cullen gave Fenris a stern look before leading Mia away.

“Right,” Lavellan clapped her hands together, “where should we start?”

***

“And this is the library,” Lavellan offered, “and this beautiful gentleman is-“

“Dorian Pavus,” Fenris seethed.

“Oh dear,” Dorian frowned, “we’ve met?”

“Of course you wouldn’t remember a slave.”

“Easy, Broody, he’s one of the good guys.”

“There’s no such thing as a _good guy_ from Tevinter. Especially not _Magisters_.”

“I’m an Altus, if it matters, or was.”

Fenris’ markings started to glow, and Lavellan stepped between them, “Fenris, I’m sure you’re normally very lovely, but I must admit you are _seriously_ testing my patience today.”

“He kept _your_ people as slaves!”

“His _father_ kept slaves, not Dorian,” Lavellan moved, almost completely blocking Dorian from Fenris’ view.

“It’s what’s expected of us, surely you understand that.”

Fenris almost roared as he reached for Dorian, markings a bright white, intercepted by Lavellan shifting to the side.

“Fenris, _fuck_ ,” Varric groaned at the sight of Fenris' wrist-deep in Lavellan’s chest.

“Oh no,” Merrill gasped, covering Lily’s eyes with her hand.

Lavellan’s markings flared to life as she looked down at where Fenris’ hand disappeared inside of her chest, “seriously?”

“You’re not dead…” Fenris said in shock.

“No, but if you don’t take your hand from around my heart in the next three seconds, you will be,” Lavellan seethed, “you’re making it very difficult to not fill you with lightning.”

“If I pull my hand out –“

“I’ll be fine. If you would _also_ like to be fine, I suggest you do it now before I count to three.”

Fenris carefully withdrew his hand, a bright green hole in Lavellan’s chest for a moment before it sealed over, disappearing as if it had never existed.

“Fenris, I respect the fact you have a difficult time in Tevinter, truly, but Dorian is a member of the Inquisition. If you threaten him, or any of my inner circle, I’ll have you sent back to Kirkwall. Understood?”

“Yes.”

Lavellan turned to Dorian, “are you alright?”

“I am _very_ glad that you were here, my strange magical friend.”

“As am I,” Lavellan’s markings faded, “now, would you like to see the great hall?”

***

“There you are,” Cullen called to them as they approached the training yard, “I was wondering when you’d be by.”

“Uncle Cullen, Fenris put his hand in Ivy’s _chest_ ,” Lily skipped up to Cullen, “they both went all glowy. It was neat!”

“You what?” Cullen turned on Fenris.

“Don’t worry about it, all sorted,” Lavellan reassured Cullen, “how’s training going?”

“I swear if you hurt her-“

“He didn’t, I’m fine,” Lavellan smiled as Barris approached them, “Ser Barris, is Cullen being kind to you today?”

“I think he spends his nights thinking about ways to torture us,” Barris wiped his brow.

“I can assure you that hasn’t been happening lately, but he has had a number of nights to consider it.”

Barris laughed, draining his waterskin, “I think it’s funny that he will come up with the creative exercises, but he won't _do_ them.”

Lavellan held her hand out for the waterskin, “the benefits of command,” Lavellan shook the skin once, and passed it back to Barris, refilled.

“I like that trick,” Barris took a drink.

“It’s a combination of ice magic and fire magic, simple,” Lavellan shrugged, “Cullen, you should wake Mia soon, I want to make sure she gets something to eat.”

“Can I come?” Lily asked, “I want to see my room.”

“Certainly,” Cullen picked Lily up, setting her on his hip, “save me a seat?”

“I always do.”

***

“ _Ma serannas_ ,” Lily said slowly as Lavellan set a plate of food in front of her, “Is that right?”

“It is, well done,” Lavellan smiled, taking her seat, “you’re better at Elvhen than your uncle.”

“I only know two words,” Cullen protested.

“I know more than that,” Lily stuck her tongue out at Cullen.

“Manners, Lily,” Mia sighed.

“She takes after her mother.”

“Cullen, be nice,” Lavellan looked over the table, “Fenris, aren’t you hungry?”

“I’m fine.”

“Broody is a bit specific about taking food, or anything else for that matter, from people.”

“You need to eat,” Lavellan offered a hand to Fenris, “come on.”

“I don’t _need_ to eat.”

“I’ll be terribly offended if you don’t,” Lavellan arched an eyebrow, “and considering the day we’ve had you don’t want to offend me, do you?”

Fenris glanced at Varric who shrugged, “it’s her keep.”

“Very well,” Fenris stood, following Lavellan over to the large buffet table.

“That’s how you know she’s the spirit of forgiveness,” Dorian gestured at them with his fork, “he literally had his hand around her heart today and she’s not the slightest bit upset.”

Cullen hummed in agreement, watching carefully as Lavellan explained each of the dishes to Fenris, serving him as they went along.

“Jealous, Curly?”

Cullen glanced at Varric, “he tried to kill her today, I think I’m okay.”

“He’s too grumpy anyway,” Merrill commented between bites of food.

“He is grumpy,” Varric agreed, “but our Inquisitor has a kind heart. She can get anyone to warm up to her.”

Cullen watched as Lavellan handed Fenris his plate, filling one for herself before walking back over to the table, a smile across her face.

“There we are, everyone’s fed and I’m not offended. Perfect night,” Lavellan took a seat at the head of the table, holding up her cup, “a toast.”

The occupants of the table followed suit, raising their glasses.

“To new friends.”

***

The fires had burned low and Lily had abandoned her seat to sit on Lavellan’s lap, curled up against her chest as Lavellan answered her questions about living in a Dalish clan.

“What do you do if it gets cold?”

“Light fires,” Lavellan answered, “or do warming spells.”

“Do you move a lot?”

“As much as we needed too. I think the longest I’ve ever stayed in one place was about six weeks,” Lavellan twisted one of Lily’s curls around her finger, “if we need too, we can move the entire clan every day.”

“Sounds like a lot of work.”

“It is,” Lavellan agreed.

“When you and uncle Cullen get married, is he going to live in a clan?”

Cullen choked on the wine that he was drinking, pulling laughter from those around the table.

“Well, Da’len, that’s a ways off yet. Let’s not worry about it for now.”

“That’s enough questions, Lily, it’s time for bed,” Mia stood.

“But mum.”

“No buts. The Inquisitor has answered dozens of questions tonight.”

“Can I ask you more questions tomorrow?”

“I think that can be arranged,” Lavellan set Lily on her feet, “now you listen to your mum and go have a good night's sleep.”

“Okay,” Lily walked to Mia, taking her hand, “night.”

“Goodnight, Da’len.”

“The kid likes you,” Varric commented as Lily and Mia walked to their quarters.

“I’m new, and I’m interesting,” Lavellan shrugged, “lots of children have questions about magic and the Dalish. Once we get older we start to wonder if our questions are rude, and we stop asking them. Kids aren’t as concerned.”

“I have so many questions,” Merrill chimed in.

“I’m going to retire for the night soon, but I’m sure I have time to answer one for you.”

“Your markings, can you change them, or hide them?”

“No, and yes,” Lavellan looked to Fenris, “can you hide yours?”

“No,” Fenris frowned, “nor do I wish to have them.”

“They’re striking on you,” Lavellan commented mildly, “if I had skin like yours I think I’d leave mine visible. As it is, mine are hidden with a simple glamour,” Lavellan waved a hand over her face and the markings over her chin and down her neck vanished.

“Huh,” Varric leaned back in his seat, “what else can you change?”

Lavellan smiled, her eyes changing from their normal bright blue to a dark brown, her skin darkening to a slight tan, and her nose changing shape slightly.

“That would have a considerable advantage in Tevinter,” Dorian nodded toward Lavellan’s face, “can you make your eyes more golden? Your nose more like mine?”

Lavellan studied Dorian’s profile for a moment before her face shifted again, her skin matching Dorian’s, bright gold eyes, and a slightly hooked nose.

“You could be siblings,” Merrill clapped her hands, “so what do you look like without any magic?”

Lavellan’s face slowly changed back to her usual complexion and bone structure, the only difference in her markings which stood out a stark white over her chin.

“You’re so pretty.”

“Thank you,” Lavellan smiled, “as good as I am at glamours, I always forget about the ears.”

“You’re beautiful as you are,” Cullen said firmly, “you don’t need a glamour.”

“I’m glad you think so,” Lavellan stood, “I’m going to retire for the night, Cullen, are you joining me?”

“I need to take the final report for the night, and then I’ll head up.”

“I’ll take the report,” Barris offered.

Cullen looked as if he might protest, but eventually nodded, “meet with me in the morning?”

“Of course.”

“Come on, Birch,” Lavellan called the dog over, “time for bed.”

“Goodnight,” Cullen gave a nod to the table, following Lavellan to her quarters.

Varric turned to Fenris, ready to offer a drink at the tavern when he noticed Fenris watching Lavellan as she left.

“Oh, Broody. Seriously?”


	14. Chapter 14

“Thank you for taking care of Lily today,” Cullen locked the door behind them, “I appreciate it.”

“It was my pleasure, she’s lovely.”

“Seems like Fenris is slow to trust you.”

“I’m getting used to that,” Lavellan shrugged, opening the second door to her quarters, “as you well know if you’re not fond of magic I might take a little getting used too. I’m not an ordinary mage, which makes me unpredictable, even if I’m not really once you get to know me.”

“He put his hand through your chest?”

“He tried too, it looked like a fade shift. Have you ever seen those?”

“I can’t say that I have, but I’ve read about them.”

“Watch,” Lavellan moved toward her bed, “you’ve slept on this bed, you know it’s solid yes?”

“Yes…”

Lavellan flashed out of sight for a minute, and appeared standing in the middle of the bed, only the top half of her body visible, “see?”

“How are you doing that?”

“The top half of me is here, the bottom is standing almost in the fade,” Lavellan took two steps, and stepped out of the bed, “so when Fenris tried to grab Dorian’s heart, he did something similar, but as I am made of the fade, I could just sort of….” Lavellan struggled for the word, “go spectral? So it didn’t hurt me.”

“You’re sure?”

“You’re sweet for worrying, but yes, I’m sure that I’m fine,” Lavellan stood on her toes and pressed a kiss to Cullen’s cheek.

“I love you,” Cullen kissed the top of Lavellan’s head, “I would be upset if he hurt you.”

“I threatened to fill him with lightning,” Lavellan smiled, “he listened. No harm done.”

The fire roared to life and Lavellan headed toward her dressing screen, undoing her jacket as she walked, Cullen turning and putting his cloak on the couch.

“Did you enjoy yourself this morning?” Lavellan called from behind the screen, and Cullen was grateful that Lavellan couldn’t see the flush across his cheeks.

“Very much.”

“Good,” Lavellan came from behind the screen wearing her usual shift.

“When I’m not here, do you usually sleep in that?”

“When it’s cold.”

“What do you usually sleep in?”

“Nothing,” Lavellan pulled back the furs and slipped into bed, waiting for Cullen to join her, “why?”

“I was just wondering,” Cullen pulled his shirt over his head and shed his pants, leaving him in his smalls.

“What do you usually sleep in?”

“Everything,” Cullen laughed, “until recently I had a rather large hole in my ceiling and no fireplace.”

“Yes I know,” Lavellan frowned, “and it made your withdrawal and your nightmares worse. I much prefer you in here.”

“I have been feeling better since sleeping in here,” Cullen got into bed next to Lavellan, “though I don’t want to impose.”

“You’re not, I promise,” Lavellan turned on her side to face him, “I had fun this morning too. Though I think you might be bolder than you give yourself credit for.”

“Oh?”

“You could have stopped me when Matthew walked in, you didn’t know I had silenced the space around you,” Lavellan winked, “I think you like the idea of people knowing I’m sharing my bed with you. Same reason why you didn’t have me obscure the door the other morning.”

Cullen didn’t respond, instead felt his cheeks heat as he considered it.

“A little bit of an exhibitionist, _Commander_?” Lavellan kissed the corner of Cullen’s mouth.

“I’m not sure, I’ve never considered it,” Cullen tucked some of Lavellan’s hair behind her ear, “I think I was rather distracted by other matters this morning.”

“I know I certainly had my hands full.”

Cullen laughed, “indeed.”

Lavellan reached for the hair on Cullen’s chest, resting her hand over it, “you’re right, I might be obsessed.”

“And you’re sure your chest is alright?”

Lavellan undid the tie at the neckline of the slip, undoing it and pulling the fabric down to show her sternum, “see? Not even a bruise.”

“Amazing,” Cullen brushed his thumb over the skin.

“Feel free to take a closer inspection.”

Cullen hesitated, then reached for the bottom of the slip and pulled up slightly a silent request. Lavellan, clearly comfortable with the idea, pulled the fabric over her head and tossed it in the direction of the couch, leaving her completely nude.

“Maker,” Cullen didn’t know where to start, “you’re so beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Lavellan took Cullen’s hand, pressing it to the middle of her chest, “see? All in one piece.”

“Do you have a glamour on right now?”

“I usually have one, it makes the markings a bit more subtle.”

“Why would you want to hide them?” Cullen traced the elegant scrollwork over her collarbones.

“To stop people from hunting me.”

“Like who?”

“Templars,” Lavellan shrugged.

“Will you take it off for me? I want to see what you really look like.”

Gradually, Lavellan’s markings changed to a pure white, standing out far more noticeably than they usually did.

“Amazing,” Cullen kissed Lavellan’s chin, “I couldn’t have ever imagined a partner as beautiful as you.”

“You’ve only just started exploring, keep going and you might find something you like even more.”

Cullen smiled, training his fingers down the white lines to Lavellan’s breast, glancing up for permission. At Lavellan’s nod, he cupped her breast, squeezing gently.

“Smaller than you’re used to, I’m sure.”

“I’m not _used to_ anything, as we’ve discussed, but I’ve not found anything on you yet that I don’t think is perfect.”

“Sweet words,” Lavellan twitched as Cullen brushed his thumb over her nipple, “by all means, keep going.”

Cullen gave Lavellan’s other breast the same attention before following the lines down her stomach, spreading his hand to cover the flat muscle, “you’re so small, my fingers cover your entire stomach.”

“I’m Elvhen,” Lavellan laughed, “I’m not human.

“I know,” Cullen moved his hand lower, resting over her pelvic bone, “you weren’t joking about no body hair.”

“No, I wasn’t,” Lavellan spread her legs slightly.

“Um,” Cullen flushed, “you’ll have to teach me. My past experiences were rather rushed.”

Lavellan didn’t seem to share Cullen’s awkwardness, comfortably taking Cullen’s hand and guiding it between her legs, “don’t rush and be gentle.”

Lavellan spread her legs further, dipping their fingers together between her folds, Cullen groaning when he noticed she was already wet.

“What?”

“You feel like silk,” Cullen kissed Lavellan’s shoulder.

“Hmm,” Lavellan moved his hand up, showing him how to circle her clit, “right here, gently.”

“Like this?” Cullen repeated her movement.

“Perfect,” Lavellan moved her hand away, letting Cullen take over.

Cullen studied Lavellan’s responses, waiting for each gasp and moan and repeating the actions that brought them to the surface. Eventually, Cullen couldn’t resist anymore and leaned forward to kiss Lavellan, taking her bottom lip between his teeth and biting gently.

“Faster,” Lavellan whispered against his lips.

Cullen did as instructed, desperate to see Lavellan meet her peak, kissing over her cheekbone and up to her ear, carefully brushing his tongue over the tip.

That was all Lavellan needed, a moan falling from her lips as her back arched and her markings flared, starting under Cullen’s hand and rolling up her body to her chin as she gasped through her orgasm.

“Maker, look at you,” Cullen admired Lavellan as she relaxed back against the bed, catching her breath.

“I would very much appreciate,” Lavellan brushed the hair from her face, “if he could wait until I was dressed.”

Cullen laughed, “Was that alright?”

“Amazing,” Lavellan confirmed, “you take instruction well.”

“Years of being a Templar will do that.”

“I suppose so,” Lavellan’s markings started to fade, and Cullen found he missed them, “now, off with those smalls, Commander.”

“I-why?”

“Because I can tell you’re aroused?”

“Of course I am, you’re stunning and you’re nude.”

“It’s awfully difficult for me to touch you if you keep them on…”

“What…again?”

Lavellan snorted, pushing Cullen back against the pillows and reaching for the ties, “why not? You’re not too old to keep up with me, are you?”

“Clearly not,” Cullen lifted his hips, letting Lavellan pull the fabric down and off.

“Good,” Lavellan straddled Cullen once he was nude, keeping her weight on her knees, “I would hate to replace you with a younger model this early into our budding courtship.”

“I think you’ll find I can handle whatever you have in mind.”

Lavellan rocked her hips, a slow drag of her lips across the sensitive skin of Cullen’s cock, spreading the evidence of her arousal over him.

Cullen brought his hands to Lavellan’s hips, encouraging her to repeat the motion as he bit his bottom lip.

“Feel good?”

Cullen nodded, “I’ve never done this before.”

“You’ve been missing out, it’s a lovely way to spend,” Lavellan freed her hair from its tie, leaning forward to rest her hands on Cullen’s chest as she rocked, “knowing we’re so close to you being inside of me, but focusing on just how good it feels as we move together. The suspense of knowing if I don’t keep my thrusts even, you could end up inside of me.”

Cullen groaned, “that doesn’t sound bad.”

“Oh it won’t be,” Lavellan agreed, “but we’re taking it slow.”

Cullen nodded, looking between them to watch as Lavellan’s lips glided up and down his cock.

Lavellan shifted, leaning back and balancing with her hands on Cullen’s thighs to give him a better view, her hair brushing over his legs.

Cullen got lost watching the way Lavellan moved, the coil and release of her stomach muscles, the almost blue shine of her hair as it rolled in waves, her remarkable blue eyes locked on his face. Gradually, her markings started to shine, and her pace increased, leaning forward to kiss Cullen as she rocked.

The sound of her moaning his name softly sent Cullen hurtling over the edge, groaning loudly as Lavellan whimpered through her second orgasm of the night.

“I’m never moving back to my quarters,” Cullen panted, Lavellan giggling in response, “ever.”

“You’re easily won,” Lavellan waved her hand, mostly so Cullen could be prepared for the cleansing spell she cast over both of them.

“I’ve never had someone pay the kind of attention to my body that you have today,” Cullen encouraged Lavellan to lay beside him, turning to face her, “you’re so beautiful.”

“The markings don’t bother you?”

“No, if anything they make you more beautiful,” Cullen brushed his thumb over her chin, “I love you.”

Lavellan smiled, kissing Cullen’s chin, “and to think, you haven’t even seen what my mouth can do yet.”

“I don’t think I’ll survive it.”

Lavellan winked, closing her eyes and resting her head on Cullen’s shoulder, a subtle spell bringing the furs back up the bed to cover them.

“That’s quite handy.”

“What is?” Lavellan asked quietly.

“The cleansing spells, the fire, moving the furs.”

“You mean magic?”

“Yes,” Cullen agreed, lettings his eyes fall closed, “I suppose I do.”

***

When Cullen woke the next morning he found Lavellan had pushed back the furs during the night, her dark hair fanned around her a stark contrast to the white scrollwork of her markings across her chest. He rolled onto his side to face her, admiring the swirls around her breasts.

As the sun started to rise over the mountain Lavellan’s eyes twitched under her eyelids and she rolled, turning onto her stomach and burying her face in her arms.

“You can’t run from the day forever,” Cullen said softly, kissing her shoulder.

“If I’m the Inquisitor, surely I can declare a day off to spend in bed and make love to my new lover.”

Cullen groaned at the thought, the idea of laying with Lavellan in the warmth of the sun a pleasing one. The thought of spending all day making love even more so.

“Far be it for me to go against the Inquisitor's wishes.”

Lavellan moved her hair from her face, smiling at Cullen, “that’s an order then, Commander, I need you in my bed _all day_.”

“Anything else, Inquisitor?”

“You’re not to leave this room until you’ve bent me over this bed and taken me for all you’re worth.”

Cullen gawked, then blushed a brilliant red, “you want me to _what?”_

“Bend me over the bed.”

“I-“ Cullen shook his head in disbelief, “could do that.”

“Why so shocked?”

“You would really want me to do that?”

“Of course, it’s one of my favorite positions.”

“You have favorites?”

“Cullen,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, “I was _married_. My husband and I barely kept our hands off of one another. I’ve had enough experience to have preferences. Don’t you?”

“No, I don’t have the experience.”

“Then we should get to practicing.”

“I’ve changed my mind, I am too old to keep up with you.”

Lavellan laughed, “You should be so glad I’m not like the Bull, or you’d be in for some real trouble.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“Come here, Commander, let me give you some attention.”

***

In the end, their morning had been a repeat of the night before, Cullen slightly more confident as he touched Lavellan. When they walked over to their seats at breakfast they found only Varric, Fenris, and Merrill there.

“Where is everyone?”

“There’s something in the way of sun outside,” Varric gestured over his shoulder, “they’re mostly eating on the stairs.”

“I’m going to have to start taking them out to warmer places,” Lavellan joked with Cullen, “or they’ll abandon me for the Skyhold steps.”

“When are you going away next?”

“That depends on Mia, I need to figure out how far along she is. I might be in Skyhold now until the baby comes,” Lavellan looked over the table and found Fenris again didn’t have a plate, “come along, grumpy, let’s get you fed.”

Fenris didn’t argue, standing and walking with Lavellan to the buffet table.

“Why is he listening to her?” Merrill asked the table, “he never listened to anyone but Hawke.”

“I think he feels bad about yesterday,” Varric considered, “and…I think he might like our Inquisitor.”

“I think everyone likes her,” Merrill said between bites of toast, “she’s lovely.”

“I mean like how Isabella likes…well…everyone.”

“Oh, but she’s with Cullen,” Merrill glanced at Cullen, “right?”

“Right,” Cullen confirmed, watching Fenris closely.

“He won't get past the fact she’s a mage,” Varric assured Cullen, “not like you did.”

“No,” Merrill agreed, “he hates magic.”

Lavellan and Fenris walked back to the table together, Lavellan smiling as she sat a rather full plate down in between her and Cullen, “I wasn’t sure what you wanted, Vhenan, so I got some of everything.”

“Thank you,” Cullen wanted to ask what the word meant, but decided to wait until they were alone.

“So, Fenris,” Lavellan started, “Cullen tells me you’re quite good with a sword.”

“I’m passable.”

“You were better than passable,” Cullen shook his head.

“Other than swinging a big sword and sticking your hand in people's chests, do you have any other skills? Any other magic?”

“I don’t _do_ magic.”

“Hm,” Lavellan took a bite of toast, “I hate to tell you, Lethalin, but the powers you use to do what you did in the library is, in fact, magic.”

Fenris opened his mouth as if to argue before slowly shaking his head, “no, no other magic.”

“Can you cook?”

“Just because I was a slave doesn’t mean I _cooked_.”

“I didn’t say you cooked because you were a slave, Fenris. I asked if you cooked. I’ve never bee a slave, but I enjoy cooking.”

“Fenris mostly exists on wine.”

“Something I’m sure Dorian would agree with you on, but alas, not healthy. What are your interests, Fenris?”

“I don’t have any.”

“Well, that won’t stand. You’ll have plenty of time to find some here. Merrill, how about you?”


	15. Chapter 15

“Oh,” Lavellan jumped as she walked into her private library and found Fenris, “hello.”

“I’m sorry, should I not be in here?”

“It’s my private library, but you’re welcome if you don’t mind the spiderwebs,” Lavellan waved her hand and the candles in the room illuminated, “it’s not good for your eyes to read in the dark though.”

“I wasn’t reading, just looking,” Fenris shrugged.

“Any topic you were looking for specifically? My library isn’t as organized as the one upstairs.”

Fenris shook his head, watching Lavellan as she walked around the room going through the shelves.

“Merrill tells me you’re a spirit.”

“I’m a few spirits,” Lavellan corrected, “and an Elf.”

“Which spirits?”

Lavellan shrugged, “forgiveness, a few others. Why?”

“I’m trying to decide if I can trust you.”

“You were the one who put your hand in my chest, Lethalin. Am I the one that seems untrustworthy?”

“I apologize for my behavior yesterday, I’ve not had good experiences with mages.”

“No matter,” Lavellan found the book she was looking for and sat at the desk, “please don’t do it again though, it didn’t feel very nice.”

“I won’t,” Fenris cautiously approached the desk, “what are you reading?”

“It’s a book about midwifery,” Lavellan flipped to the pages that she was looking for, “Mia is heavily pregnant, as you know, but I wanted to see if humans carried their children for the same time that the Elvhen do.”

“Are you delivering her child?”

“That’s the plan,” Lavellan confirmed, finding the passage she needed, “looks like it’s the same, as I thought.”

“Have you delivered babies before?”

“Oh lots of them,” Lavellan closed the book, looking up at Fenris with a smile, “being a fade child means that I’m very good at healing.”

“I see,” Fenris looked around the room at the books, “are these all about healing?”

“Healing, herbs, recipes, courtship, anything that I found interesting. You’re welcome to borrow them.”

“I-“ Fenris flushed, “can’t read.”

“No?”

“It’s not the priority of a Magister to teach a slave to read.”

“No, I suppose not,” Lavellan frowned, “would you like me to teach you?”

“I don’t need your pity.”

“What part of that sounded like pity?” Lavellan stood, placing the book back on the shelf, “I was just hoping to help you, and possibly become your friend. Fenris, I’m not out to get you.”

Fenris sighed, “I’m sorry.”

Lavellan leaned against the desk and crossed her arms, “I promise I’m not going to attack you or judge you. I understand that we come from vastly different backgrounds and sometimes we’re going to have some culture shock, but I assure you that I don’t mean you any harm.”

“I doubt we have much in common, aside from Merrill I’ve spent no time with the Dalish. I have no patience for blood magic.”

“Blood magic?” Lavellan tilted her head in consideration, “Merrill does blood magic?”

Fenris nodded, “less now, but before the fall of Kirkwall…”

“Interesting,” Lavellan walked over to Fenris, casually taking his arm with hers and pulling him from the library, “well, I don’t do blood magic, if it makes you feel better. I would be happy to teach you about the Dalish if you’re curious.”

Fenris looked at Lavellan’s grip on his arm, scandalized, “I suppose…”

“What?”

“You’re touching me…”

“Do you not like being touched?”

Fenris didn’t, a dull ache blooming under his markings, but decided not to tell Lavellan that, “most people won’t touch me so casually.”

“This is the first time since my mother died that I’ve been near someone who looked like me,” Lavellan led Fenris into the great hall and out onto the steps, heading toward the Templar training yard, “and I like your hair. You remind me of my late husband, so I feel comfortable around you.”

“I tried to kill you yesterday.”

“Lots of people have tried to kill me over the past few months,” Lavellan shrugged, “it’s alright. Spirit of forgiveness, right?”

“Hey Boss,” Bull called to Lavellan as she walked toward the tavern, “making friends?”

“Yes. You’ve met Fenris, right Bull?”

“I heard he had an altercation with Dorian yesterday.”

“That was _yesterday_ , Bull. It’s a whole new day,” Lavellan found an empty chair next to Dorian and duplicated it with a quick spell, sitting down and pulling Fenris into the other chair.

“I apologize,” Fenris mumbled, “I haven’t had good experiences with Tevinter Magisters.”

“On that my white-headed friend we are agreed,” Dorian nodded.

“Here here,” Krem held up a bottle of wine in toast, taking a long draw before passing it to Dorian who did the same. After a moment, Dorian offered the bottle to Fenris.

Fenris cautiously took the bottle, taking a small sip, “Sun Blond Vint?”

“It is indeed,” Dorian smiled, “well done.”

“I prefer Carnal, but it’ll do,” Fenris took another sip before passing the bottle back to Dorian.

“Oh, I can tell we’re going to be good friends.”

***

Cullen frowned as Lavellan walked into the main hall at the end of the day holding onto Fenris’ arm as he escorted her to her seat.

“You two seem cozy,” Varric commented as Fenris sat beside him.

“And why not?” Lavellan asked, “he’s my friend.”

“I’m glad you two are getting along,” Varric glanced at Cullen who was frowning.

“How was your day, Vhenan?” Lavellan asked Cullen, taking his hand on the table.

“Good, mostly training,” Cullen tried to keep his voice light, “what did you do today?”

“I had a check-up with Mia,” Lavellan poured herself a glass of wine, “I think her baby will be here in the next month. I spent some time with Lily, some time with Fenris, I worked with Josephine.”

“Sounds busy.”

“It was,” Lavellan studied Cullen’s face, “bad day?”

“Just tired,” Cullen reassured, “shall we get something to eat?”

“Yes, lets,” Lavellan stood, “Fenris?”

“Coming,” Fenris followed them to the table.

“Cullen seems upset,” Merrill frowned.

“He’s jealous,” Dorian provided, “he knows that Fenris might be a bit closer to home for Ivy than he is.”

“Fenris is…grouchy…”

“Not with her,” Bull disagreed, “he seems to like her.”

True to Bull's observation, Fenris had a small smile as Lavellan explained the various dishes to him, her hand still tightly clenched in Cullen’s.

“Maker, he better not get between them,” Varric groaned, “Leliana will kill me if I cause that kind of drama.”

***

“What’s bothering you, Vhenan?” Lavellan asked as they got ready for bed, “you’ve been quiet today.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Please don’t lie to me,” Lavellan started to undress.

“You seem…awfully friendly with Fenris.”

“You’re jealous?”

“No.”

Lavellan arched an eyebrow at Cullen and dropped her jacket over the back of her chair.

“Yes.”

“Why? Have I given you any indication that you _need_ to be jealous of Fenris?”

Cullen frowned, “you’re very physical with him.”

“I hold his arm and make sure he eats,” Lavellan pulled her shirt over her head, standing in front of Cullen topless, “I stroked your cock until you came all over your chest this morning. I would say I’m more physical with you.”

Cullen flushed a deep red, “yes…well…”

“Cullen, are you in my bed, or is Fenris?”

“I am.”

“There we are, you should have some confidence,” Lavellan finished undressing and walked over to the bed, kneeling on it and waiting for Cullen to join her, clearly comfortable in front of him nude.

“Do you have any idea how distracting you are to talk to when you’re nude?”

“Do you have any idea how frustrating it is that you’re _not_ nude?”

Cullen laughed, his mood lightning as he undressed and walked over to Lavellan, slightly uncomfortable as her eyes traveled over him, “this is still new to me.”

“I know,” Lavellan reached for Cullen, “but you need to trust me. There are many beautiful men in the Inquisition, and yes, Fenris is one of them, but I’ve only allowed _you_ to court me.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Cullen let Lavellan push him back against the headboard, stretching his legs out and holding Lavellan’s hips as she straddled him, “I’ve said cruel things about your magic. I’m frightened that you might realize that you’re better off with someone else and you might leave.”

“Fenris tried to kill me, I don’t think you need to worry about that.”

“I’m just a washed-up Templar with withdrawal issues,” Cullen traced the white lines over Lavellan’s thighs.

“Vhenan,” Lavellan tilted Cullen’s chin up, forcing him to meet her eyes, “you’re much more than that.”

“What does that mean?”

“Vhenan?”

“Yes, you’ve been calling me that all day.”

“In common, it would be _heart_.”

“A promotion from Lethalin?”

“I would think so,” Lavellan closed the space between them, kissing Cullen gently.

Cullen relaxed into the kiss, this was familiar territory now. Carefully he brought his hand up to cup her face, and the other to her lower back to hold her in place.

“What would you like to do tonight?” Lavellan whispered as she kissed down his neck.

“Anything,” Cullen answered, “everything.”

“Everything?” Lavellan laughed, “you need to sleep at some point.”

“No I don’t,” Cullen smiled, “I’ll be fine.”

Lavellan kissed down Cullen’s chest, moving back to kneel between his legs, “is there anything you don’t want to do?”

“I’ve wanted nothing more than to be inside of you all day, so I think I’ll be agreeable either way.”

Lavellan smiled, reaching for Cullen’s cock and taking it in hand, “you’re always so hard for me.”

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. The fact that you even _allow_ me into your bed has me hard most of the time.”

“Is that so?”

“You smiled at me once during one of our chess games and I was aching all day.”

“You shouldn’t tell me things like that, Commander. I might start to torment you on purpose.”

Cullen was ready with a smart response, but all that fell from his mouth was a startled groan as Lavellan took the head of his cock into her mouth.

Lavellan hummed in amusement, looking up at him with sparkling eyes as she started to slowly bob her head, Cullen gripping the sheets tightly.

Lavellan seemed in no rush, pleasuring him with hand and mouth in random patterns until Cullen was shaking on the bed, desperately thrusting up into her hand as she kissed him senseless. As Lavellan moved to take him back in her mouth, Cullen stopped her.

“Wait.”

“What?”

“I’m so close,” Cullen panted, “I won’t last.”

“I didn’t ask you too,” Lavellan’s breath brushed over the head of Cullen’s cock and he let out a hiss.

“I’ll spend.”

“I hope so,” Lavellan flicked her tongue over the sensitive bottom of the head of his cock, grinning as Cullen closed his eyes and grit his jaw, “watch me, Vhenan.”

“I can’t,” Cullen swallowed hard.

“Cullen,” Lavellan’s voice was low and seductive, “open your eyes.”

Cullen took a steadying breath and met get gaze, his mouth dropping open as she made a show of slowly taking him deep into her mouth, her nose brushing against his curls at the base of his cock.

Cullen could hear the moans falling from his lips, his orgasm so close that his blood was roaring in his ears, “Ivy…”

Lavellan hummed, the vibrations pulling him over the edge so quickly he couldn’t brace for it. His back arching as he spilled into Lavellan’s mouth moaning her name and some creative curses. Lavellan gently pulled from him, moving up the bed to lay beside Cullen and stroke his hair as he caught his breath.

“Makers breath,” Cullen panted, “that was incredible.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Lavellan kissed Cullen’s forehead.

“Very much,” Cullen confirmed, rolling onto his side to face Lavellan, “I fear I’ll never be able to look at your mouth again without blushing.”

“You don’t do a good job of that now, Vhenan.”

“I’ll be worse,” Cullen kissed the tip of Lavellan’s nose, “I’ve never done that before.”

“No?” Lavellan brushed Cullen’s sweat-soaked curls from his forehead, “it’s fun.”

“Yes, it certainly is,” Cullen sat up slightly, “what can I do in return?”

“There is no obligation to return anything,” Lavellan reassured, “I’m happy to just go to sleep if you prefer.”

“Not a chance, my love,” Cullen rolled Lavellan on to her back, kissing the long ridge of her ear until she gasped, “I’m not leaving a debt unpaid.”

“It’s not a debt, Vhenan, I like pleasuring you.”

“I like pleasuring you, too,” Cullen took one of Lavellan’s nipples in his mouth, sucking gently as she had done for him, smiling as a soft moan fell from her lips.

Cullen kissed his way down her stomach, stretching out on his stomach between her legs and pulling her legs to rest over his shoulders.

“Alright?” Lavellan asked as Cullen took a moment to look at her.

“You’re already so wet,” Cullen brought his thumb to gently circle her clit as she had shown him the night before.

“You’re very attractive when you’re moaning and panting on my bed, it has that effect on me.”

Cullen decided to throw caution to the wind, parting her folds with his tongue to taste her.

“ _Creators_ ,” Lavellan tangled her fingers in his hair, “you’re brave tonight.”

Cullen laughed, exchanging his thumb for his tongue, doing tight circles around her clit, and delighting in the soft moans it pulled from her. Following Lavellan’s example, Cullen slowly took the time to learn her body, and what pulled the best responses, clinging to each moan and sigh like treasure.

Lavellan eventually reached for his hand, pushing it between her legs, “inside of me, _please_.”

Cullen moaned, his cock twitching with interest as he pulled back to watch his finger slide inside of Lavellan, impossibly wet and tight around him.

“ _Yes_ ,” Lavellan moaned, bringing her hands up to cup her breast and tease her nipples into tight peaks, “curl your finger, Vhenan, stroke against my front wall.”

Cullen did, gently at first until Lavellan was rocking her hips with each movement of his fingers, bringing his mouth back to her clit and licking in tight circles.

He could tell she was about to cum before a sound fell from her mouth as she started to flutter around him, doubling his effort until she cried out his name, her entire body tensing.

Cullen gently pulled his hand from her as she relaxed back against the bed, wiping his chin with his hand before moving up the bed beside her.

“If you tell me that was the first time you’ve done that, I won’t believe you,” Lavellan smiled at him, leaning forward to kiss him.

“I won’t say anything then,” Cullen joked, pulling the furs over their bodies.

The candles in the room went out, and Cullen curled himself around Lavellan as she rolled onto her side.

“Can you join me in the fade tonight?” Cullen whispered.

Lavellan took Cullen’s hand from her hip, entwining their fingers together, “of course.”

“Goodnight, my love.”

“Goodnight, Vhenan.”

***

“Wake up, Vhenan, you can’t sleep the day away,” Lavellan’s voice slowly pulled Cullen from the fade.

“Five more minutes.”

“You’ve already had ten more minutes,” Lavellan smacked Cullen’s bum, “wake up.”

Cullen chuckled, rolling onto his back and opening his eyes to look at Lavellan, still nude, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I won't be able to repeat last night if you sleep all day afterward,” Lavellan joked, “did I suck the life from you?”

Cullen groaned, blushing and covering his face, “not funny.”

“Very funny,” Lavellan disagreed, moving to straddle Cullen and pull his hands from his face, “I thought you enjoyed it.”

“I did enjoy it, I’m just embarrassed.”

“Why?”

“I wasn’t exactly…quiet or composed.”

“I don’t want you to be quiet and composed,” Lavellan brushed her hair back and Cullen noticed it was still wet from her morning bath, “I like when you relax enough to show me how you feel.”

“Minx,” Cullen smiled up at Lavellan, “I love you.”

“You love my mouth,” Lavellan winked.

“I love that too,” Cullen agreed.

“Look at it this way, the sooner you get your day started, the sooner you’re back in my bed and we can continue exploring.”

“What more is there to do, short of…”

“Actually having you inside of me?” Lavellan finished Cullen’s sentence, “lots of things, though I’ll admit I’d like to have you make love to me tonight.”

Cullen’s cock gave a hard twitch, and Lavellan’s eyes followed the movement, “do I take that as a yes?”

“Please,” Cullen confirmed, “I can put off training this morning if you don’t want to wait.”

“Commander,” Lavellan pretended to be shocked, “what would the Inquisitor think? You skipping out on your morning duties to bed an Elf?”

“You’re no simple Elf,” Cullen pulled Lavellan down toward him, “and I hope she would approve.”

“I do,” Lavellan agreed, “but I want the first time we make love to not be rushed because we have other things we’re meant to be doing. I want to savor every inch of you as you slide inside of me.”

“If you keep talking like that I’m going to keep you in this bed,” Cullen put on his bed Commander voice, “regardless of your commitments.”

“I want to ride you slowly,” Lavellan brought her mouth to brush over Cullen’s ear as she spoke, “kiss you as I grind into your lap.”

“Ivy,” Cullen pleaded, “stop teasing me.”

“Then I want you to bend me over the bed,” Lavellan continued, “pin me down on the bed and _take me_ like I know you can. I want to see all of those long years of Templar restraint broken as you pound into me.”

Lavellan pushed the furs out of the way, exposing Cullen’s body to the morning sun and took his hand, bringing it to his cock.

“You want me too…”

Lavellan could feel the heat from Cullen’s blush against her face, “one day I’m going to sneak up on you in your office, wearing that dress you like with no smalls,” Lavellan wrapped Cullen’s fingers around his cock and squeezed once before moving her hand away, “I’m going to bend over the desk, already wet and wanting, and have you take me without even undressing.”

Cullen gasped, slowly moving his hand over his cock as she spoke, “and then what?”

“You’re going to push my dress up over my hips, and thrust into me in one long stroke. We don’t have time for foreplay, because in my haste to see you, I’ve left all of the doors unlocked.”

Cullen closed his eyes, picturing the image in his mind, taking a moment to gather the precum and spread it over the head of his cock.

“Maybe you start slowly, a few gentle thrusts so I can get used to the stretch,” Lavellan continued, “but soon you’re pounding into me hard enough that if anyone walks by your office door, they’ll know what you’re doing.”

Cullen moaned, the thought a tempting one, his hand speeding up.

“It’s almost time for the lunch report, and I’m gasping as you’re almost pushing me up the desk, so close already. We’re running out of time though, and if we don’t stop soon, we’re going to be caught. The Commander of the Inquisition cock-deep in the Inquisitor.”

Cullen was fisting his cock quickly now, the initial awkwardness of the situation gone, “what do we do?”

“My ears pick up the sound of someone coming, only twenty paces away, so I warn you that someone is coming. You don’t stop, taking me harder until I fall apart around you, squeezing you tightly. They’re only a few steps away now, ten at most, can you spill before they arrive?”

Cullen nodded frantically.

“Ten,” Lavellan moaned into his hear, “nine, come on darling, eight…”

Cullen groaned, almost there.

“Seven,” Lavellan kissed along his neck, “six.”

Cullen swore, spilling over his hand and chest as Lavellan whispered, “five,” against his ear, moaning with him as he came.

“Well done, Commander, you left us enough time to pull my dress down and do up your pants,” Lavellan kissed his cheek, and Cullen felt the cleansing spell over his skin, “now will you get out of bed?”

Cullen laughed, a breathless chuckle, “you’ve turned me into a teenager again.”

“You love me.”

“Maker help me, I do.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey - I love your comments and I love your kudos, thank you all so much for taking the time to leave them!

“I can’t believe I did that,” Cullen dressed quickly.

“Why?”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“You don’t pleasure yourself?”

Cullen blushed, “of course I do, but never in front of someone else.”

“Honestly, it’s just tragic someone as beautiful as you has had such a boring sex life,” Lavellan waited for Cullen to retrieve his cloak.

“You’re quickly fixing that,” Cullen whistled for Birch and followed Lavellan down the steps, “I need to go to my quarters for a change of clothes, then I have training with Barris.”

“You always have training with Barris,” Lavellan opened the door to the great hall, “Why don’t you move your clothes into my quarters? You sleep there anyway.”

“You’re sure?”

“Absolutely,” Lavellan agreed, “it makes more sense than you leaving in the morning to go back to your quarters to change.”

“Alright,” Cullen agreed, “I’ll bring my stuff tonight?”

“Don’t tire yourself out,” Lavellan pulled Cullen down, kissing his cheek, “you’re going to have your hands full tonight.”

“Stop,” Cullen chuckled, “your friends are watching.”

“Who cares?” Lavellan let Cullen go, “I’ll see you for lunch?”

“Yes,” Cullen kissed the back of Lavellan’s hand, “see you then.”

***

“Ivy,” Lily called to her, “can you read this book to me?”

“Which book is that, Da’len?” Lavellan held her hand out for the book and sat Lily on her lap.

“Uncle Varric wrote it for me.”

“That’s sweet of him,” Lavellan quickly skimmed the book, “why don’t you see if Varric and Fenris would like to join us, or any of the Dalish children?”

“Okay!” Lily jumped up and took off running.

“Are there children with my brother in your future?” Mia asked from behind Lavellan.

Lavellan turned, smiling at Mia and standing to offer her the chair, “sit, please.”

Mia sat, smiling at Bull and looking over the Templar ring, “you didn’t answer my question.”

“I don’t have an answer for you,” Lavellan shrugged, “they would be a mage, and I’m not confident that Cullen would be comfortable with that.”

“He’s so taken with you I’m sure he would manage.”

“Managing is not the same as liking it,” Lavellan sat on the ground.

“He mentioned something to me this morning.”

“Oh?”

“You’ve not told him that you love him,” Mia glanced down at Lavellan, “may I ask why? I can tell you care for him.”

“I do,” Lavellan agreed, looking out across the training field to find Cullen watching her, “I’m just a little unsure.”

“Unsure of what?”

Lavellan shook her head, smiling sadly at Mia, “it’s nothing to worry about.”

“Be kind to him, please,” Mia placed a hand on her round belly, “he’s been through so much.”

“I know. I will be.”

“Uncle Fenris is coming!” Lily called as she ran over to Lavellan, “can I sit in your lap?”

“Of course,” Lavellan settled Lily in her lap, smiling at Fenris as he walked over, “Fen, you sit beside me.”

“Fen?” Fenris asked as he sat close enough to see the book over Lavellan’s shoulder.

“Fen,” Lavellan confirmed, “alright, Lily, can you read?”

“Not yet.”

“Follow my finger,” Lavellan turned to the first page, “once, there was a brave Templar who watched over his town like a brave lion.”

***

“That was so good,” Lily took the book from Lavellan and held it to her chest, “do you think Varric will write another one?”

“I think he would if you asked,” Lavellan smiled, “he likes writing.”

“Mum, can I go ask him?”

“Yes, but don’t run across the training ring.”

“I’ll go with her,” Fenris stood, offering Lily his hand.

“Fen suits you better than Broody,” Lavellan stood from the ground, wiping off her pants.

“If you say so.”

“I do,” Lavellan linked her arm with Fenris’, “I’ll come with you, I have a meeting with Josephine.”

Fenris led Lily and Lavellan across the courtyard, the three walking arm in arm, missing the pained stare from Cullen as they walked by.

“Oh dear,” Mia commented to herself as she saw Cullen’s expression.

“Until he can love her for who she truly is, I think she’ll always hold back,” Dorian commented, “she’s confident enough in herself to know that she could be loved _for_ what she is, not despite it.”

Mia nodded, “I understand, but I don’t want to see my brother hurt.”

“Rest assured, my lady, that Ivy is the last person to hurt anyone.”

***

“I’ll miss you,” Lavellan smiled at Bull, “be careful.”

“I always am, Boss.”

“I know, but I would hate to lose my Qunari.”

“You won't,” Bull hoisted his ax into the back of the cart, “thanks for letting Dorian come.”

“I wouldn’t separate you two,” Lavellan hugged Dorian, watching as he pulled back and climbed onto the cart, “Bull? Are you going to hug the big scary mage?”

“Nothing big about you, Boss,” Bull carefully hugged Lavellan, “we’ll be back in a week.”

“Send word if you need help.”

“We will,” Bull got into the cart, giving a nod to Cullen as he approached.

“You have everything you need?”

“I ran this company for _years_ , I know how to do this.”

“We know, Bull,” Lavellan took a step back, “see you soon.”

“Goodbye!” Dorian called dramatically as the cart started to move, “we’ll miss you!”

“I’ll miss you more,” Lavellan called back, smiling as Cullen laughed.

“You two are so dramatic,” Cullen rolled his eyes, “they’ll be fine.”

“I know,” Lavellan waved as the gate shut behind them, “but Bull secretly likes it.”

“You have a fan,” Cullen nodded behind Lavellan where Fenris stood near the gate.

“Fen,” Lavellan called out, “come here.”

“Fen?”

“Nickname,” Lavellan waited for Fenris to join them, “did you have lunch yet?”

“No,” Fenris answered simply.

“Vhenan?”

“No, not yet.”

“Come on boys,” Lavellan took Cullen’s arm, “I think we missed the lunch in the hall, but I can make you something from the kitchen.”

Fenris lagged behind until Lavellan reached for him, taking his hand and leading the way to the kitchen. Cullen frowned but managed to smooth his expression before Lavellan noticed.

“Hello, Inquisitor,” the cook greeted, “Commander.”

“Good afternoon,” Lavellan greeted, “how’s your back?”

“So much better since you treated it, thank you, dear. Did you come for a snack?”

“We missed lunch,” Lavellan pushed the men to sit at a small table, “do you mind if I spend a few minutes in here?”

“Not at all,” the cook waved her hand, “I was just going to the cold cellar anyway. Make yourself at home.”

“Thank you,” Lavellan smiled, “now, what would you two like?”

“I have no preference,” Cullen watched as Lavellan walked around the kitchen.

“Neither do I.”

“Alright,” Lavellan gathered some ingredients and set to work.

“Are you putting…apple…in a sandwich?” Cullen asked as she started slicing the fruit.

“You said you have no preference, so you’re having an Elvhen lunch,” Lavellan smiled as she worked, “it’s nice to have people to feed again.”

Lavellan quickly put the sandwiches together, soft cheese, roasted chicken in thin slices, sliced apple, salt, pepper, and some raspberries warmed with honey. Cullen looked at the sandwich with concern as it was sat in front of him.

“Eat it,” Lavellan laughed, “it’s good.”

Fenris had much less concern, biting into the sandwich and chewing slowly, considering the flavors, “it’s good.”

“Of course it’s good,” Lavellan set an extra sandwich to the side, before sitting with Cullen and Fenris, “Cullen, don’t make me use magic to get that into your mouth.”

Cullen took a cautious bite of the sandwich, looking at the strange combination in shock, “wow.”

“Honestly, Vhenan,” Lavellan laughed, “I’ve cooked for you before.”

“Apples in a sandwich,” Cullen considered out loud, “who would have known.”

“Apples in a sandwich?” the cook asked as she walked back into the room with her arms full of a heavy basket.

“Let me help,” Lavellan held her hand up, levitating the basket to the counter, “I made one for you as well.”

“Aren’t you sweet,” the cook took the plate, taking a hearty bite, “oh, lovely. You elves have the best ideas for flavors. So, which one of these two are you bedding, then?”

Lavellan laughed as Cullen flushed, “the Commander.”

“Good choice,” the cook nodded, “though the white-haired one is beautiful.”

“Fen is gorgeous,” Lavellan agreed, “he’s new to the Inquisition, let’s try not to scare him off.”

“You’re welcome in my kitchen anytime, love,” the cook slapped her hand on Fenris’ back, “my name is Rosie. It’ll do good to get some meat on you.”

Fenris nodded, “thank you.”

“Cute you got your tattoos to match the Inquisitors,” Rosie finished her sandwich in record speed, “looks sweet, the two of you matching.”

Cullen looked between Fenris and Lavellan and couldn’t help but agree they would make a beautiful couple. Finishing his sandwich around the lump in his throat.

“What are your plans for the afternoon now that you’ve eaten the scary sandwich, Vhenan?”

“Planning troop routes with Barris and Harding.”

“Then packing your clothes?”

“Yes,” Cullen smiled, “then packing my clothes.”

“Are you travelling?” Fenris asked as he finished his sandwich.

“No,” Lavellan answered for Cullen, “he’s moving into my quarters.”

“I see,” Fenris regarded Cullen with interest, “a Templar with a mage?”

“Why not?”

“From my experience in Kirkwall, the Templars were trying to crush the mages, not bed them. Do you know if Bethany Hawke escaped the Tower?”

“No, I don’t,” Cullen shook his head, “I hope so, she was a kind lady.”

“She was,” Fenris agreed, “she deserved more than Kirkwall gave her.”

“Didn’t we all.”

“Yes.”

“Alright, enough gloom,” Lavellan waved her hand in the air as if to clean the negativity from it, “there will always be times in your life where you can look back and see where you should have made other choices. That doesn’t mean you can go back in time and actually change anything. I live with the death of my entire clan over my head, but I don’t spend all of my time wondering what I could have done to save them. I just know that I will make better choices should something similar happen in the future.”

“Well said, Inquisitor,” Rosie agreed.

“Both of you had issues with mages and magic. Both of you just ate lunch with the most powerful mage you’ll ever meet. Things _change_. People change. Neither of you are who you were a few years ago.”

“You’re right,” Fenris nodded, “I apologize, Commander.”

“No harm done.”

“Fenris, did you want to come scouting with me this afternoon? I need to gather some elfroot, there’s a patch nearby.”

“I don’t know what elfroot looks like.”

“Well, then I better teach you,” Lavellan stood, kissing Cullen’s cheek, “I made a set of drawers for you this morning next to mine. Here is a key,” Lavellan pressed the key into Cullen’s hand, “see you for dinner?”

“Yes,” Cullen held the key tight to his chest, “be careful.”

“I always am.”

***

“This looks like a weed,” Fenris complained as he picked another bunch, “and it smells bad.”

“It is a weed,” Lavellan confirmed, “and it only smells until it’s dry.”

“Why do we need it?”

“It’s the main ingredient in most healing potions,” Lavellan’s arm brushed Fenris’ as she placed some elfroot in the bag he was holding. Fenris flinching in the process.

“Do they hurt?”

“Do what hurt?”

“Your markings.”

“Yes,” Fenris didn’t look at Lavellan as he answered, “they burn.”

“Would you like me to heal them for you?”

Fenris glanced up, “I’ve had healing potions, they don’t help.”

“I meant with magic,” Lavellan continued gathering the elfroot, keeping the conversation light, “I could easily stop the discomfort you feel when people touch you. I imagine clothing is extremely uncomfortable. I’m assuming that’s why you don’t wear shoes.”

“That’s right,” Fenris stopped gathering herbs, instead watching Lavellan as she walked around the clearing, “you’re a very strange woman.”

“I’ve been told that before, but what makes you say that now?”

“I almost killed you.”

“Yes,” Lavellan looked at him, “and?”

“You’re willing to help me.”

“Yes,” Lavellan said again, “Fen I’m helping the entire world but plugging a hole in the sky, healing you is nothing big in comparison.”

“I’ve done nothing to deserve any kindness from you.”

Lavellan frowned at that, “that’s not your decision to make, Fen.”

“I….will consider it.”

“Alright,” Lavellan nodded, “the offer is there.”

***

Cullen noticed his hands starting to shake shortly after lunch, just the odd tremor, but he felt with an impending sense of dread that it was just the start.

By the time he started moving his clothes into the drawers in Lavellan’s quarters he felt worse than he had in months. Missing dinner and deciding instead to try and rest with the hope that he would feel better by the time Lavellan arrived.

As Lavellan took the steps up to the bedroom, Cullen was struggling not to the writhe in agony as his muscles spasmed around him.

“There you are, Vhenan, you missed dinner,” Lavellan froze as soon as she saw him, “what’s wrong?”

“A headache,” Cullen managed to grit out, “I’m fine. Come here.”

“It’s not a headache,” Lavellan rushed to the bed, place a hand against Cullen’s forehead, “you’ve got a fever.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, Cullen. Stop lying to me,” Lavellan undid the laces on Cullen’s shirt pulling it over his head, “what’s happening?”

Cullen shook his head, pulling Lavellan in for a kiss. They had made plans for the evening and he would be damned before he let the withdrawal stop him.

“Cullen,” Lavellan whispered against his mouth.

Cullen tried to deepen the kiss and Lavellan attempted to pull away, held tight by Cullen’s hand on her back.

“Cullen, stop.”

Cullen did, dropping his head to Lavellan’s shoulder to hide his face.

“What’s going on?” Lavellan’s voice was soft.

“The lyrium,” Cullen mumbled, “I feel awful.”

Lavellan wrapped her arms around him, “let me take care of you.”

“No magic.”

Lavellan sighed and Cullen winced, “alright, Vhenan. No magic. Come on, let’s get you undressed.”

***

Within a few hours Cullen _was_ writhing on the bed, a cold cloth held to his forehead as he tried to settle.

“Easy,” Lavellan assured him, “you’re alright.”

“It hurts,” Cullen mumbled, “so much.”

“I know, the lyrium is working its way from your muscles,” Lavellan cooled the cloth again and brought it back to Cullen’s forehead.

“You deserve better,” Cullen mumbled, “than a Templar who hates mages and can’t even stand.”

“You don’t hate mages, and this is just a bad day,” Lavellan soothed.

“I’m a waste,” Cullen continued, “no wonder you can’t love me.”

“Who told you that?” Lavellan pushed Cullen’s curls from his face, “of course I can love you.”

“You don’t though,” Cullen’s eyes were glazed, a mix of fever and tears, “you don’t love me.”

“Cullen, calm down.”

Cullen forced his eyes closed, tears falling down his cheeks, “it’s all my fault. I’m so stupid to think you could have ever wanted me.”

“I do want you.”

“You spend all your time with Fenris.”

“You’re working, Vhenan. I can’t spend my time with you. You’re busy.”

“Fenris would be able to make love to you tonight, he’s not stuck in a useless body.”

“Shh,” Lavellan sat against the headboard, pulling Cullen the best she could to rest against her chest, “Cullen, nothing that you’re saying right now is true. It’s just a fever dream. I’m here, with you. Together we’ll be alright.”

Cullen didn’t say anything, gripping her shirt and sobbing as she ran a gentle hand over his back.

***

When Cullen woke, he had no idea what had happened. Laying still with his eyes closed as he tried to remember. Gradually, flashes of his babbling, writhing on the bed, and a vague memory of throwing up over the side of the bed came to him. Cullen groaned as he rolled over in the bed.

“How are you feeling?” Lavellan spoke softly, a careful hand on his shoulder.

Cullen suddenly realized he was nude and tried very hard not to linger on why that was.

“Better,” Cullen opened his eyes and found the room dark and cold, “what time is it?”

“Just after lunch.”

“After lunch?” Cullen tried to sit up, “I have to-“

“No,” Lavellan pushed Cullen back down, “not today. Barris and I arranged the training. I’ve dealt with the troop movements. There is nothing that requires your attention today.”

“Do I want to know why I’m naked in bed?”

“No,” Lavellan shook her head, “you don’t.”

Cullen sighed, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Being an invalid.”

“You’re not, Vhenan. You’re the farthest thing from it.”

“I hope I wasn’t cruel last night.”

“Only to yourself,” Lavellan brushed his hair from his face.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m frustrated,” Lavellan answered honestly, “what happened last night could have been avoided if you trusted me enough to let me heal you. We wouldn’t have gone through the hours of fever, and all of the other…unpleasantness…if you did.”

“I do trust you.”

“No,” the tone of Lavellan’s voice had Cullen opening his eyes to look at her, sadness clearly written across her face, “Vhenan, you don’t. You might want too, but if I offered to heal you right now, would you let me?”

“Will you leave me if I don’t?”

“Of course not.”

“No,” Cullen frowned, “I wouldn’t let you. Not unless it was going to cost me losing you.”

Lavellan sighed and Cullen rushed to continue, “I trust _you_ , I don’t trust magic.”

“Cullen,” Lavellan leaned forward, her markings illuminating and her eyes changing to a bright fade-green, “I _am_ magic.”

Cullen didn’t flinch, a combination of exhaustion and reassurance that Lavellan wouldn’t hurt him keeping him still, “I love _you_ , so surely I’ll love magic eventually.”

***

By dinnertime, Cullen was feeling largely better, sitting up in their bed and reading some reports that Barris had brought him.

“Are you up for some visitors, Vhenan?” Lavellan called from the top of the stairs, “I have your sister and niece by the door.”

“Certainly,” Cullen agreed, setting the reports aside, suddenly very glad he had gotten dressed earlier.

“Uncle Cullen!” Lily ran up the stairs, “are you okay? Ivy said you were sick.”

“I’m fine now,” Cullen pulled Lily onto the bed, “Ivy took good care of me.”

Mia followed Lily over the bed, sitting on the edge, “you’re lucky to have a healer like her, it would be much worse without.”

Lavellan didn’t say anything as she set a tray full of food on the desk, opening the curtains around the room to let in the light from the sunset.

“There’s not been a day since I met Ivy that I haven’t been very grateful to know her.”

Mia studied Cullen’s face for a moment before sighing, “you haven’t let her heal you, have you?”

“I-“

Mia turned to Lavellan, “I take back what I said yesterday. He’s an oaf. I understand your position completely.”

Lavellan smiled, “he’s not an oaf, just stubborn.”

“I’m _not_ stubborn,” Cullen disagreed, “I’m _scared_. There’s a difference.”

“Scared of Ivy?” Lily looked around the room bewildered, “why? She’s the nicest.”

“Not scared of me, Da’len. Your uncle just doesn’t like magic very much.”

“That’s stupid,” Lily declared, much to the horror of Mia who shushed her.

“Lily, that’s rude.”

“It’s not _rude_ ,” Lily crossed her arms over her chest, “even the _Maker_ was a mage, so was Andraste. How else would the trees change colour, or owls be able to fly at night? They had to be made by magic.”

“That’s an interesting point, Da’len, but there have been lots of bad things done with magic, too.”

“Swords hurt people too, but he carries one of those!”

Cullen stared dumbfounded at Lily before glancing up at Mia.

“She has her father’s wit,” Mia shrugged.

“I agree with you Da’len. Magic is a tool, much like a sword, and it can be used just as easily to cut down a tree as it is to cut down a person, _but_ , if you had been cut by a sword, you would look at it as a weapon, rather than a tool, no?”

“I guess,” Lily conceded, “so Uncle Cullen had someone hurt him with magic?”

“Yes,” Cullen answered quietly, “a long time ago.”

“Oh,” Lily hugged Cullen, “I’m sorry that happened, but Ivy wouldn’t hurt you.”

“I know,” Cullen agreed, “I still don’t like it though.”

“You should, she can do all sorts of neat things.”

There was the sound similar to a rock against the windowpane, drawing the attention of those on the bed.

“Oh no,” Lily noticed the bird first, a bright speck of yellow lying limp on the balcony, “is it dead?”

“I’m not sure,” Lavellan walked to the door, opening it and gently picking the bird up, “no, not dead. Certainly hurt.”

“You can help it, right?” Lily asked as Lavellan brought the bird over, breathing heavily with a twisted wing in the palm of her hand.

“Mmhmm,” Lavellan took her seat beside Cullen again, cupping both hands around the bird, her markings flaring to life for a few minutes as the others sat at watched.

As Lavellan’s markings faded, Lily touched her hands, “is it okay?”

“Let’s see,” Lavellan carefully lifted her top hand, the birds wing now in place as it appeared to be sleeping in her palm, “wake up, Da’len.”

The bird’s eyes opened slowly, and Lavellan took it gently onto her finger.

“Wow,” Lily reached out a finger to pet the bird, carefully running it over the golden feathers, “he’s all better!”

“A little stunned, but he’ll live,” Lavellan agreed, urging the bird to sit on Lily’s finger.

The bird looked around the room, much to the delight of Lily who laughed, “you flew into the window, silly. You should be careful.”

“It’s because the sun is setting,” Lavellan explained, “it could see through the windows and didn’t see the glass. It was probably on its way to roost for the night.”

Lavellan took the bird from Lily, walking back to the door of the balcony, “be careful, Da’len. There are lots more windows, you’re probably safe to sleep in the tree just down there,” Lavellan pointed to the prayer garden, and the bird took flight in the direction she had indicated.

“That was _amazing_ ,” Lily gushed, “I wish I was a mage.”

“No you don’t, Da’len. You wish you could do magic, but you wouldn’t want to live as a mage, it’s…trying.”

“It _would_ be lonely to live in one of those circles,” Lily conceded.

“It would,” Lavellan agreed, shutting the door and looking out over the mountains, “imagine being taken away from your family and locked in a tower. How lonely that would be. A bird with a gilded cage, windows to see outside and no way of getting there.”


	17. Chapter 17

“Time to eat, Vhenan,” Lavellan prepared a plate for Cullen after Mia and Lily had left for the evening, “you’ll feel better.”

“I already feel better, thanks to you,” Cullen accepted the plate gratefully, “that was impressive work, saving that bird.”

“Thank you,” Lavellan sat next to him as he ate.

“Are you alright?”

“After everything you went through yesterday you’re asking me if I’m alright?”

“You seem sad.”

“I’ll be alright,” Lavellan undid her hair, sitting in silence as Cullen ate.

“I’ll keep trying,” Cullen said after a while, “I promise.”

“Take your time,” Lavellan took the empty plate, placing it back on the desk, “I can wait.”

“I’m sorry I ruined our plans last night. I was really looking forward to them.”

“I was too, but we have time.”

“I would like to say we should continue with them tonight, but I don’t know if I have the energy to give you the attention you deserve.”

Lavellan laughed, “no, tonight I think we can settle for chess and sleep.”

“I love you,” Cullen couldn’t help but say it.

“I know you do, Vhenan.”

***

Skyhold was once again thrown into chaos when Bull and the Chargers returned. Bull’s already bad leg injured.

“I fell off a rock. A _rock_. It’s stupid,” Bull had complained, “I’ll be fine, I just need some time to let it settle.”

“If you’re sure,” Lavellan hadn’t looked convinced but didn’t press the matter.

***

It was two days later that Dorian had nearly woken half of Skyhold in his panic looking for Lavellan.

“Here you are,” Dorian was a mess, moustache wilted, hair in all directions, “I need your help.”

“What is it?” Lavellan looked up from the war table.

“Bull,” Dorian burst into tears, and Lavellan sprung into motion.

“Take me to him.”

Lavellan had rushed across Skyhold, Dorian, and most of the inner circle following behind her.

“Dorian,” Bull had wheezed as Lavellan entered the room, “I told you not to make a fuss.”

“You’re dying,” Dorian rushed to Bull’s side, “let her heal you, Amatus, _please_.”

“What’s going on?”

Dorian pulled back the sheet and those around the bed let out a hiss as Bull’s infected leg came into view, deep lines of red running all the way to his hip.

“Oh, Lethalin,” Lavellan frowned as she looked over the wound, “this is not good.”

“You can save him, right?” Dorian was frantic, “right?”

“Easy, Dorian,” Cullen assured Dorian, “it’ll be alright.”

“Well, Boss?”

Lavellan held up her hand, a large ball of mage-light appearing above her as she carefully looked at his leg, “this is bad, Bull. I won't lie to you.”

“How bad?”

“You’ll be dead in a few hours if you don’t let me heal it, bad.”

“No,” Dorian shook his head, “heal him.”

“That’s up to the Bull, Dorian.”

“What? Why!”

“Because our friendship, and my friendship with all of you, only works on the basis of trust. That I’ll never subject you to fade magic without your consent.” Lavellan sat on the bed next to Bull, taking his hand, “so it’s up to you.”

“I don’t suppose you can just make me a potion?”

“If you had shown me your leg when you had gotten back, I could have. We’re past that point now.”

Bull sighed, glancing at Dorian, “what kind of magic are we talking here.”

“Big magic. Fade magic.”

“You can’t be possessed?”

“No, I can’t.”

“You’re not going to do blood magic or nothing?”

“I don’t need to do blood magic to help you, but I do need to act now.”

“Fuck,” Bull looked back to Dorian, “fine.”

“Yes?”

“Yeah, just try not to surprise me.”

“Alright,” Lavellan made more mage-light, spreading them around the room, “I’ll need everyone to take a step back, please. Cullen, try not to stop my magic as you feel it in the room. My mother is going to be joining us, Bull. I’ll need her help.”

“Great,” Bull groaned.

Lavellan looked around the room, “Fenris, your markings might flare, don’t panic.”

Fenris nodded, taking a step further against the wall.

“Ready, Bull?’

“Let’s get this over with. I feel like shit.”

“Yes, I imagine you do,” Lavellan’s markings illuminated, making the room even brighter. As her eyes turned green, Enna appeared behind her.

“Da’len?”

“Bull’s sick,” Lavellan gestured to his leg, “I need your help.”

“That’s…very infected.”

“I know.”

“Alright,” Enna sat on the other side of the bed, taking Bull’s other hand, “I’ve never healed someone as big as you before.”

Lavellan laughed, “he’s big, but he’s a gentle giant.”

“If you say so. Ready when you are.”

“Bull?”

“Go ahead.”

Lavellan smiled, “it’ll just feel warm. You’ll be alright.”

“I can feel it,” Bull confirmed, frowning.

“Why do you bother, Da’len?” Enna asked, “you give all of yourself to people who are frightened of you. It’s cruel that they keep you here.”

“They’re my friends.”

“They _aren’t_ good friends,” Enna glanced around the room, “the white-haired one is almost as scared of you as your Commander is.”

“I know,” Lavellan didn’t take her eyes off of Bull.

Enna sighed, “you’re going to love them until it destroys you, aren’t you?”

“Likely,” Lavellan agreed, “it’s difficult, but it’s worth it, look.”

Cullen glanced over Enna’s shoulder, and true to Lavellan’s observation the infection was slowly making its way back down Bull’s leg.

“Worth it for who?”

Lavellan didn’t answer Enna, “Bull, I’m going to move my hand to your leg, alright?”

“Yeah,” Bull kept his eye focused on Lavellan as she moved to cup his ankle.

“Ivy.”

“Yes?”

“You deserve people who love you for who you _are_.”

“I know, Mamae,” Lavellan shifted her hands, the swelling starting to disappear, “but these are good people, and they deserve a life. I’m not going to abandon them with a hole in the fade because they’re frightened of me. How am I ever going to show them that magic isn’t something to fear if the only person that can help them gives up on them?”

“You’d die for people who wish they could change you?”

“It won’t come to that,” Lavellan glanced up at Enna, “but yes if I had too.”

“You’re a strange one, Da’len.”

“Well, I am my mother’s daughter.”

Enna laughed, “witty in your old age.”

“I’m still younger than you.”

“That’s not saying much, Ivy. I’m dead.”

“Are you? I thought you just liked showing off for my friends,” Lavellan smiled, “alright Bull, the infection is nearly gone, and I’ll heal the cut while I’m here so it doesn’t happen again. Do you want me to fix the old injury at the same time? You could get rid of that brace.”

“You could do that?”

“If you like.”

“Sure,” Bull agreed, “it sucks when you take me places that are cold.”

“I bet,” Lavellan shifted her grip again, “it’s going to feel like a hard pinch. Your bone is offset, which is why it’s so sore.”

“Let me know when.”

“On three,” Lavellan looked at Bull, “Mamae, take his knee and try and stop the pain.”

Enna moved, standing beside Lavellan and holding Bull’s knee, “your new friend looks like Tamaris.”

“I know he does, it was disarming at first. Fen isn’t Dalish, though.”

“No?”

“No, he’s from Tevinter.”

“Really?” Enna glanced at Fenris who returned the look with concern, “seems too noble to be a slave.”

“He is too noble to be a slave, he works with the Inquisition now. Alright, Bull, one, two, three.”

Bull swore as there was an audible crack in the room.

“I’m sorry, Lethalin, but that’s it. Now I’ll just heal the bone and you’ll be back to normal. Mamae, you can go back now, if you like.”

“Trying to get rid of me?”

“I couldn’t if I wanted too,” Lavellan laughed and ducked as Enna moved to swat her.

“Well, they didn’t run from the room,” Enna looked over the inner circle, “that’s an improvement.”

“They’re trying.”

“Don’t waste too much time on them, Da’len,” Enna turned to Cullen, “take care of her, Commander.”

“I’m doing my best.”

“I think you can do better,” Enna pat Cullen on the chest, “see you soon, Da’len.”

Lavellan nodded, and Enna touched her shoulder, disappearing from view.

“She’s sassy,” Bull commented.

“She was the Keeper of a very large clan, and she had to run it with a firm hand,” Lavellan’s eyes started to fade back to their normal blue, and her markings turned back to white, “there we are, Bull. You’re all healed.”

Bull rolled his ankle cautiously, “huh, it hasn’t felt that good in years.”

“I live to serve,” Lavellan pulled the blanket back over Bull’s leg, “you might become tired, that’s normal. Your body just did a lot of healing in a very short time, and while it used mostly my energy to do it, you’ll still feel like you spent too much time at the pub.”

Bull nodded, “Hey, while you’re here.”

“Yes?”

“Can you fix my eye?”

“I can take a look if you like?”

“Sure.” Lavellan moved around the bed, sitting next to Bull, “Dorian, you can sit with him now.”

Dorian rushed to the bed, taking Bull’s hand in his, “stubborn ox.”

“I’m fine, Kadan, don’t fuss.”

“You’re fine because of Ivy. No normal mage could have healed you.”

“No, not likely,” Lavellan agreed, gently undoing the leather band around his horn and revealing the knot of scar tissue underneath it, “do you know if your eye is still in there?”

“No, it’s not.”

“Then I won't be able to magic you one, at least not after using so much energy to heal you, but I can make it so this skin is smoother, and doesn’t get as sore.”

“Go for it.”

Lavellan cupped the side of Bull’s face with her hand, carefully brushing her thumb over the scars until the skin was smooth, “there we are.”

“You know, Boss, you’re kinda cute.

Lavellan laughed, cleaning Bull’s eyepatch with her shirt before setting it on his night table, “thank you.”

“No,” Bull took her hand, “thank you. Seriously.”

Lavellan leaned forward, kissing Bull’s forehead before standing, “you’re welcome. If you think anything feels strange, you can certainly come and get me, alright?”

“I will, thanks.”

“Dorian, try to relax. He’ll be fine.”

“Thank you,” Dorian spoke with relieved tears in his eyes.

“You’re most welcome,” Lavellan gave a small nod before turning to the group, “come on, you lot. Let the lovers sleep.”

The group followed Lavellan from the room, Cullen shutting the door softly behind them.

“That was something else,” Sera breathed, “you like went real magey on him.”

“I did,” Lavellan agreed, “and now he’ll live to be a pain in the neck.”

“Who’s Tamaris?” Fenris asked.

“My husband, well, my late husband.”

“I thought you said my hair looked like his?”

“It does, but he took my chin markings when we were married,” Lavellan started back toward the great hall, “and he had skin like yours. The only thing that’s missing is the brown eyes. It catches me by surprise sometimes, when I catch our reflections together in the window. It’s like he’s walking with me.”

“That must be painful.”

“Sometimes.”

“I didn’t mean to-“

“Fenris,” Lavellan stopped, the group stopping with her, “I’m glad to have you here. It’s nice to see a friendly face. Please don’t apologize.”

“According to your mom,” Varric chimed in, “we aren’t exactly good friends.”

“You have to understand,” Lavellan sighed, and continued walking, “in the Dalish, I’m not something to fear. Clans would try all sorts of things to win the favor of a fade child. I would have been seen as a good omen, or a blessing. My magic would have meant the difference between life and death. I’ve never lived _anywhere_ where I have been surrounded by friends who are scared of me. No doubt my mother can tell how it makes me feel, given how close we’re connected.”

“There was a war once,” Merrill added, “where two of the largest clans fought for fifty years to try and win the favor of a fade child who could control the weather.”

“The weather?”

“Imagine the crops,” Lavellan explained as she took her seat at the head of one of the large tables in the hall, “I can control the sun, the rain. I can keep frost at bay.”

“Maker knows we could use some sun at Skyhold.”

“Remind me tomorrow, Vhenan, and I’ll bring you spring.”

***

“I know you said you were a good healer,” Cullen said as he started undressing for bed, “but it was amazing to watch.”

“I love healing,” Lavellan yawned and stretched out on the bed, already nude, “though it’s hard work.”

“I could tell, I could feel the magic in the room,” Cullen considered leaving his smalls on before deciding against it, joining Lavellan on the bed.

“Have you ever felt magic, just in its raw form?”

“I…don’t know?”

“Can I show you?”

“I suppose,” Cullen agreed, “what do I need to do?”

“Come here,” Lavellan held her arms out and Cullen arched an eyebrow, “oh stop, just lay with your head on my chest and hug me. You love my breasts, it’s no punishment.”

“I do love your breasts,” Cullen did as Lavellan had asked, resting his ear over her heart, “now what.”

“Close your eyes.”

Cullen did.

“I’ll start slowly.”

Cullen could feel a slight hum over his skin, which once he managed to calm his heart was quite pleasant.

“What do you think?”

“It feels nice, though I might be biased as I’ve got a lovely pillow.”

“Now, open your eyes.”

Cullen did, and gasped as she saw a bright green glow encompassing Lavellan’s body, “you can see it?”

“You can touch it, too. It’s like water.”

Cullen ran his hand over Lavellan’s stomach, the magic flowing around him, “wow.”

“Mmhmm,” Lavellan pulled her magic back, “pretty, right?”

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve seen. You know, my love, I’m still a little hungry. I was wondering if I could have you for dessert?”

Lavellan laughed as Cullen dipped his tongue into her belly button, “yes, please.”

***

It was at breakfast the next morning when Fenris took the seat directly to Lavellan’s left, across from Cullen.

“You said… that is you mentioned…” Fenris let out a frustrated huff.

“Fen?” Lavellan arched an eyebrow.

“You can heal me?”

“Oh,” Lavellan looked shocked and Fenris backpedaled.

“Nevermind, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, wait,” Lavellan took Fenris’ hand before he could flee the room, “yes, I can.”

Cullen watched the interaction with interest and a vague sense of dread.

“What would it entail, exactly?”

“May I?” Lavellan pointed at the markings over Fernis’ wrist.

Fenris nodded and Lavellan brushed her thumb over the white line.

“Lyrium, yes?”

“Yes,” Fenris frowned.

“If I were to guess, somewhere in the Tevinter library is a book about one of my family members, I don’t think it’s any accident that your markings look exactly like mine. I think the person who did this was trying to copy them.”

“Why?”

“I think,” Lavellan met Fenris’ gaze, “and this is just a guess, that they were trying to make a fade child.”

“Danarius was trying to make me like you?”

“I think so,” Lavellan nodded, “as I’ve said, my magic isn’t just used for healing. I can be of use in time of war, control the seasons, amongst many other things. It would be quite something to have a fade child at your disposal.”

“Why didn’t it work then?”

“The only thing that makes a fade child is a fade child,” Lavellan shrugged, “if I were to have a child with another Elvhen, they would be a fade child. My markings weren’t given to me, I was born with them. I don’t think Danarius knew that. I’m going to ask you some private questions, Fenris. You don’t have to answer me now, but if I’m going to heal you, I’ll need to know.”

“Alright.”

“How long have you had these markings?”

“I’m not exactly sure. I can only remember very little from before it. I don’t know how old I am.”

“Looking at you, I think you’re likely younger than me. Varric, how long have you known Fenris?”

“About two years,” Varric answered, “and he had been on the run for some time before that.”

“Let’s say about ten years,” Lavellan nodded, “your markings, do they go…everywhere?”

Fenris flushed, looking away from Lavellan.

“Fen,” Lavellan loosened the laces of her shirt, barely avoiding showing her breast but exposing the markings across her chest, “do we match?”

“Yes.”

“So they go over your pelvic bone, down your back, over your legs?”

“Yes,” Fenris looked away ashamed.

“Lethalin,” Lavellan spoke softly, “it’s not something to be ashamed of.”

Fenris nodded but avoided her gaze.

“I can help with the pain,” Lavellan held Fenris’ hand, “I don’t believe that I can remove the markings. I’m afraid you’ll look like a fade child forever, but at least it won’t hurt to be touched. I’ll need to do some research first. I should prepare you that I will likely have to touch all of your markings. I’ll understand if you’re not comfortable with that.”

“May I think about it?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t force you into this,” Lavellan let Fenris’ hand go, and Cullen felt the knot in his chest relax.

“Ivy!” Lily shouting across the hall broke the tension, “I have to tell you about the dream I had.”

“Oh?” Lavellan pushed her chair back, “let’s hear it then.”

***

“Ser?”

Cullen glanced up at the Templar at his door, “yes?”

“The Inquisitor is requesting you join her in the reflection garden.”

“Alright,” Cullen pushed away from the desk, “Is everything okay?”

“Not sure, Ser. She just asked me to give you the message.”

Cullen nodded, whistling for Birch and heading for the garden, fighting the ever-growing concern. They had circled around it but still had not made love. Cullen was starting to wonder if she had changed her mind after his ill night.

Cullen opened the door to the garden, Lily bounding up to him and grabbing his hand.

“Uncle Cullen, we’re having a picnic. We’re eating special food! Come on,” Lily dragged him into the garden, where he saw Mia, Fenris, Varric, and Merrill sitting on a large blanket, a spread of food around them.

“Wow, look at this,” Cullen took in the spread, “did you help cook?”

“She did,” Lavellan agreed, “as did Fenris and Merrill.”

“It looks amazing,” Cullen set his sword aside, taking a seat near Lavellan.

“I’m glad you could join us, Vhenan,” Lavellan kissed Cullen’s cheek, “now, let’s eat.”

***

“Fenris, you seem to be settling in well,” Mia observed as Fenris poured her a cup of juice, “I would think you wouldn’t want to eat food a mage had cooked. No offense, Ivy.”

“None taken,” Lavellan waved off the concern.

“Ivy is…different. Surely Cullen agrees with me.”

Cullen nodded, “she does have a way of putting people at ease.”

“That’s weird,” Merrill commented absently, “because she’s more powerful than most mages. She could kill all of the Templars here without even breaking a sweat.”

“Damn, Daisy, way to make them feel better.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

‘It’s alright,” Lavellan smiled, “you’re not wrong.”

“Does that mean your feelings about magic has changed?”

“No,” Fenris shook his head.

“Let me ask, Fen, what _are_ your feelings about magic?”

Fenris struggled for words, interrupted by Lily.

“My roses still aren’t blooming,” Lily pouted as she walked over to Lavellan, “I’ve tried everything.”

“You’ve tried water?” Lavellan looked at the small bush, still far too small to flower.

“Yeah.”

“You left eggshells under the leaves?”

“Yes, like you said.”

“Have you tried talking to it?”

“What?” Lily laughed, “that’s silly.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Lavellan rubbed her chin as if deep in thought, “maybe it doesn’t know it’s meant to flower?”

“Okay,” Ivy turned back to the bush, skipping over toward it.

“I suppose,” Fenris started as Lily left, “I have never seen anything that magic has been involved with that it hasn’t left a scar on.”

“I understand completely,” Cullen brushed his finger over the scar on his lip.

“I don’t know. What about Hawke?” Varric offered.

“He fell in love with the abomination which tore Kirkwall apart.”

“True.”

“I think the fall of the circle had something to do with that,” Cullen suggested.

“Also magic,” Fenris pointed out.”

“Also magic,” Cullen agreed.

“What are you thinking, Inquisitor? You have a funny look on your face.”

Lavellan glanced at Varric, “I had an idea.”

“Oh?”

Lavellan smiled, pulling the blanket back and pushing her fingers into the soil and closing her eyes.

At first, nothing happened. Then, Cullen felt a warm breeze across his face, so light he thought he had imagined it. Looking to Fenris, he saw that he was looking for the source of the warmth as well.

“Would you look at that,” Mia commented, and Cullen followed her gaze to Lavellan’s hand.

Specifically, the bright green grass now springing up between her fingers and spreading toward the pots of herbs around the edge of the garden.

The elfroot that had been transplanted by Lavellan earlier that week sprung to life, bright and luscious. The small piles of snow which seemed to always find themselves in the corner of the garden, melted, bright violets taking its place.

Lily let out a shout of surprise, dancing around her rose bush, now twice the size and covered in bright white flowers.

The apple tree which stood by the gazebo creaked as its branches filled with apples, each a deep red and ready to be picked.

Lavellan opened her eyes, pulling her fingers from the soil and wiping her hands on the blanket, “magic, as it is, did not leave a scar on _either_ of you, though I understand why you might feel that way. Cullen, you’ve become a more compassionate person because you’ve seen the plight of the mages. Fenris, you’ve become incredibly self-reliant due to your history. I understand that both of you likely wish that you had never been subjected to some of the magic you have, but I wouldn’t change either of you.”

Fenris sat stunned, mouth agape.

“You broke him,” Varric commented.

“It’s true. You’re lovely, Fen. No doubt you would still be lovely even if your markings didn’t match mine and you had blond hair, but who you are _now_ is perfect. There isn’t a thing I would change.”

Cullen shifted and Lavellan turned her attention to him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, “and you know I adore you, Vhenan.”

“And I adore you,” Cullen felt slightly reassured at the affection.

“Uncle Fenris, look!” Lily bounded over with a white rose in her hand, offering it to him, “it matches you!”

“So it does,” Fenris took the rose, holding it like it was something precious, “thank you.”

“Mum I’m going to get you one too!” Lily ran off again.

“May I?” Lavellan held her hand out for the flower, which Fenris passed to her carefully.

Lavellan reached for a nearby silver spoon, holding both the spoon and the rose in one hand and waving her other above them. The rose shrunk, and the spoon changed, creating a silver frame for the flower. By the time Lavellan was done, she held a silver locket with a perfectly preserved white rose within it.

“Here you are,” Lavellan passed it back to Fenris, “now it’ll stay safe.”

“Thank you,” Fenris ran his thumb over the locket, “I will treasure it. Though I have no way of repaying you.”

“Your friendship is a treasure to me, Fen. I need nothing more from you than that.”

Mia met Cullen’s gaze, giving him a pointed look, the silent communication only interrupted by Lily bringing a rose over to weave through Lavellan’s hair.

“Now you match Uncle Fenris!”

“So she does,” Cullen swallowed heavily, “so she does.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments are all so sweet, and I really appreciate everyone taking the time to leave them. Writing has always been a far-off fantasy of mine, I never believed that anyone would ever want to read what I wrote. I treasure each of you for the love and support you've shown me.

“Something’s bothering you,” Lavellan commented as she undressed for bed,

“I’m fine.”

“You, Vhenan, are a _terrible_ liar.”

“Do you think you would love me if I was Elvhen, like you?”

“Is this about Fenris?”

Cullen didn’t answer, setting to work on the laces of his boots. Lavellan seemed content to wait for him, sitting on the bed nude until he undressed and joined her.

“Cullen,” Lavellan took his hands, “I _do_ love you. I’m just still falling _in_ love with you. Would that be different if you were Elvhen? Maybe.”

Cullen fought to keep the hurt from his face, looking away from Lavellan.

“But,” Lavellan waited for him to look back at her face, “that would only be because you wouldn’t be frightened of me. It’s not your race that’s the problem, Vhenan. It’s your fear of who I am. Elvhen or Human, I will always be hurt when the person I care about is frightened of me.”

“I understand,” Cullen whispered, “I do. It hurts though, to be in love with someone who isn’t in love with you.”

“In our pain, I’m sure we are equal.”

“If I could accept it all, the magic, the abilities, could you love me then?”

“I _do_ love you, Cullen. Dearly.”

“Would you be _in love_ with me?”

“Yes,” Lavellan answered easily, “what’s not to love? I have time, Cullen. You don’t have to accept these things overnight. I can wait.”

“What if…” Cullen paused, “I always struggle with it?”

“We’ll cross that bridge as we come to it, Vhenan, but I’m not ready to give up yet.”

Cullen reached for Lavellan, needing the reassurance of her skin against his.

“I love you,” Cullen stretched out on the bed, bringing Lavellan to rest against his chest.

Lavellan let out a contented hum, kissing his chest.

“May I ask you something else?”

“Certainly.”

“We had plans, the night I was ill, which we have never…” Cullen cleared his throat, trying to dislodge the lump, “did something I do that night put you off of the idea?”

“Not at all,” Lavellan shifted, straddling Cullen and bracing her hands on his chest, “I wanted to give you some time to heal.”

“In that case,” Cullen traced the lines across Lavellan’s thighs, “could we…”

“Make love?” Lavellan finished for him, “would you like too?”

“I want nothing more.”

Lavellan smiled, “do you think you’re well enough to keep up with me?”

“I think I will never be able to keep up with you, but I would certainly like the opportunity to try.”

“Do your worst, _Commander.”_

Cullen growled, flipping their position and pressing Lavellan into the bed as she laughed.

“Is that a challenge, _Inquisitor?_ ”

“Oh it most certainly is,” Lavellan wrapped her legs around his waist, “let’s see what those years of Templar training can do. Have you ever bedded a mage before?”

“No, why?”

“You’ll see,” Lavellan pulled Cullen down, kissing him deeply.

Cullen fought the urge to press for more information, deciding instead to trust that Lavellan would never do anything to hurt him, “how do you want to do this?”

“I’m leaving that to you.”

“You trust me?”

“With everything I am.”

Cullen took a moment to appreciate that Lavellan, even after losing her husband to Templars, was comfortable enough to relax with him. A vague sense of guilt washing over him at his reluctance to do the same.

Cullen busied himself kissing down the length of Lavellan’s body, tracing her markings with his lips, as he got to the two curls that sat over her pelvic bone he lifted her legs to sit over his shoulders.

“Sometimes I think that is your favorite place to be.”

“It is,” Cullen agreed, brushing his tongue against Lavellan’s clit, “without question.”

Lavellan laughed again, running her hands through Cullen’s hair.

Cullen liked the laughter he decided as he carefully traced her folds with his tongue, sex didn’t _need_ to be serious. It was much nicer to have her laid out under him, smiling and trusting. His prior experience restricted to nothing but quick and efficient couplings, generally hidden in a closet as to avoid other Templars finding them.

Lavellan let out a low moan as he pressed a finger inside of her, rolling her hips more forcefully up against his mouth. She was beautiful like this, confident and wanting. No shame as she moved with Cullen to find her pleasure.

“Vhenan, as lovely as this is, I want you inside of me.”

“I’m just making sure you’re properly prepared,” Cullen added another finger rather than moving, “Templar training tip number one, always be prepared.”

“Is it?” Lavellan rolled her hips again, “I thought it was _driving your Elvhen girlfriend mad_.”

“Is that what I’m doing?” Cullen placed his lips around Lavellan’s clit and sucked, smiling as her muscles tightened around him, “I thought you were enjoying this?”

“I am,” Lavellan pulled him up her body with a firm grip in his hair, “but I need you, now.”

Cullen kneeled between Lavellan’s legs, taking himself in hand to position his cock against Lavellan, pausing to look down at her.

“Vhenan?”

“I’m nervous,” Cullen chuckled, “you deserve far better than me.”

“You’re the one I want,” Lavellan wrapped her legs around Cullen, pulling him forward and drawing him inside of her, Cullen hopefully to do anything but groan as he was surrounded by silken muscles.

“Maker’s breath,” Cullen held still as his hips pressed against the swell of Lavellan’s bum, “you feel amazing.”

Lavellan hummed in agreement, sliding her hands down her body to gently touch where they were joined, “move, Vhenan.”

Cullen had pictured how this would go a million times in his head. Frantic coupling over his desk in his office, Lavellan on her stomach over the edge of the bed, riding him on the throne in the great hall, no regard for those watching them.

In his mind, it had always been primal. Teeth and sweat as they moved together almost punishingly to find their completion together.

The reality was nothing like that.

Cullen started with a gentle roll of his hips, testing both his endurance, and Lavellan’s comfort. At her soft moan, he repeated the motion, again and again until they were moving together like waves lapping the shore.

It was beautiful and intimate, and _perfect_. Cullen unsure of where Lavellan started and he ended, the moans falling from their lips caught in gentle kisses and against the sensitive skin of his neck.

Gradually, Lavellan’s markings started to shimmer. Not their usual blinding light, just a soft pearlescent glow as she rolled to meet each of his thrusts.

Instead of fear, Cullen found himself staring transfixed as green flames sprouted from her fingertips where they held his arm, nothing more than a faint feeling of static as they brushed against him.

Lavellan’s orgasm took Cullen by surprise, the faint fluttering around his cock turning into firm pulses as she arched underneath him, moaning his name.

“Where do you want me to…” Cullen fought the urge to spend.

“Right where you are, Vhenan,” Lavellan kissed him, holding him close as he fell over the edge moments later, burying himself as deeply as he could as he spilled.

Cullen panted, settling some of his weight on Lavellan as she traced idle patterns into the skin across his back with her fingertips.

“That was amazing,” Cullen said after a minute had passed.

“It was,” Lavellan agreed.

“You look beautiful when you shimmer like that,” Cullen gently pulled back, “why did it look different?”

“I was stopping the full connection to the fade, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“That was anything but uncomfortable, you look beautiful when you connect to the fade, even if it frightens me.”

Lavellan smiled, the shimmer in her markings gradually fading, “so, I’m not familiar with Humans, how long until we can do that again?”

Cullen looked at Lavellan with his mouth agape, “we _just_ finished.”

“Mmhmm,” Lavellan pushed Cullen onto his back, curling up along his side, “but I want a turn to be on top.”

Cullen took a moment to stare at Lavellan in disbelief before saying a silent prayer to the Maker, “um, about ten minutes?”

“Perfect,” Lavellan closed her eyes, “quick nap, first.”

“On your orders, Inquisitor.”

***

The next morning Cullen couldn’t keep the smile from his face as they walked from their bedroom, taking his seat next to Lavellan.

“Good night, Commander?” Bull laughed.

“You could say that,” Cullen poured himself some tea,

“That’s the face of a man who found ecstasy last night,” Dorian agreed, “I’m glad to see our Inquisitor treats you well.”

“There are some advantages to bedding a wild Dalish elf,” Lavellan cut into the conversation, bring a blush to Cullen’s cheeks, “I have to say, Commander, I’m surprised you’re walking so easily today.”

“Oh shush,” Cullen kissed Lavellan’s cheek, “I’m not that old.”

“I’m older than you, Da’len,” Lavellan joked.

“So you are,” Cullen took Lavellan’s hand, holding it on the table as she started to chat with Merrill in Dalish. He was fairly confident that nothing could ruin his mood today.

***

“Inquisitor,” Fenris had started at dinner.

“Ivy,” Lavellan corrected, “please.”

“Ivy,” Fenris started again, “I was wondering if I might be able to speak with you about the…”

“Healing?”

Fenris nodded, looking down at his hands that he was wringing together in his lap.

“Certainly,” Lavellan offered, “would you like to join me in my quarters after dinner? Cullen will be there, but you’re welcome to bring Varric if it makes you more comfortable.”

“I don’t fear you.”

“I never said you did,” Lavellan took a sip of wine, “but I’d still like you to be comfortable.”

“I…thank you.”

“Of course, Lethalin.”

***

“Oh, we have guests,” Cullen paused at the top of the stairs, “am I intruding?”

“You live here, Vhenan. I sent word with a messenger, did you not get it?”

“No, which messenger?”

“Johnson.”

“That’s the third time this week,” Cullen sighed, pulling his cloak from his shoulders and setting it on the bed, “Fenris, to what do we owe the pleasure?”

“Ivy has been kind enough to offer from healing,” Fenris didn’t meet Cullen’s gaze, “I would like to ask her some questions first.”

“Varric will be joining us too,” Lavellan pulled the kettle from the fire, filling four cups, “just so everyone is comfortable.”

“Alright.”

Once Varric had joined them, the conversation had turned to pleasant small talk. Touching on Varric’s new book, Templar training, and Lavellan’s cooking. It was Lavellan in the end who approached the topic.

“So, Lethalin, you had questions for me.”

“Yes,” Fenris shifted uncomfortably, “would it be just you, or would your specters be needed.”

“Just me.”

“You said you would have to…touch…all of my markings.”

“Yes,” Lavellan nodded, “I would.”

“You are…involved…with the Commander,” Fenris glanced at Cullen, “if my markings truly do match yours…then you are aware…”

“They go almost everywhere? Yes, I’m aware. I’m healing you, Fenris, not seducing you.”

“I _know_ you aren’t seducing me,” Fenris gritted out, “but the Commander…”

“I trust her judgement,” Cullen cut in, “in all things.”

“So how would it work?”

“You would likely be nude,” Lavellan started, “with a cloth to cover whatever you feel comfortable with. We can do it here to avoid anyone watching. It would likely take about an hour. As I’ve said, you’ll still have markings, but they won’t hurt to touch anymore.”

“No blood magic?”

“I’m not a blood mage, as I’ve said.”

“They were put there with blood magic,” Fenris frowned, “how will you heal them without?”

“Fade magic,” Lavellan shrugged, “I’m far more powerful than your old Master, Fenris. I can heal you without hurting you.”

“Would it be just you and I?”

“That’s entirely up to you, as you’re the one being healed. If you would like to bring a friend, or have Cullen here for his Templar abilities, or Barris, I’m fine with whatever you prefer.”

“Varric and Cullen?”

“If you’d like.”

Fenris chewed the nail of his thumb, almost curling in on himself on the couch. Lavellan moved, kneeling in front of him on the floor.

“Fen, if you _never_ did this, you would still be perfect as you are. If you want time to think about it, you can take as long as you need. I won’t think less of you if you decide you want to do it and then change your mind. You are entirely in control here.”

“You shouldn’t be on the floor.”

“Why not?”

“You’re the Inquisitor, I’m a simple slave.”

“In all matters of life, Lethalin, we are equal,” Lavellan took Fenris’ hands in hers, “and you are no slave.”

Fenris took a deep breath, blinking furiously to clear the tears that sprung to his eyes, “I want to do it.”

Lavellan stood, pulling Fenris up with her and drawing him into her arms, a tight embrace as Fenris hid his face in her neck.

“You are deserving of this, Lethalin,” Lavellan spoke softly to Fenris, “your life is _yours_ to live as you wish. You should be able to do that without pain.”

Fenris stood rigid, gradually bringing his hands to Lavellan’s back and returning the embrace, shaking slightly with silent tears.

Cullen shared a look with Varric, the pain clearly written across his face at the display. Cullen wondered what it would be like, to spend your life suffering in such a way.

Eventually, Lavellan pulled back, cupping Fenris’ cheeks to wipe the tears with her thumbs.

“I have nothing to repay you with. Merrill said that healing from a fade child costs the thing you value the most. Other than my sword I have nothing to offer you.”

“Your friendship is a high prize indeed,” Lavellan considered, “I will accept it in exchange for healing.”

“My friendship…”

“Yes,” Lavellan pressed a kiss to Fenris’ cheek, “your friendship.”

“It’s yours,” Fenris kept his hands on Lavellan’s hips and Cullen was taken, not for the first time, how beautiful they were together, “for as long as I am breathing.”

“We have an exchange then,” Lavellan brushed Fenris’ hair from his eyes, “when would you like to do it?”

“May I have a few days to prepare?”

“Of course. Just let me know.”

“Thank you,” Fenris caught sight of Cullen’s gaze on his hands and quickly pulled them away, “I appreciate all of your help.”

Lavellan smiled, “I appreciate your trust in me.”

Varric stood, “you know I’ll be there. I can’t miss on this kind of material for my next book.”

“You know that no one will believe you, Varric.”

“They don’t need too, that’s the best part.”

“Good night,” Fenris gave a small bow and started for the stairs, Varric behind him.

***

The next morning, Cullen sent a messenger to fetch Fenris for him, waiting in his office with a sense of dread.

“Commander?” Fenris stuck his head in the door, “you requested I come?”

“I did, take a seat,” Cullen gestured to the chair by his desk.

“Alright,” Fenris sounded hesitant, but joined Cullen, sitting across from him.

“I have a request for you.”

“Which is?”

“Don’t take her from me,” Cullen said plainly, “please.”

Fenris didn’t respond for a moment, studying Cullen’s expression, “I can understand why you wouldn’t want to lose her.”

“She is _everything_ to me,” Cullen said with some force, “please. I know I did nothing to win your favor in Kirkwall but I am pleading with you now. Don’t take her from me.”

“What gives you any impression that I _could_ take her from you?”

“I’ve seen the way you are together,” Cullen sighed, “the way she touches you, the way she looks at you.”

“I look like her dead husband. Don’t think for one minute when she looks at my face that I’m what she’s seeing.”

“But it is you,” Cullen continued, “your ability to heal, move forward when my past keeps me rooted where I am. You have accepted her magic in a way that I can’t.”

“Can’t,” Fenris started, “or won’t?”

“I’m not sure,” Cullen groaned, “please, _please_ , don’t take her from me.”

“Commander,” Fenris crossed his arms over his chest, “I have no intention of stealing Ivy from you. She is my friend.”

“But…”

“But,” Fenris continued, “I can do nothing about your inability to move forward causing her to leave. If she were to ask me to spend the rest of my life by her side I would say yes.”

“You’ve only known her a few weeks.”

“I know,” Fenris agreed, “I’m willing to bet you feel the same way.”

Cullen couldn’t disagree, covering his face with his hands, “I don’t know what to do.”

“I have no experience in matters of the heart, Commander. I’m not the person to ask.”

“How did you move past it, accept her healing?”

“I trust her,” Fenris answered easily, “and I want to be healed. Living life in pain every day is no life.”

“I agree.”

There was a knock at the door before it opened revealing Lavellan with a picnic basket in hand, “am I interrupting?”

“No,” Cullen assured, “we were just catching up.”

“Talking about Kirkwall?” Lavellan walked into the office, setting the basket on Cullen’s desk.

“Talking about the past, and the future,” Fenris clarified, “I was wondering, would tomorrow be suitable?”

“For your healing? Certainly,” Lavellan agreed, pulling a pastry from the basket and handing it to Cullen, “eat, Vhenan.”

“Thank you,” Cullen took the pastry and broke it in half, offering some to Fenris. A peace offering.

Fenris took it easily, biting into it with a small smile, “thank you for your time today, Commander.”

“Cullen,” he corrected, “I don’t command you.”

“Cullen,” Fenris gave a small nod, “I’ll leave you two for your lunch.”

“You don’t have to leave, Fen.”

“No no,” Fenris gave a wave of his hand, “I wouldn’t want to intrude on your romantic lunch. I’ll see you later in the library?”

“I’ll be there.”

Fenris left the office and Lavellan turned to Cullen, “what did you say to him?”

“What do you mean?”

“Cullen…”

“It was just a friendly conversation between old friends.”

“Cullen.”

“Ivy,” Cullen shot back, “don’t worry about it.”

“I’m going to ask Fenris later, you’re not keeping secrets from me.”

“I would never,” Cullen finished his pastry, standing and walking to each of the doors in turn, locking them, before turning back to Lavellan with a smile, “may I steal some of your time, my lady?”

Lavellan arched an eyebrow, but sat on the edge of his desk and held her arms out to him, “I know you’re trying to distract me. You’re lucky that I’m letting you get away with it this time.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't write the poem in this chapter - I can't do poetry. 
> 
> It's called Silence is Golden by Shelagh Bullman.

“I thought we could take our lesson outside?” Lavellan offered as she walked in to the library, “I made us a snack.”

Fenris nodded, “that would be agreeable.”

“Alright, pick a book,” Lavellan waited patiently for Fenris to scan the shelves.

“You know I can’t _read_ the titles to pick one?”

“What are you in the mood for?”

Fenris shrugged and Lavellan walked over to one of the shelves, grabbing a slim book and handing it to him.

“Come on,” Lavellan took his hand, gathering a small basket in the other, “I’m going to show you one of my favorite places.”

Fenris followed Lavellan out of Skyhold and around the large walls, shocked as they came across a clearing free of snow and surrounded by lush green trees.

“Your magic?”

“Yes, a little selfish magic,” Lavellan shrugged, “I grew up in a forest. Company aside, I hate living in that keep.”

“Not a city Elf?”

“Creators no,” Lavellan sat under one of the trees and pat the ground beside her, “join me.”

Fenris sat close to Lavellan, almost touching, and watched as Lavellan pulled out some cookies, offering one to him.

“Thank you,” Fenris took a one, holding it like precious cargo between his fingers, “How was your morning with Cullen?”

“It was lovely,” Lavellan bit into her cookie, looking at Fenris with interest, “what were you two talking about?”

“Kirkwall.”

“Well, that’s not a total lie, but you’re still lying,” Lavellan arched an eyebrow at Fenris, “please don’t lie to me. I can feel when you do. It’s like an itch I can’t scratch.”

“I’m sorry,” Fenris immediately felt guilty, “he…voiced some concerns about our relationship.”

“Ah,” Lavellan nodded, “he’s jealous. He assumes that I’m head over heels in love with you.”

“Are you?”

“I care a great deal for you, but no, I’m not in love with you,” Lavellan leaned back against the tree, “would you like me to be?”

Fenris didn’t answer, seeing no point in lying knowing that she could tell.

“Fen,” Lavellan brushed her legs against his.

“I would not be opposed to your affection,” Fenris said eventually, “but I respect your relationship with the Commander, and I have no interest in stepping in between you two.”

“I appreciate that,” Lavellan tucked some loose hair behind her ear, “I care for him.”

“I know, and I’m content to see you happy.”

“I knew you had a heart under all that spikey armor,” Lavellan smiled, offering Fenris the book, “it’s a poetry book. Many of the words will rhyme at the end. It should be something that helps you with reading later.”

“Poetry?” Fenris opened the book, “like romance?”

“Maybe some of them,” Lavellan agreed, “not all of them.”

“Alright,” Fenris shifted so Lavellan could see over his shoulder, “where do I start?”

“Where you always start, Lethalin, at the beginning.”

***

Eventually, Fenris grew tired and frustrated with reading, despite Lavellan’s reassurance that he was doing a good job. Setting the book aside in frustration and electing instead to finish the cookies and pout.

Lavellan had been kind, soothing Fenris’ frustration with kind words until he relaxed enough to recline beside her, resting his head on her lap as she read to him. Keeping the book so they could both see the words while her other hand played with his hair.

“They say silence is Golden,  
I believe it is true,  
Because in that Golden silence,  
my thoughts occur of you.  
  
You are the flame in my candle  
that lights the darkness of my room,  
You are the scented flowers  
that makes my heart full bloom.  
  
You are the butterflies  
that flicker in my stomach all day long,  
When I know I will be holding you  
before my day is done.  
  
You are the stars that shimmer and shine,  
You light up the skies above  
In this Golden silence  
it's truly you I love.  
  
You are the thunder of the night,  
your lightning strikes whenever,  
Into my soul that makes me whole,  
and excites my heart forever.  
  
You are my paradise, my oceans wide,  
My mountains standing tall,  
So in this Golden Silence  
I love you most of all.”

“I like that one,” Fenris fought the urge to close his eyes and drift into sleep, not sure if he had ever been so relaxed.

“Me too,” Lavellan closed the book, “I need to get back to work.”

Fenris hummed but made no move to stand.

“Fen, get up.”

“No,” Fenris glanced up at Lavellan, “you’re always working, and you just said yourself that you are happy here. They can spare an afternoon for you; Maker knows that you’ve spared more than enough for them.”

“Maybe so,” Lavellan set the book down, the hand that had been holding it resting on Fenris’ chest, between his markings despite the shirt obscuring them. Fenris gave a silent prayer of thanks.

“Does he make you happy?”

“Cullen?”

At Fenris’ nod, Lavellan smiled.

“He does. He’s kind and funny, he’s sweet and he cares about me.”

“His issues with magic?”

“The only problem between us,” Lavellan sighed, “the man who loves me is frightened of me.”

“Your magic _is_ frightening when you have been exposed to harmful magic,” Fenris said softly as if to lessen the blow.

“Then why are you here, with me?” Lavellan glanced down at Fenris who was looking up at her, “you’ve been tortured with magic, and yet you’ve asked me to heal you.”

“I don’t know,” Fenris answered honestly, “I suppose I knew you were someone who could be trusted when I had my hand in your chest and you didn’t kill me.”

“Of course,” Lavellan deadpanned, “it’s always my chest that wins boys over.”

Fenris stared at Lavellan stunned for a moment before bursting into laughter, “that’s not what I meant.”

“I know,” Lavellan laughed with him, “but it’s good to see you smile.”

“I’ve smiled more in the past few weeks than I have in many years. I have you to thank for that.”

“The feeling is entirely mutual,” Lavellan leaned forward, kissing Fenris’ forehead, “now, come on, I need to get to work.”

“If you insist.”

“I’m afraid I do,” Lavellan stood as Fenris sat, gathering the book under her arm, “you should feel free to come and spend time here if you like. Almost no one knows about it.”

“I will,” Fenris accepted the offer immediately, “if you’ll join me. The keep aside, you should get some rest.”

“I think that can be arranged.”

***

“What are you doing, Broody?”

Fenris glanced at Varric, “what do you mean?”

“You’ve been staring at her for the entire meal,” Varric pointed to Fenris’ plate, mostly untouched, “Curly has been glaring at you. She’s a taken woman.”

“I know,” Fenris kept his voice low, “Cullen reminded me this morning.”

“I bet,” Varric gave Cullen a reassuring smile, “don’t screw with it, Fenris. It’s enough that she’s healing you. Be grateful she’s your friend.”

“I am grateful,” Fenris growled, “I can’t help how I feel about her. I have no interest in damaging their relationship.”

Varric pat Fenris on the back, “take it from me, Broody. There’s nothing won by loving a taken woman. It’ll only hurt in the end.”

“She’s not in love with him,” Fenris whispered, “he can’t accept her magic.”

“She’s in love with him, she just hasn’t admitted it yet,” Varric watched as Lavellan lit up as Cullen told a joke, laughing and holding her hand for all to see.

“Maybe,” Fenris watched the interaction with mild annoyance, “but if she changes her mind…”

“If she calls it off, she’s all yours,” Varric agreed, “but don’t step on toes.”

***

“So,” Lavellan started as they undressed for bed, “you spoke to Fenris about our relationship.”

Cullen froze, shirt half-off, and tried to decide if she sounded angry.

“Because you’re a jealous silly Templar.”

“You were sitting with him under a tree reading love poems together.”

“Oh, my mistake, you’re a spy.”

“How am I meant to feel, Ivy? You’re reading _love poems_ with another man.”

“I’m teaching him to read.”

“I mean -lov-what?”

“I’m teaching him to read,” Lavellan sat at her vanity, nude, and started to brush her hair, “he can’t read, I offered to teach him.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Why would you?” Lavellan glanced at him in the reflection of her mirror, “you never asked, and he certainly wouldn’t have told you.”

Cullen groaned, rubbing a hand over his face, walking over to Lavellan to stand behind her as she brushed the knots from her hair, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the only one you owe an apology too, Vhenan,” Lavellan held her brush out for him, and he took it without words and resumed where she had stopped, carefully brushing through the long ebony strands.

“Never in my life did I think I’d find someone like you,” Cullen said softly as he worked, “you must understand why I would do anything to keep you.”

Lavellan’s eyes were studying him in the mirror, and he was suddenly very glad he had kept his pants on. As silly as it was, they felt like a shield as she looked at him.

“He will be in this room tomorrow.”

“I know.”

“He will be nude, in our bed.”

“I know.”

“I will be touching him, his entire body until there is no pain left within him. I need you to understand that I won't let your childish jealousy take that from Fenris.”

“I understand,” Cullen felt sheepish now, “of course.”

“You will be quiet, and _kind_ , as I work, or you won’t be in here. I’ll send for Barris instead.”

“Alright.”

“Stupid man,” Lavellan sighed, “your lack of trust in me will be our undoing, Vhenan. If it’s not my magic that makes your uneasy, it’s my friendships.”

“I’m sorry,” Cullen said again, “there are some cultural differences between the way that Dalish are friends and Humans are friends.”

“Then you would do well to remember to judge me from Dalish standards, rather than Human.”

“You’re right.”

“I know I am,” Lavellan checked her hair when Cullen set down the brush, “now get undressed and come to bed.”

“You want me here tonight, even with…”

“Even still,” Lavellan crawled over the bed, and Cullen forced himself to look at anything other than the curve of her behind as she moved, “come on, Vhenan, I’m waiting.”

Cullen shed his pants, his cock already starting to swell as he walked over to the bed.

“Something on your mind?”

Cullen flushed, “ignore it. It’s just what happens when I’m near you.”

“I have no intention of ignoring it,” Lavellan pulled Cullen to her, “you have some debt to pay, Commander. You best show me all the ways you wish to keep me.”

“Gladly,” Cullen kissed along Lavellan’s ear, a silent prayer of gratitude as he did.

***

Lavellan had spent the day preparing the quarters for Fenris’ healing, cleaning, brewing potions, gathering soft blankets to cover the bed rather than the normal furs. It was nearly time when they heard a soft knock on the door.

“Come in, Fen,” Lavellan called to him, before giving Cullen a stern look, “behave.”

“I will, I promise.”

Fenris came to the top of the stairs, Varric following behind him, “you look…nice.”

Lavellan looked down at the soft green dress she was wearing, “thank you, it’s Dalish.”

“I can tell,” Fenris hesitantly walked into the room, “Commander.”

“Cullen,” he corrected, “how are you, Fenris?”

“Frightened,” Fenris admitted.

“I’ll explain everything before we start,” Lavellan closed the distance between them, immediately taking Fenris’ hands in hers, “and if you need to stop, we will. If you want to do this over a few sessions rather than all at once that’s absolutely fine.”

Fenris nodded, taking a steadying breath.

Lavellan squeezed his fingers, “you’ll be okay.”

“I trust you.”

It was a simple statement, but the weight of it settled over the room and made Cullen shift uncomfortably in his seat.

“Why don’t we sit, and I’ll explain everything.”

Fenris followed Lavellan to the small couch, sitting next to her with a rigid spine.

“Varric, Cullen, why don’t you join us,” Lavellan pointed to the new chairs in the room.

Once everyone was settled, Lavellan brought out a small vial from beside the couch, in which, a single lyrium shard sat.

“What do you know of lyrium, Fenris?”

“Not much, other than it gives Templars their abilities.”

“Yes and no,” Lavellan opened the jar, turning the bottle until the lyrium landed in her hand, “it has a connection to the fade, and it boosts a mage’s ability. Templars using it allow them to control magic, though Cullen is a good example that a well-trained Templar has no use for it.”

Cullen fought the urge to blush but focused on what Lavellan was saying.

“I know it’s shit when it’s red,” Varric added.

“Anything with the blight is sick, Varric. Lyrium is alive, it grows and changes as a plant would. You can corrupt it. I don’t believe that Fenris’ markings were done with red lyrium.”

“Blood magic and blue lyrium, like what you have there.”

“As I thought,” Lavellan held the crystal between her fingers, “have you ever seen what happens when you break it?”

“No?”

Lavellan crushed the crystal between her fingers, grinding it together until it was nothing but black dust in the palm of her hand, “lyrium dust.”

“I don’t understand.”

“The pain you have under your markings,” Lavellan tipped the dust into Fenris’ hand, it was sharp like fine glass, “is the lyrium dust underneath them.”

“You plan to remove it?”

“I plan to remove it,” Lavellan confirmed, “the lyrium reacts to my presence,” she held her finger over the small pile of dust in Fenris’ hand and it jumped to her finger, “I will feed it out of your body through your hands.

“How?”

“Slowly, carefully, and with a lot of patience.”

Fenris considered the information, looking to Varric for guidance.

“I say go for it, Broody. She’s likely your only chance.”

“Cullen is armed,” Lavellan pointed to the sword by the wall, “as is Varric.”

“You could kill them both without breaking a sweat.”

“I could,” Lavellan agreed, “but I wouldn’t, and you know that.”

“I do,” Fenris nodded, “how do we start?”

“I’ll need you to undress,” Lavellan pointed to the dressing screen, “I’ve left a sheet for you behind it. Cover yourself and lay down in the middle of the bed. I’ll uncover you as I need too. If you need to stop, we stop.”

“Just like that?”

“Just so.”

Fenris nodded, standing and walking toward the screen as Lavellan started to close the curtains around the room.

Cullen stayed in his seat, watching Lavellan tinker with various bottles until Fenris came from behind the screen with the sheet around his waist.

His markings matched Lavellan’s perfectly, and she looked them over with interest, “it’s very strange to see you wearing my family’s markings, though they’re beautiful on you.”

“They’re much more suited for you,” Fenris stood awkwardly, “the bed?”

“Please,” Lavellan walked with Fenris to the bed, “on your stomach.”

Fenris managed to get onto the bed, stretching out on this stomach without dropping the sheet, which, for the time being, Lavellan left covering him from the waist down.

“I made a calming potion, if you want it,” Lavellan offered, sitting on the bed next to Fenris, “I understand if you’d rather not take it.”

“Will it hurt?”

“It won't be pleasant, but it shouldn’t hurt.”

“Then I’ll go without.”

“Alright. Are you ready to start?”

Fenris nodded, turning his face toward Cullen and Varric and closing his eyes.

“My markings will be lit,” Lavellan moved toward the foot of the bed, “but it’s only me.”

“And my markings?”

“Will likely react to mine, which is fine.”

Lavellan moved the sheet, exposing the back of one of Fenris’ calves and the white markings. Fenris stiffened as the air touched him.

“You have my word Fenris, I won’t hurt you.”

Fenris nodded, “start, or I’ll lose my nerve.”

Cullen watched as Lavellan’s markings came to life, no longer a strange sight, he could admire how beautiful she was like this.

At the first touch of Lavellan’s hand, Fenris’ markings flashed, and Fenris grit his jaw.

Lavellan moved her hand slowly up his leg, careful pressure until she reached his knee.

“Stop,” Fenris gasped out and Lavellan immediately removed her hands from his body, her markings disappearing.

“Are you alright,” Lavellan moved up the bed to be level with his face, “did I hurt you?”

“No,” Fenris’ voice sounded on the edge of tears, “I just needed to know…”

“That I would stop if you asked?”

Fenris nodded, “forgive me.”

Lavellan kissed the skin of his shoulder, “forgiven. Stop me as much as you need too, I will always listen.”

Fenris took a deep breath, “you may continue.”

“Alright,” Lavellan moved back down the bed, moving the sheet higher as she worked up his thigh.

As she reached the curve where his thigh met the bottom swell of his backside, Lavellan shifted, blocking Varric and Cullen’s view, but continuing her work until she moved up his back and covered him once more with the sheet.

“Stop,” Fenris said again, and again Lavellan let him go.

“Okay?”

Fenris nodded, “it doesn’t hurt, but it’s intense.”

“I’m sure it is,” Lavellan brushed the hair from his face, “you’re doing very well, I’m sure this is frightening for you.”

“It is.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you,” Fenris choked out, “you may continue.”

“I’m going to do the same on your other leg,” Lavellan explained, “and then I’ll move to your back. I might have to sit astride your hips, you’re big for an Elf.”

“Cullen likely won’t approve.”

“Whatever you need,” Cullen spoke from his seat, “I trust you both.”

“Was that true?” Fenris whispered to Lavellan as she moved to the other side of the bed, turning his face to watch her.

“Half-truth,” Lavellan answered, exposing Fenris’ lower leg.

“Hmm,” Fenris closed his eyes, letting Lavellan work.

This leg went faster than the first, Fenris not stopping Lavellan, instead staying very still and letting her work.

“Will you be alright if I straddle you, or will you feel pinned down?”

“I don’t know,” Fenris answered, “try.”

Lavellan made sure Fenris was properly covered by the sheet before kicking her leg over him, settling her weight across his hips.

“You’re fine, you don’t weigh anything.”

“Good, if you’re ready, we’ll keep going.”

***

“That’s the back side done,” Lavellan said a while later, “I’m sorry, I imagine my weight wasn’t comfortable.”

“It was fine,” Fenris opened his eyes, “shall I roll over?”

“When you’re ready,” Lavellan got off the bed, taking a long drink of water as Fenris moved, doing his best to stay covered as he flipped.

“This will be the same as before,” Lavellan explained then Fenris signaled he was ready to start, “except the markings across your pelvic bone. We’ll work together to expose those without showing the entire room everything.”

Fenris nodded, face scarlet at the implication.

“Rest assured, Fenris, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before if we need to remove the sheet altogether.” Lavellan leaned forward, whispering too-loudly to pretend that she was trying to be discrete, “between you and I, it wouldn’t even be the first I had seen _today_.”

Fenris snorted, rolling his eyes, “get on with it.”

“Of course,” Lavellan started on the top of his foot, “here we go.”

***

When it came time for them to figure out how to expose the markings across Fenris’ pelvis, his eyes were shining with unshed tears.

“We can leave it,” Lavellan offered, taking his hand in hers, “and deal with it later, or not at all.”

“I don’t want to leave this unfinished.”

“We aren’t, for as long as I’m alive the option to have me heal you will be open to you,” Lavellan kissed his knuckles, “remember that we match, I know what to expect.”

Fenris nodded, “…how?”

Lavellan took the top of the sheet, rolling it a few times to give Fenris a thick band to hold, “just slide it down, I’ll tell you when to stop.”

Fenris did as instructed, managing to uncover the markings without showing anything else.

“Perfect, Lethalin, let me do this quickly.”

Fenris let out a deep groan at the feeling of Lavellan’s hands in such a sensitive area, forcing himself to stay as still as possible.

“All done,” Lavellan took the sheet from Fenris, moving it up to just below his belly button, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“You’re so close to done,” Lavellan looked over his chest, “only a few more minutes.”

“Are you going to straddle me again?”

“If you’re comfortable with it.”

“Yes.”

Lavellan moved, swinging her leg over Fenris and resting her hands across his stomach, “I’m going to move it all up to your arms, so they might start feeling heavy soon.”

Fenris nodded, closing his eyes, “continue.”

Cullen forced himself to look away, the sight of Lavellan sitting astride Fenris with her hands on his chest to intimate to handle.

Fenris forced himself to remember the feeling of Lavellan’s fingers as they traveled over his skin, the faint feeling of magic as they methodically wiped the pain from his body.

“I’m going to touch your face,” Lavellan warned, reaching forward to run her thumbs over the markings on his chin and down his neck.

“My arms feel like they’ve been tied to weights.”

“Yes, as they should,” Lavellan moved from her position over him, retrieving the large glass bottle from the side table where she had left it earlier, “sit up, and we can finish this.”

Fenris moved, wrapping the sheet tightly around himself. Lavellan joined him on the bed, sitting cross-legged across from him and setting the jar between them.

“Cup your hands as if you were going to take a drink of water,” Lavellan showed him what she meant, and he replicated it, “here we go.”

Lavellan took Fenris by the arms firmly, much firmer than her earlier touch, and dragged her grip down towards his hands.

It started slowly at first, just a flake of black in the palm of his hands, but soon they were filling with the sharp sand, it seeming to squeeze from his skin while leaving no wounds behind. As Lavellan pressed her fingers against the fine markings over the back of his hands he felt the constant dull pain that had plagued him for years, stop.

Lavellan moved his hands, turning them into a funnel and pouring the sand into the jar between them, reaching for the cork of the bottle once it was filled and Fenris’ hands were empty.

“Is that it?”

“That’s it,” Lavellan confirmed, holding the jar up for Fenris to see, “you’re free.”

“How do I know it worked?”

Lavellan set the jar aside, holding her arms out for a hug. Fenris looked at her skeptically before pulling her into his arms.

There was no pain.

No pressure.

Fenris let out a startled laugh, pulling back and looking at Lavellan in disbelief, “you did it.”

“I’m an awfully good mage,” Lavellan shrugged off the compliment.

“No,” Fenris corrected, tears streaming down his face, “you are the _best_ mage.”

As Lavellan smiled and brought Fenris back into her arms, Cullen found that he couldn’t disagree. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bunch of snippets - I needed the foundation for later chapters. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy

“Oh my,” Lavellan commented when she saw Mia walking up to the table in the morning, “they’ve dropped quite a bit.”

“I noticed,” Mia placed a hand over her belly, “I feel like sneezing might be a risk.”

Lavellan laughed, “not long now.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Mia agreed, “any day.”

“Is there anything more we need to do to prepare?” Cullen asked as he sat beside Lavellan.

“Blackwall was kind enough to make a crib,” Mia considered, “Ivy will deliver the baby, Cassandra has given me considerable clothes for the new arrival.”

“You’re lucky there is a Dalish clan here,” Merrill added, “anything you need can be made quickly.”

Lavellan nodded, “there’s nothing a clan likes more than a new baby.”

“Even a Human baby?”

“Even so,” Lavellan nodded.

“I hope they come soon,” Lily said around a mouthful of tart, “I want to meet them.”

***

“There you are,” Lavellan said as Fenris joined them by the Templar training ring, “I was just about to look for you.”

“I apologize,” Fenris took Lavellan’s hand, “I was tired.”

“I imagine so,” Lavellan brushed her thumb over Fenris’ knuckles, “how do you feel this morning?”

“Like a new man,” Fenris answered honestly, “thanks to you.”

“I’m so glad,” Lavellan shifted, bringing Fenris’ arm over her shoulders and wrapping her arm around his waist, “thank you for trusting me.”

Fenris pressed a kiss to her hair, noticing as Cullen watched with a frown.

“My brother isn’t happy,” Mia noted aloud, drawing Merrill’s attention.

“Why?”

“Fenris is touching Ivy.”

“And?” Merrill looked at Fenris and Ivy, “they’re friends?”

“I believe, Lethalin, that Humans don’t show their affection for their friends the same way the Dalish do.”

“I don’t know, my friend Isabella used to cuddle with me.”

“Isabella would cuddle _every one_ , Daisy. Do you mean to tell me that this,” Varric pointed at Lavellan and Fenris, “is normal within a Dalish clan?”

“Yes,” Merrill answered, “how else do you show someone you care about them?”

“With words?”

“Says the writer,” Lavellan pointed out, “many Dalish can’t read. There are many different languages. Touch is universal.”

“Fenris isn’t Dalish,” Varric pointed out.

“He’s not now, but he might have been before,” Lavellan brushed some of Fenris’ hair from his eyes, “either way, it’s how _we_ express that we care about each other.”

“I had wondered if my memories might return after…” Fenris shook his head, “nothing yet.”

“We can explore that if you like. I could probably retrieve them,” Lavellan leaned her weight against Fenris, her head on his shoulder.

“You’ve done more than enough for me.”

“Think about It before you say no.”

“Alright.”

***

It was later at dinner that Mia frowned, looking down at her stomach.

“Mia?” Lavellan asked, “alright?”

“They’ve been quiet today.”

Lavellan walked over kneeling by Mia’s seat, “may I?”

“Of course.”

Lavellan pressed a hand to Mia’s stomach, closing her eyes for a moment.

“Is the baby alright?” Cullen asked, concerned.

“Just fine,” Lavellan confirmed, “just getting ready. They’ve flipped, they’re low, babies often rest before they come into this world.”

“So, you think soon?”

“I think it would be in your best interest to sleep well tonight, as I think it’s very likely it will be the last night of sleep you get for some time.”

“Wonderful,” Mia groaned, “I don’t miss the sleepless nights. I have no husband to help me this time.”

“No,” Lavellan squeezed Mia’s hands, “but you have us.”

***

“Are you ready to deliver the baby?” Cullen asked as they undressed for bed.

“Absolutely,” Lavellan gestured to a large pile of cloth and potions, “she’ll be in good hands.”

“I’m concerned,” Cullen frowned.

“Women have been having babies for thousands of years. I’ve been delivering babies for twenty years,” Lavellan pulled Cullen onto the bed, “she’ll be fine.”

Cullen suddenly had a thought, “speaking of babies…”

“Yes?”

“We’ve…and well…I…”

“We’ve had sex, and yes, I know what you mean,” Lavellan smiled, pushing Cullen against the pillows and sitting across his lap, “and my cleaning spells removes _all_ traces, but I also drink a tea daily. Not to worry, Vhenan, no unexpected mage-babies for you.”

Cullen blushed, “I’m sorry, I should have asked you before.”

“Very responsible of you,” Lavellan ran her fingers through Cullen’s hair, kissing along his neck as he relaxed against the headboard, “would you like to put that tea to good use?”

“Yes please.”

***

“The baby is on its way,” Mia announced at breakfast, “I’ve had tightening for a few hours.”

“Alright,” Lavellan placed a reassuring hand on Mia’s back, “after breakfast we’ll go up to my quarters. Have you thought about if you would like someone with you?”

“Cullen,” Mia answered immediately, “but someone needs to watch Lily.”

“Fen?”

“I’d be happy to watch her for the day,” Fenris nodded.

“Thank you,” Mia smiled gratefully.

“Of course,” Fenris flushed under the attention.

“I’ll be of no use,” Cullen added, “I haven’t seen a baby being born since _you_ were born.”

“You’re there for support, Cullen. I’ll deliver the baby,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, “this is something you should probably leave to the mage.”

***

Cullen sat awkwardly on the couch as Mia walked with Lavellan around the room, stopping occasionally as a contraction would make Mia breathless.

“They’re coming faster,” Cullen commented as one passed.

“They’re meant too,” Lavellan pressed her thumbs into Mia’s lower back as she leaned over the desk, “not to worry.”

“It’s happening faster than Lily.”

“Also normal,” Lavellan reassured Mia, “second babies are usually faster.”

Mia nodded, standing again and walking another circle of the room.

“Before we get started, I wanted to make sure the things we discussed haven’t changed,” Lavellan walked with Mia, “magic if needed, and you’d rather be kneeling?”

“Yes, still the same, though I wanted to ask one thing.”

“Which was?”

“If something happens, will you and Cullen take care of Lily?”

“Of course,” Cullen answered immediately.

“It takes a clan,” Lavellan agreed, “and I wouldn’t leave her.”

“Thank you.”

***

Mia’s water broke as Cullen was downstairs for lunch, intensifying the frequency and pain of the contractions.

“Lily is having the time of her life,” Cullen commented as he brought a plate of food for Mia, “Fenris took her to that little garden of yours and told her she could plant whatever they wanted. She’s been gardening with him all day.”

Mia nodded, clinging to Lavellan’s shirt as she tried to breathe through the pain.

“You’re alright,” Lavellan spoke softly, “breathe.”

“I wish Wesley was here,” Mia gasped, “I shouldn’t have to do this alone.”

“You’re not alone,” Lavellan reminded, “we’re here.”

“My husband should be here,” Mia stood up as the pain passed, “I miss him.”

“I know how you feel,” Lavellan ushered Mia to the couch, sitting her down and handing her a cup of water, “It does get easier, though it may take some time. I used to lay awake trying to remember how my husband smelled, what his laugh sounded like. I used to eat only his favorite foods, hunt with his bow, anything to keep his memory alive. You’ve very lucky to have Lily and this new little one, something to touch that your husband was a part of.”

“Do you wish that you had children with your husband?”

“Terribly,” Lavellan nodded, “I wish very much there was still a part of him in this world. He had a brother, but he’s passed into the fade too.”

“When?”

“When my clan was killed,” Lavellan pulled some of the cloths from the pile and spread them across the bed.

“Do you not have any family left?”

Lavellan glanced at Mia, “no, just me. My mother died when I was young, my father a few years later. I lost my husband, we never had any children. A fade child only ever has one child, so I had no siblings.”

“You have me,” Cullen spoke softly from the couch, “for as long as you want me.”

Lavellan smiled, “I’m glad to hear it Vhenan.”

***

“I can’t,” Mia panted into Lavellan’s neck as she supported her on the bed, “I _can’t_.”

“You can,” Lavellan promised, “you’ve done it before.”

“It _hurts_.”

“Yes, having children does,” Lavellan laughed, “this contraction is almost over, then we can try pushing. Cullen, press harder.”

Cullen increased the pressure on Mia’s back until she relaxed into Lavellan’s arms.

“Alright, Cullen, unless you want to watch this baby being born you should probably face the headboard. Mia, let’s get you up on your knees.”

Cullen turned, sitting level with Mia but facing the wall, “ready?”

“You’re never _ready_ ,” Mia rolled her eyes, “you don’t get a choice.”

Once Mia was in position, Lavellan gathered the needed supplies, “when you feel the urge to push, push. I’ll catch the little one.”

Mia nodded, tears in her eyes, “I’m scared.”

“I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise,” Lavellan wiped Mia’s face with a cool cloth, “you’ll be fine. The baby will be fine. Lily will be fine.”

Mia groaned, reaching for Cullen’s hand who took it and let her grip tightly.

“Deep breath in,” Lavellan coached, “push.”

Mia curled in on herself, holding her breath and bearing down.

“Good,” Lavellan moved quickly, adjusting things as Mia took a deep breath, “baby is eager to say hi, I can see hair. Your husband had dark hair?”

“Yes,” Mia said breathlessly.

“This one does too. When you’re ready, another push.”

Mia curled again, and Cullen brushed her hair back from her face, “you’re doing well.”

Mia groaned and Lavellan smiled, “we have a head, one more push.”

There was one more push and Mia faltered, caught by Cullen as Lavellan caught the baby.

“Well done,” Lavellan made quick work of clearing the baby’s nose and mouth, the sound of bright cries in the room, “it’s a son.”

“A son?” Mia laughed, “I can’t believe it.”

“Ivy,” Cullen looked at the growing red stain on the bed, “she’s bleeding.”

Mia glanced down, her face going pale.

“It’s alright, Cullen, take the baby. Mia lay back.”

“What’s happening?” Mia laid back against the pillows.

“You just had a big baby very quickly,” Lavellan passed the baby to Cullen who took him awkwardly, “it’s alright, I’m going to heal you now and you can feed the new one.”

Cullen watched as Lavellan quickly clipped the cord and covered the baby in a blanket in his arms before turning back to Mia.

“Close your eyes for a minute, Lethalin,” Lavellan waved her hand over Mia’s stomach, before pressing her palm firmly to the skin, “you’re going to feel warm for a minute, I’m just stopping the bleeding.”

Mia nodded, closing her eyes and breathing slowly.

“There we are,” Lavellan moved her hand and cleaned the bed with a wave of her hand, “no problem, you’re just fine. Cullen, why don’t you sit on the couch with the little one while I finish tending to Mia?”

Cullen did, watching his sister with concern as Lavellan moved around the bed doing various healing that he didn’t understand, her markings flaring on occasion. Eventually, the color returned to Mia’s skin and Lavellan covered her with a blanket.

“Are you feeling alright?”

“I didn’t feel this good after having Lily,” Mia joked, “can I see my son?”

“Certainly,” Lavellan gestured for Cullen to join them.

“Wow,” Mia took the baby easily, bringing him to her breast, “he looks just like Wesley.”

“The Dalish say that sometimes when you’re not ready to lose someone, they come back to you,” Lavellan did a cleaning spell over the baby, “did you have a name?”

Mia nodded, “Wesley Cullen Rutherford.”

“Cullen?”

Mia smiled at him, “Cullen. For my favorite brother.”

***

The great hall cheered that night when Mia came to introduce everyone to the new baby, the Dalish clan making a rare appearance in the hall to offer Mia gifts.

“Wow,” Lily looked at her new brother with wonder, “he looks like daddy.”

“He does,” Mia agreed, “and we have Ivy to thank for him arriving safely.”

“You’re welcome,” Lavellan spoke softly as she looked over the baby, “thank you for letting me help.”

***

“You made that look easy,” Cullen commented as he got ready for bed.

“She almost died from blood loss,” Lavellan groaned as she sat down on the bed.

“What?”

Lavellan nodded, “that’s why I’ve been filling her full of potions all afternoon. The bleeding you noticed was from a large internal wound. You were right to be concerned for her having the baby alone.”

“You didn’t seem concerned…”

“I wasn’t,” Lavellan shrugged, “she had consented to my magic. I was close enough to heal her in time. I’m just tired now is all.”

Cullen stared at Lavellan in wonder, “you mean to say if you hadn’t delivered him…”

“Maybe,” Lavellan answered the unspoken question, “but I did, and they’re fine.”

“You’re amazing,” Cullen breathed, “truly amazing.”

***

Cullen was surprised the next morning to see Lavellan wrapped tightly in a long piece of cloth, Wesley bound to her chest with his dark curls peeking out from the fabric.

“What are you doing?”

Lavellan glanced at Cullen, “what do you mean?”

“What is that?”

“Your nephew?”

“I meant the fabric.”

“Oh,” Lavellan looked down at the sleeping baby, “it’s a wrap. It’s how the Dalish hold their babies without using their hands.”

“And why is my nephew in a wrap?”

“Because your sister needs to rest, and he’s just been fed, so I offered to take him so she could sleep without worrying,” Lavellan explained slowly as if Cullen was missing a very critical piece of information, “you don’t expect her to raise the baby by herself, do you? She needs to _heal_. It does take a clan to raise a baby.”

“Absolutely,” Merrill agreed, softly stroking his hair, “I’ll get you breakfast.”

“Thank you,” Lavellan sat carefully, keeping a hand on the baby’s back.

Cullen stared at Lavellan as she spoke with Fenris and Lily, the baby soundly asleep against her chest. An urge of such longing that his chest ached.

“You’re staring,” Dorian whispered in his ear as he put a cup of tea in front of him, “dreaming of children of your own?”

Cullen shook his head, “it’s nothing.”

“No one believes you.”

***

“Hi Uncle Cullen,” Lily greeted as she walked over to the training ring with Fenris and Lavellan, “we’ve been gardening.”

“Have you?” Cullen leaned against the fence, “what are you growing?”

“Roses,” Lily answered, “raspberries, and blueberries.”

“Will they grow here when it’s so cold?”

“Of course they will,” Lavellan answered.

“Now Ivy is going to teach us how to ride,” Fenris said with some hesitancy, “because apparently everyone in the Inquisition knows how to ride.”

“For the most part,” Cullen agreed, “are you taking the horses?”

“My hart,” Lavellan gestured to where Dennett was brushing the large animal in preparation.

“Ivy made a picnic,” Lily pointed to a bag on Fenris’ back, “it’s going to be so much fun.”

“Be careful and have fun,” Cullen kissed Lavellan’s forehead.

“We will,” Lavellan smiled, “want us to take Birch?”

“Certainly.”

“Come along, Birch,” Lavellan lead Fenris and Lily down toward her hart, easily climbing on.

Lily was next, sitting in front of Lavellan as she was lifted by Fenris.

Fenris tried to refuse, Cullen could see him frowning, before eventually climbing on behind Ivy, his arms wrapped around Lavellan’s waist.

Lavellan whistled, and Cullen watched them ride from Skyhold, Birch jogging to keep up with them.

The picture-perfect family.

***

When they returned, the Templars were finishing their training for the day, stopping to watch as the Inquisitor came through the gate, walking with Fenris. Lily sitting astride the hart riding confidently given that there was no saddle or bridle on the animal. When Lily noticed Cullen watching them, she waved brightly and pointed him out to Lavellan who waved him over.

“Did you have fun?”

“We went so far!” Lily gushed, “and I rode all the way back _by myself_.”

“Wow,” Cullen helped Lily down from the hart, “sounds like you had a busy day.”

“I did,” Lily agreed, waving goodbye at the hart was led back to the stables, “what did you do?”

“Training,” Lavellan answered for him, “what he always does.”

“I would much prefer to be out spending time with you,” Cullen promised.

“You know, you _should_ come with me the next time I venture out,” Lavellan considered, “spend some time with me, get away from Skyhold.”

“And the Templars?”

“Can be trained by Barris, he’s more than capable.”

“I will consider it.”

“Maybe I’ll make it an order,” Lavellan considered out loud, “I’m heading to the Emerald Graves next week.”

“A shorter trip,” Cullen offered, “Orlais, the Hinterlands, I would be able to join you on those. The Emerald Graves would take me away from the troops for two weeks, minimum.”

“I’ll go with you,” Fenris offered.

“Would you?” Lavellan considered, “it would be nice to be able to send out two parties to get things done, that would allow me to send Cassandra and Bull out together if you came with me. You’d have to ride though.”

“That would be…acceptable.”

“Wonderful,” Lavellan smiled at Fenris in a way that Cullen wished desperately was directed at him, “I’ll go speak with Cassandra. Would you mind taking Lily back to Mia?”

“Not at all,” Fenris agreed.

“See you at dinner at Vhenan?”

“Yes,” Cullen fought the urge to frown, “dinner.”

***

“You don’t deserve her,” Fenris said pointedly as Cullen sat at the table.

“I know,” Cullen sighed, “I know I don’t.”

“You’re not even _trying_. I promised Varric I wouldn’t come between you, but we’re almost at the stage where I won’t need too. You’re frightened of her magic, you won’t leave the castle with her,” Fenris crossed his arms and scowled at Cullen, “try _harder_.”

“If you want her so badly,” Cullen accused Fenris, “then why do you _want_ me to try harder?”

“I do want her,” Fenris growled, “but she wants _you_ , and unlike you, I have her best interest at heart. I don’t avoid things I don’t like, or am unsure about, just due to an inability to change. If you love her, Commander, _act like it_.”

Cullen glanced up at Lavellan walked into the great hall with Barris, her arm tucked into his elbow as they walked toward the table.

“We’re discussing this later,” Fenris warned.

“Later,” Cullen agreed.

“Vhenan,” Lavellan greeted Cullen warmly, “good news, Barris has agreed to watch over the Templars should you wish to join me on one of our trips.”

“That is good news,” Cullen nodded, and Lavellan frowned.

“You know she can tell when you lie, right?” Fenris poured Lavellan a glass of wine.

Cullen didn’t answer, glaring at the wall just past Fenris’ head.

“Enough,” Lavellan’s voice was low, but it drew both men’s’ attention, “I mean it. No fighting between the two of you.”

“Forgive us,” Cullen kissed the back of Lavellan’s hand, “we both want what’s best for you.”

“We just disagree with what that is,” Fenris finished.

“I hate to tell you both,” Lavellan looked between them, “but I’m older than both of you, and I likely know better than the both of you combined.”


	21. Chapter 21

By the end of dinner, the inner circle had been split up and their respective trips planned. Lavellan was going to leave in three days' time with Fenris, Varric, and Merrill to the Emerald Graves to offer assistance to the clan there, and to solidify the Inquisition hold over the area.

Cassandra, Dorian, Bull, and Sera were going to the Exalted Plains to canvas the area and return with the lay of the land in preparation for the Inquisitor to attend later.

“We can ride together,” Lavellan continued, “for at least three days, and then you can head west while we’ll continue south. Maybe we can take the aravel with extra supplies and leave it at the midpoint if Blackwall thinks it’s ready.”

“Should be fine, my lady.”

“Cassandra, Cullen, thoughts?”

“Sounds like an effective use of time,” Cassandra agreed, “we can spread the Inquisition forces faster if we have two groups.”

“That was my thought, Cullen?”

Cullen opened his mouth, then closed it again before nodding, “it is a well thought out plan.”

“But?”

“I’ll miss you,” Cullen answered simply, “I’ve liked having you around.”

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Lavellan kissed his cheek.

“I know you’re safe when you’re here.”

“Fen will be with me, he’ll keep me safe.”

“Of course I will.”

“It’s not like I’m an extremely powerful mage who sent a few hundred red Templars to the fade,” Lavellan rolled her eyes at Cullen, a smile on her face, “I certainly need a bodyguard. I mean generations of warriors instilled into my bloodline, all of whom I can _speak with_ , is not sufficient protection.”

“Yes, alright,” Cullen laughed, “understood.”

***

“What’s bothering you?”

“Nothing.”

“I can tell you’re lying,” Lavellan glanced up from her position on Cullen’s chest, “so what is it?”

“You’re going away with Fenris.”

“And?”

“He’s in love with you.”

“And?”

“And?” Cullen looked down at Lavellan with an arched eyebrow, “would you be alright with me going away with Cassandra for three weeks if she was in love with me?”

“Yes,” Lavellan answered slowly, “why wouldn’t I be?”

“Why _would_ you be?”

“Because I trust you?” Lavellan sat, changing the casual conversation to a serious one, “and I know you wouldn’t do anything with her to hurt me.”

“Ivy, you know I trust you.”

“Actually,” Lavellan corrected, “I have many things to show me how little you trust me if you think about it. “

Cullen paused at that, “this is different than magic. You two are always wrapped around one another, holding hands, cuddling. If I didn’t know better, I would say that you were courting him and not me.”

Lavellan took a deep breath, and Cullen suddenly felt as if he had said something very wrong.

“Cullen,” Lavellan looked at him pointedly, “I am going to explain this one time, and one time only, so I suggest you listen.”

“Alright…”

“I am a Dalish Elf. As such, I express my friendship with physical touch. Yes, I cuddle Fenris. I also take naps with Sera, cut Dorian’s hair, oil Bull’s horns, and many _many_ other things with all sorts of people. I will _not_ compromise my friendships, and how I express my care for those friends because _you_ are self-conscious.”

“I don’t understand, are you saying they mean more to you than I do?”

“No, Vhenan,” Lavellan shook her head, “I’m saying that _I_ mean more to me than you do. I will not be with any man. Human, Elvhen, Dwarven, or otherwise who tells me _how_ I may be friends with my friends. You need to get over this issue with Fenris, I am growing _very tired_ of discussing it.”

“Can you not understand why it upsets me?”

“I understand why it upsets you,” Lavellan’s blue eyes fixed on his, and Cullen fought the urge to squirm, “because he came from a terrible situation where he was tortured by magic, and when I offered to heal him, he accepted. You are uncomfortable because in your mind, he is everything that you fail to provide me. Acceptance, understanding, and trust. Not only that, but he also looks like my dead husband, which makes you feel like you’re lacking physically. Don’t try to play on my emotions, Cullen. Even if I weren’t a fade child, I could see right through the manipulation. The only person who has an issue here is _you_. Even with Fenris’ feelings for me, he’s never approached me with them. He respects our relationship enough not to do that.”

Cullen gawked, embarrassed to have his emotions so clearly laid out in front of him.

“I have been kind and accepting of your general mistrust for magic. I won’t tolerate your mistrust in me. I have welcomed you into my heart and my bed. I have healed your sister and cared for your niece and nephew. I have proven, _many_ times, that I am trustworthy. You need to get over your issues with _you_ and stop taking them out on me. Are we clear?”

“Crystal clear.”

“Good,” Lavellan laid down against the pillows, “goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Cullen was thrust into darkness as Lavellan extinguished the candles in the room.

Many hours later, as the sun painted the clouds with tinges of pink, Cullen realized he hadn’t slept at all.

***

Lavellan had been quiet for the next few days as she prepared for the trip, taking her time to explain to Merrill and Fenris the processes behind packing, Scout Harding and her many helpers along the way, the clan and what to expect, as well as making sure they had the weapons, armor, and food. With all of the excitement in Skyhold over two groups leaving, Cullen had barely spent any waking hours with Lavellan, seeing her only briefly before they fell asleep without any form of intimacy between them.

The night before Lavellan left for the Emerald Graves Cullen was all but frantic, waiting for her impatiently in her quarters.

“There you are, Vhenan, I didn’t see you at dinner,” Lavellan had brought a small plate of food for him, “have you eaten?”

“Come here,” Cullen held his arms out to Lavellan, “please.”

“Are you alright?” Lavellan’s face showered her worry as she walked over to the bed, cupping his face in her hands as soon as she was in front of him, “the lyrium?”

“No,” Cullen shook his head, “I just miss you so much I can’t stand it.”

“I haven’t left yet,” Lavellan looked at Cullen quizzically, “I’ve been here.”

Cullen pulled Lavellan in for a kiss, trying desperately to make her understand, to _feel_ his need for her. Lavellan must have understood, because after a moment she relaxed, deepening the kiss and wrapping her arms around his shoulders to hold him.

“Please,” Cullen whispered as he kissed along her neck.

 _Please love me,_ Cullen thought as she sucked a mark into the side of her neck.

 _Please forgive me_ , Cullen softly bit on her earlobe, pulling a delighted gasp from her lips.

 _Please stay_ , Cullen ran his fingers along the bottom of her shirt until she lifted her arms for him to pull it over her head.

Lavellan made quick work of undressing Cullen, shimmying out of her pants as she pushed him to sit against the headboard. As Lavellan climbed into his lap and sank onto him with one slow thrust Cullen said a silent prayer to Andraste in thanks for the remarkable woman who could love all of his broken edges.

After, when they laid together in a satisfied heap Cullen kissed Lavellan again, a promise on his lips that he would keep trying.

***

“Everyone ready?” Lavellan called out to the group, “we’ll be gone awhile, so if you need to grab books, a favorite blanket, whatever, get it now.”

Cullen watched as she taught Varric and Fenris how to hook up the aravel to her hart, Merrill humming around excitedly.

“We’re all good? Perfect, say goodbye to who you need too, and let’s head out.” Lavellan walked over to Cullen, “I’m off Vhenan, do you still have your stone?”

“I do,” Cullen pulled the rock from under his shirt, “send me a message when you stop for the night.”

“I will,” Lavellan stood on her toes to kiss him, “make sure you stay in our quarters, alright? Not back In your room.”

“Alright,” Cullen agreed, “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too,” Lavellan kissed him again before stepping back, “I’ll be back soon. Make sure you help Mia.”

“I will,” Cullen promised, “be safe.”

“I will be,” Lavellan walked over to the aravel, climbing up to the seat and waiting for Fenris to join her, Varric on the smallest of Dennett’s horses and Merrill on a fairly large bay that seemed to get along best with Lavellan’s hart.

With a wave, Lavellan started the convoy, leading them out of the gates of Skyhold.

***

“This place is beautiful,” Fenris commented as soon as they had arrived in the Emerald Graves.

“It is,” Lavellan agreed, pulling odd her boots and setting them aside, at Fenris’ questioning look she shrugged, “no one to tell me to stop being so “Elfy” here. Keep in mind, this is how I’ve lived for most of my life, not in a castle. I hate the clothes, the expectations. I’m a Dalish elf, I always will be.”

“Yet your partner is as Human as they come.”

“Indeed he is,” Lavellan nodded, steering her hart toward the last place she had seen the small clan on her last visit.

“Does it ever cause issues between you?”

“Sometimes,” Lavellan shrugged, “if it’s not how Elvhen I am, it’s the fact I’m a mage.”

“Why do you bother?” Varric asked, “not that I don’t like Curly, but it seems like a lot of work.”

“Varric,” Lavellan looked over to him with a smile, “you and I both know that we do stupid things in the name of love.”

“Not going to argue with that.”

***

Cullen picked up the stone of far speech as soon as he got back to their quarters that night, “are you there?”

“Hello, Vhenan, how are you?”

“You’ve been gone for two weeks, how do you think I am?”

“Sexually frustrated,” Lavellan answered confidently, and Cullen blushed.

“Not only that,” Cullen defended, “I miss you terribly.”

“I miss you, too,” Lavellan answered, and Cullen could hear her closing a door, “but I’m almost done here, and then I’ll be headed back.”

“How’s it going?”

“Well, the clan here has agreed to help with some of the reconstruction, and they will allow Inquisition scots to stay with them, but that was quite the negotiation. It certainly helps that we are a group of three Elvhen, even if Fenris isn’t Dalish.”

“How is Fenris?” Cullen tried to keep his voice light.

“He loves it here,” Lavellan sounded delighted, “he’s been out hunting every day with the clan, he’s helped repair some of the aravels, and he’s been learning how to cook from me. The clan adores him. It helps that he looks like a fade child, it certainly wins him favor.”

“And Merrill?”

“May not remember how to speak common by the time we’re back, she’s completely flipped to Elvhen,” Lavellan laughed, “poor Fenris and Varric, they have no idea what she’s on about most of the time and she doesn’t realize she’s done it.”

“Varric must feel like quite the outsider,” _like me_ , Cullen thought.

“Varric has some knowledge of Elvhen, though he’s not fluent. Merrill just speaks _very_ quickly. He’s been taken in by the Keeper. If the Dalish can appreciate anything, it’s a good storyteller.”

“It sounds like you have everything you need.”

“Almost,” Lavellan spoke softly, “I’m just missing you.”

***

Cullen saw Lavellan and her group returning from the ramparts long before the signal bell rang to alert the keep, watching as Lavellan put her boots back on with a frown and then laughed at a joke from Fenris.

As Cullen walked down to the gates he felt a sense of panic over what he should say to her.

The gates opened, and the aravel was skillfully pulled up toward the barn by Fenris, clearly practiced after three weeks away.

“Vhenan!” Lavellan called to him, hopping down from the aravel and skipping over to him, “I don’t have a puppy this time, but I hope you’re still glad to see me.”

“I’m always glad to see you,” Cullen pulled Lavellan into a hug, holding her for a minute, “I have missed you terribly.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” Lavellan glanced over her shoulder, “are you alright to put the aravel away, Fen?”

“Yes, go ahead,” Fenris nodded.

“Come on,” Lavellan pulled Cullen toward the main keep, “we’re taking the afternoon off.”

Cullen thought of arguing, the Templar training scheduled for just after lunch on his mind, but as Lavellan led him toward their room the need to have Lavellan in his arms kept him silent.

“Take off your armor,” Lavellan instructed as soon as they were safely locked in their room out of sight, “I need to have you hold me for a while.”

Cullen quickly obeyed, undressing down to his smalls and sitting on the bed as Lavellan did the same, undressing completely and jumping on the bed beside him.

“I’m glad you’re home,” Cullen pulled Lavellan to him, holding her tightly.

“Me too,” Lavellan closed her eyes as she settled against his chest.

“You’ve caught the sun,” Cullen traced the new freckles over Lavellan’s nose and the bright white markings over her chin, “you’re almost as dark as Dorian.”

“Am I?” Lavellan’s bright eyes met his.

“You are,” Cullen rolled Lavellan onto her back, “though it might warrant further investigation.”

“Be my guest.”

***

“Huh,” Cullen considered Lavellan’s back as she relaxed across the bed after two rounds of intense lovemaking.

“What?”

“You have no clothing lines in your skin.”

“No, I wouldn’t, as I mentioned before we bathe nude in the stream. So I would have been undressed when I was in the sun.”

“How do the clans manage that?” Cullen asked, “men then women?”

“No, we go all together. Usually right after we start cooking dinner. While the meat is cooking, we take a chance to wash our clothes and bathe. Normally by the time we’re ready to head back to the camp it’s time for us to finish cooking.”

“How did Varric take to this?”

Lavellan snorted, “and I quote, “I don’t know, Ivy, it feels like I’m looking at Andraste naked.”

Cullen laughed, “so does he smell terrible?”

“No, Varric and Fenris managed after a few days. Varric has some _serious_ chest hair,” Lavellan cracked open an eye to look at Cullen, “I’m sorry to say it’s much more regal than yours.”

“Are you going to be replacing me for Varric?”

“With chest hair like that? I might have too.”

***

“Cullen,” Lavellan asked over dinner, “who’s that bearded Templar near Barris?”

Cullen glanced over, “a new recruit, he came about a week into your trip. His name is Alex.”

“What is it?” Fenris noticed Lavellan’s concerned expression.

“Say that again, Vhenan.”

“His name is Alex,” Cullen looked at Lavellan puzzled, “what?”

“He told you that?”

“Yes.”

“He lied?” Fenris picked up immediately.

“Yes,” Lavellan looked over the man with concern, “I need to speak with him.”

“Once the hall clears a bit, I’ll ask him to stay back,” Cullen gestured for Barris to walk over, “we’ll sort it out.”

***

Lavellan had asked Josephine to clear the gall quietly, waiting for her to usher all but the inner circle, Barris, and the mystery Templar remaining.

“Ser Alex,” Lavellan had started casually, walking over to the table where he sat with Barris, “I’m the Inquisitor, I’m sorry I missed your arrival.”

“No harm, my lady,” Alex stood, offering a small bow.

“Where are you from, Alex?”

“Redcliffe.”

“Nice place, I’ve been there a few times,” Lavellan studied his face, “now, what’s your real name?”

“My lady?”

“Your real name.”

“Alex.”

“Hm, I’m afraid not,” Lavellan walked to her throne, sitting down and waiting for Cullen and Barris to walk Alex toward it, “try again.”

“I’m no one important, Inquisitor, I assure you.”

Lavellan frowned again, tapping her chin in consideration.

“Ser Alex, I’m a rare type of mage called a fade child, and I was wondering if you might indulge me.”

“My lady?”

“I know you’re lying to me, and I don’t know why,” Lavellan crossed her legs, “I would like to use my magic to find out who you are, but I won’t do so without your consent. If you say yes, then we can discuss why you’re concealing your identity from me. If you say no, I’ll ask you kindly to leave Skyhold. You understand that I have a number of people here that I need to keep safe, and I can’t have an outlier in my troops.”

The Templar stood for a moment before nodding, “very well.”

Lavellan stood, closing the distance between them and studying him for a moment before touching the side of his face gently.

After a moment, Lavellan took a step back, walking back to her throne and sitting again.

“Why?” she asked after a minute had passed.

“I needed a break.”

“Skyhold is happy to be your refuge, your Highness, but you will need to be here honestly.”

“Your Highness?”

Lavellan waved her hand and the long hair and beard which had mostly concealed the man's face, faded, shrinking back to a much shorter style. The room erupted, Leliana gasping, Josephine dropping into a deep bow.

“Alistair Therin,” he shrugged, “at your service.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dress in this chapter is largely inspired by this: https://www.romprom.com/a-line-v-neck-backless-floor-length-dark-green-sequined-prom-dress.html

“Alistair,” Leliana gasped, “what are you doing here?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Lavellan answered for him, “if he requires a place to stay, he’s welcome here.”

“Thank you, Inquisitor, I apologize for misleading you.”

Lavellan considered the situation, “would you like your hair and beard back, and you can remain just one of the troops. Or would you like to stay as a noble, and you could say it was a court visit?”

“Court visit,” Alistair answered almost immediately, “I won’t survive another round of Cullen’s training.”

Lavellan laughed, “yes, his stamina is quite something else.”

“You would know, my lady,” Barris cut in with a low laugh.

“Yes, I certainly would. Josephine, do you have a more appropriate room for the King?”

“Certainly, Inquisitor.”

“Your Highness, we should do an official arrival,” Lavellan suggested, “so It doesn’t seem dishonest and like you’re avoiding your royal duties.”

“Tomorrow?”

“If you like,” Lavellan agreed, “you can arrive with breakfast, it will allow Josephine time to prepare me for…” Lavellan waved a dismissive hand, “whatever it is I’m meant to do when I meet a King. Forgive me, I’m Dalish, I’m not familiar.”

“No harm done, my lady,” Alistair smiled, “the Hero of Ferelden was a Dalish Elf. I’m quite familiar with your kind.”

“Are you?” Lavellan tilted her head in interest.

“ _Anetha ara,”_ Alistair gave a low bow.

Lavellan laughed, delighted as she stood, “a _ndaran atish’an,_ your Majesty.”

“Alistair is fine,” Alistair offered a hand to Lavellan who took it easily.

“Then you must call me Ivy.”

“Ivy,” Alistair kissed the back of her hand, “ _ma serannas.”_

Cullen watched the interaction with interest, glancing at Fenris, they shared the same look of concern.

***

Alistair’s entrance had been regal and had pulled the interest of everyone in Skyhold. He had greeted Lavellan officially, and Lavellan had played her part in pretending to be surprised at the King arriving at Skyhold.

“My home is yours,” Lavellan had offered with a longbow, “for as long as you require.”

Alistair had joined the council in the war room after breakfast, Lavellan slowly bringing him up to speed with the troop movements, smiling as Alistair would ask her a question in Elvhen, answering him with a bright happy voice.

Eventually, Cullen had to excuse himself to watch over the Templar training.

“Not to worry, Vhenan, I’ll do my best to not offend your King.”

“I don’t think you could offend me if you tried, Inquisitor.”

***

“I don’t like it,” Fenris announced three days after Alistair’s arrival as he stormed into Cullen’s office, “he smiles too much, he speaks Elvhen with her constantly, they’re always laughing together.”

“Now you understand how I felt after _you_ arrived”

“I was never going to make moves to steal her from you,” Fenris sat heavily on the chair in front of Cullen’s desk, “only wait for you to screw things up. Alistair is not showing you the same courtesy. He is _actively_ trying to win her over, and he has stolen one of my only friends in the process.”

“Is it working?”

“You would be the one to know,” Fenris shot back.

“She seems fine with me,” Cullen felt a sense of unease settle over him, “nothing seems different when we’re alone.”

“No?”

“I mean, she might be slightly happier, she isn’t concealing her markings as often.”

“No, she’s not,” Fenris gave him a pointed look, “and she’s not concealing her magic, and she’s laughing louder, and she’s _happier,”_ Fenris paused to let the information sink in, “with _him_.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Cullen suggested, “that she leave me?”

“I never wanted her to leave you, you fool,” Fenris sprung to his feet and started to pace, “I want what makes Ivy happy. If that’s you, that’s fine, but does it not occur to you that if she falls for another certain blond-haired Templar that she might leave the Inquisition to live in Redcliffe. Away from us _both_?”

It hadn’t occurred to him, but it did now as he shifted in his seat uncomfortably at the thought.

“He’s rich,” Fenris pointed out, “and attractive, and funny, and he _loves_ her magic, and her Dalish roots.”

“What makes you think he’s not being anything but polite?” Cullen suggested.

“Because he asked me if you two were serious!” Fenris erupted, “or just a passing fling!”

“What did you say?”

“That you two had been involved for some time, and so far as I knew, you two were likely going to stay together long term.”

“His response?”

“He just smiled and walked away.”

“Fuck.”

***

“You know what I miss?” Alistair had asked over dinner, “those flatbreads that the Dalish make. The ones that have chives in them.”

“Oh me too,” Lavellan agreed, “I haven’t seen any chives around, or I would make some.”

“You can grow chives in pots,” Alistair suggested, “I could have some sent from Redcliffe?”

“I would very much appreciate it,” Lavellan smiled warmly at Alistair, and Fenris kicked Cullen hard under the table, “but you know what you need to have with the flatbread?”

“Lamb stew,” Alistair nodded.

“That’s right,” Lavellan laughed.

“We could make a trip to Redcliffe after my visit is finished,” Alistair offered, “you would find everything you needed there.”

“That sounds lovely.”

***

“Cullen,” Alistair greeted warmly, “this is your office?”

“It is,” Cullen stood, bowing slightly, “can I help you?”

“No,” Alistair looked around the room,” I thought I would explore the grounds while Ivy was busy with the other nobles.”

“I see,” Cullen took his seat again.

“You two,” Alistair started, “are involved?”

“Yes,” Cullen crossed his arms over his chest defensively, “why?”

“Is it serious?”

“Yes,” Cullen said more firmly, “and you would do well to not interfere.”

“Easy, Commander,” Alistair held his hands up in innocence, “I mean no harm.”

“I don’t believe you,” Cullen said plainly, “at all.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” Alistair shrugged, “but you can’t take someone who doesn’t want to be taken. Assuming you provide her everything she needs, you should have no concerns.”

“You’ve changed,” Cullen said after a moment had passed, “from the kind man I met at the Circle Tower.”

“That was a long time ago,” Alistair had an unreadable expression cross his face before looking back at Cullen, “and I’m not the only one who is not who I once was. I remember that you had quite a reputation for being fond of mages. The other Templars used to mock you for it. Now you’re terrified of magic, and I heard you were cruel to the mages in Kirkwall. Time changes all of us, Commander. Not always for the better.”

Cullen stared at Alistair, “what do you want with her? Do you even care about her, or is this just a passing interest to see if you can steal her?”

There was a knock at the door, and whatever Alistair’s reply was going to be was held as Cullen shouted for the individual to enter.

“Vhenan,” Lavellan walked in with a small basket, “I brought you lunch. Oh, hello Alistair.”

“Ivy,” Alistair smiled, “managed to escape?”

“I am so grateful for Josephine, you can’t even imagine. I don’t even know what half of these people want from me.”

“I know how you feel,” Alistair agreed, “nobility is exhausting.”

“Thank you for lunch,” Cullen interrupted, “I appreciate it.”

“I can’t have you wasting away to nothing,” Lavellan kissed Cullen’s forehead, “what would I do without my Commander?”

“What indeed.”

***

“What’s wrong?” Lavellan asked as they settled in for bed.

“Nothing.”

“We’ve been over this, Vhenan.”

“It’s nothing to trouble yourself with.”

“Alistair?” Lavellan smiled as Cullen flushed, “Fen spoke with me about it this morning.”

“And what did Fenris say?”

“That Alistair is trying to steal me from you, and him,” Lavellan turned on her side to face Cullen, “do you think he is?”

“Yes,” Cullen answered honestly, “he was speaking with me in the office earlier about you.”

“Don’t worry, Vhenan,” Lavellan kissed him softly, “I’m not easily fooled by a pretty face.”

“He speaks Elvhen,” Cullen started, “and likes Dalish food.”

“He was involved with the Hero of Ferelden.”

“Yes, I know, she’s who saved me from the Circle Tower.”

“She was my cousin.”

“What?” Cullen looked at Lavellan in shock,

“On my father’s side. We grew up in different clans, but we knew each other.”

“A fade child?”

“No,” Lavellan shook her head, “that carries down my mother’s side, but we look alike.”

“You do,” Cullen agreed, “now that I look at you.”

“I think there was some unfinished business there from her death. I’m a bandage on a broken heart, but he doesn’t want me the way he thinks he does.”

“I love you, Fenris loves you, and now the King loves you.”

“He’s not my King, Vhenan.”

***

It was two days later that Fenris came running into Cullen’s office, slamming the door behind him.

“Hello Fenris, come on in,” Cullen rolled his eyes.

“Alistair just kissed Ivy.”

“What?” Cullen stared at Fenris, “when?”

“Just now, on the battlements, I saw it.”

“Maker’s breath,” Cullen started to pace, “what do I do?”

“You’re asking me?” Fenris laughed, “I’ve never been in love before Ivy, why would I know what to do?”

“Well I have to do _something_ ,” Cullen groaned, “I’ll be put to death for killing the King.”

“Why would you kill Alistair?” Lavellan spoke from the door, Alistair nowhere to be seen, “Fen, what did you do?”

“Told him the truth, I know what I saw. Alistair kissed you.”

“He did, and I pushed him away, but you didn’t stay for that part, did you?”

“I…no,” Fenris shook his head, “I didn’t.”

Lavellan sighed, shutting the door behind her and walking into the room, “I don’t know if I preferred when you were against each other or you two working together.” Lavellan sat on the edge of Cullen’s desk, looking between the men, “well?”

“You pushed him away?” Cullen asked.

“Vhenan,” Lavellan looked at Cullen frustrated, “of _course_ I did. How could you think I wouldn’t?”

“He’s the King.”

“I am _Dalish_ ,” Lavellan flared her markings for emphasis, Fenris’ flaring in response, “I am of the first people on this land which was unkindly taken by Humans. I don’t give two shits what Alistair thinks he is, but from a Dalish perspective he is a man living on stolen land.”

Cullen stared at Lavellan in disbelief.

“I can show you with magic if you like,” Lavellan offered, “or you can ask Alistair. He’s only a few steps away from barging into your office to find me.”

“He’s rehearsing apologies,” Fenris said, more to Cullen than Lavellan who could likely also hear Alistair’s rambling.

There was a knock at the door, and Cullen looked between Fenris and Lavellan before calling out, “enter.”

Alistair opened the door, “ah, Ivy, may I have a word?”

“Certainly,” Lavellan didn’t move, remaining on Cullen’s desk.

“Alone?”

“No,” Lavellan shook her head, “I believe anything you’d like to say can be said in front of my Vhenan and my best friend.”

“I wanted to uh,” Alistair flushed, “apologize.”

“For?”

“Kissing you,” Alistair took a step back as Cullen took a step toward him, “it was inappropriate of me.”

Lavellan shrugged, “apology accepted. I will say this plainly, Alistair, I am not interested in leaving Cullen for a relationship with you.”

“Understood.”

“You’re lucky she’s the embodiment of the spirit of forgiveness,” Cullen growled.

“I know I am. You’re lucky she’s a very honest woman. Most women would be happy to bed the King.”

Lavellan stood between Cullen and Fenris as they moved toward Alistair, “tell me, Alistair. If you’re so interested in having a Dalish partner, why did you not take Mahariel to be your consort?”

Alistair stared at Lavellan dumbfounded, “how did you know…”

“Mahariel loved you, dearly, and you decided not to keep her by your side due to society not approving of an Elvhen lover. Now she is dead and you turn to me to fill the void, no?”

“How dare you speak of Mahariel, who are you to-“

“Her cousin,” Lavellan crossed her arms over her chest, “I’m her cousin.”

Alistair deflated, “I didn’t know.”

“I know,” Lavellan let Fenris and Cullen go, walking over to Alistair and placing a hand on his cheek, “Lethalin, taking an Elvhen lover will be no more than a temporary balm to your broken heart. I wouldn’t replace her.”

“I’m sorry,” Alistair spoke softly.

“You are forgiven,” Lavellan promised, kissing his forehead, “you deserve more than a partner who barely fills the void left behind. Mahariel would have wanted more for you than that.”

“I got her killed,” Alistair swayed and Lavellan led him to the chair by Cullen’s desk, “I took the throne, told her we couldn’t be together, and she was gone a few days later. I never have the chance to apologize, or to make things right.”

Lavellan kneeled in front of Alistair, holding his hands, “she would have forgiven you.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Spirit of forgiveness,” Lavellan pointed out, “and her cousin. I knew her well.”

Alistair took a minute to collect himself before standing, “my apologies, Commander. I haven’t been very kind to you.”

Cullen nodded.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Alistair turned toward the door.

“Alistair,” Lavellan called to him, “come see me at dinner. I have something to discuss with you.”

Alistair gave a nod before leaving Cullen’s office, shutting the door behind him.

***

“You wanted to speak with me?” Alistair sat next to Cullen.

“When Mahariel died,” Lavellan spoke candidly, “did you do anything for her death?”

“No.”

“That’s not true,” Leliana cut in, “we had that ceremony in Redcliffe.”

“For everyone, not just Mahariel.”

“Hmm,” Lavellan considered for a minute, “would you like to speak with her again?”

“Yes,” Alistair sighed, “more than anything.”

“Once we’ve tackled Orlais, and this ball that I need to attend, we will have a discussion. I can help you speak with her, but only once.”

“How?”

“Fade magic,” Lavellan shrugged, “but I need to deal with the Inquisition matters first.

“Speaking of the ball, Inquisitor,” Josephine interrupted, “your final dress fitting is tomorrow morning.”

“I can hardly wait,” Lavellan groaned, pressing her face into Cullen’s shoulder.

***

“Inquisitor come _out_ ,” Josephine spoke sternly, “we need to ensure that the dress is suitable.”

“For someone who has spent _weeks_ coaching me on how to behave in Orlais, and ingrained into me how much they dislike the Dalish you certainly haven’t gone for subtle,” Lavellan’s voice came from the stairs.

“I know, that was our intention,” Josephine held open the door, “now come and _show us_.”

“Anyone innocent out there should cover their eyes,” Lavellan called out.

The inner-circle looked between them and shrugged.

“ _Now.”_

“Alright, alright,” Lavellan appeared at the door, “I warned you.”

The room fell silent as Lavellan stepped into the hall. The dress was a deep green with a plunging neckline which stopped just above her navel. There were small straps that went over her shoulders, crossing behind her back.

It was a large ball gown, made to look even larger on her slight Elvhen form. The cut of the dress designed to show off the extensive markings which covered Lavellan’s skin. The fabric sparkled as she walked into the room, each step giving the illusion of thousands of fireflies trapped under the fabric.

Josephine, true to her form, had done Lavellan’s makeup for the trial as well, a deep smoky eye actuated by a silver mask, the styling of which closely matched her markings. Lavellan’s hair had been styled down in waves, the sheer amount of it giving a veil of modesty where it covered her exposed back.

Lavellan looked around the room uncertainly, before sighing, “see Josephine? It’s too Human for me.”

“Don’t go,” Cole spoke out across the room, “they all think you look beautiful. They just don’t know how to say it. They all have too many thoughts.” Cole paused, “some of them are rude thoughts.”

“You look stunning, Inquisitor,” Leliana agreed, “you’ll have them at your feet.”

“Remarkable,” Dorian did a circle around Lavellan, “it’s a very Human dress, but it’s made _so_ Dalish by your markings. It’s a slap right across the face. A statement reminding everyone in Orlais that you, the most powerful person in Thedas, is a Dalish Elf. It’s perfect.”

“You think so?” Lavellan looked down at the dress, wiping away a small mark.

“I always think you’re the most beautiful thing in the room,” Cullen walked over to Lavellan, kissing her hand, “now everyone will agree with me.”

Lavellan smiled before walking further into the room, moving so the rest of the occupants could see her.

“Woof,” Sera called out, “I don’t go for elfy-elves, but I’d go for you in that dress.”

“That’s _hot_ , Boss.”

“Pretty good,” Varric nodded, “do I describe that as dark green when I write about it?”

“Forest green,” Lavellan moved closer and let Varric examine the fabric.

“I must admit, I’ve never seen any beauty in our markings,” Fenris spoke softly, “but seeing you right now, well, I may have been wrong.”

“Fen,” Lavellan kissed Fenris’ forehead before leaning in to whisper in his ear, “you are _beautiful_.”

“The question is,” Alistair spoke from his seat, “how does it dance?”

“You’re right, Alistair,” Leliana agreed, “we will need to see how the dress moves.”

“I think not,” Lavellan crossed her arms.

“You will be expected to dance, Inquisitor.”

“Josie,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, “I grew up in a _forest_. What makes you think I know a single Human dance?”

“Oh dear,” Josephine considered the information, “we should have done dance class.”

“On a scale from one to ten, how important is it that I know how to dance?”

“Ten.”

“Eleven.”

“Forty-six.”

“Shit,” Lavellan sighed, “alright, who here knows how to dance and is comfortable with me using magic on them?”

“Me,” Dorian offered.

“Lovely,” Lavellan walked up to Dorian, “close your eyes and think of all of the dances you know, I’m going to learn them from you.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that,” Lavellan reached up, cupping Dorian’s face in her hands, “when you’re ready.”

Dorian closed his eyes, Lavellan following suit, her markings flaring for a few moments before she took a step back.

“I am _not_ doing the dance with that red bow,” Lavellan laughed, “Altus Pavus, the _scandal_.”

Dorian laughed, “no, it wouldn’t be appropriate for open court in Orlais.”

“Wait…you touched him and now you know how to dance?” Alistair raised an eyebrow, “how?”

“For the good of my sanity, any time that I do something that you don’t understand, can we please just assume it’s my magic? I swear, I’m sick to death of saying fade magic so many times in a day,” Lavellan waved her hand and the tables in the room started to stack themselves in tall piles along the walls, “I am descendent from a long line of mages who could all do the things that I can do. Now, imagine that you have generations of knowledge that you have to pass down to your child.”

Lavellan walked to her throne as she spoke and the chairs started to stack, sitting down in the large chair with her current attire she looked all the world like a queen, “do you honestly think that a thousand years of mages may not have come up with a single spell to effectively and quickly pass along a concept?”

“Alright,” Alistair watched the magic with interest, stepping out of the way as a chair moved past him, “but _how_? I’ve studied magic for years, and seen all sorts being a Warden, living through the Blight.”

Lavellan considered the question before holding her hand out in front of her, a bright ball of light held in the palm of her hand, “this is a memory, and it’s made up of many parts.”

The ball split into five, “this is what the memory is made of, what you saw, what you smelt, what you tasted, what you heard, and what you felt. Combined, it makes a whole picture, but broken apart it is just the physical representation of a moment. I just took Dorian’s memories and broke them down like this and meshed them with my consciousness.”

“You copied his memories and linked them with yours?”

“Exactly,” the ball meshed back into one and floated from Lavellan’s palm, lazily floating toward Alistair and stopping just in front of him.

“What…”

“Touch it, if you like,” Lavellan leaned back against the wood of her throne, “you were interested in the magic, try it for yourself.”

Alistair hesitated before reaching for the ball, gasping as it disappeared into his hand, staggering.

“Just wait,” Lavellan held her hand up as Leliana moved to walk over to him, “it’s complex, give him a minute to process it.”

Alistair blinked a few times, looking up to Lavellan, “who?”

“My husband,” Lavellan smiled.

“Maker, it’s like I’ve known him my entire life,” Alistair rubbed his eyes, glancing at Fenris, “you look _just_ like him.”

“He does,” Lavellan agreed, “doesn’t smell the same though.”

“The mint?”

“He always chewed on mint leaves, a habit I picked up after he died.”

“The pain in my chest?” Alistair rubbed at it.

“What losing him left behind.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not as bad as it once was,” Lavellan tucked some of her hair behind her ear and smiled as Cullen moved to stand next to her, “sometimes, I can go entire days without that ache.”

“Why did you move the tables, Boss?”

“We’re going to see if your Kadan’s training was put to good use, Dorian, may I borrow you once more?”

“Certainly, time was I would have dreaded dancing with a woman, frightened I was to be married off to her,” Dorian walked toward the throne, offering his hand to Lavellan, “something tells me this might be different.”

“I certainly hope so,” Lavellan stood, taking Dorian’s hand and moving down to the now cleared space.

“We have no music, Inquisitor,” Dorian pointed out.

“You are all very uncreative with your magic,” the sound of string instruments warming up came from the stone walls, “I’m so disappointed in you. I’ve heard grand tales of the magic from Tevinter and you can’t make music?”

“Rather wrapped up in blood magic and necromancy,” Dorian chuckled.

“A waste,” Lavellan stopped, standing just in front of Dorian with a smile on her face, “let me know if I step on your toes.”

“Something tells me you’ll do just fine,” Dorian reached for Lavellan’s waist, his hand spread over her bare back, “when you’re ready.”

The music started and Lavellan and Dorian fell into an easy sway, Dorian leading Lavellan slowly through the dance until they both felt more comfortable. Slowly, the turns became more pronounced, Dorian spinning Lavellan toward the others in the hall before drawing her back in again to waltz around the room.

Cullen couldn’t help but smile as Lavellan laughed during a particularly exaggerated turn, giggling as Dorian lifted her in the air for a spin. As the music came to an end, Lavellan dropped into a low curtsy, the dress spread around her in a sea of green sparkles as she slowly stood again.

“That was _marvelous_ ,” Josephine clapped, “perfect form.”

“And the dress?” Lavellan asked as she gestured to the fabric.

“Stunning,” Cullen spoke from his place next to the throne, “because of the woman who is wearing it.”

“Vhenan,” Lavellan smiled at him, and Cullen felt his heart flip, “silly romantic man.”

“It’s true,” Cullen walked toward her, “every word.”

“Is that so,” Lavellan took Cullen’s hand as he reached her, “well I suppose I should trust my Commanders judgement.”

Cullen tilted Lavellan’s chin up, and in a rare display of public affection, kissed her gently.

“Alright, Seeker?”

“Shut up, Varric,” Cassandra grumbled as she wiped a tear from her eye at the display.

“Dance scene in the next issue. Got it.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dress in this chapter: https://www.deviantart.com/dolores-de-ville/art/Medieval-Fantasy-dress-487005517

“What you did with Alistair,” Cullen started as he helped Lavellan from the miles of the fabric of her dress, “the memory, could you show me?”

“Certainly,” Lavellan agreed immediately, “what would you like to see?”

“Anything,” Cullen smiled as Lavellan quickly kicked off the smalls that Josephine had insisted she wear under the dress, flinging them across the room, “I would like to see something that gives me some insight into your life before the Inquisition.”

“Hm,” Lavellan sat on the bed, casting a quick spell to remove the makeup, “that’s a hard one.”

Cullen gave her time to think about it as he undressed and filled Birch’s bowl with clean water.

“I have one, but it might be boring,” Lavellan held out her hand, a glowing ball on her palm, “you might want to sit.”

Cullen sat on the bed next to Lavellan covering his lap with the blankets, still not entirely comfortable with being freely nude in front of her, and held out his hand.

“This is a big memory, so it might take a minute to process it all. Don’t panic if you feel disoriented for a minute or two.”

Cullen accepted the memory from Lavellan, closing his eyes as it washed over him.

He was waking up in an aravel, rolling over to wrap his arms around the figure next to him. As his eye fluttered open, a face almost exactly like Fenris was looking back at him. The only difference was the warm golden eyes.

“Vhenan,” Tamaris’ had a low voice, and Cullen could tell it was dripping with affection and he realized it was directed at Lavellan, and he was watching the memories from her point of view, “the halla won't feed themselves.”

“Can’t they wait a few more minutes?”

“Five more.”

Suddenly Cullen was wrapped in strong arms, the scent of mint and pine surrounding him as the steady beat of Tamaris’ heart thrummed under his ear.

The memory shifted, and Cullen was outside in a forest standing amongst a large herd of halla.

“Look, Vhenan,” Tamaris called to him from near a pile of rocks, “snow.”

“Tamaris, don’t you dare.”

Tamaris smiled, before throwing a perfectly round ball of snow at Lavellan, hitting her in the side of the neck.

“You cheek,” there was the feeling of a cool rush from Cullen’s fingers, and a snowball was thrown back in retaliation.

“Mercy,” Tamaris laughed, “I’m out of ammunition.”

“Should have thought of that before you went against your wife.”

“Vhenan, I’m never against you.”

The memory shifted again, and Cullen was standing over a large pot of stew, stirring it for a few moments before pouring a bowl and passing it to a young Elvhen child.

“Save some for me, Vhenan.”

“I always do,” Lavellan pressed a kiss to Tamaris’ chin, and Cullen’s heartfelt so full in his chest he thought it might burst, “not like you _need_ to eat more.”

Tamaris looked offended before reaching out and poking Lavellan in the side, hard. Cullen’s ribs feeling the pressure, “are you calling me fat?”

“No, you’re right,” Lavellan shook her head, turning back to the stew, “you’re just old.”

“Oh, I’ll show you old later, Vhenan,” Tamaris whispered against Lavellan’s ear, and Cullen felt his blood heat, “let’s see who tires first.”

“I’ll take that bet,” Lavellan’s voice was so happy that Cullen wished for a moment that he could stay here, in this place where she felt so loved and content.

Gradually, the memory faded and he was back in Skyhold, Lavellan looking at him with an expression of pure concern across her face.

“Alright?”

“That’s amazing,” Cullen looked around the room, almost shocked to find that he wasn’t standing in the forest, “it’s like I was there.”

“Yes, that’s the point,” Lavellan nodded, “if I told you that this King was a bad man because of these reasons, you’re only taking my word for it. If you can stand where I stood and see what I saw, you can understand the context.”

“Very smart,” Cullen agreed, “he loved you a great deal.”

Lavellan smiled sadly, “and I loved him.”

“I could tell,” Cullen pulled Lavellan close to him, covering her with the blanket and taking her hand, “he does look like Fenris.”

“You can understand why it was so shocking to see Fen when he arrived,” Lavellan shook her head, “it was wonder and hurt all wrapped into one.”

“I bet,” Cullen ran his thumb over the back of Lavellan’s hand, “is there anything else you might want to show me?”

“You’d like to see more?” Lavellan’s face lit up and Cullen vowed he would stay awake until she ran out of memories.

“Whatever you’d like to show.”

***

“Are you alright?” Cullen asked as he found Lavellan on the balcony of the Winter Palace.

“This dress might be pretty,” Lavellan commented as she looked out over the garden, “but it’s absolute tits to fight in.”

Cullen laughed, leaning beside her on the railing, “the night as a success, Celene lives.”

“This is the second time I’ve come across a person of power who has broken off their relationship because they’re with someone who is Elvhen,” Lavellan glanced at him, “do you ever consider _us_ not working out because I’m Elvhen?”

“Maker no,” Cullen shook his head, “I often think of us not working out because you tire of me, or you wish to be with someone who is more accepting of magic, or someone who isn’t a Templar and doesn’t have lyrium issues, but whenever I worry about us not staying together, it is always you leaving me.”

“I can work through all of those things if you can handle my pointed ears.”

“I’m rather fond of your pointed ears.”

“So what do we do now?”

“I might never get this chance again,” Cullen took a step back, “may I have this dance?”

“I’d be delighted, Commander.”

***

As the guests started to retire for the evening, Cullen noticed Fenris lingering behind the group.

“Fenris?” Cullen fell back to walk beside him, “everything alright?”

Fenris shrugged, “last time I was in a place like this…” Fenris waved over his face, “this happened.”

Cullen stopped outside their room, Fenris giving a quick nod before walking toward the smaller room he would be staying in.

“Wait,” Cullen called out, “stay with us.”

“What?” Fenris turned back to look at them, “why?”

Cullen held the door to the room open, waving for Fenris to enter.

“Would you feel safer, if you were with Ivy?”

“Yes…”

“So stay,” Cullen started to undo his jacket, “I can’t sleep without her, either, so I can’t suggest you two sleep in the same room, but if this would make you feel better you’re welcome here.”

Fenris gaped at him.

“What?”

“You’re offering that I sleep, in here,” Fenris gestured around the room, “with you both.”

“Yes,” Cullen hung his jacket on a hook on the wall, “why are you so surprised?”

“You don’t like me.”

“That’s not true,” Cullen shook his head, “I _do_ like you. I don’t like that you have feelings for Ivy, but I do like _you_.”

“Oh.”

Lavellan walked into the room, quickly shedding her mask and tossing it on the bed, before closing her eyes and leaning against the door, “this place is stupid.”

“Not to your taste?” Cullen chuckled.

“No,” Lavellan opened her eyes, noticing Fenris, “hello, Lethalin.”

“Cullen…that is to say he…”

“Fenris is staying in here with us tonight,” Cullen said for him, “if you don’t mind. The palace makes him uneasy.”

“I think it makes everyone uneasy,” Lavellan stepped away from the door, “but you’re welcome to stay, of course.”

“Where am I to sleep?”

“In the bed,” Lavellan answered like it was obvious, “it’s big enough for six.”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“Fen,” Lavellan walked over to him, resting her hand on his shoulders, “if Cullen invited you to stay, he meant it. I was shot three times today, all I want to do is get out of this dress and sleep.”

“Agreed,” Cullen walked over to the washbasin, “though it does pose a problem.”

“What does?”

“What are you going to sleep in?”

“Ah,” Lavellan nodded, “can I use your shirt?”

“Certainly,” Cullen pulled the fabric over his head, passing it to Lavellan.

Fenris stood awkwardly in the room, watching as Lavellan and Cullen started to prepare for bed.

“Fen?”

“Yes?”

“Can you undo the ties behind my neck?”

“Uh…”

“Go ahead,” Cullen nodded, “my hands shake too much for the smaller ties.”

Fenris cautiously walked over to Lavellan, watching for signs of discomfort from either party as he started to untie the small knot.

“There you are.”

“Thank you,” Lavellan held the dress to her chest as she walked behind the dressing curtain, “are you sleeping in that uniform?”

“I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Cullen laughed, “I know, it’s unconventional, but I wouldn’t be able to face myself in the morning if I knew I had sent my….partners… best friend to sleep where he was uncomfortable.”

“I appreciate the gesture,” Fenris started on his jacket buttons.

Lavellan started to laugh, and the men looked at one another, “what’s so funny?”

“Look,” Lavellan came from behind the curtain, the massive green dress in her hands before throwing it to the ground, “it’s so bloody big with the skirts in it, it can stand by itself.”

Fenris smiled, “you could use it for shelter in a storm.”

“Or use it as a sail for a large ship,” Cullen added.

“All this fabric and I’m only meant to wear it once,” Lavellan tied the strings of Cullen’s shirt, concealing her chest. From their height differences, it fell to her knees, “what a tragedy.”

“What are you going to do with it?”

“We’re bringing it back to Skyhold,” Lavellan walked toward the bed, “I’m going to have a dress made for Lily from some of it because she likes it, and the rest will be sent to an orphanage in Redcliffe, they can make use of the fabric.”

Cullen sat on the far right of the bed, Lavellan sitting beside him, both waiting for Fenris.

“I can sleep on the floor.”

“You’re not sleeping on the floor, Fen, come on.”

Fenris pulled off his shirt, leaving on the linen uniform pants before cautiously sitting on the far left of the bed.

“I wonder if I should cast wards,” Lavellan considering aloud as she tucked her legs under the blanket, waiting for Cullen and Fenris to join her.

“I would,” Cullen yawned, “after the events of tonight.”

“Agreed.”

Lavellan waved her hand, large silver wolves jumping from her fingertips and sitting at the door and windows of the room.

“Goodnight,” with another wave, the candles in the room went out.

***

When Cullen awoke in the morning he was wrapped around Lavellan’s back, spooning against her with his hand over her stomach. As he opened his eyes he saw that in the night Lavellan had moved closer to Fenris, and was sleeping with her face pressed against his shoulder, one of his hands held tightly in hers.

Fenris, on the other hand, was awake and looked very concerned.

“Alright?” Cullen whispered.

“I didn’t mean to-“

“Don’t worry about it,” Cullen kissed just below Lavellan’s ear, smiling at it twitched, “she lives up to her name while she’s sleeping. She likes to wrap around things.”

“No, I don’t,” Lavellan grumbled into Fenris’ shoulder before pressing a kiss to the skin.

“That’s Fenris.”

Lavellan opened her eyes, taking stock of their positions on the bed, “so it is. Good morning, Fen.”

“Good morning, you may wish to unhand me before you upset your Templar.”

Lavellan laughed, pulling away from Cullen and sprawling across Fenris’ chest, “he’s going to take twenty minutes to shave anyway.”

“It doesn’t take me that long,” Cullen rolled his eyes standing from the bed with a groan, “all this money and they don’t make a comfortable bed?”

“Ours is better,” Lavellan agreed, closing her eyes again.

“Unhand me, woman.”

“Shh, you’re comfortable.”

“Your partner is in the room.”

“If he didn’t like it, he would tell me.”

Fenris grumbled but wrapped his arm over Lavellan’s back and she drifted off to sleep again.

***

“Why did we have to go ahead?” Fenris whispered to Cullen as they walked to the table for breakfast.

“They’re going to do a similar announcement to last night,” Cullen explained, “as the guest of honor, Ivy will be announced last.”

“Ser,” a messenger ran up on Fenris and Cullen, handing them each a note, “from the Inquisitor.”

“Thank you,” Cullen took the note and opened it as Fenris watched the messenger dart between the members of the Inquisition.

“Strange,” Cullen turned the note to show Fenris, in Lavellan’s perfect script read two words.

 _Don’t stand_.

Fenris opened his note to find it said the same, “what does it mean?”

“I suppose we’ll see.”

Cullen and Fenris had been seated with the others from the Inquisition. Bull, Varric, Cassandra, Leliana, and Josephine all waiting for Lavellan to be introduced.

“The Inquisitor,” a booming voice called over the outdoor terrace where they were eating, “Ivy of clan Lavellan.”

The rest of the guests stood from their seats, those within the Inquisition looking at each other as true to Lavellan’s request, they all remained seated.

Lavellan had forgone the mask and was wearing a blue velvet dress with long bell sleeves and ornate black trim with silver embroidery. Despite the fact that she usually went without, her staff was held in her hand and she bowed to Celene before making her way over to the table with the request of the Inquisition.

“Inquisitor,” Celene called to her before she sat, “why do your people not stand for you?”

“Why should they?”

Celene looked perplexed, stumbling over an answer.

“In all things, your highness, these people are my equals,” Lavellan rested her staff against the table and took her seat at the head of the table, smiling at Josephine who was fighting the urge to flush at the attention the Inquisitor had drawn from the court.

***

Lavellan had caused further scandal as the morning had progressed. Insisting that the other members of the Inquisition were served before she was, asking the servers their names, and laughing, loudly, at Bull’s jokes.

Through curiosity or obligation, Cullen wasn’t sure, but eventually, Celene had moved to the Inquisition table to greet those sitting around it.

“Celene,” Lavellan stood in greeting, “Briala.”

“Inquisitor,” Celene looked over her staff with interest, “Briala tells me that you’re quite a unique mage.”

“I am,” Lavellan agreed.

“I was wondering if you might indulge me, and show me a trick.”

“Celene,” Briala protested.

“Just something small.”

“Did Briala explain what _type_ of mage I was to you?”

“Yes.”

Lavellan took her staff in hand, arching her eyebrow at Celene, “so you understand that asking a _fade child_ to entertain you with parlor tricks is –“

“Hardly appropriate,” Briala cut in, “apologies, Inquisitor.”

“What’s the harm?”

Cullen noticed the clouds first, changing from a bright white to a threatening black. Rolls of thunder sounding overhead as Lavellan looked at Celene with distaste.

“Celene,” Briala tugged at her sleeve.

“Is this your doing?” Celene gestured to the incoming storm.

Lavellan shifted, turning to face Celene directly, “I am a _fade child_ , your highness, not a street performer.”

“Brilliant,” Celene watched the clouds with interest, “what else can you do?”

There was a flash of lightning less than six feet from Celene, an angry black char mark in the white marble, Celene jumping at the resounding _crack_ from the impact. 

“Celene, _enough.”_

“I come from a long line of mages who would have been respected as _gods_ ,” Lavellan spoke quietly enough that only the Inquisition table, Celene and Briala could hear, “you dare to ask me to come to your little palace, and play your little _game_.”

Cullen watched the color fade from Celene’s face and fought the urge to grin. Glancing to Fenris, he could see him fighting the same battle.

“It’s insulting,” Lavellan looked unimpressed, “to come to your home and see my people treated like dirt, and then you have the gall to expect me to perform like a street magician.”

“Inquisitor-“

“I am a _proud_ Dalish Elf,” Lavellan continued, “you do not _command_ me, Celene. I will not perform for you. You _will_ respect me, or I _will_ send your palace to its rightful in the fade.”

“Of course, Inquisitor, I apologize.”

“Do not forget, Celene, that it is due to my abilities that you remain in your throne.”

“Indeed it is.”

The clouds started to fade, and the sound of thunder quietened.

“Strange weather you have here, your highness,” Lavellan spoke louder now, so all those in attendance could hear.

“Yes, very strange. Enjoy your breakfast.”

“Thank you,” Lavellan took her seat again, maintaining a straight face until Celene had moved to the next table before winking at Cullen, dodging Josephine’s well-aimed swat.


	24. Chapter 24

“How long until we leave?” Fenris whispered to Lavellan after the third course of breakfast was served.

“Creators, I hope soon,” Lavellan answered, equally quietly, “if I have to see another Elvhen servant I’m going to set this palace on fire.”

“It would be an improvement,” Fenris scowled, and Lavellan took his hand under the table.

“Hang in there, Lethalin.”

There was a crash, and Lavellan looked up to see one of the many Elvhen servants falling down six steps, a sickening crack, and a shout as she came to a stop just by the Empress’s table.

“Get up,” Celene looked personally offended.

The servant let out a shout as the tried to stand, falling to the ground.

“Up!”

“Honestly,” Lavellan stood, taking staff in hand and walking to the girl as she grasped at her knee, “she’s hurt. Are you stupid or do you completely lack anything in the way of a heart in that gilded corset?”

Lavellan crouched on the floor next to the girl, who immediately started apologizing profusely.

“Inquisitor, I’m sorry, I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” Lavellan placed a hand on her shoulder, “you’ve broken your leg. Let’s get you somewhere more open and I’ll heal it for you.”

“I’m just a servant.”

“You’re not _just_ anything. Fen, can you help?”

Fenris walked over to Lavellan, helping her move the girl into the middle of the room before sitting her down.

“I’ll be in trouble,” she whispered frantically, “let me go.”

“You won’t be in trouble,” Lavellan reassured, “I promise. May I heal you?”

The girl nodded, grasping at Fenris’ hand as Lavellan moved her leg.

“This will only take a minute, and you’ll feel much better.”

The guests started to mingle, creating an ever-closer circle around Lavellan and Fenris until Cullen stood, trying to encourage them to make room.

“Back up,” Lavellan spoke loudly to the crowd, when they didn’t, there was a sudden gust of wind, pushing them backward, knocking some off of their feet.

“Ready?”

“Yes.”

There was a quick flash of Lavellan’s markings, and the girl immediately relaxed as the pain passed.

“There we are,” Lavellan helped her stand, Fenris standing with one hand on her back to keep the girl upright as she swayed, “what was your name?”

“Evelyn, Inquisitor.”

“Evelyn,” Lavellan smiled, “it’s lovely to meet you, I’m Ivy.”

Celene scoffed, and Cullen watched as Lavellan’s expression changed, her blue eyes settling on the Empress.

“You know, your highness, I’ve had a change of heart, maybe I will show you a magic trick.”

Celene looked equal measures interested and terrified as Lavellan took up her staff, walking slowly toward the main table as Fenris pulled Evelyn to stand near the Inquisition table.

“A fade child would often be called on in time of war,” Lavellan spoke loudly enough that the guests could hear, “to grant a boon to the side of their choosing. Historically, those with the favor of a fade child would win the war, as I’m sure Briala would agree.”

Briala nodded, looking at Celene with concern as she, and the crowd around them, watched with rapt interest.

“The cost for this boon could be great, if we are to believe the legend we would see palaces, just like this one, gifted to a fade child just for their blessing. As it is, I’m feeling generous today.”

Lavellan slammed the end of her staff on the ground, a bright gold ripple spreading across the floor like a wave.

“What was that?” Celene asked as it moved past her.

“A blessing,” Lavellan smiled, a small dangerous smile, “for your servants, and the servants of your guests. There are many wars, Celene, and many sides to each war. I don’t bother with most of them, but…”

“But?”

“The blatant abuse of my people is not something I will accept or tolerate,” Lavellan said calmly, but with an edge to her voice.

“The people of Orlais-“ Celene started.

“You are the face of an empire, Celene. You represent what they stand for. I’ve been called a rabbit no less than three times while I’ve been here, tell me, why exactly is this,” Lavellan waved at the palace, “or you, worth saving?”

Celene stuttered, struggling for words.

“I come from a long line of mages, Celene, and I carry their memories within me,” Lavellan spoke softly, but to a silent audience so she was easily heard, “I have seen empires rise, and fall, from the decisions of a single leader. I have seen hundreds of years of success, and plenty, end with one word spoken out of turn. Orlais is no different from those empires, no more special or unique. Your people are no more deserving of my blessing or attention than the farmers who tend the Hinterlands, or the Elvhen healer who assists Mages and Templars alike in Redcliffe village. I have come to your gilded palace,” Lavellan looked around, “and I find it _lacking_.”

“Inquisitor-“

“Your _game_ is pathetic when the pawns it is played with are my _people_ ,” Lavellan’s staff smacked against the ground again and Celene jumped, “I refuse to play it. If you want the blessings of me or my Inquisition, I need proof that your empire is worth saving in the first place.”

Celene was quiet, the guests looking amongst themselves as the silence fell over the crowd.

“How?”

It was Briala who asked.

“Kindness,” Lavellan answered, “the kingdoms who live the test of time, do so with reckless kindness. That is why King Alistair sees his success, it is why, despite Tevinter and Orlais constant attempt to wipe us out, the Elvhen continue.”

“Kindness,” Celene spoke the word like a foreign concept, “that’s your trick?”

“No trick, Celene,” Lavellan shrugged, “and your people depend on it. Now is the time to be the leader, Celene, not the peacock.”

Lavellan looked to the Inquisition table, taking a deep breath before turning back to Celene, “thank you, your highness, for your hospitality. The Inquisition will now take our leave. You should know, Evelyn will be coming with us.”

“Of course,” Celene stood, giving a small bow, “a gift.”

“Not a gift, Celene. She’s a person, not a thing,” Lavellan walked over to Evelyn, wrapping a protective arm over her shoulder, “remember, Celene. Kindness. If not, the next time you see the winter palace its gilding will be replaced with ashes.”

***

“Damn this place,” Lavellan spoke as she mounted her hart, “may it burn.”

“I can’t wait to be out of here,” Fenris agreed, bringing his horse next to Lavellan.

“We’ve certainly made an impression,” Josephine sighed.

“Josie, Celene will fall without us, she knows this,” Lavellan waited for the Inquisition carriage to be attached to their horses, “we will not now, nor ever, accept the help from those who keep slaves. If Celene wants to work with us, she will change. If she doesn’t, she will die. Either way, the world will be better off.”

“Um,” Evelyn spoke from near the carriage, “what am I to do?”

“Can you ride?”

“No,” Evelyn looked embarrassed, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Lavellan reached a hand out for Evelyn, helping her onto the back of her hart, “do you have any family here that we need to bring with us?”

“I’m an orphan.”

“Alright,” Lavellan brought Evelyn’s arms around her waist, “everyone ready?”

“On your order, Inquisitor,” Cullen shouted from behind the carriage.

“Let’s get out of here.”

***

“I’m starving,” Josephine commented as the sun started to grow low in the sky, “I think we’re still half a day from Skyhold.”

“A little more than that,” Lavellan agreed, “let’s stop and make camp.”

“Camp?” Josephine looked around the woods that they were riding through, “here?”

“Yes,” Lavellan laughed, “you’ll be fine. You and Leliana can sleep in the carriage, we have a few tents. Cullen and I can share with Fenris, Bull, and Varric can share, Evelyn, you can likely fit in the carriage too.”

“I don’t mind sleep outside,” Evelyn offered.

“Don’t be silly,” Lavellan pat Evelyn’s hand, “we’ll keep you safe.”

“I don’t want to be a hindrance.”

“You’re not, Lethalin.”

Lavellan directed the party off of the path, getting off of her hart and helping Evelyn down.

“Want Varric and I on tent detail, Boss?”

“If you don’t mind, Bull,” Lavellan opened her bag and pulled out her normal soft leather clothes, “I need to get changed out of this dress and we can figure out who is going to hunt.”

“No experience there, Boss, I’m too big.”

“Bianca is decent over short distances, but I’m too loud on my feet to sneak up on anything.”

Lavellan laughed, pulling the dress over her head and snorting as everyone around her turned to look the other way, “Leliana, Josephine?”

“I haven’t had to hunt since the blight,” Leliana answered, “Josie grew up in a privileged household, I’d be surprised if she’s ever hunted.”

“Never,” Josephine confirmed.

“Creators,” Lavellan quickly dressed before she started to untack the horses, “Fen, Cullen?”

“Even slaves were provided food in Tevinter,” Fenris shook his head as he also changed from the formal uniform he had been wearing, “and Hawke would bring along rations.”

“I’ve been a Templar since I was young,” Cullen shrugged.

“So, what you’re telling me is that you’re all useless,” Lavellan snorted, “Evelyn?”

“I never hunted with my clan, but I did forage.”

“Perfect,” Lavellan pulled a bow from the back of the carriage, pulling it over her shoulder, “I’ll hunt, Fen, can you start a fire and Evelyn, if you can, look for any local vegetables and herbs growing?”

“Certainly,” Evelyn agreed, and Lavellan noticed that she was watching Cullen with concern.

“Are you alright?”

“Templars make me nervous, they came in and wiped out my clan. That’s how I ended up in Orlais.”

“I understand,” Lavellan squeezed Evelyn’s hand, “but Cullen is a good Templar, and he commands a number of good Templars. I was scared of him when we met, too, but he is a good and _kind_ man.”

“I try, at least,” Cullen smiled at Lavellan, “I’m happy to help Bull with the tents if you’d feel more comfortable with me out of the way.”

“Fen will keep an eye on you, too.”

“Thank you.”

***

“She’s been gone for a while,” Fenris commented as he added wood to the fire.

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Cullen tried to listen for sounds of Lavellan’s footsteps.

“It depends on what she’s hunting,” Evelyn spoke quietly, unsure if her opinion would be wanted or welcome, “if she’s looking for deer it would be faster than if she’s hunting for rabbit or fennec. If she’s looking for a smaller animal she will need to find more of them, especially with a Qunari to feed.”

“True,” Cullen agreed, “I wish we were more help.”

“Um,” Evelyn looked at the fire, “that needs to be hotter.”

“More dry wood?”

“Yes,” Evelyn walked over to the pile that Cullen and Fenris had gathered, “here, let me help.”

***

“Bull,” Lavellan called from the edge of the camp, “bring your muscles over here and help me, would you?”

“Sure,” Bull walked toward Lavellan as Fenris and Cullen let out a breath of relief.

“She’s fine,” Evelyn smiled, “she’s been hunting since she was young, I’m sure. Even if she hadn’t been, she’s a fade child.”

“We know,” Fenris frowned, “but we care for her.”

“Both of you?”

“Yes,” Cullen nodded, “it’s…just something we’ve come to accept.”

“She seems lovely.”

“She is,” Fenris watched as Bull carried over an arm full of rabbits, Lavellan carrying more as she walked behind him, “and she’s kind, and understanding, and compassionate.”

“You’re both lucky to have her.”

“Oh, we know.”

“Evelyn, how did you make out?”

“Carrots, some potatoes, I found mint and sage.”

“Perfect,” Lavellan signaled for Bull to set the rabbits aside, “are you familiar with preparing rabbit?”

“Yes, Inquisitor.”

“Call me Ivy,” Lavellan found a log and pulled it over toward the food, “can you please come and help? There’s a lot to make and many mouths to feed.”

“Of course.”

***

Lavellan and Evelyn worked well together, the rabbits prepared a roasting over a spit which was magically turning as the meat cooked, the vegetables stewing underneath them.

“Thank you for your help,” Lavellan stretched her legs and leaned against Fenris, “that was much fast with two.”

“You’re welcome,” Evelyn added more wood to the fire, “it’s nice to be around more Dalish.”

“Fen isn’t Dalish, he’s from Tevinter, but he’s a fast learner.”

“So, in the morning,” Evelyn started slowly, “are you going to leave me here?”

“No, why would we?”

“Where am I to go?”

“With us,” Lavellan answered firmly, “you can work with the Inquisition if you like. There is also a Dalish clan that is staying with us. If you would prefer to live with them, that’s alright too. You’re not my prisoner or my servant, and I won’t abandon you in the forest.”

“Thank you, for getting me out of there.”

“You’re welcome.”

***

“Evelyn,” Lavellan held a plate of food toward her, “eat.”

“I have no money to pay for it.”

“It cost me no money to make, nor would I take your money if you had it, _eat_ Lethalin.”

“Thank you,” Evelyn took the plate, sitting next to Fenris.

“You will get used to it,” Fenris spoke softly, “not being a servant. It took me years, and it’s taken me some time to get used to Lavellan’s kindness, but you will get used to it.”

“I’m not sure that I can.”

“You can,” Lavellan sat next to Cullen, “I would have never believed you if you had told me that at some point I would bed a Templar, but things change.”

Evelyn laughed, small and bright, “quite the interesting couple.”

“It works,” Lavellan stole a potato from Cullen’s plate.

“Not if she steals my food.”

“I made it, Vhenan.”

“I’m hungry.”

“Humans and Qunari’s are _always_ hungry,” Lavellan pointed out, “Bull is three rabbits deep already.”

“Hey, I’m a growing boy,” Bull defended.

“Bull, the only way you’re growing is out.”

“That hurts, Boss.”

***

“Goodnight!” Josephine called as she shut the carriage door, leaving Fenris, Cullen, and Lavellan to put out the fire.

“You two go ahead into the tent, I’m just going to put up some wards and I’ll be with you.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive,” Lavellan shooed them toward the tent, “it’s easier when you’re not in my way.”

Cullen and Fenris walked together to the tent, undressing awkwardly in the small space.

“I apologize for intruding again.”

“No intrusion, Fenris, it’s fine. If you start sleeping in our quarters in Skyhold we might have an issue, but these are special circumstances.”

“I appreciate your consideration,” Fenris settled on one of the bedrolls, “I understand that my feelings for Ivy might make you uncomfortable.”

“I trust you when you say that you won’t actively take her from me. If I lose her to my foolishness you’re hardly to blame.”

There was a flash of light that bolted across the side of the tent and Fenris smiled, “I rather like her wolves.”

“How can you be so comfortable with it all, considering.”

“Much like Lavellan can be comfortable with you,” Fenris shed his shirt, and turned to face Cullen, “I was tortured by a mage, but not _her_. I know her well enough to be comfortable with it because it is a part of her, and she is a good person.”

Cullen nodded, “it’s true.”

“If you let her heal something small, and simple, like a headache, you might find it’s not as frightening as you thought.”

“I keep meaning too, and then she offers and I panic.”

“For what it’s worth, as someone who has been healed by her quite extensively,” Fenris ran his thumb over the markings on his arm, “it’s amazing.”

“That was incredible to watch,” Cullen watched the light from the fire fade, “and I’m glad it worked.

“Me too.”

“I’m coming in,” Lavellan called from the outside of the tent, “if you two are done talking about me.”

“I’m not sure we are, Commander?”

“I suppose we can wait until tomorrow.”

“Funny,” Lavellan pushed into the tent, “I’ve sent out six watchers, I hope that’s enough.”

“I’m sure that will be fine. Come to bed.

“That’s an enticing offer with two beautiful men waiting for me,” Lavellan reached for one of the shirts along the bedrolls and turned her back to Cullen and Fenris to undress.

“That’s my shirt,” Fenris pointed out, staring at the tent wall.

“Then it will fit,” Lavellan crawled onto the bedroll between Cullen and Fenris and dropped heavily onto her back, “I am so glad to be out of that palace and back into a forest.”

“I’m certainly glad to be out of the palace,” Cullen agreed, “but I’m too old to be sleeping in the forest.”

“Clan life not for you, Vhenan?”

“Not sure that I would survive it.”

“You get used to it,” Fenris cut in, “Hawke used to have us all over Kirkwall, after a while you’re tired enough that you don’t care where you’re sleeping as long as you sleep.”

“Very true,” Lavellan yawned, curling on her side facing Fenris and pulling Cullen to spoon up against her.

Fenris reached for Lavellan’s hand, taking it in his, “I am glad to have friends like you.”

“We’re glad to have you, too.”

***

When Cullen and Fenris woke up, Lavellan was gone, the sounds of a fire crackling signalling that she was likely cooking breakfast.

“Good morning,” Fenris grumbled as he sat up, finding his shirt spread over his chest.

“Morning,” Cullen rubbed his eyes, “I must have been tired, I usually wake up before she leaves.”

Fenris hummed, holding his shirt and sighing.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s going to smell like her,” Fenris commented quietly so Lavellan couldn’t hear him, “I’ll spend my day wrapped in her scent knowing that I’ll never know her as you do. Don’t get me wrong, Commander, I will stand by my word and I won’t ever come between you, but sometimes I want her so bad I _ache_.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you would be a better partner for her than I am.”

“She chose you,” Fenris pulled the shirt over his head with a wince, “and while I don’t like it, I respect her choice.”

“You’re a good man, Fenris.”

“No, I’m not, but I’m trying to be for her.”

Cullen and Fenris walked from the tent, stopping short as the caught sight of Lavellan standing by the fire, Bull with his face pressed against Lavellan’s stomach.

“Alright, Bull?”

Bull groaned, low and pleased into Lavellan’s stomach.

“I’m oiling his horns,” Lavellan said by way of explanation as she rubbed her thumbs around the base of his horns, “he’s a kitten while I’m doing his.”

“Feels good.”

“I know,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, drawing her hand from base to tip, Bull tilting his head to follow the motion, “but the camp is waking up now, I need to make breakfast for everyone.”

“Not hungry.”

“You’re always hungry,” Lavellan tried to take a step back, stopped by Bull wrapping his arms around her back.

“Stay.”

“Bull,” Lavellan laughed, bending forward to kiss the top of his head, “Dorian is waiting for you back at Skyhold, let me cook breakfast and you can have him oil whatever body parts you want.”

“Okay,” Bull reluctantly let Lavellan go, “if you’re that good with my horns I know why the Commander likes you so much.”

Cullen blushed, “quite.”

“Atta boy, Commander. I knew you had it in you.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: There is a character death in this chapter. It is not one of the main chapters, but it might be distressing. 
> 
> The song referenced in this chapter is Medhel an gwyns - I would suggest listening to it. It's very pretty.

“Home sweet home,” Lavellan pointed to Skyhold as she spotted it in the distance, Evelyn’s eyes widening with shock.

“It’s massive.”

“Pretty big,” Lavellan nodded, “Josephine will help organize a room for you when we arrive. Take a few days to settle in and we can sort out if you’re going to stay with the Inquisition or if you would like to move on with the Dalish clan when they leave.”

“They made no reference to leaving yet,” Cullen pointed out.

“They plan on staying until the hole to the fade is gone. They feel safer staying with me.”

“So they should,” Evelyn said softly, “it’s a blessing to know a fade child.”

“That’s very kind,” Lavellan smiled, “Cullen, the clan doesn’t speak with you much as only some of them speak common. Until your Elvhen is better, they feel like they’re wasting your time with the language barrier.”

“I should make more time to learn,” Cullen spoke mostly to himself, “I don’t want to offend them.”

“They’re not offended, Vhenan, they don’t expect a human to speak Elvhen.”

“I’m courting a fade child, I should at least speak your language.”

“I would like to learn as well,” Fenris admitted, almost sheepishly, “I wonder if it would bring back some of my memories.”

“I can teach you both,” Evelyn offered, “it’s not difficult. I’m sure the Inquisitor is busy.”

“If you have time, maybe Fenris and I could do classes together.”

“That would be agreeable.”

Lavellan smiled, “I can see a certain Tevinter mage waiting for his _Amatus_.”

“Yeah?” Bull squinted, “too far for me to see.”

“He’s waiting, and Barris is waiting for you, Cullen.”

“Wonderful,” Cullen groaned, “back to training.”

“Lily is with Dorian now, waving.”

“Is that your daughter?” Evelyn asked, “she looks just like the Commander.”

“His niece, I don’t have any children.”

“That’s a shame,” Evelyn looked between them, “you’d have beautiful children.”

“Maybe one day, Lethalin, but I have to fix the world first.”

***

Lavellan was rushed off into chaos as soon as she arrived back in Skyhold, immediately taken to attend court, plan for Morrigan’s arrival, and deal with troop movements. By the time that dinner arrived, she looked exhausted.

“Where’s Evelyn?”

“The Keeper of the clan took her in almost immediately, she’s staying with them for now,” Fenris answered, looking at Lavellan with concern, “are you alright?”

“Exhausted,” Lavellan answered, “I’ve been dealing with land title issues all day.”

“Would you like me to get you dinner?”

“You don’t have to serve me, Fen.”

“Sit,” Fenris ordered, “I’ll be right back.”

Dorian watched as Fenris made his way toward the food, “you’re quite something, Ivy.”

“How do you mean?”

“There stands an ex-Tevinter slave, who I’m sure has said many vows to never serve a mage again, getting you dinner.”

“He’s good to me,” Lavellan agreed, “I don’t deserve him.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t agree with you.”

“Agree with what?” Fenris asked as he placed the plate in front of Lavellan.

“I don’t deserve you,” Lavellan answered.

“There is nothing you could ask of me that I wouldn’t give you,” Fenris spoke softly, “for the healing you’ve given me and the kindness you’ve shown me.”

“Ma serannas, Lethalin.”

***

It was a few days later that Barris had interrupted Cullen and Lavellan having lunch together, a somber expression across his face.

“Barris?”

“It’s Thompson,” Barris answered, “I think it’s time. He’s asking for the Inquisitor.”

“What’s wrong with Thompson?” Lavellan asked, looking between Cullen and Barris.

Thompson was the oldest of the Templars at Skyhold, a kind man late into his life. He was mostly kept busy assisting Barris and Cullen in correcting the form of younger Templars. His bright grey hair and long grey beard helped him stand out against the sea of armor, and Lavellan always knew him as a friendly face who was something in the way of a mentor for Cullen and Barris.

“He took ill when you left, and he refused any healing. He’s been asking for you all morning.”

“Why didn’t someone tell me?” Lavellan stood, Cullen, following.

“He asked that we didn’t, he said your time was better spent dealing with Inquisition matters than the end of an old man’s life.”

Barris led Cullen and Lavellan to the Templar tower, up the stairs to the bed occupied by Thompson and surrounded by a group of younger Templars.

“Lethalin, what a state you’re in,” Lavellan walked over to his bed, sitting on the edge and taking his hand, “let’s get you healed up.”

“No,” Thompson protested, his voice coming out weak and raspy, “it’s my time to go.”

“Nonsense,” Lavellan disagreed, brushing his hair from his eyes, “see, I have Barris and Cullen here, they still need you, there’s still work to be done.”

“Please,” Thompson gasped out, “I’m old, my time has come.”

“Can you help him?” Cullen asked softly.

“I can,” Lavellan nodded, “but not if he refuses.”

“Ivy,” Thompson gasped again, “I want to see my wife. I’m ready to go.”

Lavellan frowned but brought Thompson’s hand to her lips and pressed a kiss to the skin, “I understand.”

“I would ask,” Thompson paused to try and take a breath, “for your forgiveness.”

“For what?”

“When I was younger,” Thompson took another heaving breath, “I was cruel to the mages in my care. I didn’t understand, you see, how magic could ever be controlled. It was too primal, too dangerous”

Lavellan kept hold of Thompson’s hand as he struggled for the breath to continue, the other Templars in the room shifting uncomfortably.

“I would mock their fear of the harrowing, I sent good mages, _good_ _people_ for the rite of tranquility because they frightened me. I know for these reasons Andraste won’t welcome me into the Golden City, and I know I am undeserving, but I must ask for your forgiveness.”

Thompson exploded into a violent coughing fit, Lavellan helping him take a drink to soothe it.

“Please,” Thompson gasped out between coughs, “please before I die, Herald, I beg of you.”

“You have it,” Lavellan promised, as Thompson held her with a white-knuckled grip, “as a fade child, a mage, the spirit of forgiveness and Andraste’s Herald, you have my forgiveness.”

“Thank you,” Thompson’s breathing was rapid now, a shallow rise of his chest, “I’m frightened. Will you stay?”

“Until the end,” Lavellan moved, sitting on the bed and pulling Thompson to her chest, cradling him like a child, “you have my word.”

“Does it hurt?”

Barris cleared his throat, wiping a tear from his eye at the scene and Cullen reached for him, a supportive hand on his shoulder.

“Dying?” Lavellan rocked Thompson gently, “no, Lethalin, it’s the most natural thing in the world. Like slipping into sleep, it’s as easy as falling off of a wet log after a spring rain.”

“Will you tell my son I died bravely?”

“Yes, and that you were by my side in your last battle.”

“Until the end?”

“Until the end,” Lavellan swallowed hard and took a breath to compose herself, “what will you tell your wife when you see her?”

“How much I missed her,” Thompson’s eyes started to close, “and how I’m so glad to see her again.”

“Has she been waiting long?”

“Twenty years.”

“I’m afraid you might be in trouble then.”

Thompson tried for a laugh, instead a quiet wheeze coming from somewhere low down in his chest, “maybe. I hope to have her singing again soon.”

Thompson didn’t speak again, his breathing slowing as Lavellan held him. Gradually the room emptying until it contained only Cullen and Barris.

“Will it take long?” Barris asked as he took a seat next to the bed.

“No,” Lavellan answered softly, “any time now.”

“He misses her singing,” Cole spoke as he appeared in the room, “he wants his Rosie.”

Lavellan nodded, wiping the sweat from Thompson’s brow as she started to sing.

“Memories like voices that call in the wind,  
Medhel an gwyns,  
Medhel an gwyns.  
Whispered and tossed on the tide coming in,  
Medhel, oh, medhel an gwyns.  
Voices like songs that are heard in the dawn,  
Medhel an gwyns, medhel an gwyns.  
Singing the secrets of children unborn,  
Medhel, oh, medhel an gwyns.  
Dreams like the memories once born on the wind,  
Medhel an gwyns, medhel an gwyns.

Lovers and children and copper and tin,  
Medhel, oh, medhel an gwyns.  
Dreams like the castles that sleep in the sand,  
Medhel an gwyns, medhel an gwyns.  
Slip through the fingers or held in the hand,  
Medhel, oh, medhel an gwyns.  
Songs like the dreams that the bow maiden spins,  
Medhel an gwyns, medhel an gwyns.

Weaving the song of the cry of the tin,  
Medhel, oh, medhel an gwyns.  
Medhel and gwyns, medhel an gwyns.  
Medhel, oh, medhel an gwyns”

As the song came to an end, Thompson let out one final shuddering breath before falling still.

“Gone,” Cole spoke softly, “his last memories of the night he married his wife. Safe, warm, a partner to give him a home.”

Lavellan nodded, settling Thompson against the sheets and casting a cleaning charm to remove the signs of sickness, wrapping him in the blanket as if he was sleeping.

Cole wrapped his arm over her shoulder, “he didn’t want to stay.”

“I know,” Lavellan’s markings flared as she called out, “Tamaris.”

A spectral figure formed beside her, different to Enna, this figure appeared more like a ghost, rushing to her.

“Vhenan?”

“Ir abelas, Vhenan,” Lavellan choked out as tears threatened to take her, “I shouldn’t have called you from the fade but I need your help.”

“Anything.”

Lavellan gestured to Thompson, “can you take him to find his wife?”

Tamaris turned, looking at the body on the bed, “a Templar?”

“A good man,” Lavellan looked to the ceiling and tried to stop her tears from falling, “please.”

“Of course, ma Vhenan.”

“Thank you,” Cullen spoke softly.

Tamaris turned, looking at Cullen with interest, “your Templar?”

“Yes,” Lavellan kept her eyes on Thompson, “my Templar.”

“I will care for your man, Templar, if you care for my heart.”

“I will,” Cullen agreed, “I promise.”

Tamaris pressed a kiss to Lavellan’s forehead, “I miss you.”

“Not nearly as much as I miss you.”

“Come see me soon?”

“I will.”

“What’s his name?”

“Thompson.”

Tamaris moved toward the bed, reaching through Thompson’s chest and pulling his spectral form from within.

“That’s it?” Thompson looked down at his body, “I’m gone?”

“That’s it, Lethalin. Easy, as I said.”

“Thank you,” Thompson was younger now, his voice strong again, “for staying. Cullen, Barris, I’m sorry to leave you to train by yourselves.”

“We will be less without you,” Cullen’s voice was thick with emotion, “truly.”

“I don’t know about that,” Thompson shook his head, “I think you’re both doing just fine.”

“Tamaris will take you to your wife,” Lavellan introduced them.

“And who is Tamaris?”

“My husband.”

“Thank you, Herald.”

“Goodbye, Thompson.”

***

Word had spread quickly throughout Skyhold about Thompson’s passing, and Lavellan’s care of him, many of the Templars taking the time to thank her when they passed her in Skyhold.

At dinner, the Dalish clan brought in a traditional wrap and offered it to Barris and Cullen with their sympathies.

“Are you alright?” Fenris asked Lavellan when he noticed she wasn’t eating.

Lavellan shrugged.

“You did all you could, Ivy,” Alistair spoke from where he sat beside Cullen.

“No,” Lavellan shook her head, “I didn’t. I did all he _asked_.”

Cullen stood, offering his hand to Lavellan, “come on. Some sleep and we will both feel better.”

Lavellan stood, following Cullen to their quarters and up the stairs.

***

It was the day after the funeral for Thompson that Lavellan had called Alistair, Leliana, Cullen, and Morrigan into the war room, where they found her looking out one of the windows.

“You called for us, Inquisitor?”

“Yes,” Lavellan turned to face them, “Alistair, I told you I had a way of speaking with Mahariel again. Are you still interested?”

“Please,” Alistair answered immediately, “ _please_.”

“I will need a few days to prepare, but I know that more than one of you might have something that you would like to say to her. As you’re the only ones that I know who knew her while she was alive, I thought I would extend the offer to all of you.”

“She was with Alistair,” Leliana looked to Morrigan, “he should be the one to speak with her.”

“No,” Alistair shook his head, “we were all important to her, we should all have a chance to say goodbye.”

“We can do it as a group,” Lavellan suggested, “that’s fine. It does take some serious magic, and I’m going to have to leave Skyhold to prepare.”

“Leave, why?”

“Because, Vhenan, we’ve filled the keep with Templars.”

“They won’t hurt you.”

“I know they won’t, but they do _drain_ me.”

“They do?”

“Of course they do, most of your abilities are stopping magic. When I’m surrounded by Templars who have recently taken lyrium they quite literally pull the energy from me. It’s one of the reasons I like to travel. I find it exhausting to be here.”

“You’ve never told me this before. Why didn’t you say something when we were deciding between Templars and Mages?”

“This war has always been about more than just my needs, Vhenan. I had to choose what was right, not what I liked.”

***

Lavellan had left the next morning, giving vague answers about where she was going and what she would be doing.

“Some of my magic needs to stay _mine_ , Vhenan,” Lavellan had kissed Cullen softly, “trust me. I won’t go anywhere that I might be hurt.”

“I trust you,” Cullen held Lavellan to him, “but I do hate to sleep without you.”

“It’s only one night, Vhenan.”

“One night too many. I’ve spent my life waiting for you.”

***

At dinner Cullen noticed Fenris playing with a small stone around his neck.

“Did Ivy leave you with a stone of far speech?”

“Yes,” Fenris tucked the stone back into his shirt, “when I voiced my concern of her travelling without one of us.”

“She gave me one, too,” Cullen showed Fenris his, “did she tell you where she was going?”

“No, just _away_. Sometimes I wonder if Skyhold feels like a prison to her, especially when I see how happy she is in the forest.”

“I’m sure it does,” Dorian joined the conversation, “all the brick, there’s no life to it. You can see how much happier she is with her feet in the earth, and I do mean that literally.”

“And yet she stays,” Cassandra commented.

“She had no choice, Seeker. You held her prisoner and then declared her Inquisitor. What was she going to do, leave?” Varric laughed, “you dragged me out of Kirkwall to answer your questions. Were you ever going to let her go?”

An uncomfortable silence fell over the table at the thought that Lavellan was being held prisoner rather than staying by choice.

“Do you…” Dorian looked amongst the inner circle, “think she resents being here? Resents us for keeping her here?”

“I’m not sure,” Fenris shook his head, “she’s never said.”

“She cares for us,” Cullen said firmly, “or she wouldn’t go across Thedas to help you all. With the magic she has, if she wanted to leave, she would.”

“Are you certain?”

Cullen held his stone of far speech in between his fingers, “Ivy?”

“Yes, Vhenan?”

“I’m sorry to bother you, but we were just talking, and I had a question.”

“Alright, what is it?”

“Do you want to be here, with us, in Skyhold?”

“Cullen,” Lavellan was smiling, he could tell by the tone of her voice, “what part of me moaning underneath you last night made you think I didn’t want to stay?”

Cullen flushed a brilliant red, “I’m in the main hall. The entire inner circle just heard that.”

“My point still stands, Vhenan, remember what I did when the red Templars attacked. If I wanted to leave Skyhold, no matter how you tried to stop me, I could.”

Those around the table seemed to relax, Dorian elbowing Cullen affectionately.

“We’re glad to hear it.”

“I love all of you,” Lavellan spoke firmly, “you’re the only family I have left.”


	26. Chapter 26

Cullen groaned as he settled into the bed for the night, feeling lonely in the furs without Lavellan with him. Hesitating for a moment, Cullen reached for the stone.

“Am I disturbing you?”

“No, never,” Lavellan reassured, “are you alright?”

“I miss you,” Cullen reached for Lavellan’s pillow, pulling it closer to breath in the scent of mint that followed her.

“I’ve been gone for less than a day.”

“I love you,” Cullen answered immediately, “my life is less without you in it.”

“I miss you, too, ma Vhenan.”

“This bed is too big without you in it.”

“ _Penshra, ghilas vellathan,_ ” Lavellan laughed.

“What does that mean?”

“I prefer you remain close.”

“Yes, that’s it exactly,” Cullen smiled, “you sound lovely when you speak Elvhen.”

“It’s my first language.”

“Keep going.”

“Keep going?” Lavellan snorted, “what, do you want me to tell you a story?”

“Yes,” Cullen pulled the furs up his chest, “please.”

“Very well, Vhenan. I will tell you the story of Fen’harel.”

***

Cullen didn’t hear from Lavellan all morning, shuffling impatiently around his office looking at reports until he was interrupted by a knock on his door.

“Cullen?” Fenris opened the door, “Ivy sent me to get you.”

“Is she alright?”

“Yes, it’s time for the ritual. She’s asked that you leave any weapons here.”

Cullen undid the sword from his hip, leaving it on his desk without question before following Fenris. Morrigan, Leliana, and Alistair waiting just outside the office door, Fenris led them toward the front gate of Skyhold.

“I don’t even know what we’re doing and I’m terrified,” Alistair spoke softly as they followed Fenris.

“I wouldn’t expect you to respect the fine detailed that goes into fade magic,” Morrigan rolled her eyes.

“Morrigan,” Leliana interrupted her, “do _you_ know what she’s going to do?”

“I…no.”

“Just as pleasant as always, Morrigan. Glad to see some things never change.”

“The bastard who became king,” Morrigan shot back, “you’ve always been good at the bastard.”

“Ouch, you’ve hurt my feelings.”

“Enough,” Cullen cut off the argument, “Ivy has been preparing for almost two days. Some appreciation for her effort would be warranted.”

“You do surprise me, Commander,” Morrigan glanced at Cullen, “going to an ancient Elvhen ritual unarmed? Maybe your reputation isn’t as accurate as I thought.”

Cullen winced, surprised when Fenris came to his defence.

“The Commander, unlike many, has shown a remarkable ability for growth. It doesn’t matter what he was,” Fenris glared at Morrigan, “it matters who he is. If Ivy, the last of a long line of fade child deems him worthy, who are you to disagree? Keep your opinions to yourself, swamp witch.”

Alistair snorted in amusement and Fenris flicked his gaze to the King.

“You are the King of Redcliffe,” Fenris scowled, “act like it. Two days of fasting and meditation to prepare to give you this chance. Stop acting like a child.”

Cullen realized that they were going to Lavellan’s garden as Fenris led them around the side of Skyhold. He was not at all prepared for the sight of Lavellan meditating underneath the large tree.

Wearing nothing but a light dress, Lavellan was sitting cross-legged with her fingers deep into the soil, her markings glowing a bright white and her eyes fade green.

“Take a seat,” Fenris gestured to the ground just in front of Lavellan who didn’t seem to notice their arrival.

Once they were seated Fenris carefully reached for Lavellan’s shoulder, his own markings flaring in response.

“We’re here, and we’re ready.”

“Thank you, Lethalin,” Lavellan’s voice echoed, taking the same unusual sound it had when the Dalish clan had arrived, “you can leave, if you prefer.”

“No, I said I would help you.”

Lavellan smiled, “my brave friend.”

“What do you need of me?”

“My staff.”

Fenris glanced around until his eyes landed on the staff nearby, walking over to it and hesitating before reaching for it. Lavellan’s smile grew.

“You are _remarkable_ , Lethalin, but you are no mage. Never fear, in your hands my staff is just a stick.”

“I apologize,” Fenris retrieved the staff, walking back to Lavellan and placing it in her outstretched hand.

“No need for apologies, Lethalin,” Lavellan stood, pressing the end of her staff into the soft soil, “I need you, all of you, to remained seated where you are. Mahariel will be a spirit, and it will take me a minute to bring forth enough energy for her to be able to interact with you. If you rush forward, or touch her before I’m ready, you will banish her back into the fade. Especially the Templars.”

When the group nodded, Fenris spoke.

“They understand.”

“My apologies,” Lavellan gestured to her face, “my gaze is in the fade, I can’t see you. Now, let me explain what’s going to happen. I am going to open a portal to the fade, and no, Morrigan, you may not enter it.”

Morrigan pouted, but at a pointed look from Fenris held up her hands in acceptance.

“I will find Mahariel and bring her into this plane. I will give her enough energy to speak with you, to touch you, but I’ll only be able to do so for a short time, so please have what you need to say ready.”

“How long?”

“Maybe ten minutes,” Lavellan answered Alistair, “this takes a tremendous amount of energy. I will be both helping Mahariel and holding open the portal to the fade. Any longer than that I risk losing both.”

“Ten minutes after years without her will feel like an eternity.”

“Let me know when you’re ready to start,” Lavellan pressed the end of her staff further into the dirt, using her foot to firmly support the staff so it stood upright.

“Now,” Alistair answered immediately, “please.”

“Ma Vhenan?”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

“Leliana, Morrigan?”

“We’re ready.”

Lavellan turned, her back to the group as she waved her hand, a bright silver portal appearing as she moved.

“I’ll be right back.” Lavellan stepped forward, walking through the portal and out of view.

“Makers breath,” Alistair looked at Cullen, “she just walked into the fade?”

“Not the first time she’s done that this year,” Cullen observed, “I’m not exactly surprised.”

Lavellan reappeared a minute later, stepping out of the fade and pulling a faint form behind her, taking her seat by her staff and holding it with one hand as the figure stood behind her, resting their almost invisible hands on Lavellan’s shoulders.

“Mahariel,” Alistair whispered, stopped by Fenris’ hand on his shoulder.

“Just wait.”

Gradually, Mahariel started to solidify, her form becoming more defined.

“Alright, Lethalin. You have only a few minutes once you let me go, use them wisely.”

“Alistair,” Mahariel let Lavellan go, bolting to Alistair and almost knocking him backwards as she crawled into his lap, “ma Vhenan, I’ve missed you.”

“I’m sorry,” Alistair started immediately, “I was stupid. I should have kept you by my side.”

“I forgive you, Vhenan, I understand.”

Alistair held Mahariel to him, “I _hate_ it here without you. I’ve considered joining you in the fade so many nights.”

“You’ll see me again, Ali. Eventually,” Mahariel brushed his hair back from his eyes, “don’t wish your life away.”

“It’s hardly a life without you in it.”

“Leliana,” Mahariel didn’t move from Alistair’s lap, “it looks as if you’ve found your calling.”

“I hope so,” Leliana answered, “I do miss your guidance and your friendship.”

“And I miss you,” Mahariel smiled, “and you, Morrigan.”

“I kept the mirror you gave me,” Morrigan replied, and while Cullen wasn’t sure what she meant, he could tell by the smile on Mahariel’s face that it spoke volumes.

“Cullen,” Mahariel looked shocked, “I am surprised to see you.”

“I’m courting Ivy,” Cullen glanced at Lavellan who sat motionless, “and I owed you a thank you, for the Circle Tower. You were right, to save those mages. I wish I had the foresight to know that years ago.”

“You’re welcome. My dear cousin has given me a chance to say goodbye to you all,” Mahariel looked over the group, “a kindness I’m not sure I deserve, but it is much appreciated.”

“You died a hero,” Leliana spoke softly, “and a friend. Truly the world is less without you in it.”

“I should thank you all,” Mahariel addressed them all, “while it certainly wasn’t my plan to die quite this young, I can certainly say my last year was the most interesting I’ve ever had. It had cunning, adventure, love. What more could I have asked for?”

“It was something,” Morrigan agreed.

“It certainly was,” Mahariel turned her attention back to Alistair, “and now, I need you all to go and live your lives and leave me in the past. Ali, you should go and find love. Get married and have lots of babies. I’ll be waiting in the fade for you to hear all about it when your time comes.”

“I will never love someone like I loved you.”

“Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean that you couldn’t love someone at all. _Live_ , Ali, and know that I am with you for every heartbeat. I might be gone, but I’m never far.”

Alistair sobbed, clinging to Mahariel desperately as she spoke softly to him in Elvhen, rubbing his back gently.

Eventually, Mahariel started to fade, Lavellan setting her jaw to maintain the spell.

“I have to go,” Mahariel whispered to Alistair, “Ivy can’t hold this for much longer.”

“Please stay.”

“I wish I could, but alas, my time has come and gone. You’ll see me again soon, I promise.”

“I love you,” Alistair kissed Mahariel, “with everything I am.”

“Ar lath ma, Vhenan.” Mahariel stood, looking at the group, “I miss all of you. Please take care of yourselves until we meet again.”

“Goodbye, Mahariel,” Leliana whispered, a rare tear streaking down her cheek prompting Cullen to wrap his arm over her shoulders.

“Remember to find friends, Morrigan.”

“I’ll try, but I doubt I will ever find someone like you.”

“Alistair,” Mahariel smiled at him, “I expect to hear about no less than two children and one happy partner, alright?”

“Alright,” Alistair agreed, “I’ll see you soon.”

“When it’s time, Vhenan. I’ll watch over you from the fade until then,” Mahariel walked back toward Lavellan, “Commander?”

“Yes?”

“Take care of my cousin.”

“You have my word.”

“I’m ready, Ivy.”

Lavellan stood, smiling sadly at Mahariel, “keep Tamaris company for me?”

“He’s a pain in the ass.”

“I know,” Lavellan hugged Mahariel, “but he’s a lonely ass.”

“I’ll keep watch of him,” Mahariel turned back, giving one last wave and blowing a kiss to Alistair before taking Lavellan’s hand and letting her walk her back through the portal.

When Lavellan returned from the portal she pulled the staff from the ground, the portal flickering, then disappearing as Lavellan swayed, caught by Fenris.

“Are you alright?”

“Fine,” Lavellan let Fenris support her for a moment before leaning heavily on her staff, “that’s a very trying spell.”

“I can tell,” Fenris reached for Lavellan’s hair, pulling a bright white streak into her view, “this is new.”

“The fade doesn’t work without an exchange,” Lavellan explained, “to remove someone dead from within it for so long…”

“A part of you had to die?”

“Yes,” Lavellan nodded, “thankfully not a _big_ part of me. I’m sure Cullen is alright with some white hair.”

“Of course I am,” Cullen stood, pulling Lavellan into his arms, “you must be starving.”

“And tired,” Lavellan closed her eyes and let Cullen support her.

“I have no words to thank you,” Alistair gestured to where the portal had been, “truly.”

“You’re welcome, Alistair.”

***

Shortly after the ritual, Cullen had ushered Lavellan up to their quarters, requesting food from Lavellan’s aid for a simple lunch eaten quickly before helping her undress and settling her into bed.

“That was very kind of you,” Cullen brushed the white streak of hair back from Lavellan’s face, “to give Alistair that chance.”

“I was just trying to help. He’s so lonely without her.”

“I can’t imagine what it would be like, to lose you,” Cullen couldn’t help but wince at the thought, “it’s a horrible thought.”

Lavellan reached up, tugging at his feathered mantle, “come to bed.”

“I have training.”

“They can spare you for an afternoon.”

Cullen only hesitated for a minute before nodding, “just let me leave a note for Barris.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Cullen used Lavellan’s desk to quickly scrawl a note to Barris, handing it off to Matthew who he found in the great hall before rushing back to Lavellan, finding her already asleep in the bed.

Shedding his clothing, Cullen tucked in behind her, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist and burying his nose into her hair as he drifted off to sleep with her.

***

“Cullen,” Lavellan whispered his name and he forced his eyes closed.

“I’m asleep.”

“No you’re not, Vhenan,” Lavellan’s fingers were exploring his bare skin, trailing over his chest and down his stomach making the muscles twitch.

As Lavellan’s fingers ran through the curls at the base of Cullen’s cock he smiled.

“I’m awake.”

“I thought you were asleep,” Lavellan’s hand retreated, “I suppose I should let you sleep.”

“Oh no you don’t,” Cullen rolled, pinning Lavellan underneath him, “minx.”

Lavellan smiled, pulling him down for a kiss as she spread her legs for him to settle between them. Cullen kissed over the edge of Lavellan’s ear until he pulled a soft moan from her.

“I missed you last night,” Cullen rocked his hips against her, feeling his cock stiffening and Lavellan growing wet beneath him, “I don’t ever want to have a night without you.”

“I’ll be back on the road soon,” Lavellan gripped Cullen’s hip to encourage his rocking, “what will you do?”

“Miss you,” Cullen reached between them, positioning himself and pressing forward, “with every breath I take.”

“Vhenan,” Lavellan sighed against Cullen’s neck, “my heart.”

Cullen was suddenly torn between a feeling of pleasure and uncertainty, the desperate need for Lavellan to _understand_ how important she was, driving him forward until she was gasping with each thrust.

“I love you,” Cullen groaned, “I love you with everything that I am.”

“Cullen,” Lavellan’s fingers found his hair, pulling their lips together.

Lavellan’s back arched as she came, fluttering around him until he felt over the edge with her, clinging to her desperately. Lavellan laughed as he collapsed on top of her, gasping to catch his breath.

“Ten, fifteen minutes until we can do that again?”

Cullen chuckled, “as my lady wishes.”

***

The next morning, Alistair announced his departure from Skyhold.

“We will miss you, your highness,” Lavellan smiled from her throne, “truly.”

“Before I go, I would like to gift the Inquisition with resources,” Alistair spoke loudly, the nobles in the room taking notice, “in my time with the Inquisition I have found that it is capable and has brought together a vast diversity of people who I believe are capable of closing the breach. What you are lacking are resources and cooperation. Your army is large, and under Commander Cullen’s skilled hand it is becoming ever larger, as such, I will open Redcliffe castle to your forces as required. Additionally, any resources you may need from Redcliffe village are open for you.”

There was an excited chatter from those in the hall, and Josephine looked to the Inquisitor for a response.

“King Alistair,” Lavellan stood, walking down the few steps to stand only a few feet from him, “you are a remarkable man, and I thank you for the assistance to the Inquisition forces. Long may you reign.”

“I thought I wasn’t your King, Inquisitor, Dalish elf an all.”

“You’re not,” Lavellan answered with a smile, “but you are a friend.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter - yes I know they're boring - but we need them for the plot later.

“Please don’t leave me again,” Cullen sheepishly asked as they were undressing for bed, “at least not so soon.”

“Come with me,” Lavellan offered, “Barris has said he would watch the troops, and we can spend some time together away from here.”

“Where are you going?”

“The Storm Coast. I need to find the last of the shards before I go to the Oasis again.”

“It’s not long to ride there, is it?”

“Oh about two days, give or take,” Lavellan causally stretched out on the bed on her stomach, watching Cullen as he finished undressing.

“Why are you staring at me?”

“You’re very nice to look at,” Lavellan gave Cullen an exaggerated once over as he walked toward the bed, winking as he moved to join her.

“Makers breath, if you’re this bad now how on earth did your husband keep up?”

“Very well, but then again, he was worse than me.”

“Really?” suddenly, Cullen didn’t feel as confident.

“Absolutely. We got caught by our Keeper once. We were meant to be gathering the halla, next thing you know he has me against a tree. The Keeper came around the corner and cleared his throat, loudly, and told us we have ten minutes until dinner.”

“Oh dear, were you in trouble?”

“Oh no, of course not. If you think about how we lived, it wasn’t unusual to wake up to find a couple being intimate nearby. Privacy is a rare thing within a clan, couples are often only given a night alone on their wedding night.”

“What was the etiquette then, if you woke up and found a couple doing…that?”

“Ignore them, watch, it doesn’t matter. You weren’t to get involved unless previously invited.”

“Watch?”

“Why not? Have you ever watched a couple together? It’s beautiful.”

“I caught a few mages in the tower, but I would usually leave and let them finish, or make lots of noise so they knew I was coming.”

“How proper of you.”

“It’s honestly not something I’ve considered watching. I would have thought that space would be an issue, too,” Cullen reached for Lavellan, tracing the dip of her spine.

“It can be, but usually all of the children sleep in one aravel, with one or two trusted grown-ups, and the adults split amongst the others. We start to develop spots where we always sleep, so you know what room you have to work with.”

“I don’t know if I could handle someone watching us,” Cullen brushed some of Lavellan’s hair from her face, “I like to think that you’re just for me.”

“Really?” Lavellan shivered as Cullen touched a sensitive spot on her back, “I wouldn’t mind someone watching you. I’m happy to share how beautiful you are with the world.”

“I bet I look silly, in the middle of …that.”

“Would you like to see?”

“See what?”

Lavellan held out her hand to Cullen, a now-familiar globe of light in her palm, “see what it’s like to bed you.”

Cullen swallowed around a ball of nerves and reached for the ball with a shaking hand.

***

“Good morning, Vhenan.”

Cullen felt Lavellan’s voice come from his chest, the language feeling more familiar on his tongue.

“Morning.”

Cullen watched as his body turned to face Lavellan, wiping sleep from his eyes. It was disconcerting, seeing his face so clearly, the scar across his lip far more noticeable than he thought, the signs of age starting to show around the corner of his eyes.

“How did you sleep, darling?”

“Well, and you?”

“I had some lovely dreams of us together. Can I show you what we were doing in them?”

“Please.”

Cullen’s body felt more solid than he thought under Lavellan’s hands, and he had to admit, his arms looked pretty impressive as Lavellan rolled him onto his back to straddle him.

He could feel the warmth between his thighs, or well, Lavellan’s thighs, as his cock twitched, and Cullen struggled with the feeling of being wet, rather than hard. It was strange, looking through Lavellan’s eyes and feeling through her body.

Lavellan moved, reaching between them for his cock until Cullen stopped her.

“Let me prepare you first.”

“I’m wet enough, Vhenan. I’ve been dreaming of you all night.”

“You’re sure?”

Cullen groaned, both in the memory and in their shared bedroom, at the feeling of Lavellan slowly sinking onto his cock. He felt impossibly full, almost on the cusp of too much but instead just a satisfying stretch.

Lavellan started to move, a slow rise and fall as she rolled her hips, taking her time to adjust. Cullen watched his face from within the memory, his cheeks flushed, pupils dilated.

“Vhenan, you feel so good inside of me.”

Cullen could remember his disbelief when Lavellan had said it that morning, but now, as he felt it like she had felt it, Cullen knew it was true.

It didn’t take long, as it hadn’t that morning before Lavellan was riding him with purpose. Now, Cullen could feel what she was chasing, the feeling of completion just out of grasp. Lavellan and Cullen moaned together as his thumb came to rest over her clit, and suddenly the sensations were stronger, her orgasm closer.

“Ivy,” Cullen moaned underneath her, “I love you.”

Cullen felt a flutter in his chest, similar but different to how the memory had felt with Tamaris.

Cullen couldn’t help but gasp as Lavellan came, the orgasm stronger than anything he had experienced in his own body. He fought the urge to close his eyes as he watched the memory of himself fall over the edge behind her. A collection of moans and whimpers as Lavellan dropped forward to hold him as he thrust weakly up to bury himself inside of her.

“Vhenan, you are _very_ good at that.”

“I’m glad you approve, my love.”

***

As Cullen recovered from the memory, he opened his eyes to find Lavellan grinning at him like the cat that caught the canary.

“What?”

Lavellan nodded her head toward his crotch, and Cullen glanced down to find himself hard and leaking against his stomach.

“That was a very vivid memory”

“It was a good morning,” Lavellan smirked, “now, how about you put that beautiful body to use?”

“Yes please.”

***

“I’d like to come with you if the invitation is still open,” Cullen said as they curled up together, enjoying the afterglow together.

“Of course it is.”

“What time are we going to leave?”

“Tomorrow, lunchtime.”

“I’ll let Barris know in the morning.”

“I’m excited,” Lavellan grinned at him, “we finally get to spend more time in my environment. I feel like you have me at a disadvantage in our keep.”

“How so?”

“I never grew up in buildings or keeps. I’m sure I keep missing proper social standards while I’m here.”

“I think you do quite well.”

“I appreciate that, but it doesn’t change that I’m happier in the forest.”

“On that train of thought, have you ever considered what would happen to us, you know, after?”

“After the Inquisition you mean?”

“Yes, I know I won’t want to move on, not from you.”

“Hm,” Lavellan moved to lay across Cullen’s chest, “I suppose we have a few options.”

“Let’s hear your plan, Inquisitor.”

“We can stay in Skyhold, become old advisors, keep the room with a view, and my garden.”

“That won’t work, you don’t want to stay in a keep.”

“We could go back to Honnleath, and stay near your family, help Mia.”

“We could, but what about your family?”

“What family?” Lavellan’s voice was sad.

“I’m sorry, I misspoke.”

“The third option,” Lavellan carried on, “we could build a cottage somewhere.”

“Where?”

“Crestwood, maybe?”

“We could,” Cullen agreed, “would you like it there?”

“I would prefer the Emerald Graves, but that’s pretty far from Honnleath.”

“Did Mia tell you to keep me nearby?”

“No, but it’s the right thing to do.”

“And you’ll have to babysit every child she pushes out.”

“Well, we’re not likely to have children of our own, so I’ll manage.”

***

“Don’t forget to work on their shield technique,” Cullen passed Barris a list, “we need to go against other Templars, we need our form perfect.”

“Yes, Commander, I know,” Barris took the paper and rolled his eyes, “I’ve run training before, Cullen. I’ll keep them busy.”

“I know you will,” Cullen pat Barris’ shoulder, “I don’t think we’ll be gone for long.”

“Enjoy yourself,” Barris followed Cullen to the horses currently being tacked up by Inquisition Grooms.

“I haven’t travelled and had to make camp for multiple days in years,” Cullen set his pack in the cart, something he was sure they were taking only for his benefit, “I fear for how my back will punish me for it.”

“Good thing you’re with one of the best healers in all of Thedas,” Barris smiled over Cullen’s shoulder as Lavellan approached, “though I’m sure she will know all the best places to set up a campsite.”

“We have a cabin at the Storm Coast,” Lavellan rolled her eyes at Cullen, “you’ll be fine.”

“Who will be joining us?”

“Fen and Varric,” Lavellan set her own, though much smaller, bag on the cart, “I like to travel with at least two close-range fighters, and two who work from a distance.”

“If I wasn’t joining you?”

“Barris,” Lavellan wrapped her arms over Barris’ shoulders, “I’ve decided I should get to know your second in command better. I can think of no better way of getting to know him than sharing a bed with him.”

Barris let out a startled laugh, “I don’t think the Commander would appreciate that, Inquisitor.”

“You humans are such prudes,” Lavellan winked, and when she noticed Cullen’s scowl, sighed, “I’m _joking_ , Cullen. I would have taken Bull. He likes the coast, we usually see a dragon there.”

“I’m not fighting a dragon.”

“Of course not. Bull would never forgive me if I went to hunt that dragon and didn’t take him.”

“No dragons,” Fenris called as he walked over with Varric, “I’ve dealt with enough dragons to last a lifetime.”

“Everyone wants to ruin my fun today,” Lavellan pouted at Barris before walking to the stables to prepare her hart.

“So, Curly, she finally convinced you to come with us?”

“She did,” Cullen frowned, “I’m not sure how much use I’ll be.”

“You’ll be fine,” Fenris placed his bag next to Lavellan’s and took a quick inventory of the cart, “I’m assuming that you’ll be sleeping together? We only have three tents here.”

“Um, yes, I assume so.”

“Have a good time, Commander. I look forward to hearing how it went when you return.”

“Pray for me, Barris.”

***

“How do you do that?’

“Do what, Vhenan?”

“Read while you’re riding, without tack, or watching where you’re going?”

“She’s been trained to follow the cart, so I don’t need to watch where I’m going. I hate using tack, it’s uncomfortable. She’s easy enough to ride without it. When I’m riding is about the only time that I get to read something that isn’t one of Josie’s reports.”

“What are you reading now?”

“A letter from Alistair. He’s asking that I come to Redcliffe when I have some spare time. He wants to discuss what he could offer the Inquisition.”

“Alone?”

“Likely,” Lavellan waved the parchment, “but I haven’t finished reading the letter yet.”

“I don’t like it,” Fenris announced from his place driving the cart.

“Me either,” Cullen agreed.

“My paranoid boys,” Lavellan turned back to the letter, “how I love you both.”

***

“Should we camp for the night, Inquisitor?”

“Varric…”

“Sorry. Ivy, did you want to set up camp?”

“We probably should, before we lose the light,” Lavellan pointed to a small clearing in the trees, “that would work. If I hunt, can you start setting up the camp?”

“I don’t see why not,” Varric pulled the cart off of the road, “you’ll do the fire by magic, right? I don’t need to mess around with a flint box?”

“I’m sure I can be persuaded.”

“What should I do to help?” Cullen dismounted his horse, tying it off to a nearby tree.

“You could set up our tent or gather firewood. Fenris will show you the process unless you want to hunt?”

“I think I best leave that to the expert.”

***

“I don’t know how you do it,” Varric set his bowl aside, “we eat better food on the road with you than we do at Skyhold.”

“I’ll agree with that,” Cullen leaned heavily against the nearby tree.

Fenris sat next to Lavellan, a book held tightly in his hands.

“Fen?”

“I was wondering if you might help me with a few words I can’t quite figure out,” Fenris opened the book and Cullen noticed the deep flush across his cheeks.

It had embarrassed him to say that in front of everyone, so Cullen busied himself with cleaning up the plates from dinner while Lavellan and Fenris read together.

“I’m glad he’s learning,” Varric joined Cullen, giving Fenris and Lavellan some privacy, “he’s starting to trust you, too, to say that while you’re around.”

“I know, but we’ve shared a bed, so I suppose I’m trustworthy enough.”

“You’ve…shared a bed?”

“Don’t ask.”

***

“Ready for bed, Vhenan?” Lavellan asked as Cullen yawned.

“I’m fine.”

“Come on, old man,” Lavellan pulled Cullen to standing, “to bed.”

“Goodnight everyone,” Cullen waved to Fenris and Varric.

“You two go to bed,” Lavellan waved her hand, two bright silver wolves landing by her feet, “I’ll send the watchers out.”

“Just finishing this letter and I’ll be turning in.”

“Fen?”

“Not to worry, I’ll be going to bed shortly.”

“Goodnight,” Lavellan followed Cullen to their tent, slipping inside and tying it closed behind them, “all ready for your first night camping?”

“I suppose,” Cullen looked over the bedroll, “I’m sure my back will punish me for it.”

“You’ll be fine,” Lavellan slipped off her pants but kept her tunic on, waiting for Cullen to join her.

“You’re more dressed than usual.”

“Just in case Fenris or Varric needs me, at least I’m not nude.”

“They’ve seen you nude before, you were bathing together.”

“Yes, but it served a purpose then, they weren’t walking into my bedroom to find me naked in bed.”

Cullen undressed, leaving his smalls on as he settled onto the bedroll, very aware that due to the size of the tent that they would be pressed together for most of the night. Cullen couldn’t help but smile as Lavellan curled up against his side as soon as she pulled up the blanket.

“I have to admit, it will be odd to sleep next to you without…”

“Without?”

“Being…intimate…first.”

Lavellan grinned, kissing Cullen’s chest, “there’s nothing that says we can’t be _intimate_ first.”

“Varric and Fenris are outside.”

“We’ll be quiet.”

“I can’t be that quiet.”

“Would you like to test that?” Lavellan started to trail her fingers down Cullen’s chest, slowly enough that he could easily stop her. As she reached the waistband of his smalls, she looked up at him and grinned, a bright red flush across his cheeks.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Cullen whispered to Lavellan.

“My Vhenan, the exhibitionist,” Lavellan undid the ties of Cullen’s smalls, reaching her hand inside, “let’s see how quiet you can be.”

***

“Good morning, Commander,” Varric greeted loudly the following morning, “sleep well?”

“Surprisingly, yes,” Cullen brushed the curls back from his face, “where’s Ivy?”

“Hunting, Fenris is with her, he asked her to teach him so we might be going hungry.”

“He’s talented, I’m sure they’ll manage,” Cullen joined Varric by the fire.

“You couldn’t even wait one night,” Varric smirked as Cullen flushed, “actually, you didn’t even wait a full day.”

Cullen cleared his throat, taking the cup of tea offered from Varric, “I’m…uh…sorry?”

“No need to apologize,” Varric chuckled, “I just didn’t picture you being the type.”

“What type?”

“The kind of man who would risk being heard in bed with his lady friend.”

Cullen sighed, “I’m crazy for her. Half the time I can’t control myself. I swear, she could ask me to cut off an arm and I’d likely do it.”

“Are you going to make it official?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, a ring, a house, lots of little half-elf babies running around with bright blond curly hair.”

“Any children we would have would be a mage.”

“And? Are you telling me that you, the most private guy I know, who loudly bedded his girlfriend because he’s crazy for her, isn’t going to have kids because they might be a _mage?_ ”

“I’m not sure. She didn’t seem very positive about the entire thing.”

“Well yeah, that’s because she thinks _you_ have a problem with it. If she thought you were okay with magic I’m sure she would be happy to have kids with you.”

“You think so? Even after Kirkwall? I can’t see why she would want to marry me.”

“Kirkwall doesn’t mean anything to her, Curly. She wasn’t there. The only person still punishing you for Kirkwall is you. If she wanted just any curly-haired blond Templar she would have gone for Alistair, I mean, he’s a king. She picked you. Hell, if she wanted something closer to home she could have Fenris.”

“Maybe you’re right. I hadn’t considered it.”

“Mages generally aren’t bad, Curly. There are always bad people, both mages and Templars alike. That doesn’t mean that every mage or every Templar is bad. If you think about it, you’ve met a lot more nice mages than bad ones.”

“You’re right.”

“I know I am,” Varric glanced over his shoulder at the sound of a snapping twig, “here comes your lady love.”

“Good morning, Vhenan,” Lavellan greeted warmly as she walked toward the fire, a plucked bird in one hand.

“Good morning, successful hunt?”

“Fenris took this out with a _rock_ ,” Lavellan held up the bird, “after losing his temper with a bow.”

“Bows are slow and difficult to use,” Fenris dropped a bag of vegetables beside the fire, “the rock worked.”

Cullen laughed, “well done.”

“Thank you,” Fenris sat next to Varric, “should I start packing up the tents?”

“I would be a help,” Lavellan fed the fire before pulling a large pot toward her to start breakfast, “we’ll leave after breakfast.”

“Off to the Storm Coast,” Cullen took a sip of his tea, “to be soaking wet.”

“From what I heard,” Fenris rolled his eyes, “you were plenty wet last night.”

Cullen choked on his tea, but as Lavellan started to giggle, found himself thinking that camping might not be so bad after all.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this late, any errors are because I'm exhausted. 
> 
> Oh, and i'm bad at grammar and this is not beta read.

The rain started as soon as they approached the first Inquisition camp, chilling the group as Lavellan took the local report.

“Please tell me that we’re close to that cabin,” Cullen asked Varric, “it’s just a few minutes away, right?”

“Maybe an hour, only because we have the cart and we need to take the road instead of just scaling the mountain.”

“Why did we even bring the cart?”

“For you,” Varric wrapped his jacket tightly around him, “because you’re not as used to carrying your equipment and riding all day. She was trying to make it easier for you.”

“Are you all ready to head out?” Lavellan asked as she mounted her hart.

“We’re all wet and freezing, the sooner we’re at the cabin the better,” Fenris scowled from the cart.

“I’ve been told it’s been repaired and stocked, so I shouldn’t need to hunt tonight. I can keep us dry if no one has any complaints about some magic.”

“Please,” Varric shivered.

“Agreed.”

“Cullen?”

“Go ahead,” Cullen pulled his fur mantel tighter around him.

There was a sudden blast of warm air, and Cullen looked up to find that the rain was being held back by an invisible shield above their heads.

“We traveled with mages for months,” Fenris commented, “you think _one_ of them would have learned something practical like that.”

Lavellan laughed, “most of your mages probably didn’t live in the middle of a forest. I’m sure Merrill could do this if you asked.”

Fenris shrugged, “she focused on blood magic.”

“Did she, or did you focus on her blood magic?”

Fenris considered for a moment, “I’m not sure.”

“Well, something to think about,” Lavellan pushed her hart forward, leading the way toward the road, “if every person you ever meet with curly hair is horrible, you’re likely to think that curly-haired people are horrible, even if you’ve only actually met one or two mean curly-haired people, and you’ve now forgotten the dozens of others who have been quite nice.”

“That’s easier said than done. To remember the kind people you’ve met rather than the mean ones.”

“Oh, I agree. My husband was killed by a Templar and now I live in a keep filled with them. Sometimes I still need to remind myself that these Templars had nothing to do with what happened.”

“You bed a Templar,” Fenris reminded Lavellan who laughed.

“Frequently with much enthusiasm.”

“Okay,” Cullen hid his blush in the fur around his neck, “thank you.”

“Vhenan, I love how you blush.”

“Judging by what I heard last night, you love lots of things about our Commander.”

Cullen groaned, “I’m never leaving Skyhold again.”

***

“Oh wow, look how nice it looks now!” Lavellan pointed to the cabin.

Cullen squinted through the rain, the cabin nothing more than a dark square in the distance.

“Sorry, Inquisitor, I think only you and Fenris can see that,” Varric shook his head, “just a blob.”

“Stop calling me that,” Lavellan sang back to Varric, “it’s not my name.”

“Ivy,” Varric rolled his eyes, “I can see in the dark, but not in the rain.”

“It must be so frustrating to have such useless eyes,” Lavellan commented to Fenris, “could you imagine?”

“No, it’s a wonder that the humans don’t die when they can’t see what’s sneaking up on them.”

“Some wolves over there,” Lavellan nodded to their left, “I don’t think they’ve noticed us.”

“The cabin has stables, do you think the horses and your hart will be safe from them?”

“Probably not,” Lavellan sighed, “it’s such a waste though.”

“Ice spell? We can collect the meat tomorrow if it’s frozen.”

“Good thinking,” Lavellan glanced to her left again, and Cullen felt a tingle as her magic cut through the air.

Fenris chuckled, low and affectionate, “well done.”

“Thank you.”

“You took care of them? Just like that? I felt the magic but I couldn’t see anything.”

“Oh,” Lavellan flushed, “I’m sorry, I should have warned you.”

“You don’t need to warn me every time you use magic,” Cullen felt suddenly guilty that her first reaction was to apologize, “I just can’t see what you did.”

“She froze them solid, so now they will still be fresh tomorrow,” Fenris reached from his seat on the cart to pat Lavellan’s leg, smiling at her reassuringly, “are there any villagers we could feed while we’re here?”

“There is that encampment just down the hill, really the closest thing we have to a village here. I’m sure they would appreciate some fresh meat, though if I remember correctly they like dogs. Wolf meat might be an issue.”

“I’m sure they’ll be happy to see anything fresh.”

“Let’s hope so, if not I can set it up to roast while we’re looking for the shards, and we can eat it tomorrow night.”

“Hey, look at that,” Varric smiled as the cabin came into view, “it’s practically a home.”

“Much better, right? They’ve stocked it with firewood too. We’ll need to leave the cart outside of the stable, but the horses will be warm.”

“I’ll just be glad for a roof and a bed.”

“I thought you grew up on a farm, Vhenan, you never camped with your horses?”

“Not in years, I’ve been a Templar since I was little.”

“What strange backgrounds we all come from,” Lavellan dismounted her hart and led it into the barn, “a Templar, Dwarf, and two Elves walk into a cabin. It sounds like the starting of a bad joke.”

“Stranger still if you think I’m from Tevinter,” Fenris helped Varric start on the harness of their horse, “I’ll untack this horse if you can move the cart with Cullen.”

“Sounds like a plan, Lethalin.”

***

“That smells amazing,” Cullen commented from his seat on the largest bed in the cabin, “what is it?”

“I’m going to call it pantry soup.”

“Pantry soup?”

“I took the freshest looking things from the pantry and I put them in a pot,” Lavellan shrugged with a smile, “hopefully you all like it.”

“I don’t suppose you have any magic to dry clothes?” Fenris asked as he pulled his tunic over his head, wringing it out over the chamber pot, “everything I have is soaked.”

“Of course, come here,” Lavellan ushered Fenris over, “I’ll need to touch you.”

“Alright,” Fenris stopped in front of her.

Lavellan placed her hands on Fenris’ shoulders, closing her eyes as she wicked the water from his hair and clothes, directing the small ball of water that floated above Fenris’ head to the pot.

“Your magic is amazing,” Fenris pulled his now dry tunic over his head, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Varric, would you like me to dry you off?”

“Sure,” Varric waved Lavellan over, “but I’m tired and I’m not standing.”

“Lazy Dwarf,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, walking over to Varric and repeating the motions, “Cullen?”

“I fear for what that might do to my hair, but you can certainly try.”

“I love your hair, Vhenan,” Lavellan was much more intimate with Cullen, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him gently as she dried him. Cullen hopeless to do anything but hold her and grin as she spread her magic over his skin. Immediately feeling warmer and more comfortable as the water was pulled from his shirt and pants.

“I have to agree with Fenris,” Cullen closed his eyes as Lavellan ran her fingers through his hair, “that is very good magic.”

“I thought my memory magic was your favorite,” Lavellan winked as Cullen flushed.

“I enjoy that as well.”

“Break it up, you two,” Varric called from across the cabin, “if you give us a show I’m going to write about it in my book.”

“You think I would have an issue with that?” Lavellan kissed Cullen’s nose before turning her attention back to dinner, “I will never understand why the Chantry has you all convinced that sex is something to be ashamed of. You must all be so boring in bed.”

“Hey, I’m fine in bed,” Varric grinned as he defended himself, “I just don’t get much chance to practice, is all.”

“That’s a shame,” Lavellan pulled the pot from the oven, floating it with magic to the small table, “it’s one of my favorite things to do.”

“We know,” Fenris quipped from the corner, “trust us.”

***

“Are you two going to be able to behave tonight, or should Fenris and I sleep in the stables?”

“You’re so dramatic, Varric. We’ll be fine. One tent over is one thing, but Cullen is far to shy to bed me in the same room as you,” Lavellan freshened the linens with a quick spell, loading the fire with more wood as she readied the cabin for bed.

“I don’t believe I’ve ever had my personal life so frequently discussed,” Cullen took his boots off, “it’s terrible, for the record.”

Lavellan grinned, walking over to the bed and taking off her boots and pants, leaving on a shirt and a pair of smalls that Cullen was positive she only owned for situations such as this, “don’t worry about it and get into bed, Vhenan.”

“You keep your hands to yourself, temptress,” Cullen warned Lavellan as he stripped down to his smalls and got under the covers.

“Consider yourself fortunate, Cullen, many would like to be in your place,” Fenris spoke as he got into the smaller cot against the nearby wall.

“Not me, no offense, Ivy, but Bianca is all I need.”

“None taken,” Lavellan draped herself across Cullen’s chest, regardless of his warning, “I’m going to send out some watchers and enchant the door with a magical lock, if anyone needs out tonight you’ll need to wake me up.”

“Or what?”

“That depends, what kind of enchantment do you want?” Lavellan yawned, bringing her fingers to run through Cullen’s chest hair, “ice, fire, or I could do a horror where they see giant spiders if they open the door.”

“Something non-lethal, in case it’s Inquisition scouts.”

“Spiders it is,” Lavellan waved her hand and the door took on a dark purple sheen.

“You’re scary sometimes, Ivy.”

“Sorry,” Lavellan said softly, “I just want to keep us safe.”

“Wait –“ Varric rushed to correct himself, “I meant just how easy it is for you, not that you can do it.”

“I get it,” Lavellan closed her eyes, “goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Cullen wrapped a protective arm over Lavellan’s back, feeling the tension throughout her muscles, “I love you.”

“Sweet dreams, Vhenan.”

***

“You have to look through _what?”_ Cullen looked at the skull.

“Through the skull, it makes the shards light up and then I mark them on the map.”

“Why is it a skull?”

“It’s made from a Tranquil,” Varric commented as Lavellan started her search, “we found some information on it in a locked up cabinet in the Hinterlands. It’s called an Oculara. Something from Tevinter we think. From what we saw, this is what is left of the Tranquil’s who escaped the fall of the circles.”

“You’re joking,” Cullen felt ill, “right?”

“No,” Lavellan spoke from behind the skull, “I’m assuming it needed to be from someone of magical background. Making a mage Tranquil took away their desire to fight, it made them easy targets. Other than the Tranquil who is working in the Skyhold library I haven’t been able to find any others. I’ve sent word out for the scouts to look. I’m hoping we can keep some more safe.”

“ _Maker_ ,” Cullen sighed, “I had no idea. The Templars should have done more to keep them safe.”

“Vhenan, anyone who has been made Tranquil was never safe at the hands of a Templar,” Lavellan made a mark on her map.

“We were always told it was like taking a sword from a Templar.”

“Not quite,” Lavellan glanced at Cullen, “it’s more like severing the soul from the body. If you were just taking a tool from someone, they could just find another tool. Why do you think the circles rebelled? The thought of being made Tranquil was frightening enough that it was worth risking death to avoid it.”

“I suppose I never considered it.”

Lavellan made a noise of consideration before turning back to the skull, “if you’re to make a new start for the Templars, you should. That is not a punishment that should be given out without serious consideration. If the Templars felt as you did, that it was just a tool, that likely explains why there has been such an abuse of power.”

“You’re right,” Cullen agreed, “it has always been Templars’ against Mages. We’ve never made any attempt to understand why the Mages were frightened of us.”

“There you are, a good starting point,” Lavellan made another mark on her map, “something to discuss with Barris when we’re back maybe.”

“Do you think that the Inquisition will be the headquarters of the new Templar order?” Fenris asked.

“No idea, Lethalin. I would be happy to see the order disbanded and replaced with more educated magical teachers, but, if it needs to remain…well, the Inquisition is as good of a start as any.”

“Wait, you had a chance to disband it,” Varric looked confused, “why didn’t you?”

“Because Cullen said it was important,” Lavellan double-checked her map before turning to the group, “who am I, an Elvish woman, to decide that?”

“So, you meat a Templar, one that you were scared of for the first few weeks, and he tells you that the Templars are important. After all you’ve been through, you _believe him?”_

“Yes,” Lavellan rolled the map, tucking it under her arm.

“Why?”

“Because I can tell when people are lying to me,” Lavellan shrugged, “Cullen truly believed that the Templars were important. I trust Cullen. The decision was not an _easy_ one, but I hope it was the right one.”

“You saved the Templars because of me?”

“Yes.”

“Even though you think they’re bad.”

“Yes.”

“Because you trust me.”

“…yes,” Lavellan looked confused.

“They killed your husband.”

“I’m well aware,” Lavellan frowned, “what’s your point?”

“You barely knew me.”

“Cullen,” Lavellan started as she walked toward one of the marks on the map, “I’ve told you this before. I’ve had some terrible experiences with Templars. Two, to be specific. Neither one of them were you, neither one of them worked with the Inquisition. The Templars who killed my husband are dead. Do I think the order is broken? Yes. Do I think if anyone could make the order have value, it’s you? Also yes.”

“Why would you think I would be able to save it? I was…terrible…to the mages in Kirkwall.”

“Were you, or do you just think you were?”

“I was.”

“I don’t think so,” Fenris spoke from behind Cullen, “Hawke’s sister used to write her, and she never complained about you.”

“Sunshine would have said something,” Varric agreed, “and Hawke would have been right at the Gallows to beat you up.”

“You two weren’t there,” Cullen frowned, “not in the circle.”

“You love me,” Lavellan paused for a minute, listening for the hum of the shard, “you couldn’t love a mage if you were against them. You just need more confidence, Cullen. You’re the best man for the job.”

“You can tell if I’m lying, am I lying when I say I was bad to them?”

“No,” Lavellan spotted the shard and started to climb up the rocks, “but Fenris and Varric aren’t lying when they say you weren't, either. Can you give me a boost up this rock?”

Cullen lifted Lavellan up the rock, “I’m not sure I agree with you.”

“You don’t agree with me, and that’s alright,” Lavellan gripped a tree and pulled herself further onto the small ledge, “you’re entitled to be wrong, Vhenan.”

“How do you know that you’re right and I’m wrong?”

“Because,” Lavellan reappeared moments later, shard in hand, “if you believe your Andraste pulled me from the Fade, you should probably assume I would know how to make these kinds of decisions. If not, I can tell you for certain that I was pulled from the Fade from a long line of Mages and I am a _remarkable_ judge of character because of it. Also, and I think this is most important.”

“Oh?”

“I wouldn’t care for you if you were a bad person, Cullen.”

Cullen couldn’t fight the grin on his face, “alright.”

“Now, I have six more shards to find, and then we can camp, then make our way back to Skyhold to fix your Templar order. Good?”

“Good.”

***

“I’m exhausted,” Cullen dropped back onto the bed heavily, “how do you do that all day?”

“What?” Fenris asked, amused, “walk?”

“Laugh it up, Fenris. You’re not as old as me.”

“You don’t know that if I don’t know that, I could be.”

“You’re likely older,” Lavellan chimed in as she started cooking, “Cullen is a baby compared to us. I think I’m seven or eight summers older than he is.”

“You’re still a baby,” Varric pointed out, “you easily have another 150 years, Ivy.”

“Hopefully.”

“What a strange thought.”

“What is, Vhenan?”

“You and I could marry, have children, and you would still live long enough to marry again once I pass.”

“Many Elvhen have two or three marriages if they don’t marry another Elvhen or a Dwarf. We generally stop having children after our hundredth year. If I were to have children, they would likely only be with you.”

“Would they have the markings?” Fenris traced the white lines on his arms absentmindedly.

“No idea. There’ has never been a Fade Child that has married a human before.”

“You would be the first?”

“I might be,” Lavellan shrugged, “I suppose we’ll see what comes after the Inquisition.”

“I hope you’ll have me if we live that long.”

“Of course I will, Vhenan.”

***

“I’ve never been so glad to be on a horse,” Cullen commented as they started to ride from the Storm Coast, “I’m afraid life on the road is not for me, my love.”

Lavellan laughed, “I won’t ask you to join me again.”

“I would like to see the Emerald Graves, should your travels take you back there.”

“It’s beautiful,” Fenris nodded.

“We’ll make sure you get there,” Lavellan pulled a book from her bag, “but let’s spend some time home first.”

***

By the time they had stopped to camp for the night, Cullen was more than slightly embarrassed at how excited he was to have a tent, alone, with Lavellan for the night.

“I’ll set that up,” Cullen had taken the tent from Fenris, setting it up on the other side of the fire, away from Varric and Fenris’ tents.

When Lavellan had noticed she smirked and winked at him as she lit the fire for Varric before heading off to hunt for dinner.

“Planning for an exciting night, Curly?”

“We’ll see,” Cullen waited anxiously for Lavellan to return, “I miss having her to myself.”

“She didn’t seem opposed to having kids when we spoke about it last night.”

“No,” Cullen agreed, “she didn’t. She may change her mind after though, once the rift is sealed for good. When she realizes she could have Fenris or Alistair, she might decide my lyrium issues aren’t worth dealing with.”

“Not likely,” Fenris disagreed, “she loves you.”

“She’s never said that.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“She doesn’t need to say it to feel it. I love her, but I don’t tell her,” Fenris pointed out.

“I often think you’d be a better pick for her than I am.”

“Maybe, but she chose you. Maybe I’ll get my chance for her third marriage.”

“I haven’t had my second yet, Lethalin,” Lavellan called from the edge of the woods as she returned with two rabbits, “but I’ll add you to the list for my third.”

Cullen and Fenris blushed as Lavellan caught them.

“I have Elvhen hearing,” Lavellan rolled her eyes as she approached the fire, “honestly, you two.”

***

“If Fenris is on the list for your third marriage, can I be on the list for your second?” Cullen asked as he undressed for bed.

“I suppose so,” Lavellan smiled, straddling Cullen as soon as he settled against the bedroll, “so long as you bring Birch.”

“Well, of course, that goes without saying,” Cullen reached for Lavellan’s thighs, squeezing them gently, “every family needs a dog.”

“And a halla, but that might be difficult.”

“We’ll make it work.”

“May I ask you something?”

“Certainly.”

“Would you marry me, even if you didn’t love me?”

“Why wouldn’t I love you?”

“You’ve never said it.”

“I will love you if I’m marrying you, Cullen. No fear of that.”

“I’ll continue trying to earn that love.”

“Cullen, you’ve seen how I see you. Are you really worried that you’re not on the right path?”

Cullen thought to the flutter in Lavellan’s chest as they had made love, “I think I’m getting there.”

“There you go. Now, you moved this tent over here for a reason. What would you like to do?”

“I want to be inside of you,” Cullen tried for bravery, knowing full well that he was blushing, “I’ve wanted to be inside of you since we arrived at that cabin. Last night I considered waking you up just to take you outside to the stables for a moment alone.”

“What would you have done?”

Cullen felt his face heat more, “I’ve had this…idea... lately.”

“Idea?”

“A fantasy…”

“Yes?”

“You mentioned, when we first got together, that you liked being…bent over a bed.”

“Yes, I do.”

“I’ve never tried it, that way, before.”

“You want me bent over?”

“Yes,” Cullen’s cheeks almost hurt from how deep his blush was, made worse by the fact his cock was hard between them.

“We can do that,” Lavellan slipped off of Cullen, pulling her shirt over her head before shifting to her hands and knees, and then dropping her chest down against the bedroll.

Cullen felt his mouth dry at the view, “now?”

“Come on, _Commander_.”

Cullen was spurred into motion, kicking his smalls off quickly before kneeling behind Lavellan, groaning softly at the view, “you’re sure?”

“Cullen.”

Cullen reached for her, running his thumb between her lips and finding her already wet, “already?”

“You’re not the only one that has wanted some alone time.”

Cullen reached between them, lining his cock up and gently pressing forward.

Lavellan moaned, and arched her back, pressing back until Cullen’s hips pressed against her backside.

“Okay?”

“Move, Cullen, please.”

Cullen started slowly, mostly to try and make the experience last, but each moan from Lavellan spurred him to move faster.

Lavellan was always responsive during their evenings together, but Cullen could tell this was different. Within minutes Lavellan had completely switched to Elvhen, speaking softly with each thrust, and soon she was fisting the sheets as Cullen moved and adjusted his angles until with one well-aimed thrust Lavellan let out a loud moan.

“Shh,” Cullen laughed, “you’ll wake the others.”

“Don’t stop.”

“Or what?” Cullen whispered back, slowing his movements.

“Vhenan, please.”

“You mean Commander?”

Lavellan smiled, a breathless laugh falling from her lips, “please, _Commander_.”

Cullen felt a flush of arousal, his cock twitching in response, “you want me to take you, mage?”

“Yes, _please_.”

“You’re so beautiful,” Cullen ran his hand up the length of Lavellan’s back and over the curve of her behind, “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“Commander,” Lavellan squeezed around him, “ _take me_.”

Cullen could tell the time for teasing was over, as he gripped Lavellan’s hips and started moving without restraint. The desire to see Lavellan spend overriding his concern for the others hearing them.

“Harder,” Lavellan started pushing back against each thrust.

“Such a good mage,” Cullen groaned, “are you going to spend for me?”

“Yes,” Lavellan was nearly shouting with each moan, “Commander.”

Cullen clenched his jaw, trying his hardest to outlast Lavellan, “let me see you, mage, I want to hear you scream.”

Lavellan’s skin came up in bright green flames as she clenched around him, each moan louder than the next as she brought Cullen over the edge shortly after. Cullen groaning her name as he spilled inside of her.

As Cullen came down from his post-orgasmic haze he flushed as his earlier words came back to him, “um…”

“Creators,” Lavellan pulled from him, rolling and dropping on her back, “I always forget how much I enjoy that position.”

“I, uh, Maker, Ivy, I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“What I said, I shouldn’t have been calling you mage like that.”

“I was calling you Commander, did you not like it?”

He had liked it, something which made his skin crawl with shame.

“Cullen?”

Cullen’s skin itched, the guilt making him wish he could shrink under Lavellan’s insightful gaze.

“Hey,” Lavellan reached for one of his hands, “relax. We were just having fun.”

“It’s wrong to say those things to you, you’re not beneath me.”

“Actually, I was beneath you.”

Cullen swallowed heavily and Lavellan sat up, pulling him into her arms.

“Cullen, it was just roleplay. I know you don’t think of me as beneath you, Vhenan. You love me.”

“I do love you. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, it was fun. I don’t think I’ve felt that good in years.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive. I can show you if you like.”

“Yes, please.”

“Alright,” Lavellan concentrated for a minute, and gradually a ball of light appeared in her hand, “but lay back, at least I can clean up while you’re watching it.”

Cullen shifted, laying back against the bedroll before reaching for the memory.

It was vivid, probably due to how recent it was, but as Cullen heard his voice calling Lavellan _mage_ into her ear, he was relieved to feel no upset feelings, only a small sense of amusement and all-encompassing pleasure as Cullen hit a spot inside of Lavellan that was rarely reached.

As the tent came into focus around him, he let out a sigh of relief.

“Better?”

“Yes, I’m sorry, I just would hate to upset you.”

“I appreciate it.”

“Did you,” Cullen thought back to the memory, “have a spell going during that?”

“Yes, I had our tent silenced. I put up the barrier as soon as you said you had an idea. I wouldn’t let Varric hear one of your fantasies, Vhenan. It would end up in a book all around Thedas.”

Cullen laughed, “well, that is a relief.”

“Isn’t that what a mage is for, Commander?”

“Yes yes,” Cullen rolled his eyes and pulled Lavellan to him, “go to sleep, mage Lavellan.”

“As you wish, Commander Rutherford.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the wonderful comments. I had largely lost inspiration for this fic, but you've given me the kick in the ass that I needed. 
> 
> I appreciate each and every one of you <3

Lavellan spoke softly as they rode toward Skyhold, “what brought last night on?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve never referred to me as a _mage_ before. You rarely discuss my magic at all when we’re alone. Have you always been interested in some Commander/mage roleplay?”

“Uh, Fenris and Varric are _right there,_ ” Cullen pointed to the cart ahead of them.

“They can’t hear us.”

“Well, no,” Cullen shook his head, “I can’t say it’s something I’ve ever really wanted. It just sort of…happened.”

“And it bothers you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I was calling you a mage like it’s a bad thing,” Cullen frowned, “almost like an insult, which is ridiculous because you didn’t choose to be a mage. Using that term as if it shows that you are beneath me is the same as me saying that I’m more important than you because you have pointed ears. It’s not logical. Your magic is a condition of your birth, not a defect, and certainly not something that makes you beneath me in any way.”

When Lavellan didn’t respond, Cullen glanced over to her to find Lavellan staring at him with her mouth agape.

“What?”

“That’s certainly quite the change from the Commander Cullen I first met,” Lavellan pointed out, “you refused to work with the mages because you said that they were unpredictable, amongst many other interesting descriptive terms.”

“I suppose I haven’t had the opportunity to get to know many mages,” Cullen considered, “now that I know one like you, I know that not all mages are going to be tempted by demons, or cause harm with their magic. It was wrong of me to judge _all_ mages for the actions of few.”

“That’s a remarkable example of growth, Vhenan.”

“Thank you,” Cullen flushed under the flattery, “I have you to thank for it. I’m still not sure how you did it, accepting Templars into your life after what happened with your husband. Even with what happened at the Circle Tower, you’ve lost much more to the Templar mage conflict than I have.”

“I think that might be subjective. Losing a loved one is always difficult, but it’s expected. You reasonably know that someone you love is likely to die in your lifetime. I’m not sure if you could ever prepare for magical torture, nor your home being driven into madness by a sudden influx of demons.”

“How do you resist them?” Cullen asked, “I’ve seen you laugh them off like they’re nothing, meanwhile, I’ve seen mages who I have respected for years be corrupted by them.”

“As I’ve said before, I can tell when someone is lying to me,” Lavellan pointed into the distance as the faint outline of Skyhold came into view, “demons offer me all sorts of things, each of them has lied. They aren’t more powerful than me, so I don’t need to worry about them using spells to hurt me. They can’t possess me because they have nothing to woo me with.”

“If you met a demon who _could_ give you what they offered, what do you think it would take?”

“What, to win me over?”

“Yes.”

“I can’t think of anything,” Lavellan considered the question.

“Your husband back?”

“Death is a part of the natural cycle. Whatever they would bring back would not be my husband.”

“No more Templars, the mages living free?”

“That would be nice, but then I wouldn’t have you, or Barris.”

“Me,” Cullen swallowed heavily, “accepting and comfortable with your magic?”

“Hmm,” Lavellan nodded, “that’s the most enticing offer of all of them, but then you wouldn’t be _you_. I accept your uncertainly around magic, Vhenan. I don’t like it, but as Varric said, I have over a hundred years to wait for you to move past it.”

“If I never do?”

“You never do,” Lavellan shrugged.

“Would you still marry me?”

“If you didn’t accept my magic?” Lavellan shook her head, “no, probably not, but I wouldn’t leave you, either.”

Cullen frowned, keeping his eyes trained on Skyhold.

“For the record, Cullen. I think you’re much closer to accepting my magic than you think you are. You didn’t mention the silence spell last night, or the flames around me.”

“I was rather distracted at the time.”

“Well yes, I was as well, but you could have stopped, or changed the way you were touching me, but you didn’t.”

“No,” Cullen thought of Lavellan’s body under this grip the night before, “I didn’t,”

“Okay, lovebirds, we appreciate the need for privacy but watching you two speak for the past 20 minutes and not hearing anything is weird,” Varric called to them from the cart.

“Sorry,” Lavellan called back.

“Is everything alright?” Fenris glanced over his shoulder to Lavellan.

“Fine,” Lavellan assured, “just taking some time to talk, considering Josie is going to be all over me as soon as I walk through those gates.”

“What’s next on your agenda, Inquisitor?”

“Last of the shards from the Frostback Basin, then to the Oasis,” Lavellan sighed, “then I suppose to the Arbor Wilds. I really _should_ go to Redcliffe to source Inquisition resources from Alistair.”

“One of us will go with you,” Fenris insisted, “not by yourself.”

“I’m capable of handling Alistair, Fen.”

“I know you are, but he’s already shown that he’s unable to respect your relationship.”

“That’s a solved issue after he got to see his Vhenan again. He’s had a reminder of who he really is.”

“I don’t like it.”

“Fine, Fen, if it matters that much to you then you can come with me.”

“It does.”

“I admit, I’d be more comfortable with Fenris going with you,” Cullen glanced between them, “call me paranoid, but I don’t think he’s done with you yet.”

“Alright,” Lavellan waved to the guards as they sounded the horn to announce their arrival, “so, Redcliffe, Frostback Basin, then the Oasis. I think I’m going to be gone for some time. I’ll likely be in Redcliffe for a week, then come back to Skyhold for my winter wear. Frostback is two weeks ride each way, considering we have to go through the mountains, the shards are all over…”

“Six weeks then,” Cullen offered.

“At least,” Lavellan hummed under her breath, “Is there much point to coming back when I’m already one-third of the way to the Oasis?”

“How much longer would you be gone for?”

“Another two to three weeks to get to the Oasis, but I only need to be there for a day. This really would be easier to do if I just went by myself. I could fly, and it would be a much shorter trip.”

“No.”

Fenris and Cullen spoke at the same time, looking at each other with amusement.

“Alright, well, you have a choice,” Lavellan sighed in frustration, “I can either be gone, for potentially two or three months, or I can go by myself and probably drop that trip down by half.”

“I don’t want you gone for that long, but I don’t feel comfortable with you going by yourself either.”

“Men,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, “there’s no pleasing you.”

***

“Two or three months,” Cullen sighed as they got ready for bed, “that’s so long.”

“I know,” Lavellan sat on the edge of the bed, brushing her hair, “I don’t want to leave you for that long, but there is so much to be done.”

“I could barely make it two days without being intimate with you,” Cullen tried for humor to offset his anxiety, “how will I manage months?”

“You will become very familiar with your hand,” Lavellan laughed as Cullen blushed, “or you can wait until I get back, I’m sure you’ll enjoy yourself if you’ve waited that long.”

“I’m sure I’ll embarrass myself,” Cullen sat on the bed next to Lavellan, trying to not feel awkward sitting nude next to her, “I’ll spend within seconds.”

“You might,” Lavellan set her brush aside, “don’t forget, I can visit you from the fade while I’m away.”

“Can we do… _that_ … in the fade?”

“I wouldn’t suggest it. It tends to attract desire demons.”

“No, that would be bad,” Cullen sat back against the headboard, smiling as Lavellan crawled up the bed to straddle him, “I would rather wait than risk a demon.”

“They would just watch,” Lavellan trailed her fingers over Cullen’s chest, “you’re beautiful to look at.”

“I’m not sure about that, but I know that you’re stunning.”

“If you say so, Commander.”

“None of that,” Cullen squirmed uncomfortably, “please.”

“Alright,” Lavellan stretched up the length of Cullen to kiss him, “but I hope you’re not opposed to taking me in that position again.”

“Now?”

“Yes please.”

“As my lady wishes.”

***

“The green dress is for your arrival, the red if you should have a formal dinner, blue if there is a ball, the yellow is just a spare, but do try to avoid wearing the same thing twice,” Josephine read from her clipboard, “remember not to offer Redcliffe anything in the way of support without discussing it with us, first.”

“Josie,” Lavellan interrupted, “I appreciate the concern, but I’m well equipped to handle royalty. Alistair is my friend; he won’t cause us any harm.”

“I wish you would consider bringing the council.”

“Not this time,” Lavellan shook her head, “this isn’t the time for tradition and ceremony. It’s two friends meeting and discussing.”

“Inquisitor-“

“Josie,” Lavellan held up her hand, her voice firm, “I have already conceded to taking Fenris with me, who is also very equipped at handling nobility, that’s enough.”

The dinner table fell quiet, and Lavellan sighed.

“I apologize, Inquisitor, I don’t mean to seem as if I’m questioning your abilities.”

“I understand,” Lavellan pushed her plate to the side, “truly, I do. None of you have much experience with the Dalish, none of you have met a Fade Child, but trust me when I say that I am capable. Not only did my family speak with royalty, some of the prior Fade Child _were_ royalty.”

“Of course,” Josephine took a seat next to Blackwall, “my mistake.”

“Hey, do you know what they looked like?” Sera shouted from the other end of the table, “I want to see what the old rich elfy-sorts looked like.”

“I do,” Lavellan nodded, “how far back do you want me to go?”

“As far as you can.”

Lavellan’s face started to transform, the only things that stayed the same were her markings and her eyes. The normally oil-slick black of her hair warmed and changed to a deep chestnut brown, her normally dainty nose became slightly more pronounced, taking on a regal curve.

Lavellan even went so far to change her clothing, a high-collared deep purple robe forming around her as her hair twisted into an elaborate style that sat high on her head.

It only two a minute or two, but the table was silent as Lavellan, now looking almost entirely different, looked down the table at them.

“Remarkable,” Solas breathed.

“Thank you,” Lavellan reached for her wine, taking a sip, “Sera? Is it all you thought it would be?”

“You look… _woof_.”

“Beautiful, as always, but I prefer your real form.”

“Ah, ma Vhenan, this is just one of many forms that I can take,” Lavellan’s features changed again, her hair now a bright blond, the bridge to her nose flattening and her eyes moving farther apart. Her outfit now a bright green armor, almost like a beetle shell.

“Another royal?” Dorian asked.

“A princess, yes, she never made it to queen.”

“Is this magic similar to how you transform into other things?” Solas asked, “birds?”

“It’s all similar magic, yes.”

“Have you ever been a dragon?”

“No,” Lavellan laughed as she changed back, her dark hair flowing over her shoulders, “but I’d like to try, someday.”

“Hell yeah, Boss, that would be _hot_.”

“No,” Cullen frowned.

“Relax, Vhenan, I’m all yours.”

***

“Be careful,” Cullen helped Lavellan mount her hart, “and let me know when you arrive.”

“I will, keep your stone with you, and remember to help Mia with the little ones.”

“I know,” Cullen frowned, “keep her safe, Fenris.”

“You know I will,” Fenris mounted the second hart, a recent gift from Lavellan, “I like him as much as you do.”

“That’s a relief at least.”

“Stop worrying, Vhenan, I’ll be back before you know it.”

***

“How do you use this thing?” Fenris’ voice came through the stone just as Cullen settled into the bed for the night.

“Fenris?”

“Cullen,” Fenris’ responded, “Ivy is stuck in some meeting with Alistair, they wouldn’t let me in but she wanted to tell you that we arrived about an hour ago.”

“Is she safe?”

“Yes, he was thrilled to see her. They’re doing some sort of _royal sitting room_ thing. Alistair was surprised to see me with her.”

“That’s not a bad thing.”

“No,” Fenris agreed, “he’s been more appropriate, but it’s clear he has feelings for her still. I think Ivy noticed as well, she asked that we share quarters.”

“Oh?”

“He’s not likely to come and wake her in the middle of the night if I’m in the room with her.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“I’m sorry, I know this is likely not ideal for you. I give you my word I won’t do anything inappropriate.”

“I trust you,” Cullen was surprised to find that he was being truthful, “keep her safe.”

“I will.”

***

“That man can _talk_ ,” Lavellan shut the bedroom door behind her and locked it, immediately setting a silver wolf next to it, “did you reach Cullen?”

“I did,” Fenris passed the stone back to Lavellan, “was he polite?”

“He was, yes,” Lavellan started on the laces to her dress, stepping behind the dressing screen out of Fenris’ view, “he offered me to option to be his consort if I wanted.”

“He…what?”

“I know,” Lavellan laughed, “I told him no, but I was surprised at his courage to ask me in the first place.”

“Cullen was right.”

“He was,” Lavellan’s head appeared from around the screen, “can I borrow one of your shirts?”

“Of course,” Fenris went to his pack, pulling his second, and only spare, shirt from within, passing it to Lavellan.

“Thank you,” Lavellan came out from behind the screen a few moments later, “I had assumed I would be sleeping alone, I didn’t bring anything to wear.”

“I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Cullen wouldn’t approve.”

“Hello, Vhenan,” Lavellan spoke to Cullen, walking from behind the screen wearing Fenris’ shirt.

“Ivy,” Cullen’s voice was low with sleep, “are you alright?”

“Fine, though I fear you were right, he still has an interest. I could have become the queen of Ferelden today if I had wanted too.”

“You said no?”

“Of course I said no, silly man.”

“Good.”

“Do you mind if Fenris shares the bed with me? He’s offering to sleep on the floor.”

“No, that’s fine,” Cullen yawned, audible through the stone, “he shouldn’t be on the floor.”

“I’ll let you sleep, I’ll send word tomorrow.”

“I love you.”

“Sleep well, ma Vhenan.”

“There you go,” Lavellan moved to stoke the fire, “into bed with you.”

Fenris sighed, but pulled back the sheets and took the side closer to the door, waiting for Lavellan to join him, “may I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Why don’t you tell him that you love him when you so clearly do?”

“I do love him, but it’s hard to be _in love with him_ when he feels the way he does about magic.”

“He’s trying.”

“He is,” Lavellan agreed as she got into bed next to Fenris, “but don’t I deserve someone who loves me for who I am?”

“You do,” Fenris cautiously stretched out on the bed, careful to leave space between them, “would you prefer if he weren’t a Templar?”

“No,” Lavellan rolled on her side, moving closer to Fenris until they almost shared a pillow, “I just wish he could trust me.”

“He does. Has it ever occurred to you that he might not want to be healed? Maybe he feels the need to go through the withdrawal. It might be a part of his healing.”

“I suppose.”

“He cares for you, dearly. If I can’t have you for myself, I couldn’t pick a better partner for you than Cullen.”

“That’s very sweet of you,” Lavellan pressed a kiss to Fenris’ temple, “for what it’s worth, if you still want me after all of this, you can be my third marriage.”

“Assuming we’re correct about my age, I’ll be happy to wait.”

“Goodnight, Fenris.”

“Goodnight, Ivy,” Fenris gave into temptation, rolling to face Lavellan and putting his arm around her.

Lavellan fell asleep quickly, moving in her sleep to curl up against Fenris’ chest. As tired as Fenris was, he decided he could stay awake for a little while longer, brushing Lavellan’s hair from her face and holding her while he was able.

***

“How’s it going?”

“He wants to throw a ball,” Lavellan spoke from where she sat on the bed as Fenris checked the windows to ensure they were locked, “I think Fenris and I talked him out of it.”

“How were the negotiations?”

“Excellent. I’ve secured some farmland and a healing facility here in Redcliffe. Tomorrow he’s going to bring some of the local Templars from the circle to meet with me, so I may be coming back with a few more to add to our numbers. It sounds as if he was close to the local Templars before he became a Warden. I also managed to heal him from that fake calling, so he doesn’t have the urge to dive into the deep roads anymore.”

“You healed him?” Fenris and Cullen asked at the same time.

“Yes,” Lavellan laughed, “you two are like brothers the way you speak to me.”

“Did he ask you too?”

“No, but he kept looking off and flinching. He accepted when I offered.”

“Well,” Cullen suddenly sounded exhausted, “you should probably tend to Blackwall when you’re back.”

“I’ll ask him if it’s an issue, of course.”

“Are you going to leave tomorrow?”

“I suppose it depends on how long it takes to speak with the Templars, and how quickly they can move. I think it’s more likely we will leave the following morning.”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Vhenan.”

“I need to go, I have a meeting with Josephine, but I’ll speak to you tomorrow?”

“Of course, tell Mia and Lily I say hi.”

“I will. I love you.”

“I’m counting the minutes until I see you again, ma Vhenan.”

“That was painful,” Fenris commented as he got into bed next to Lavellan, “we could all die tomorrow, Ivy. You should tell him you love him in case you never get a chance too.”

“Maybe you’re right, but not over the stone. The first time I say it, it should be face to face.”

“I agree,” Fenris settled back into the bed, not surprised when Lavellan moved to lay next to him, resting her head on his chest. Fenris didn’t fight the urge to card his fingers through her hair, delighting in how soft it was.

“Am I being cruel to you, Fen? Keeping you this close while I’m with Cullen?”

“No, I don’t think so. I love our friendship no matter what it looks like. You’re precious to me.”

“I love you, Fen. Never change.”

“There is a long line of people before you who will assure you that I never will. I’m stubborn.”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.”

***

“How many?”

“Forty-five.”

“I wasn’t aware there were that many Templars in Redcliffe.”

“It was a big circle, and we don’t have much in the way of red lyrium here. They all seem fit, though I’m sure you and Barris will find some way to break them in your training drills.”

Cullen laughed, “I would feel bad if I didn’t know you enjoyed watching them.”

“Something very nice about that many fit bodies in one place, what can I say.”

“You minx,” Cullen snorted, “you’re mine.”

“That I am.”

“What time are you leaving tomorrow?”

“Fen, what did we say?”

“Just before lunch,” Fenris sat beside Lavellan on the bed, “we should be back very late tomorrow, or early the next morning. We’re not just moving us, we have a small army we’re bringing.”

“An army of Templars and one mage,” Lavellan grimaced, “if you had told me a year ago I would be travelling with a group of Templars I wouldn’t have believed you.”

“Are you safe with them?”

“I certainly hope so, but I have Fenris with me.”

“You also have enough magic to control the situation,” Cullen reminded, “don’t let them treat you poorly.”

“I’ll try not too.”

“If they start misbehaving, leave them behind,” Cullen continued, “we have plenty of Templars, I only have one you.”

“Yes, ma Vhenan, I understand.”

“Alright, I’ll let you rest. The sooner you’re awake the sooner you’re both back.”

“Both?” Fenris asked, surprised.

“You’re my friend, Fenris. I enjoy having you around.”

“Oh,” Fenris flushed, “thank you.”

“Goodnight, Cullen. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Lavellan wrapped her arm over Fenris’ shoulder.

“Goodnight, I love you.”

“He likes you,” Lavellan squeezed Fenris before crawling up the bed, “you’re stuck with us now.”

“I’m not sure if stuck is the right word. The Inquisition is the closest thing I’ve had to a family since Hawke.”

“You love us.”

“Yes, I do.”


	30. Chapter 30

“I suddenly feel as if all of my hard work trusting Templars might be null and void by the time we get back to Skyhold,” Lavellan whispered to Fenris as they crested the hill leading them home.

“They aren’t used to taking orders from a mage,” Fenris sighed, “I’ll admit they are ruder than I expected.”

“They are unfortunately _exactly_ as I expected,” Lavellan looked over the sky, “the sun will be coming up in the next few hours.”

“Oi,” a voice from behind them shouted, “how much further?”

“Creators, give me strength,” Lavellan muttered before turning back and shouting, “an hour, maybe longer if you all continue to walk as slowly as humanly possible, and for the last time, it’s _Inquisitor,_ not _oi.”_

“Whatever, knife-ear.”

There was the sound of a crack, and a sudden chatter as the Templar who had spoken was encased in ice, frozen in place.

“Let me make something _very clear_ to you all,” Lavellan stopped her hart and spoke with the group, “Commander Cullen has permitted me to leave you all behind should you be rude. I don’t care if you don’t like my magic, I will freeze each and everyone one of you if I am called anything other than Inquisitor again. You would do well to remember that Therinfal Redoubt fell to corruption, just the same as the circles did. Templars, as righteous as you are, are not immune.”

“Let him out,” another Templar tried and failed, to dispel Lavellan’s spell.

“No,” Lavellan urged her hart forward, “I’ll send a scout to bring him the rest of the way once we’ve arrived, but I’m not listing to his nonsense anymore.”

“Mage-“

Another crack, another frozen body.

“I can freeze every single one of you,” Lavellan winked to Fenris, “I would stop if I were you.”

The rest of the walk went quietly, the warmth of Skyhold lulling the Templars into murmurs. As the alarm sounded to announce Lavellan’s arrival, Skyhold started to show signs of life.

“Inquisitor,” one of the scouts called from the wall, “welcome back.”

“Thank you, can you let the cook know we have some hungry mouths to feed? This lot has been on the go since the morning.”

“Yes, Inquisitor.”

“Ivy!”

Lavellan turned, grinning as Cullen came from the keep, no armor, looking all the world as if he had thrown his fur mantel over his shoulders to cover a simple linen shirt and pants.

“Commander,” Lavellan jumped from her hart, taking the steps quickly, “Vhenan, how are you?”

“All the better for seeing you,” Cullen pulled Lavellan into his arms, kissing her hair and whispering her ear, “how was it?”

“Rough,” Lavellan sighed, “I’ve been called knife-ear, mage, and _oi_ , most of the time. They respect Fenris more than me.”

“They have been cruel,” Fenris joined them, “so Ivy froze two of them, back on the mountain path.”

“Leave them there for now,” Lavellan waved a dismissive hand, “they aren’t frozen, they’re just contained. The spell won’t harm them.”

Cullen sighed, “idiots.”

“It is what it is,” Lavellan waved off the concern, “would you like me to introduce you?”

“Um, certainly.”

Mostly due to what Lavellan assumed was muscle memory, the Templars fell into formation near the base of the steps, once they had settled, Lavellan spoke.

“Templars, I would like to introduce you to Commander Cullen Rutherford, Commander of the forces of the Inquisition. Former Knight-Commander of Kirkwall.”

Cullen flushed, “I haven’t been a Templar in some time, but you will have a haven here should you wish. I will say, however, that the Inquisition works based on respect. Our Inquisitor who you have met is both a mage and a Dalish elf. Within our inner circle are Qunari, Dwarfs, those from Tevinter, some from Navara. We will not tolerate cruelty, and should we hear of it, you will be ejected from the Inquisition.”

There was a sound of agreement from the group, and Cullen continued.

“Further to that, unlike the circles, the mages who work with us are our equals,” Cullen glanced to Lavellan, “other than the Inquisitor, who is our leader.”

The Templars fell quiet, until one woman stepped forward, “Commander?”

“Yes?”

“What do you do about possession?”

“Possession hasn’t been an issue with the mages amongst us,” Cullen paused as he realized, “we’ve not had a single occurrence.”

“You won’t, either,” Lavellan spoke softly to Cullen, “the mages here are under my protection.”

“The Inquisitor has the mages under her protection,” Cullen conveyed to the crowd, “you’ll find Inquisitor Lavellan has some magic that you’re not likely familiar with.”

“You’re all welcome to stay,” Lavellan shivered under the cool breeze of the morning, “but first, let’s get you all fed and you can decide on a full stomach.”

***

“I’m sorry they were cruel to you,” Cullen whispered to Lavellan as they gathered in the main hall, “that’s not fair of them.”

“It’s normal I’m afraid, Vhenan,” Lavellan pat Cullen’s chest, “I missed you.”

“I missed you,” Cullen kissed the top of Lavellan’s head, “thank you, Fenris, for going with her.”

“You’re welcome,” Fenris kept a close eye on the Templars as they ate, “we planned Lavellan’s third marriage, shared a bed, and I stole a set of candlesticks from the King.”

“You did?” Lavellan laughed.

“He was horrible.”

Cullen snorted, “well done.”

“Thank you,” Fenris smiled, “I’ll leave them in your office for when he next visits.”

Cullen grinned, clapping Fenris on his shoulder, “if my future wife could have any friend in this world, I’m glad it’s you.”

“Future wife?” Lavellan sang, leaning against Cullen.

“Yes,” Cullen didn’t hide his affection, “my future wife.”

“Mine, too.”

“Oh you boys,” Lavellan rolled her eyes, “I love you both.”

***

“When are you leaving again?” Cullen started on Lavellan’s clothes as soon as they had returned to their quarters for the night.

“Eager, are we?”

“Desperate is more like it,” Cullen nipped at Lavellan’s shoulder as it came into view, “unless you’d like me to stop?”

“No complaints from me,” Lavellan reached for the laces of Cullen’s pants, struggling to undo them as Cullen attempted to pull her tunic over her head, “okay, wait.”

“What?”

“Let's undress ourselves, or I can do some magic and deal with our clothes quickly.”

“Magic,” Cullen reached for Lavellan again, “I just want you nude and under me.”

“Of course, Commander,” Lavellan let Cullen lead her to the bed, her magic whispering between them and peeling their clothes from them. Cullen only absently noticed his clothes leaving his form as he felt the soft press of Lavellan’s skin against his.

“I’m not your Commander,” Cullen took Lavellan’s earlobe between his teeth, tugging gently, “I’m your…partner…”

“You’re ma Vhenan,” Lavellan pushed on Cullen’s chest, “onto the bed.”

Cullen crawled awkwardly backward, reaching for Lavellan to have her follow him.

“I need to be inside of you,” Cullen fought the tremor in his hand as he pulled Lavellan to straddle him, “please.”

Lavellan reached between them, stroking Cullen’s cock slowly as she tilted her hips to take him, taking her time to rock her hips until she was sitting on his lap.

“Give me a minute to adjust.”

“As long as you need, my love.”

If Lavellan noticed the way that his hands were trembling against her thighs, she didn’t mention it. As she started to rock her hips, Cullen fought the urge to close his eyes, delighting in the beautiful sight above him.

It was over faster than either one of them would have liked. A few days apart making each sensation stronger than normal as they rocked together.

“Ivy,” Cullen groaned as she pulled him over the edge with the force of her muscles fluttering around him, the shake in his hands worse now where they gripped her hips.

Lavellan laughed breathlessly, dropped against Cullen’s chest, “we’re doing that again.”

“Give me a few minutes,” Cullen fought with his hands are they shook, forcing them to wrap around Lavellan’s back.

“What’s wrong with your hands?”

“I have a shake today,” Cullen tried and failed to run his hands smoothly up her back, “it’s the lyrium.”

“Does it hurt?”

“No, not really. It will make my back hurt later, from the muscles shaking.”

“Would you like me to help?”

“No, I’m alright.”

Cullen felt, rather than heard, Lavellan’s sigh as she rolled off of him.

“Why don’t you get some sleep,” Cullen suggested, “by the time you wake up my hands will be steady and we will be able to do that again.”

“Alright,” settled against Cullen’s side, tense, but close.

“I love you.”

Lavellan took a breath to answer, her mouth open with no words coming from it for a moment, Cullen felt his heart race in anticipation.

“Sweet dreams, Vhenan.”

***

“I couldn’t say it,” Lavellan pouted as she found Fenris in her library, closing the distance between them and burying her head against his shoulder.

“Why not?” Fenris didn’t comment on her proximity, instead moved the book he was reading to his other hand and wrapping his free arm around her back.

“His hands were trembling, and I offered to heal him.”

“He said no.”

“And I just couldn’t say it.”

“You love him, I know you do.”

Lavellan didn’t answer him, and it wasn’t under Fenris noticed his shirt felt wet that he realized that she was crying.

“Ivy,” Fenris felt vaguely panicked, “what did I say?”

“It wasn’t you,” Lavellan’s voice caught, “I’m sorry, I’m just overwhelmed.”

“Tell me what I can do to help.”

“Nothing, that’s the worst part.”

“There must be something.”

“Like what, Fen…I can’t send you to seal the rifts or deal with the Templars, or the nobility. You can’t hold court, or go to the Oasis for me, or fight the dragons,” Lavellan took a deep breath, “and you certainly can’t make Cullen love me the way I need him too. I have all of these things that I’m just _expected_ to do, and I can’t think of the last time someone asked me where I wanted to be right now.”

“Where do you want to be right now?”

“ _Alone_ ,” Lavellan hiccupped into the side of his neck, “I want time to be Dalish again. I want to see my husband. I want to be _nobody_ in the forest.”

“Ivy,” Fenris’ heart hurt as he gently rubbed her back, “You will be able to close the breach, you don’t need to hunt all of the dragons, let Josephine handle the court. If you want some time alone, start your next journey a day or two before the rest of us, we can catch up to you and you can spend some time in the wilds. As for Cullen, he loves you as much as he is able. He is a good man, and he is trying.”

“I wish he didn’t hate magic.”

“I wish I had met you first, but sometimes things don’t work out the way we hope it will.”

Lavellan nodded, “I’m sorry to have unloaded on you like this.”

“We’re friends, I’m happy to support you.”

“Thank you, Fen.”

***

“Cullen,” Fenris knocked on his office door, “do you have a moment?”

“Of course,” Cullen looked up from his desk, “come in.”

Fenris walked in, cautiously sitting across from Cullen, “I don’t mean to intrude.”

“I’m just reviewing Ivy’s reports, it’s no problem,” Cullen set the parchment to the side, “what can I do for you.”

“Ivy found me this morning,” Fenris started cautiously, “in tears.”

“Tears?”

“Yes, which as I’m sure I don’t need to tell you, is not something that I’m familiar with handling.”

“What was wrong?”

“She’s…overwhelmed and missing her Dalish roots. We’ve set her up to be responsible for saving the world, that’s a lot of pressure for anyone.”

“It is,” Cullen rubbed at the stubble across his chin, his hands still too unsteady to shave this morning, “I worry about her.”

“I think her worry about everything that is going on with the world is not helped by…well…you.”

“Me?”

“May I ask,” Fenris considered his words carefully, “why you won’t let her heal you?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because she is taking it as a personal failure,” Fenris sighed, pushing his hair from his eyes, “your feelings toward her healing is how she perceives your feelings toward _her_ in general. She feels like you love her with conditions attached, which really, you do.”

“Continue…”

“Because of those conditions, you’re affecting not only how she feels about you, but also how she feels about herself. This is likely the only time, other than the death of her husband, where she has felt as if her magic was a bad thing. She told me today she wants to be away from Skyhold, alone in a forest. You know what that means Cullen…”

“What?”

“She wants to be away from _you_.”

Cullen swallowed heavily, “I don’t have an answer for you, I’m not sure why the thought of it sets me so on edge. At first, it was just because I don’t trust magic, but I’ve seen Ivy do amazing things with magic.”

“Cullen,” Fenris crossed his arms over his chest, “this goes against my own heart wishing very much that Ivy was mine, but I’ll give you a piece of advice. Figure out what inhibits you from accepting the healing and move _past it_. You’re closer to losing her than you know, and if I happen to become her second marriage, I will also be her _last_ marriage. I’m not foolish enough to let her slip through my fingers.”

“Understood.”

“Also,” Fenris stood to leave, “I can’t stand to see how it makes her feel. She’s worth more than this, Cullen. You know that you can trust her.”

“I do.”

“Something to consider,” Fenris walked to the door, “please. If not for my sake, at least for Ivy’s.”

“I will, I give you my word.”

***

“I don’t like it, Inquisitor, you’re putting yourself at risk.”

“You don’t _have to_ like it, Josie, it’s what I’m doing.”

“What’s going on?” Cullen asked as he joined the conversation around the dinner table, the room tense.

“The Inquisitor is intending on leaving tomorrow,” Josephine looked at Cullen pointedly, “alone.”

“Alone?” Cullen turned to Lavellan, “I thought you were taking Fenris, Varric, and Bull with you?”

“I am,” Lavellan sighed, already exhausted with the conversation, “they will leave two days later.”

“Why?”

“I need some time alone.”

“Inquisitor-“

“No,” Lavellan spoke firmly as Cassandra interjected, “I am _not_ your prisoner anymore, Cassandra. I will not be forced to stay in this damn castle if I want to leave. I am a powerful mage, I am capable of doing this alone. If I am to spend what is very likely the last few months of my life kept hostage in a keep much like the circles I have hidden from for my entire life, I will be allowed a few days of freedom as I request them.”

The table fell silent, those from the inner circle looking between each other with concern.

“Ivy is right,” Fenris came to her defense, “she’s taken on immense responsibility at our request, and yet very little has been done to accommodate for her Dalish roots. I’m sure Cullen agrees.”

“Of course I do,” Cullen said after a moment had passed, “of course. If Ivy wishes for a few days out of Skyhold to hunt, camp, or whatever makes her happy it is the least we can offer.”

“You have the stones,” Lavellan waved between Fenris and Cullen, “it’s not as if I’m abandoning you, I will stay in contact, just… _please_ …I need some time away from all of this.”

“I get it, Boss,” Bull nodded sagely, “you’re like a wild animal, all cooped up in a gilded cage for the noble stiffs to poke at.”

“Yes,” Lavellan deflated, “you have to understand, I was never meant to make contact with the humans when I went to that meeting. I was to go, find information, and report back to my clan. Now they’re gone, I’m alone, and…I just need some time. Please, for two days, just let me be an elf.”

“You got it,” Varric set the parchment he had been working on aside, “say the word and I’ll keep them back with Bianca.”

“Thank you,” Lavellan pushed her plate away, still full, “I just need a break from this.”

“We all love you,” Cullen sat next to Lavellan, wrapping his arm over her shoulder, grateful that the tremors had stopped shortly after lunch, “we’ll support you, no matter what you need.”

***

“I’d ask you if you had everything, but truly I have no idea what you need,” Cullen looked over the sparse packs on Lavellan’s hart, “so I’ll trust you have it handled.”

“I do.”

“Ivy…” Cullen sighed, “for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I’m so difficult to deal with.”

“Fenris spoke to you, didn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“It’s alright,” Lavellan rolled up onto her toes, kissing his cheek, “I care for you dearly, Cullen. I can wait.”

“You shouldn’t need too,” Cullen cupped Lavellan’s jaw gently, “but know that I love you, and I am trying.”

“I know, on both counts,” Lavellan kissed Cullen gently, “I’ll be back in two months. Don’t forget about me.”

“Every breath that I take is for you,” Cullen pulled Lavellan into his arms, “I already miss you so much I can’t stand it.”

“I haven’t left yet.”

“I know,” Cullen coughed to clear his throat, “take this with you.”

Lavellan took the coin from Cullen, holding it in her hand, “a gold piece?”

“It’s lucky, or so my brother told me. I’ve had it with me since Templar training. I know it’s silly, but it would make me feel better to know you had it.”

“I’ll treasure it,” Lavellan closed her hand around the metal, “I’ll be back before you know it.”

“I love you,” Cullen kissed Lavellan once more before helping her mount her hart, “be safe.”

“Ma Vhenan,” Lavellan smiled at him affectionately, “ _dareth shiral_.”


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the troll who decided to tell me that my Lavellan was "the most annoying Lavellan ever", congratulations, here is the attention you clearly need. 
> 
> For the record, I don't approve negative comments. If you have constructive criticism, I would be happy to hear it. If you're going to be a jackass online, I would be happy to post your username so others can give you similar "criticism". Internet bullies are losers. It takes nothing to be kind. 
> 
> Remember, as my wonderful photography teacher used to say, "Why be mean when you could be quiet."

“I hate it,” Fenris spoke from behind his wine glass.

“I do, too.”

“For the record, it doesn’t hurt.”

“What doesn’t?”

“Ivy’s healing,” Bull joined into Fenris’ and Cullen’s conversation, “I mean, it didn’t feel _good_ , but I think I was almost dead, so you know, I wasn’t expecting an afterglow or anything.”

“I thought it was warm,” Fenris refilled his glass, the fourth of the night, “like slipping into a bath.”

“Something like that, yeah,” Bull nodded.

“I don’t worry that it is going to hurt,” Cullen sighed, the two empty cups beside him making him bold, “I think I don’t deserve it.”

“Well, let’s be clear,” Dorian brought a chair over to the table, bringing a bottle and a glass with him, “none of us deserve our great Inquisitor. I’ve been doing some reading, and the type of mage that she is, well it’s even rarer than I thought. Rarer than she has ever really told us. The writings on it are limited, but from what Josephine could find, there were only myths of them. They were rare enough that people thought of them as gods. They might have been more common in ages past, but if they were, it’s been forgotten to time.”

“They are very rare,” Merrill skipped over, settling beside Fenris who scowled, “according to my clan, there may only be two in all of Thedas, and if they die…”

“They’re just gone?” Dorian hummed, “that doesn’t make much sense. That means that if a mage such as her does not have children…”

“They will disappear,” Merrill nodded, “which is why they think there aren’t many of them anymore. Where there were many, now there are few. They are killed before they get the chance to have children and pass along their magic. The stories say that the Elvhen who didn’t have the magic grew jealous and concerned about the power they had, so they turned on them. Once they realized their mistake, the numbers were already too low to save.”

“If we were to marry,” Cullen considered, “even if we were to have a child, they would likely not carry her magic. A mage, maybe, but not a fade child.”

“We don’t know that,” Merrill shrugged, “mages like her are normally are not known of their trust of humans. They certainly would never love one.”

Cullen winced, and Fenris sighed, “Merrill.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Merrill covered her mouth her hands, “I don’t mean to say that Ivy doesn’t love you, just that they would have avoided reaching out to humans because of how dangerous you are. Dalish clans move all over Thedas to avoid Templars.”

“Why do I feel as if I’ve been on the wrong side of history,” Cullen groaned, “I haven’t been a Templar in ages, and yet now I’m finding out all the ways that they have wronged the world.”

“Everyone is a villain in someone’s story, Commander,” Dorian pat Cullen on the shoulder, “not one of us can say that we are immune to causing cruelty in this world.”

“What happened in Kirkwall, well shit, it wasn’t your fault, Curly,” Varric spoke from the end of the table, “we’ve seen what red lyrium can do firsthand. Knight-Commander Meredith, she was something else. She was charismatic, it was hard not to listen to her, even if she was crazy.”

“She used to call magic the _cancer of our land_ ,” Cullen recited, “Maker help me, I believed her.”

“Now you’ve seen magic that cures, nourishes,” Fenris gestured to the pendant around his neck containing the rose, “there is good and bad magic just like there are good and bad people. We know that Ivy is one of the best people.”

“That she is,” Cullen agreed.

“To Ivy,” Varric held up his glass in a toast.

“To Ivy.”

***

“Vhenan,” Lavellan’s voice was soft from the stone, “are you awake?”

“Yes,” Cullen set his book to the side, “how was your travel?”

“Good, cold, but I’ve stopped to make camp now.”

“How far are you?”

“About half-way, maybe. I’m still on the mountain pass but I’ve passed Haven.”

“How long until you’re there?”

“Tomorrow sundown, and then I’ll wait for the rest of the party at one of our camps.”

“I miss you, and I’m sorry about the other night.”

“What do you mean?”

“When my hands,” Cullen sighed, “were shaking, and you offered to help.”

“Oh,” Lavellan paused, “that’s alright.”

“I feel like I deserve it, the withdrawal,” Cullen felt more at ease speaking when he didn’t have to face Lavellan, “I feel like I should have to go through each moment of it. I just want you to know, it’s not because of the magic, your magic, it’s me.”

“You don’t deserve it,” Lavellan answered immediately, “not one second of it. It’s not fair how it’s encumbered your life for the past few months.”

“Maybe.”

“Cullen, I’m the literal embodiment of forgiveness. No one would know better than me. There isn’t once person, alive or in the fade, who thinks you should suffer through this.”

“You know every person in all of Thedas?”

“Of course I do,” Lavellan laughed, “I’m the Inquisitor.”

“My mistake, of course you do, Inquisitor.”

***

The weeks went slowly and mixed with a few terrible days of shakes, headaches, and fever, Cullen was exhausted and defeated by the time the fourth week ended.

“You need to eat,” Mia set a plate in front of Cullen at his desk.

“I’m not hungry.”

“You haven’t had anything to eat in days,” Mia swatted the back of Cullen’s head, “put down the report and _eat_.”

“Who put you in charge?”

“Ivy,” Mia held a letter in her hand, “when I wrote to her and asked if she would come back sooner because you’re so damn miserable. Now, _eat_.”

“I’ll eat if I can read the letter.”

“Fine,” Mia passed the parchment to Cullen and sat in the chair across from him.

Cullen picked up the chicken leg, taking an exaggerated bite from it, and started to read.

_Mia –_

_Thank you for letting me know about Cullen. We were able to find the last shard this morning, so we will be leaving for the Oasis first thing. I could fly ahead and do it on my own, but I wouldn’t put it past Fenris to follow me._

_Keep Cullen fed, his withdrawal is worse when he hasn’t eaten. When I’m at the keep I make sure he eats at least three times a day. It largely stops the shaking and his temper. Once he’s avoided food, it makes everything worse which compounds the issue, because then he feels too sick to eat, anyway._

_As for your other question, the answer is of course I do. I think it’s obvious to everyone. You understand my reservations, but you can trust me._

_I’ll be back as soon as I am able. Get some food into my man, and if he gives you any issue tell him I told you to do it._

_Stay safe,_

_Ivy_

“What was your other question?”

“I’m not telling you,” Mia took the letter back, “now eat.”

“Yes, mother.”

***

“I’ve decided we’re moving to the Oasis once I’ve sealed the rift,” Lavellan’s voice announced from the stone a few weeks later, “it’s beautiful here.”

“Isn’t it hot?”

“Yes, and there’s a waterfall which is just beautiful now that I’ve killed the giant.”

“A giant?”

“There was a giant, dead now.”

“You killed a giant?”

“Not alone, honestly Fenris did most of the heavy lifting.”

“Yes,” Fenris’ voice cut over Lavellan’s, “I did.”

“Stop whining,” Lavellan laughed, “I healed you, it was barely a cut.”

“Says you,” Fenris growled, but Cullen could hear the affection in his voice, “you weren’t the one who fainted from blood loss.”

“Yes, well, you’re fine _now_.”

“Your wife is trying to kill me, Commander, I’ll be glad when we come back to Skyhold.”

“Shut up, Fen. I’m trying to talk to Cullen,” there was a squeal and the sound of panting breaths before Lavellan spoke again, “the bastard just soaked me.”

Cullen couldn’t help but smile, “it sounds like you’re having fun.”

“Any time I get a break from nobility and keeps I’m having fun. I’m sitting on a beach near the water. No snow to be seen, no men in frilly clothes asking for land. Bull is flirting with Fenris, Varric is writing, I’m cooking some fish that we caught. For a minute I can almost forget the mess I have waiting for me.”

“You mean me?”

“Cullen,” Lavellan sighed, “of course I don’t mean you, Vhenan. I mean the breach and all of the other things you need me to do.”

“The first thing you’re going to be doing when you come back is coming to bed.”

“Oh?” Lavellan was smiling, Cullen could tell, “to sleep?”

“You’re not going to get the chance to sleep for days,” Cullen sat on the edge of their bed, “I’ve been going without for some time.”

“What’s your plan then, _Commander?”_

Cullen blushed, but spoke, “first I think I’ll take you over the bed. Then maybe I’ll taste you before I have you ride me.”

“Yeah!” Bull shouted from somewhere in the background, “nice, Commander!”

“They can all hear me, can’t they.”

“Absolutely.”

“You’re so lucky I love you,” Cullen groaned, “I’ll never live that down.”

“You were always one for a good plan,” Lavellan laughed as Bull proceeded to moan loudly in the background, “we’re leaving tomorrow morning. I’ll be back in a few weeks.”

“Okay, I love you.”

“See you soon, Vhenan.”

***

“Your lady love should be back soon, right?” Dorian asked Cullen over lunch.

“A day or two.”

“Are you excited to see her?”

“Thrilled,” Cullen finished his report and set it aside, “it’ll be nice to steal her back from Fenris for a while.”

“Yes, they are very close.”

“Yes, they are. I’m sure they’ve been sharing a tent for the past few months.”

“That doesn’t bother you?”

“It used too, not so much now. They care for each other, Fenris is very appropriate, and Lavellan needs someone that she can touch. That’s her way of showing affection, it’s how she grew up. It would be wrong of me to take that from her.”

“I think it’s important to Fenris, too.”

“Absolutely.”

“Do you have anything special planned for her return?”

“No,” Cullen looked concerned, “should I?”

“I would, after this long away. Could you cook for her, or freshen up your quarters maybe?”

“I can’t cook, and our quarters have almost nothing in them.”

“Could I come up and take a look, maybe my keen eye can offer you some insight.”

“Certainly.”

“You’re in good hands, Commander.”

“I’m suddenly regretting this decision.”

***

Dorian, given the lack of time that he had to work with, had done a remarkable job. The stained glass in the middle window of the room had been changed to one of Dalish design. New furs, a deep red colour, were draped over the new bed which had been carved by Blackwall in the design of Lavellan’s aravel.

Dorian had also organized Lavellan’s books, but Cullen was sure that had been self-serving, as a way of identifying what kind of books she had been reading.

“I hope she likes it,” Dorian looked over the room as the window had been sealed in place, “and it feels like a home to her, now.”

“Me too,” Cullen sat at the desk, “I think she will, it’s beautiful.”

“May I speak candidly, Commander?”

“Since when do you ask permission to speak your mind?”

“I like to think of us as friends, and I’m just offering you some insight as an outside perspective, feel free to take my advice, or ignore it altogether. I won't be offended either way.”

“Alright.”

“Ivy is a wonderful woman, truly, she’s beautiful, and kind, and the kind of person that people flock too. It’s not surprising that she became Inquisitor, she has the kind of personality that people want to spend time with.”

“I agree.”

“Which means that she will be surrounded by all sorts of people who care about her. Most will likely be like me, a close friend. You’ll have others though, like Fenris, who are just waiting for you to slip up.”

“I wouldn’t say Fenris is waiting for me to slip up,” Cullen disagreed, “he’s just as much my friend as Ivy’s.”

“King Alistair, then. You know what I mean. Those who want her for marriage, rather than being her friend.”

“Yes, I understand. Where are you going with this?”

“I think, from what I’ve seen, that Ivy has put tremendous effort into learning what it means to be human for you. She eats the food that you do, she dresses as Josephine would like, she speaks common. What have you done to learn about being Dalish.”

“I’ve asked her some questions, learned some words, I could probably do more.”

“You _should_ do more.”

Cullen sighed, “I wish it didn’t seem as if every person in the Inquisition thought that I was the _worst_ partner choice for Ivy.”

“On the contrary, Cullen. We think you’re the perfect match for her. We’re trying to make sure that you don’t lose her to something that could be avoided. Considering you’ve made such a firm protest of one of the things that are important to her, it seemed only appropriate that you pick it up in other areas that could make her life better.”

“Yes, the healing, I know. Maker help me, I’m only reminded about it weekly by my sister.”

“And Fenris.”

“And Bull.”

“You like them, yes? Mia, Fenris, Bull?”

“Of course I do.”

“I think they’re clever, the lot of them. Bull with his chargers, Mia ran the entire family farm after the death of her husband, Fenris is resourceful, to have survived both Tevinter and Kirkwall.”

“I agree.”

“Why then, do you assume they’re wrong about the healing?”

Cullen sat in stunned silence for a moment, considering the weight of Dorian’s words, “I’m not sure.”

“There are very few people in this world who ever get to meet someone, never mind fall in love with, someone like Ivy. You have an entire army of people who are trying to make sure that you get that happy ending. Please trust us. At least consider it. It would give Ivy something wonderful to come back too. Maker forbid that something happens to her, Cullen, you’ll spend every day of the rest of your life wishing that you had just gone for it.”

***

The alarm sounded mid-day to announce Lavellan’s return, most of Skyhold making their way toward the front gates to welcome Lavellan home.

Fenris and Lavellan rode through the front gate together, Varric and Bull following behind. At the cheers of those in the Inquisition Lavellan smiled and waved at the troops before spotting Cullen and waving him over.

“Hello, Vhenan,” Lavellan greeted him warmly as she slid from her hart.

“Hello,” Cullen pulled her into a hug as soon as her feet hit the ground, “stranger.”

“I’m sorry, I know I was gone for a while,” Lavellan kissed his cheek and pulled back, “how have you been feeling?”

“I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me.”

“Mia- well, I suppose it doesn’t matter,” Lavellan smiled as Fenris wrapped his arm over her shoulder, “glad to be back?”

“Yes. Cullen, you’re looking well.”

“I’m managing,” Cullen tried to not linger on their contact, “I know Josephine will be looking for you, Ivy. If you want a few minutes peace you might want to escape to my office or your library.”

“It’s alright, I should check in after this long away,” Lavellan looked up to Skyhold and Cullen watched her smile slip, “I’ll catch up with you after dinner.”

“I’ll rescue you if I don’t see you,” Fenris kissed Lavellan’s hair, “did you need me to do anything for you?”

“Could you check on the repairs of the fortress, and let me know what more needs to be done? Also, if you could turn in the supplies to the quartermaster, that would be a help.”

“Of course,” Fenris squeezed her shoulder and let go.

“Back to work,” Lavellan smiled apologetically to Cullen and walked toward the main stairs, leaving Cullen and Fenris by the stables.

“You seem comfortable.”

“She’s my best friend,” Fenris watched Lavellan go, “and it’s been up to me for the past few months to keep her happy. She’s back in your capable hands now.”

***

“King Alistair sent a formal proposal after our meeting,” Josephine held a piece of parchment as she sat down for dinner, “would you like to see it?”

“Yes, please,” Lavellan took the page, holding it out so both Cullen and Fenris could read it over her shoulders. Once she was done reading, she turned to Varric, “may I borrow your quill?”

“Of course,” Varric handed the feather to Lavellan, “about to sign your life away?”

Lavellan smirked, setting the paper on the table and scrolling a large _no_ across the page before sliding it back to Josephine, “that should be sufficient.”

“Inquisitor…”

“Send it to him, just like that,” Lavellan tapped on the table, “he needs to move past this silly idea of his. The only human I’m interested in marrying is Cullen.”

Cullen flushed, delighted, “I’m glad to hear it.”

“You could be a queen,” Varric took his quill back, “it would make for an interesting story.”

“See, that’s where you have me wrong,” Lavellan took her wine glass in hand, “I have no interest in there being stories about me, nor do I wish to rule. My goal has always been to come, assist with closing the breach, then disappear back into the wilderness. I never wanted fame. It’s what got my clan killed, it’s what will have rouge Templars tracking me for the rest of my life, making it unsafe for me, my friends, my family.”

“If that clan had never shown up, do you think you would have told us about being a fade child?”

“Hmm,” Lavellan thought for a moment, “I think it would have come up, eventually. It was never my plan, though. Still, Fenris was likely destined to come to Skyhold, I would have always offered to heal him. I was probably always destined by the Creators to find Cullen, to play whatever role I’m meant to with him. Never mind the kind of magic I’m going to have to pull to fight off Corypheus. I don’t know if I would have been able to keep it secret. You need to remember though, I was always planning on leaving after we had sealed the rift under the breach. Had Corpyheus not attacked Haven, I would have been long gone by now. I was planning to leave that night.”

“Why?” Cullen asked, “we were friends.”

“We were friends, but I had family waiting for me back at the clan. You have to understand, Vhenan, mages like me have _never_ partnered with a human before. It’s not heard of.”

“What makes me different?”

“You have a _remarkable_ bum,” Lavellan smiled as Cullen blushed, “and you’re excellent in bed.”

“Notes for my book,” Varric laughed.

“Maker save me.”


End file.
